After all this time, I've finally worked out,

[F5 Dave]

. . how to deal with telemarketers and scammers. Usually I'd just swear profusely at them, but that is more likely to get you put on some high rotation call late at night revenge list.

Instead I now ask them if they've accepted Jesus into their life. Seems to get rid of them pretty quick smart and hopefully upset them as revenge for disturbing you.

Although perhaps I was a bit quick just before with the lady caller. Maybe she was calling from Microsoft about my computer software.

[Laava]

. . how to deal with telemarketers and scammers. Usually I'd just swear profusely at them, but that is more likely to get you put on some high rotation call late at night revenge list.

Instead I now ask them if they've accepted Jesus into their life. Seems to get rid of them pretty quick smart and hopefully upset them as revenge for disturbing you.

Although perhaps I was a bit quick just before with the lady caller. Maybe she was calling from Microsoft about my computer software.

I let them listen to the maori channel for a bit.

[Berries]

Ask them what they are wearing and then gradually lower the tone as far as you dare. For some reason that does not go down well on the sub continent and they hang up quite quickly, or get the supervisor on which can be even funnier when they lose the plot.

Only do this when home alone though. If the wife is in the house it can lead to all kinds of hassle.

[Moi]

The caller the other day spent quite some time talking me through what I should be doing so he could access my laptop... but sort of lost the plot when I had difficulty locating the four-coloured flag... he didn't think it was funny when I mentioned there was an apple in the top left corner, not a flag in the lower left corner... :laugh:

[ellipsis]

...i've found 'fuck off', works well...

[Swoop]

The "fuck off", slam the phone down, etc approaches simply leave you on their list of people to call.

Just stop them, then say "I require you to remove my details from your list AND ANY OTHERS YOU HAVE ACCESS TO". They will stop whatever shyte they are blabbing on about and do what you say.
After a couple of callers like this, you will be purged of the telemarketer people.

I did this and haven't had a caller for years.


Or, just hang up on them and continue bitching about getting called... during dinner time.

[F5 Dave]

We mostly get international ones and they don't have rules.

[Akzle]

i never answer unknown/witheld numbers, nor overseas numbers unless i know some cunt overseas be trying to phone me.
i had an answering machine message to that effect ("if you're calling from a blocked number, get the fuck on, shithead")

i've only had a few spam calls since being in the yellow pages, and not having a landline (whothunk. you pay to have your number listed, and they sell it on), usually resolved with "who this" "how you get my number" "remove this number from your database"

of course, my phone manner is gruff anyway. so most calls are "who this" "how you get my number" "why the fuck you phoning me..."
sorry mum.

and if any cunt phones looking for "the bill payer" or "the householder" they get shitcanned straight away. why you phoning people you dont fucken know, asshole.

[F5 Dave]

Is that the way Jesus would have handled it?

[ellipsis]

...fuck jesus...a simple 'fuck off' feels appropriate...they are a couple of words that roll off the tongue so easily...I don't give a fuck how many times they call, 'fuck off', always seems so appropriate...and concise...

[oldrider]

Think I will join up and get all your contact details and call you guys it sounds like fun! :laugh:

As for that Jesus guy - I see he has been in business for more than 2000 years and counting - how many coffee bars can claim that? :scratch:

[T.W.R]

Think I will join up and get all your contact details and call you guys it sounds like fun! :laugh:

As for that Jesus guy - I see he has been in business for more than 2000 years and counting - how many coffee bars can claim that? :scratch:

:oi-grr: The J man & the big B book are the best sales propaganda story the world has ever seen :yes:

As for the lemmings sitting there doing random telemarketing, they get the numbers of a communal data base, once the number is in it any of them have access to it.
A blast from a air horn or even a whistle down the phone makes them disappear quick :rolleyes:

[Oakie]

For a couple of months now I have been receiving calls on my mobile from Ontario, Canada. Some little asian voice trying to sell me shares to increase my portfolio. (I don't have a portfolio). Of course i see Ontario as the caller on my phone and press the big red button so it's not too much hassle but i don't get many calls so it's a bit disappointing to get a call and find its just a crap call.

[Berries]

........ but i don't get many calls so it's a bit disappointing to get a call and find its just a crap call.
Ahhhhhhhhhh. Post your number and I can arrange a few calls from dirty women to cheer you up.

[jasonu]

. . how to deal with telemarketers and scammers. Usually I'd just swear profusely at them, but that is more likely to get you put on some high rotation call late at night revenge list.

Instead I now ask them if they've accepted Jesus into their life. Seems to get rid of them pretty quick smart and hopefully upset them as revenge for disturbing you.

Although perhaps I was a bit quick just before with the lady caller. Maybe she was calling from Microsoft about my computer software.

Nice one.
I kept some stinky curry muncher from Microsoft on the line for 1/2 hour. I changed accents several times before he twigged and hung up.

