Winning Friends and Influencing People

[vifferman]

Uh-oh. :confused:
I think I may have offended the new lady at work.

I was telling my boss how I'd started buying farkles for my bike, and he said, Boss: "Hey - Sara has a bike. Hey Sara - what's your bike again?"
Sara: "Harley Davidson Sportster."
Me: "Oh that's alright. I heard 'Harley Davidson' and started to think: 'tractor'. What sort of Sportster - 883 or 1200?"
Sara: "883."
Me: "Oh nice!"
Boss: "And what does your husband have?"
Sara: "Harley Davidson Soft-tail Classic."
Me: "Oh. A tractor."

[bugjuice]

great start..
now go tell her that you've heard all harley chicks are 'dykes on bikes..' and the hubby's for show

[Blackbird]

Nah, impossible to offend Hardley Ableson owners, just ask Scumdog (but from a discreet distance) :niceone:
Geoff

[Sniper]

Good work Viff, now slap her three times and tell her she is a witch. A friend told me that it will make her forgive you.

[ManDownUnder]

Uh-oh. :confused:
I think I may have offended the new lady at work.

I was telling my boss how I'd started buying farkles for my bike, and he said, Boss: "Hey - Sara has a bike. Hey Sara - what's your bike again?"
Sara: "Harley Davidson Sportster."
Me: "Oh that's alright. I heard 'Harley Davidson' and started to think: 'tractor'. What sort of Sportster - 883 or 1200?"
Sara: "883."
Me: "Oh nice!"
Boss: "And what does your husband have?"
Sara: "Harely Davidson Soft-tail Classic."
Me: "Oh. A tractor."

Apologise, and ask her if you have to wipe the shit off your shoe before you shove your other foot in your gob too LOL

Nice one - well done that man!
MDU

[Gixxer 4 ever]

Yep, :whistle: me thinks you have. Never mind you can go and ride with them some time. Take the ute and trailer and pick the HD's up and all will be forgiven :dodge:

[vifferman]

Not a good start.

She only started here yesterday (? dunno - I'm a bit out of it). Moved here from Engerland. She's very pretty, slight and feminine. Just the sort of person you'd imagine whizzing around the countryside on a Sportster. In her black, tassled leathers. With a matt black openface and Dirty Dog sunnies. Mebbe a lit fag hanging out of her mouth.
I reckon the nicely combed hair and conservative dress is a cunning front. She's probably moved her drug empire here.


Now - where's that pharking pickaxe? This hole I'm digging's slow going with just a shovel...

[Big Dave]

Take heart - when you have nice bikes like that - you don't really care what anyone on an old honda thinks anyway.

[Sniper]

Just go up to her. Apologise if you deem it nessesary and then ask for a shag?

Seriously though, when she shee's you ride a jap bike, she will know where the comment came from.

[Lou Girardin]

Seriously though, when she shee's you ride a jap bike, she will know where the comment came from.

She'll probably think he's not worth knowing.
Very cliquey, these Harley people.

[vifferman]

Take heart - when you have nice bikes like that - you don't really care what anyone on an old honda thinks anyway.
Old-ish bike.

Just go up to her. Apologise if you deem it nessesary and then ask for a shag?
Sounds far too complicated. (A) I've already got one woman, and (B) Sara is rather good-looking, and I'm not.

She'll probably think he's not worth knowing.
Very cliquey, these Harley people.
She probably thought that when she met me. I'm not particularly presentable at the best of times, and after more than 2 weeks of being nearly dead (or at least, hoping to be), I look very underwhelming. Sort of corpse-like, without the unmistakable smells of putrescene and cadaverine. (Yes, those are real things. They're two of the only things I learned from five and half years of tertiary 'education'.)

[Sparky Bills]

Just go up to her. Apologise if you deem it nessesary and then ask for a shag?



Why apologise?
Treat her mean, keep her keen! HAHA

[scumdog]

You're a silver toungued devil Mr vifferman, however I wouldn't worry too much she's probably already catagorised you as one of those "other riders" (you know; the ones that want to own a Harley as opposed to those who already have one :laugh: :rofl: :killingme :whistle: )

[Storm]

Now if you are lucky, she'll catch you on KB talking about her :D

[Paul in NZ]

Now if you are lucky, she'll catch you on KB talking about her :D

'zactly... just give her this URL and stand back n watch her go...

