The porn industry - Facts...

[Swoop]

Here are some interesting facts that we would otherwise not know if it wasn't for the porn industry

Women wear high heels to bed.
A blowjob will always get a woman out of a speeding fine.
Lesbians love it when a guy bursts in on them.
All women are bisexual or have fantasised about it.
No man is bisexual.
Women hitchhike in high heels and bikinis and will always offer you sex
in exchange for a ride to who knows where.
If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having a root in the bushes,
the boyfriend won't bash you if you join in without asking.
Job interviews often turn into orgies.
Nurses give patients blowjobs, especially if they have multiple bandages
or are in a coma. The patient always makes a miraculous recovery.
When a complete stranger asks a sunbathing woman to rub suntan lotion
over her breasts she doesn't tell him to F#@% off. She will insist he roots
her.
Calling a woman a bitch won't get you thrown out of bed. It turns her on
even more.
French maids and baby sitters are prostitutes.
When your girlfriend busts you getting a blowjob from her best friend she
will only get pissed momentarily. Then she will happily root both of you.
Women never have a headache... or periods.
All secretaries wear glasses and have their hair tied up in a bun... but
can't have sex until they take the glasses off and let their hair down.
When a woman is sucking a man's penis it is important for him to remind
her to 'suck it'.
Women often go to mechanic's garages looking for sex.
A woman will always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's
trousers to find his penis there.
Men go deaf when rooting. For example: 'You like that?', 'Yeah bitch?',
'Huh baby?'.
Men don't have to beg.

Just thought you needed to know this...

[Colapop]

That is all so true!! I've often had many of those things happen....








And then I wake up.

[Sniper]

All my secrets!!!

[bugjuice]

God bless p0rn... (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=20104&d=1132017249)

[Biff]

From personal experience I can testify that at least two of those are true.
Ahhhh memories....

[bugjuice]

From personal experience I can testify that at least two of those are true.
Ahhhh memories....
do you like pretending to write out tickets too?

[Sniper]

From personal experience I can testify that at least two of those are true.
Ahhhh memories....

Ive seen your movies, you have proven at least 5...... :banana:

[NC]

That is all so true!! I've often had many of those things happen....








And then I wake up.
With man love juice all over you?

[bugjuice]

With man love juice all over you?
it ain't bugjuice..

[Biff]

do you like pretending to write out tickets too?
It's the cuffs. The chicks dig em.


Ive seen your movies, you have proven at least 5......
For those that don't know - yes I have appeared in some porn movies (well - 3). And Sniper is my number 1 fan, and before you ask S - no, I will not give you a signed photo of my butt.

[_Gina_]

You missed this one:

All women love taking it up the arse, most like you to surprise them with it.

:buggerd:

[NC]

it ain't bugjuice..
Depends if you two had a sleep over or not eh? :msn-wink:

[NC]

You missed this one:

All women love taking it up the arse, most like you to surprise them with it.

:buggerd:
Ah suprise sex

[Sniper]

And Sniper is my number 1 fan, and before you ask S - no, I will not give you a signed photo of my butt.

Damn, that was going to replace my photo of a romantic candle lit dinner :banana:

[Postie]

Ah suprise sex
Or suprise sex act, such as the Dirty Sanchez.......

[Sniper]

Ah suprise sex

PWe don't want to know, honest. Although, I don't mind pictures...... :blip:

[Sniper]

Dirty Sanchez.......

Posties speciality

[bugjuice]

You missed this one:

All women love taking it up the arse, most like you to surprise them with it.

:buggerd:
must be true - a chick said it..
so, how you doin..? :msn-wink:

[Sniper]

must be true - a chick said it..
so, how you doin..? :msn-wink:

Dirty bugger (in more ways than one)

[bugjuice]

Depends if you two had a sleep over or not eh? :msn-wink:
most likely not.. :blink:

[Postie]

Posties speciality
well it used to be, can't run so fast now, so i have to be more cautious

[SixPackBack]

Years ago I asked my wife "how about butt sex honey", without missing a beat she turned to me and said "hey you try it first, if you like it I'll give it a go"........so what's it like?