[jasonu]

i never answer unknown/witheld numbers, nor overseas numbers unless i know some cunt overseas be trying to phone me.
i had an answering machine message to that effect ("if you're calling from a blocked number, get the fuck on, shithead")

i've only had a few spam calls since being in the yellow pages, and not having a landline (whothunk. you pay to have your number listed, and they sell it on), usually resolved with "who this" "how you get my number" "remove this number from your database"

of course, my phone manner is gruff anyway. so most calls are "who this" "how you get my number" "why the fuck you phoning me..."
sorry mum.

and if any cunt phones looking for "the bill payer" or "the householder" they get shitcanned straight away. why you phoning people you dont fucken know, asshole.

It's 'who dis????'.
332364

[sidecar bob]

The Jesus card is also the most efficient way to get off jury service.
Just write back, saying, I believe that nobody should judge another except for Jesus etc.
They don't want people with imaginary friends on jury's it seems.

[F5 Dave]

Nice. .

[Voltaire]

The Jesus card is also the most efficient way to get off jury service.
Just write back, saying, I believe that nobody should judge another except for Jesus etc.
They don't want people with imaginary friends on jury's it seems.

I've worked with a product that's invisible, people pay for and it can kill you for years....should I start a religion?

[Maha]

my phone manner is gruff anyway. so most calls are "who this" "how you get my number" "why the fuck you phoning me..."


You should answer the phone ''Hello Akzle speaking'' they'll probably hang up in your fucking ear.

[Swoop]

International callers are even more fun. If you can get them to "hold on, just a second" they can pay much higher calling rates while you peel the potatoes, watch the TV, etc.



The Jesus card is also the most efficient way to get off jury service.
Just write back, saying, I believe that nobody should judge another except for Jesus etc.
They don't want people with imaginary friends on jury's it seems.

Rather ironic, since they like to use their novel as the book you swear on...

[oldrider]

I've worked with a product that's invisible, people pay for and it can kill you for years....should I start a religion?

Hmm, I have helped for years to produce a high value invisible product that can only kill you once - where did we go wrong? :scratch:

Start your religion KB is full of followers just begging to be inspired. :cool:

[pritch]

There are a variety of ploys to use on these annoying pricks and this thread has about covered them. Last time I did anything like that I asked the "Windows helper" to hang on a sec, and went and hung the washing out.

Now when I answer the phone if there is not an immediate response I hang up.

[F5 Dave]

The international ones have just hacked someone's insecure PABX and are stealing toll calls to do their scamming. They ring like 3 at a time and hang up on the 2 that don't answer first. May Jesus cast their souls into Auckland.

[Akzle]

The international ones have just hacked someone's insecure PABX and are stealing toll calls to do their scamming. They ring like 3 at a time and hang up on the 2 that don't answer first. May Jesus cast their souls into Auckland.

now that's a bit fucken harsh mate

[russd7]

The international ones have just hacked someone's insecure PABX and are stealing toll calls to do their scamming. They ring like 3 at a time and hang up on the 2 that don't answer first. May Jesus cast their souls into Auckland.

hell, you really do want them to get a fate worse than death huh

[Moi]

The international ones have just hacked someone's insecure PABX and are stealing toll calls to do their scamming. They ring like 3 at a time and hang up on the 2 that don't answer first. May Jesus cast their souls into Auckland.


now that's a bit fucken harsh mate


hell, you really do want them to get a fate worse than death huh


Probably wanted to say "cast their souls into Lower Hutt" then realised they'll be living next door...

[granstar]

There are a variety of ploys to use on these annoying pricks and this thread has about covered them. Last time I did anything like that I asked the "Windows helper" to hang on a sec, and went and hung the washing out.

Now when I answer the phone if there is not an immediate response I hang up.

Yep one I use as at least they are not annoying anyone else while they wait for me to find the person they are looking for (me).

I once asked one where they got my number from, and they said a friend gave it to me, I told them my friends wouldn't do that kind of shit thing, they hung up. :nya:

Door knockers are better cause in person they can be blasted, once told a couple men in black on bicycles to fark off, and they said Jesus loves you. I followed with " and he can fark off too!", they never came back. Another ploy is " go or i'll set the dog off", none have yet discovered our dog is a ferocious bichon.:nya:

[russd7]

, none have yet discovered our dog is a ferocious bichon.:nya:

yeah and i have to fight that lil bich off every time i bring beer or whiskey or oysters or even when i just turn up with my wonderful personality :innocent:

[granstar]

yeah and i have to fight that lil bich off every time i bring beer or whiskey or oysters or even when i just turn up with my wonderful personality :innocent:


As well as that there is the dog too. Advance warning is a big thing here, ring the bell first with your elbow, you are not going to turn up empty handed are you ( must say haven't yet) , and i'll put poochie away so he doesn't mess with your personality. :apint: