Work - what next?

[AllanB]

What do you want to do when you leave your current job Allan?

My response: I’ve been working since I was 16 I’ve done enough is apparently not valid.

So considering my ‘career’ (ahem) – a long period in Cartography (map making for those not fluid in French) firstly with the Government and secondly in the private sector. The later period literally making millions for the owner who is one of the biggest fuckwits I’ve ever met. Cartography has been followed by my current career in Insurance.

It occurs to me that I’ve spent most of my adult life pissing people off.

Mapping by nature, though in theory a wonderful product helping humanity, in reality just causes untold arguments. If you have ever been in a relationship you have experienced the ‘how can you not read that map’ argument – heck even the cell phone maps cause arguments – just recently I caught myself telling the voice on the phone that ‘I cannot turn left as there is yet another friggen set of friggen roadworks you stupid @#%$!. On the positive side it is now a small touch screen most people hurl abuse at not your family or loved one.

Paper maps – dead ducks now – good for wiping ones arse when caught short on a road trip but otherwise a dinosaur. Note to self – good move exiting afore mentioned fuckwits employment.

Insurance – yeah it’s a given I’ll be pissing off someone despite my noble intentions to assist them. I do work with some of the nicest people I have met though :-)

So what next? There must be a market for wine tasters surely?

Alternatively pick a company that caused arguments – parking infringements? Council? IRD? Airport baggage collector? Stripper? (he’ll be pissed off when she comes home covered in baby oil….) Real Estate? (nah – I’m too honest).

Feel free to post your suggestion

[Oakie]

It occurs to me that I’ve spent most of my adult life pissing people off.



You should try my life then ... Human Resources / Health and Safety guy!

[AllanB]

You should try my life then ... Human Resources / Health and Safety guy!

Suddenly I feel better about my 'career' .....

I'll arrange a KB whip around the hat for you as to be fair you are in a very thankless position.

[Kickaha]

Paper maps – dead ducks now – good for wiping ones arse when caught short on a road trip but otherwise a dinosaur.
Dead duck? way better than a poxy fucking GPS for checking routes and having it all spread out in front of you

You should try my life then ... Human Resources / Health and Safety guy!
I already want to stab you

[jim.cox]

You should try my life then ... Human Resources / Health and Safety guy!

Every time I see or hear the term "HR" I immediately and automatically think "Human Remains"...

[Woodman]

You should try my life then ... Human Resources / Health and Safety guy!

Do you communicate in that weird "HR" lingo that nobody understands?

[frogfeaturesFZR]

Work for ACC :shit:

[Moi]

...Paper maps...

I like paper maps - you get a new one and open it up and there's a sense of adventure: planning the trip and marking it on the map with a coloured china graph pencil or, today, a highlighter... and the whole picture is there [still waiting for a 1 metre by 1.5 metre screened GPS!]...

and after a trip of two the map has a "lived-in" feel and the different coloured highlighter lines add another dimension to following the map :wacko:

I like paper maps and I am always thankful and grateful to the cartographers who have provided me with something I like...

[AllanB]

Thought about this. I'd get fired for being far too reasonable when considering peoples valid claims and rejecting the ones submitted for the plain stupid who injure themselves.

[Voltaire]

I already want to stab you

I'd like a Work Plan and Work Safety Plan ,Risk Assessment, Back Out Plan, Switching Plan,list of tools, we'll do a dummy walk thru then submit it for approval.....:(

[AllanB]

Is it not odd that society accepts stories about animals wearing only a bow-tie or jacket (Donald duck has NO pants) but I cannot go to work tomorrow wearing just a tie?


Possibly a question for HR tomorrow morning? Even H&S .......

[BuzzardNZ]

You could become a Shorai salesman.

[Swoop]

Paper maps – dead ducks now – good for wiping ones arse when caught short on a road trip but otherwise a dinosaur.
I wish someone had told me that earlier. That's all I carry on the boat for nav. A lot easier to quickly grab and get a heading.

I already want to stab you
+1.

[gijoe1313]

Invest in lotto tickets? Install solar panels? Sell girl scout cookies? Become a lolly-pop man? Dig ditches for fun and profit? Lemonade stand by the road? Dog walker? Sun-tan technician? The world is your oyster it seems! The possibilities of vistas anew that spread like a crepuscular smorgasbord of vocations!

Excelsior, carpe diem and toodle pip old chap! (I know, I know it wasn't helpful but I guess only you will know where you land on your feet when you do!)

[JATZ]

.......... (ahem) – a long period in Cartography

Feel free to post your suggestion

Thank you....


... Human Resources / Health and Safety guy!

Fuck you....