[bugjuice]

Dirty bugger (in more ways than one)
Team America...



(fuck yeah)

[Sniper]

well it used to be, can't run so fast now, so i have to be more cautious

I'll bowl up there sometime and teach you a couple neat hiding tricks I learnt in the army

[Sniper]

Team America...



(fuck yeah)

Cumming again all over...........

[Postie]

I'll bowl up there sometime and teach you a couple neat hiding tricks I learnt in the army


nah, i'm not falling for that one again, last time some one from the navy said he had a hiding trick....... well lets just say that i don't like water, boats or sauages any more.....

[Sniper]

nah, i'm not falling for that one again, last time some one from the navy said he had a hiding trick....... well lets just say that i don't like water, boats or sauages any more.....

Im Army, not fucken poofta bloody shit sailing navy.

[Postie]

Im Army, not fucken poofta bloody shit sailing navy.
did you fire guns and learn "hiding tricks"???? same thing, different form of transport......

[bugjuice]

Im Army, not fucken poofta bloody shit sailing navy.
Sniper - "Quick Postie, put your head in these bushes.. no one will see your arse.. now just slip......"

Postie - "ARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"

[Sniper]

Sniper - "Quick Postie, put your head in these bushes.. no one will see your arse.. now just slip......"

Postie - "ARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"

Thats not really Army planning, although the incest connotations I am thinking of aren't very nice either. Now why have you been playing dodgy sailor dress up games with your bro.

[Postie]

Sniper - "Quick Postie, put your head in these bushes.. no one will see your arse.. now just slip......"

Postie - "ARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"

yeah exactly, i'm not hiding in anyones bush......

ergg, even the word Bush makes me feel nauseous

[_Gina_]

Team America...



(fuck yeah)
There is no I in Team America......

[bugjuice]

Thats not really Army planning, although the incest connotations I am thinking of aren't very nice either. Now why have you been playing dodgy sailor dress up games with your bro.
he started it.. :o

[bugjuice]

There is no I in Team America......
no, but there's an I in meat pie, and meat is an annogram of team.. so... yeah, there is..

[_Gina_]

must be true - a chick said it..
so, how you doin..? :msn-wink:
Up the bum no babies mate!

Based on 6PB's post, I am keen if you are.......:whistle:

[enigma51]

Up the bum no babies mate!

Based on 6PB's post, I am keen if you are.......:whistle:
Can wait to see the comments after a post like that! :sherlock:

[bugjuice]

Up the bum no babies mate!

Based on 6PB's post, I am keen if you are.......:whistle:
you drive a hard bargin..
can we go based on other people's opinion?

[Postie]

Up the bum no babies mate!

Based on 6PB's post, I am keen if you are.......:whistle:
lube up, you got work coming...

[Hitcher]

And the only place that pron starts have hair is on their heads...

[Coyote]

A blowjob will always get a woman out of a speeding fine.
The quota would come first

[Sniper]

he started it.. :o

Yea, course he did.

[Swoop]

Didn't know this would get such a reaction from you all....

There are some twisted minds out there....... Glad to be a part of this community:blip:

[Colapop]

1) I have never had relations with that relation. (all)
2) It is known as Tac-ex Tactical reconnaissance Execercise. (Sniper)
3) 'Man Juice' or 'Cum' consists of water, spermatozoa, white blood cells, fructose, some specific proteins and mucus substances. (NC)
4) The only armed force known to have committed homosexual acts is the Navy (everyone knows that!) (Sniper and Postie)

Now repeat after me "This is my rifle, this is my gun. This is for shooting and this is for shooting too."

[WRT]

Up the bum no babies mate!

Up the poopsie, no woopsie!

Not sure about that dirty sanchez tho . . . much rather give her the "secret squirel", which normally results in a "bucking bronco".

