SARGE
18th October 2005, 01:30
Your liver is in the Federal Witness Protection Program.
You enjoy cooking with wine, and sometimes you even put it in the food.
You’ve only been drunk once in your life, and so far it’s lasted twenty-three years.
You liver has a restraining order on you.
You can tell the difference between a bottle of Jack and a bottle of Jim by the sound they make hitting the back of your head.
Alcoholism doesn’t run in your family—it takes its own sweet time.
You’ve been cut off during communion.
You wonder why they call it Southern Comfort when they know damn well there is nothing comfortable about being handcuffed in the back of a squad car.
Growing-up means buying better booze, getting older means getting used to the cheap stuff again.
You miss the old days when you were younger than the cop that finds you sleeping in a dumpster.
You were excited about the Olsen twins turning “legal” until you realized they still aren’t old enough to buy you a drink.
You resent it when people call you a raving alcoholic, because you’ve never been to a rave in your life.
You enjoy cooking with wine, and sometimes you even put it in the food.
You’ve only been drunk once in your life, and so far it’s lasted twenty-three years.
You liver has a restraining order on you.
You can tell the difference between a bottle of Jack and a bottle of Jim by the sound they make hitting the back of your head.
Alcoholism doesn’t run in your family—it takes its own sweet time.
You’ve been cut off during communion.
You wonder why they call it Southern Comfort when they know damn well there is nothing comfortable about being handcuffed in the back of a squad car.
Growing-up means buying better booze, getting older means getting used to the cheap stuff again.
You miss the old days when you were younger than the cop that finds you sleeping in a dumpster.
You were excited about the Olsen twins turning “legal” until you realized they still aren’t old enough to buy you a drink.
You resent it when people call you a raving alcoholic, because you’ve never been to a rave in your life.