[ruaphu]

Work for ACC :shit:

Or Winz ;)



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Oakie]

Suddenly I feel better about my 'career' ..... . Well that's me doing my HR job then ... here to make people feel better


I already want to stab you My HR half wants to know how long you've had these feelings for and the HSE half thinks that we may have to do a hazard report on that first so we can eliminate, isolate or minimise the danger


Every time I see or hear the term "HR" I immediately and automatically think "Human Remains"... I always try to make sure that when I'm working 'the human remains' (see what I did there?)


Do you communicate in that weird "HR" lingo that nobody understands? Nah, I leave that to the boss. Infact when she asked me to evaluate off the top of my head someones chances of surviving a disciplinary process yesterday, I just said "She's fucked". Plain enough?


Fuck you.... . Would you like to come into my office for a special HR hug? I'll bring the tissues.

[Kickaha]

Nah, I leave that to the boss. Infact when she asked me to evaluate off the top of my head someones chances of surviving a disciplinary process yesterday, I just said "She's fucked". Plain enough?
Was that before or after you started the process? you know you're not allowed to pre judge, that's what you bastards always tell us anyway

[R650R]

Whats wrong with insurance, its an easy 100k a year plus company car if your any good at it...

I've tried a few things and gone back to driving just because that where the bulk of my experience lays and its easy to get the big dollars. I thought I'd gotten tired of it but really had just gotten tired of rogue employers.
Have now found a highly reputable employer whose core business is not trucks but owns a few for various needs and I've never been happier, plus future prospects are great for other things higher up.

[SPman]

Every time I see or hear the term "HR" I immediately and automatically think "Human Remains"...

Human?????

[Akzle]

start with 'what do i want to do?'

then do that.

Personally, i cant reccomend enough, being an alcoholic hippy and having whores for lunch. The hours are, like, whenever man. The fishing is excellent. The boosh is good.

[DMNTD]

Car sales :drool:

[Banditbandit]

What do you want to do when you leave your current job Allan?

My response: I’ve been working since I was 16 I’ve done enough is apparently not valid.

So considering my ‘career’ (ahem) – a long period in Cartography (map making for those not fluid in French) firstly with the Government and secondly in the private sector. The later period literally making millions for the owner who is one of the biggest fuckwits I’ve ever met. Cartography has been followed by my current career in Insurance.

It occurs to me that I’ve spent most of my adult life pissing people off.

Mapping by nature, though in theory a wonderful product helping humanity, in reality just causes untold arguments. If you have ever been in a relationship you have experienced the ‘how can you not read that map’ argument – heck even the cell phone maps cause arguments – just recently I caught myself telling the voice on the phone that ‘I cannot turn left as there is yet another friggen set of friggen roadworks you stupid @#%$!. On the positive side it is now a small touch screen most people hurl abuse at not your family or loved one.

Paper maps – dead ducks now – good for wiping ones arse when caught short on a road trip but otherwise a dinosaur. Note to self – good move exiting afore mentioned fuckwits employment.

Insurance – yeah it’s a given I’ll be pissing off someone despite my noble intentions to assist them. I do work with some of the nicest people I have met though :-)

So what next? There must be a market for wine tasters surely?

Alternatively pick a company that caused arguments – parking infringements? Council? IRD? Airport baggage collector? Stripper? (he’ll be pissed off when she comes home covered in baby oil….) Real Estate? (nah – I’m too honest).

Feel free to post your suggestion

What is this !!!! Mid-life crisis??? Get the fuck out and go for a very long ride ...

Or how about Staff Training Officer in a brothel ..

[mashman]

Just walk the Earth man.

[TheDemonLord]

Super Model
Hair Dresser
Fashion Guru

[awa355]

Motorcycle salesman???? :oi-grr::oi-grr: Thought not.

[Akzle]

Super Model
Hair Dresser
Fashion Guru

zoolander meets zohan....

[Voltaire]

Start a Church, no tax as they are non prophet...er profit organisations. Being a former Cartographer you should not need to wander around in the desert for 40 years, finding a bridge would be easier than water parting, and less effort than Indiana Jones went thru to find the Holy Grail.:innocent:

[James Deuce]

Draw a map to a woman's heart and you'll be set.

[Stirts]

Draw a map to a woman's heart and you'll be set.

You don't need a map for that...all you need to do is take aim kneeling :shifty:

[swarfie]

You should try my life then ... Human Resources / Health and Safety guy!


I already want to stab you

My daughter's in HR. When she told me what she wanted to do I had to ask "Why the feck do you want to be in a job where everyone will HATE you?" :facepalm:

[James Deuce]

You don't need a map for that...all you need to do is take aim kneeling :shifty:

I actually like some of you people, but you do make it a bit difficult.

[Stirts]

I actually like some of you people, but you do make it a bit difficult.

Oh touché!!!!

[Oakie]

Was that before or after you started the process? you know you're not allowed to pre judge, that's what you bastards always tell us anyway

Someone who knows their stuff on KB? Good job! Yeah, after the first meeting. A repeat offender on a final warning for a significant offence which she admitted. Hard to find any wriggle room on that one (like we did the first time she did it).

[Oakie]

My daughter's in HR. When she told me what she wanted to do I had to ask "Why the feck do you want to be in a job where everyone will HATE you?" :facepalm:

I think the ones that are hated probably deserve it because of the way they conduct themselves. I've been doing HR for a bit over 8 years now, sacked people, restuctured them out of jiobs and told them stuff they don't want to hear but I've never felt hated ... or even disliked to be honest. A bit of respect, honesty and humility goes a long way in my job when dealing with people.

[Mom]

Draw a map to a woman's heart and you'll be set.

I was going with Male Escort...

[haydes55]

I was going with Male Escort...


When were you going with a male escort?

[Swoop]

Start a Church, no tax as they are non prophet...er profit organisations. Being a former Cartographer you should not need to wander around in the desert for 40 years, finding a bridge would be easier than water parting, and less effort than Indiana Jones went thru to find the Holy Grail.:innocent:
I was given that exact advice back in 1985. Fewer <STRIKE>extortion rackets</STRIKE> churches back then as well.

When were you going with a male escort?
I thought she was, right now. We all know Maha is a slut...

[haydes55]

I thought she was, right now. We all know Maha is a slut...


Explains them spending so much time at motels

[caspernz]

Mmmm, if you're not sure what to do next, maybe one of them HR types can put you thru a questionnaire...

But in all honesty, some of the most interesting and well paying tasks I've done are ones I didn't even apply for :shutup:

[AllanB]

What is this !!!! Mid-life crisis??? Get the fuck out and go for a very long ride ...

Or how about Staff Training Officer in a brothel ..



Haha I have not had a spin for several weeks - on holiday last week and not thrown a leg over this week. Tomorrow is looking good for a spin.

[AllanB]

Car sales :drool:

I have been told I could sell anything. I'd need to work on getting a pot belly though.

[mstriumph]

Is it not odd that society accepts stories about animals wearing only a bow-tie or jacket (Donald duck has NO pants) but I cannot go to work tomorrow wearing just a tie?


Possibly a question for HR tomorrow morning? Even H&S .......

why on earth would you want to wear a tie??

[jim.cox]

why on earth would you want to wear a tie??

To cut blood flow to the brain

Recommended for Lawyers

Compulsary for Accountants

[Oakie]

why on earth would you want to wear a tie??

I wear one because it helps stop the drafts coming down the front of the bike jacket on the ride to work on cold mornings. True story.

[BuzzardNZ]

A job I've always dreamed about, but a few years too late...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_4cH_5Zl-c

[Big Dog]

If you like being hated, starting arguments and drawing pretty pictures to tell people where to go: project manager.


Stupid phone / Tapatalk, apologies in advance.

[Big Dog]

You might need to work on your ignorance of process and technical requirements.


Stupid phone / Tapatalk, apologies in advance.

[James Deuce]

You might need to work on your ignorance of process and technical requirements.


This bit is vital to Project Manager success!

[Kickaha]

This bit is vital to Project Manager success!

Fucking mint, I'm going to be a Project Manager then, I feel overly qualified

[AllanB]

I'm working with a lot of project managers in my current position. Hmmmm I should do a course in it - get a bit of paper.

[Oakie]

My brother is a Project Manager in a partnership. Seems to make ample money to have fun with too.

[Swoop]

To cut blood flow to the brain

Recommended for Lawyers
I have been informed that a lawyer's tie prevents the foreskin sliding up and over the head.
They are cocks...

[F5 Dave]

HEY I'm a lawyer I resent that!

oh hold on I meant Liar.

Actually maybe i be I should be a Lawyer.

[caspernz]

I have been informed that a lawyer's tie prevents the foreskin sliding up and over the head.
They are cocks...

Either that or hiding the circumcision scars...and judging by the lawyers I've met to date both statements seem close to the mark :blink::laugh:

[Ocean1]

My brother is a Project Manager in a partnership. Seems to make ample money to have fun with too.

It can be fun. If you have a handle on shit. In all of it's various shades, textures, odours, viscosities, etc.

An ex boss handed me a project once, along with all of the production spec's, the budget and the project timeline. I said: You don't need me, you've already got it all worked out, job's done.

Whereupon he attempted to "manage" the situation, thinking it was a case of massaging my ego. Eventually I told him he could have two out of: the cost, the quality or the delivery date, but if he wanted me to manage the project then one of them was mine.

I'm not a project manager nowadays.