[bugjuice]

1) I have never had relations with that relation. (all)
2) It is known as Tac-ex Tactical reconnaissance Execercise. (Sniper)
3) 'Man Juice' or 'Cum' consists of water, spermatozoa, white blood cells, fructose, some specific proteins and mucus substances. (NC)
4) The only armed force known to have committed homosexual acts is the Navy (everyone knows that!) (Sniper and Postie)

Now repeat after me "This is my rifle, this is my gun. This is for shooting and this is for shooting too."
this quote was based on me..
take it Stewie!

[Colapop]

STEWIE FOR PRESIDENT



or


World Domination Dictator.

"The constant incipent drivel of mindless ne'er do wells!"

[Motu]

Women often go to mechanic's garages looking for sex.....


You better beleive it! At the end of the day I am totaly fucked! A blow job for a WoF is the industry standard,that's why they are so expensive for guys,the chicks never pay with cash.

[Postie]

Women often go to mechanic's garages looking for sex.....


You better beleive it! At the end of the day I am totaly fucked! A blow job for a WoF is the industry standard,that's why they are so expensive for guys,the chicks never pay with cash.
i can get a hooker to blow you for $20, will that get me my WOF????

[Colapop]

A couple of mates an' me was walking along Kings Cross (long time ago) and this old Abbo chick looks up and says "Blow ya for a hotdog" mmmmm..... Nah!
BJ and Hotdogs give me nightmares.

[bugjuice]

i can get a hooker to blow you for $20, will that get me my WOF????
yeah....? where's that..?

[WRT]

Right here (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=20220&d=1132184796)

[Colapop]

Bwahahahaaaa!

[bugjuice]

Right here (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=20220&d=1132184796)
THAT IS JUST....... err... quag...

[_Gina_]

Women often go to mechanic's garages looking for sex.....


You better beleive it! At the end of the day I am totaly fucked! A blow job for a WoF is the industry standard,that's why they are so expensive for guys,the chicks never pay with cash.

Go the DPB Mum's aye!

[Colapop]

Go the DPB Mum's aye!
They're MILF's now aren't they?





'cept in the clubs late at night when they jus'skanky Ho's

[Wolf]

Friend of mine and I were totally trashing a pron fillum that these two guys had put on (Hey, they gate-crashed our video-fest and bunged the bloody porno on uninvited - that's practically a formal written invitation to be abused).

After the umphty-umphth repetition of "cock" in the badly-acted dialogue, I said to my friend "I'm beginning to think 'cock' is the most over-rated word in this movie" to which he replied "No, the most over-rated word is 'AAAAAaaaaaahhhhhh!'"

Fucking near wet ourselves laughing - even more so after seeing the filthy looks levelled at us by the guys who'd brought the video. Obviously we were dissing what they viewed as "Fine Art".

Oddly enough, they left after the video had finished, taking their pile of pron movies with them - leaving us to continue watching what my friend had paid good money to hire.

[Colapop]

...had paid good money to hire.

All money is good money. It's just that idots get ahold of it for a short while....

[heavenly.talker]

With man love juice all over you?

No no No....

TMI! lol

[ManDownUnder]

nah, i'm not falling for that one again, last time some one from the navy said he had a hiding trick....... well lets just say that i don't like water, boats or sauages any more.....

Yeah and when you have a shower, you wet yourself in more way than one huh?

[WRT]

Hey, leave the showers out of this, its his prick and his soap, and he will wash it just as fast as he likes!

[Postie]

Hey, leave the showers out of this, its his prick and his soap, and he will wash it just as fast as he likes!
your fairly quick to jump to the defense there WRT, everything ok WRTland?



ooooo, just remembered, we got a shower here at work and you were gone at lunch time and no body knew where you were, you said you got caught in the rain at lunch.......... only it hasn't rained...... ? the mind boggles.....

[WRT]

Nah, wasnt in the showers (fuk that - you seen how scody it is in there?), if I wanted to have a masti, I would do it down in the car park drooling over my bike . . . like you did the other day ;)

[Postie]

Nah, wasnt in the showers (fuk that - you seen how scody it is in there?), if I wanted to have a masti, I would do it down in the car park drooling over my bike . . . like you did the other day ;)
ah, so you saw that then???:blink:

[Colapop]

Nah, wasnt in the showers (fuk that - you seen how scody it is in there?), if I wanted to have a masti, I would do it down in the car park drooling over my bike . . . like you did the other day ;)

EEwwwww! It's gettin'scody in here at the mo'

[Wolf]

Young guy joins the Navy and he's really nervous about showering with the others because of all the stories he's heard. In the shower he keeps himself backed into a corner and if he drops the soap he grabs a fresh bar from the shelf.

