Daily laugh to lighten the load.

[Macktheknife]

Just a wee giggle for the day...


>Little Zachary, a Jewish kid, was doing very badly in math. His parents
>had tried everything: tutors, mentors, flash cards, learning centers--
>in short, EVERYTHING they could think of to help his math!
>
>Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him
>in the local Catholic school.
>
>After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look
>on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went
>straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread
>out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work.
>
>His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner, and to her shock,
>the minute he was done he marched back to his room without a word, and
>in no time he was back hitting the books as hard as before.
>
>This went on for some time, day after day while the mother tried to
>understand what made all the difference.
>
>Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it
>
>on the table, went up to his room, and hit the books. With much
>trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, little
>Zachary got an "A" in math.
>
>She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said,
>"Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Zachary looked at her and
>shook his head, no.
>
>"Well, then," she replied, "Was it the books, the discipline, the
>structure, the uniforms? WHAT was it?"
>
>Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of
>school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."

:wavey: :2thumbsup :woohoo: :beer: :beer: :beer:

[Macktheknife]

And then there was another.....

Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you either hear or are about to repeat a rumour.

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

"Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.

"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"

"No, on the contrary ...".

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?".

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued." You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really..."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that Plato was shagging his wife.

[Qkchk]

Hehehe quite good I must say :2thumbsup

[Phenoix]

Oldie but still good

[Storm]

Good effort. Might pass that around

[yungatart]

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four hour surgical procedure.

A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse" he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other.
Then she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them Sir."

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely---

Are - my- test - results - back?"

[v.ros`]

LOOOOL..............

[DMNTD]

Hahahaha :rofl: :laugh:

[DMNTD]

Til death do us part
Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over
the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill
herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over
with quickly, she took out Earl's old army pistol and made the decision to
shoot herself in the heart since it was already so badly broken in the first
place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and
burden to someone, she called her doctor to inquire as to just exactly
where the heart would be. The doctor said, "Your heart would be just
below your left breast." Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the
hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee. :mellow:

[yungatart]

school reunions and why they should be avoided!

[DMNTD]

To Bee or not to Bee
A fella was in the market to buy some acreage. He found just what he
was looking for, but it was a little expensive. During an inspection of the property,
however, he found a hive of bees. He told the owner that he was deathly afraid
of bees, and there was no way he could consider this piece of land.
The landowner assured him that the bees were completely harmless, but
the buyer would have no part of it. Finally, the landowner made an offer.
The buyer would allow himself to be tied to a tree for an hour, nude, under
the nest. So sure of the friendliness of his bees was the farmer that if ONE bee
were to sting him, the farm would be his for free. The buyer thought it over and
decided it was worth the risk. An hour later, the farmer walked out to the tree
and saw the poor buyer slumped over in his bindings. Fearing the worst, he
ran up to him and asked him if he had been stung. The city fella looked up
and weakly said, 'No, but doesn't that calf have a mother?

[Xtat1k]

Nice dude :niceone:

[Brian d marge]

Didnt want to start a new thread for one photo ...this ones not politically safe ,,,maybe work safe unless you work ,,,in Sue Bradfords office ...

Stephen