Oh.. Better go back n edit your earlier post...

Cheers

[manuboy]

'zactly... just give her this URL and stand back n watch her go...

Oh.. Better go back n edit your earlier post...

Cheers

But don't let the better half (being Mrs Vifferman) see this thread, cos i detect a wee crush.... dude, i'd start imagining her with stinky feet, a drinking problem (meaning she doesn't drink Speights eh...), varicose (sp?) veins and pimples all over her back... it's the only way to get rid of a crush i reckon...:spudwave:

Oh yeah, and she rides one of those "things" like ol SD does, so her taste is below par too... watch out, she'll have a handlebar growth next

[vifferman]

But don't let the better half (being Mrs Vifferman) see this thread, cos i detect a wee crush
Nah.
I'm actually very firmly grounded. Or summat.
I'm under no illusions (or delusions) about my attractiveness to the fairer sex, and well aware that I'm very lucky to have the vifferbabe (and also sometimes a little anxious that she'll suddenly realise what a crap partner I am and fly the coop). Speaking of which, she's not yet aware of the aforementioned farkles. The first is on its way, and is only ~$US210, but the next ones are variously $NZ300 and $NZ1600. :whistle:
Still, I can always point out that they're considerably cheaper than a 2005 Triumph Sprint ST... :mellow:

[manuboy]

Nah..
I'm under no illusions (or delusions) about my attractiveness to the fairer sex, and well aware that I'm very lucky to have the vifferbabe (and also sometimes a little anxious that she'll suddenly realise what a crap partner I am and fly the coop).

Yeah, thats why i keep mine ever so lightly drugged.... well i did, until Dangerous pointed out that they Luv crap partners! Gives 'em something to WINJ about!

Note. This is viffers thread...all correspondence should be PM'd appropriately...

The farkles will just endear you to her all the more. You care so much about her appearance you'll farklearise the bike just so she can look cooler on pillion duty. Man, thats real love....... farkle away!

[Sniper]

Throw rocks at her and inform her it is New Zealand tradition to throws rocks and insult.

[vifferman]

The farkles will just endear you to her all the more. You care so much about her appearance you'll farklearise the bike just so she can look cooler on pillion duty. Man, thats real love....... farkle away!
Hadn't thought of that argument.
The first farkle (shifter kit) is to protect our investment. I'm a serial transmission trasher, so this will help stave off expensive gearbox repairs.

The suspension upgrades are "to enhance our touring pleasure", and my next farkling episode after that would naturally be to have the seat customised, for the same reason. But no.
Very strange and bewildering are the workings of the female mind. After seeing Mr Blackbird's Blackbird's custom seat and hearing how comfy it is, you'd think the vifferbabe would say, "We gotta get us one 'o' them!"

But no.

The vifferbabe wants me to replace a perfectly good windscreen blade, because the dark tinted Pyramid DB on the Blackbird "looks so good against the paint" (same colour as the VFR).
"But what about getting the seat customised?" :spudwhat:
"You can buy some new pants. And in any case, I want to stop and look at stuff, not just ride and ride for hours."

Fairy Nuff.
I guess.
Maybe.

[Lou Girardin]

The suspension upgrades are "to enhance our touring pleasure",
Fairy Nuff.
I guess.
Maybe.

Don't knock it,that's what got me an Ohlins shock.

[vifferman]

Don't knock it,that's what got me an Ohlins shock.
Well, normally it'd be an easy one to justify, but we recently bought $8k of new carpet.
And also them females is fickle and prone to changing their minds....

[Lou Girardin]

Well, normally it'd be an easy one to justify, but we recently bought $8k of new carpet.
And also them females is fickle and prone to changing their minds....

Oh yeah. I'm just glad the new bike went into the budget before we went to the Home Show.

[vifferman]

Oh yeah. I'm just glad the new bike went into the budget before we went to the Home Show.
I'm doing OK with this one, seeing it was the vifferbabe's idea to buy it.
Previous bikes were an on-going struggle; the VF500 had me in disgrace for a LONG time after I bought it instead of a new bedroom suite; the VFR750 had me in disgrace for months just because; the VTR1000 was a struggle until I admitted it was an expensive toy to maintain and threatened "to sell the bloody thing".
Buying farkles for 'safety reasons' or to prevent further expenses is always justifiable. Performance improvements?
Nah.
That's one of the reasons I picked the bike with the aftermarket pipe.
I hadn't realised that farkles which beautify were OK; maybe that's because it's our bike and has to look purty.

[Blackbird]

Hello Mister Vifferperson

You have amused me no end with Management approval of Farkles. My Management is of generous disposition at present as she's off to the UK in a few days to spend untold dollars on London shopping expeditions with her sister. Trouble is, there's nothing I particularly need at present, or WANT come to that.

When I got back onto bikes in 1987, it was a different story though. I had to grovel shamelessly for an awful lot of days before permission was granted. It didn't finish there though, oh dearie me no. Having spent $3700 of family money on a GB400TT, she then went out and "squared" the account by buying a piano which... how shall we put this..... was effing thousands of dollars more than the bike.

Sounds to me like the Vifferbabe is a woman in a million - better take her to McDonalds to show your gratitude. :love:

Geoff

[Storm]

I stand in awe of your wordly wisdom. Please, O wise one, dispense more so I might learn how to properly deal with my partner

[Blackbird]

There are two ways to deal with a woman.....

..... both are wrong

[Storm]

Thank you Kung Fu. Might you teach Grasshopper more?

[Blackbird]

Yes, obey your fiancee at all times, grovel when necessary (i.e nearly always) and you might make it to 33 years of marraige like me (if she so chooses to put up with you).

Now excuse me, I have dishes to do... :argh:

[Bonez]

Yes, obey your fiancee at all times, grovel when necessary (i.e nearly always) and you might make it to 33 years of marraige like me (if she so chooses to put up with you).

Now excuse me, I have dishes to do... :argh:What no electrical dishwasher? Mind you I've only been married 11 years. I guess the manual labour has yet to come............... :drinkup:

[zeRax]

Why apologise?
Treat her mean, keep her keen! HAHA

hahahaha, thats awsome ;D believe that!

[Blackbird]

What no electrical dishwasher? Mind you I've only been married 11 years. I guess the manual labour has yet to come............... :drinkup:

A cunning plan which has now backfired. We never needed one when the kids were at home as washing up, along with mowing and other menial tasks was how they earned their pocket money. I should have bought one at exactly the same time the last one left. We're retiring to Coromandel in a couple of years and one is DEFINITELY going in there :whistle:. My wife will just have to find some other punishment for me.....

[vifferman]

Digging ... digging ....

After the "Adventure of Mr Revvit-Smalldick" this morning (see http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?t=17908), I was talking again to our newest employee / HD owner, trying to make amends for my earlier discourteousness.
I was telling her about Mr Revvit-Smalldick, and said, "Ah - you don't have drag pipes on your Sportster, do you?"
"I have a set of Screamin' Eagles, actually."


Uh-oh...
"Blah blah blah... people who never ride in the rain... blah blah..."
"I don't ride in the rain, if I can help it."
:whistle:

So I lent her my copy of "Motorcycling Atals of NZ", pointed out some choice rides, and went back to my desk to hide....

[Sniper]

So did you make amends by throwing small churches at her?

(Sorry I watched "Search for the Holy Grail last night)

[vifferman]

So did you make amends by throwing small churches at her?

(Sorry I watched "Search for the Holy Grail last night)
In that case, I would make amends by yelling insults in a very bad French accent, and catapult cows at her.
Plus our old piano (well, my gran's, actually). But a trebuchet would be better for that. Anyone got one?

[Sniper]

I have one in the cuboard. I'll get it for you.

Anywhoo, so things a bit less tense at work now.

[Blackbird]

Hey Viff, I reckon Manuboy is right on the money - you DO have a crush on her :love:

I mean, when have you ever given a sh1t about what Harley riders think? Bet you never wave to them on the open road and care even less if they wave to you.

You're going about it all wrong by coming across as the sensitive caring type. You need to become the indifferent man of mystery that women find so attractive in us Honda riders. You've already shown way too much interest in discussing 'zorst pipes. If she comes to work on it (an unlikely scenario, I'll admit), make sure you park well away to show your distain.

Purely in the interests of science, can I have her work email addy please? I'd like to conduct an experiment involving her discovery of this thread. I'd imagine that you'll still be able to ride ok as unlike a Harley, your VFR supports a doubled-over body position.

Trust me on this one... :spudwave:

Geoff