One of the guys is watching him and says "I know what you're doing and I'm highly offended. I know what you've heard and all, but it's not like that any more. The Navy has changed, that sort of carry-on doesn't happen."

The young bloke is disbelieving and the other guy continues. "Seriously, it's changed a lot since the old days. It's changed so much, in fact, that we even have wheels on the ships. That's how much the Navy's changed.

"Bullshit," says the new guy, "there's no wheels on the ship."

"Sure there is, just look out that porthole."

The new guy goes over and sticks his head out the porthole and says "Hey, there're no wheels out here!"

[Sniper]

I still claim that 95% of the navy are gay. The rest want to be gay too.

[scumdog]

And C.Bs spiked heels are MURDER on our bed linen - looks like a mountain lion has done a burnout on them!!

And spurs are worse!!

[sAsLEX]

I still claim that 95% of the navy are gay. The rest want to be gay too.


going on how smart most grunts are that would mean that the opposite is true aye!

[Sniper]

going on how smart most grunts are that would mean that the opposite is true aye!


Depends, I wasn't a grunt..................

[SPORK]

Depends, I wasn't a grunt..................
My friend's joining the army as an electrition person. What's it like?

[SARGE]

There is no I in Team America......



um... yes there is actually... A-M-E-R-I-C-A :stupid:

FUCK YEA

[Sniper]

My friend's joining the army as an electrition person. What's it like?

Not a bad job. Just tell him to be prepared for the unique way of learning the correct way to earth yourself. Fuck its funny to watch.:lol:

[Colapop]

Yup yup fuuuunnnnnyy!!!
Tell him to remember his civvie mates (and take them to the baggies often for cheap piss)
Conversations go something like....
Monday;
"What are ya up to tonite?"
"Going to the bar"
"Oh yeah, I'll see ya there"
Tuesday;
"What are ya up to tonite?"
"Going to the bar after (insert sport of choice) practice"
"Oh yeah, I'll see ya there"
Wednesday;
"What are ya up to tonite?"
"Going to the bar"
"Oh yeah, I'll see ya there"
Thursday;
"What are ya up to tonite?"
"Going to the bar after (insert sport of choice) practice"
"Oh yeah, I'll see ya there"
.....

Tell him it's not all guns and shit.

[HenryDorsetCase]

LOL!

I forwarded this to everyone I know.


as you do.

[idb]

You missed this one:

All women love taking it up the arse, most like you to surprise them with it.

:buggerd:
I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!
IIIIIIIII KNEW IT!!!!
Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!

[_Gina_]

I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!
IIIIIIIII KNEW IT!!!!
Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!
Go on.....tell your Mrs I said so after you "surprise" her tonight!

lol

[Sniper]

Yup yup fuuuunnnnnyy!!!
Tell him to remember his civvie mates (and take them to the baggies often for cheap piss)
Conversations go something like....
Monday;
"What are ya up to tonite?"
"Going to the bar"
"Oh yeah, I'll see ya there"
Tuesday;
"What are ya up to tonite?"
"Going to the bar after (insert sport of choice) practice"
"Oh yeah, I'll see ya there"
Wednesday;
"What are ya up to tonite?"
"Going to the bar"
"Oh yeah, I'll see ya there"
Thursday;
"What are ya up to tonite?"
"Going to the bar after (insert sport of choice) practice"
"Oh yeah, I'll see ya there"
.....

Tell him it's not all guns and shit.

In my trade it was guns, bombs, alchol and the ability to pick up any women we wanted to.

[bugjuice]

In my trade it was guns, bombs, alchol and the ability to pick up any women we wanted to.
3 out of 4 isn't bad then...

[Colapop]

In my trade it was guns, bombs, alchol and the ability to pick up any women we wanted to.
Come on now, you can't start the piss potters on the good stuff! You were a Gunner were ya?
You know, just thinking about it, I haven't heard a thunderflash being let go during Guy Fawkes for some time now.

[Sniper]

Come on now, you can't start the piss potters on the good stuff! You were a Gunner were ya?
You know, just thinking about it, I haven't heard a thunderflash being let go during Guy Fawkes for some time now.

You havent been down my way have ya...........

I wasn't a gunner, I did carry the gun though. I was a FE though.

[bugjuice]

oi, this is going off topic!!!
this is a thread on p0rn, not the army.. ffs.. keep it dirty guys, come on.. pfft.

[Sniper]

oi, this is going off topic!!!
this is a thread on p0rn, not the army.. ffs.. keep it dirty guys, come on.. pfft.

You started it by claiming you wanted postie to dress up in a navy uniform while I teach him some "hiding" tricks and you wanted to video us.

[bugjuice]

You started it by claiming you wanted postie to dress up in a navy uniform while I teach him some "hiding" tricks and you wanted to video us.
still more p0rn than you were on about..
and you're just sick btw.. i never said such a thing

[Sniper]

still more p0rn than you were on about..
and you're just sick btw.. i never said such a thing

I can prove it.



I wish you would dress postie up and have your wicked way with him so I can make money off the video.

see :lol:

[bugjuice]

I can prove it.




see :lol:
smartarse..
we're not going to live out your fantasies

[Sniper]

smartarse..

Thats my catch phrase :banana: :lol:

PT

[bugjuice]

Thats my catch phrase :banana: :lol:

PT
didn't see the copyright/TM symbol.. smartarse

so, back to girlygirl taking it up the backstreet...

[Postie]

You started it by claiming you wanted postie to dress up in a navy uniform while I teach him some "hiding" tricks and you wanted to video us.
would i get credits at the end of the movie, i can change my name to Parvio.....:blip:

[WRT]

didn't see the copyright/TM symbol.. smartarse

so, back to girlygirl taking it up the backstreet...

I'm sure that would make her arse smart . . .

[bugjuice]

I'm sure that would make her arse smart . . .
i like your thinking...

[SPORK]

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN??? :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

[/winja]

[WRT]

Thats the point of it, there will be no children! Up the bum, no babies and all that . . .

[Sniper]

would i get credits at the end of the movie, i can change my name to Parvio.....:blip:

I wanted to change my name to Stuart

[Sniper]

Thats the point of it, there will be no children! Up the bum, no babies and all that . . .

What happens if the "cleanup" dribbles?:lol:

[WRT]

Then you got yourself a cream pie!

Wouldnt suggest eating it tho . . .

[SPORK]

Ok, to clean up this thread, I suggest all of you go to this:

http://www.homestarrunner.com/answer12.html

Click on the glowing buttons!

[Sniper]

Thats disgusting

[Colapop]

You havent been down my way have ya...........

I wasn't a gunner, I did carry the gun though. I was a FE though.
Yehaa! Engineers Rule!
I been down your way (oops!) one of the original Ivanhoe's! Enemy party in Colgate.

If it dribbles wouldn't it make a chocolate cream pie?:whistle:

Who blows goats?

[Hitcher]

The word you appear to be looking for is felching.

[heavenly.talker]

I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!
IIIIIIIII KNEW IT!!!!
Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

you do know what is up there right?

[Colapop]

EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

you do know what is up there right?

His erm *cough* umm yeah.

I just don't understand the facination with waste management when there's a lovely lady with a mink coat begging for some attention!

[vince25]

haha, love it

[heavenly.talker]

His erm *cough* umm yeah.

I just don't understand the facination with waste management when there's a lovely lady with a mink coat begging for some attention!


Now here speaks a man that knows how to treat a lady :yes: :yes:

[kro]

From personal experience I can testify that at least two of those are true.
Ahhhh memories....

Please blow into this bag miss

*zipppppp"

Am I close?