My mission is complete!

[Sniper]

I feel the need to gloat as I have spent the last 8 months hard at work at achieving my goal! I have got everyone in the office to agree that they are scared of my desk and of the consequenses arising if they even sit in my chair.

To a few of you, this may mean nothing, but to those who work constantly on 5 different tasks at the same time, only to have one person bugger it up or take your stapler from your desk can cause countless nightmares. I have achieved a new high in that noone, not even the company director himself, will attempt to invade or touch anything within my sanctuary!

Many thanks to the BOFH and to a couple of other teachers who helped me achieve this.

(Feel free to move this to PD)

[bugjuice]

congrats..
I recently installed barbed wire and employed two great danes to sit next to me at all times. Still doesn't stop my pen from being nicked.
bastards. I'm watching you...

[scumdog]

I feel the need to gloat as I have spent the last 8 months hard at work at achieving my goal! I have got everyone in the office to agree that they are scared of my desk and of the consequenses arising if they even sit in my chair.

To a few of you, this may mean nothing, but to those who work constantly on 5 different tasks at the same time, only to have one person bugger it up or take your stapler from your desk can cause countless nightmares. I have achieved a new high in that noone, not even the company director himself, will attempt to invade or touch anything within my sanctuary!

Many thanks to the BOFH and to a couple of other teachers who helped me achieve this.

(Feel free to move this to PD)

What's the secret? The stuff in my office area 'walks' in a blink of an eye, migrates faster than a caribou, I feel it is the poltergiests that lurk in the cells, the spirits of innocent people....

[Colapop]

Easiest fix for this situation is - to go to the pub and have a bloody good time! Then you won't give a flying f*ck about your desk or your projects.

In the mean time electrickery is the name of the game... A 9v torch battery and some wire = all sorts of fun.
Well done anyway, ya highly strung bastard! (I said strung not hung)

[Sniper]

A small tweaked car battery charger connected to various metal objects on my desk. Those shock pens, lighters, staplers and scissors go a long way too. Deleting a vital file from their computer as well as kicking them off the net every time they are doing something important.

A can of spray glue works wonders on a computer screen and so does electrifing someones chair.

[The Stranger]

What's the secret? The stuff in my office area 'walks' in a blink of an eye, migrates faster than a caribou, I feel it is the poltergiests that lurk in the cells, the spirits of innocent people....

It's all those criminals you work with.

[The Stranger]

Fark!
You work.?
I want a job like yours!

[scumdog]

It's all those criminals you work with.

I know - I wish they would keep out of my office though...

[Str8 Jacket]

Well on a slightly diifferent note, but kinda not... This morning I had a run in with a physcho work mate of mine who kept taking my phone of my desk for his own personal use, I confronted him today and told him to use his own phone as all the calls he was making were recorded under my name.... he suddenly blew and started screaming at me at the top of his lungs, "Your a farkin bitch, fark you" and then a few more insults including the use of the much hated C word. I kind of found this funny but my boss didn't, he hauled/pushed/shoved the guy into a room, gave him a warning and then promptly moved him to the "gimp" cubicle where he will have no phone priveledges and everyone now thinks (knows) that hes a physchotic paranoid! :doobey:

[vifferman]

Congrats, Stu!
It took me years to achieve that, back in the days when I was a manager. And I know what you mean about having five different taks on the go at once. After one of my co-workers was wrecked by a stroke, I had to take on most of his work. I'd start the day with maybe 5 to 10 taks, but they seemed like 50, due to the constant stream of interruptions. I just about had a breakdown myself, but once I got into the swing of things, I got a real buzz from the adrenaline of having so much to do.

As for having pens go missing, the only way I could stop that happening was by buying a very expensive and distinctive pen (helped that I was the purchasing person!). No-one ever flogged it, till one day I took it home and my wife snabbled it.:eek5:

[vifferman]

...then promptly moved him to the "gimp" cubicle
:lol:
I think most of our cubicles (I work in a cubicle farm) are dweeboid ones. I'll have to look for the gimp one.

[Str8 Jacket]

:lol:
I think most of our cubicles (I work in a cubicle farm) are dweeboid ones. I'll have to look for the gimp one.

Yeah, im in a dweeboid one myself. The gimp cubicle is the one thats right beside the main door, the kitchen door and the bathroom door. It has no phone and no one talks to the gimp that sits there, yet everyone can see what the gimp is doing on there pc so no surfing the net etc. MWAHAHAHAHA!

[Sniper]

As for having pens go missing, the only way I could stop that happening was by buying a very expensive and distinctive pen (helped that I was the purchasing person!). No-one ever flogged it, till one day I took it home and my wife snabbled it.:eek5:

Yea that was a big problem, but I found out after a while that the shock pen only gets stolen twice before word gets around and the pretty inviting silver pen on the desk is not theirs.

But thanks for the congrats.

[Colapop]

Well on a slightly diifferent note, but kinda not... This morning I had a run in with a physcho work mate of mine who kept taking my phone of my desk for his own personal use, I confronted him today and told him to use his own phone as all the calls he was making were recorded under my name.... he suddenly blew and started screaming at me at the top of his lungs, "Your a farkin bitch, fark you" and then a few more insults including the use of the much hated C word. I kind of found this funny but my boss didn't, he hauled/pushed/shoved the guy into a room, gave him a warning and then promptly moved him to the "gimp" cubicle where he will have no phone priveledges and everyone now thinks (knows) that hes a physchotic paranoid! :doobey:

Oo, Oo, can play with him? They're my favourite!! I don't have that problem as they're all scared of me for some reason? Physchotic paranoid's are great coz no-one believes them when you mess with them. Like giving him a phone without a cord. Or swapping his keyboard keys around... Ahh there are so many pranks to use in a situation like that.


I think most of our cubicles (I work in a cubicle farm) are dweeboid ones. I'll have to look for the gimp one.

It's the one with the leather mask and zip suit!

[Str8 Jacket]

It's the one with the leather mask and zip suit!

Dont forget the double ended dildo!!!

[crashe]

What's the secret? The stuff in my office area 'walks' in a blink of an eye, migrates faster than a caribou, I feel it is the poltergiests that lurk in the cells, the spirits of innocent people....


Dont let other cops into your office... cos they will nick anything :rofl: :rofl:

[The Stranger]

I know - I wish they would keep out of my office though...

Come on Scumy, you really can't expect them to not use the toilets can you?

[Colapop]

Dont forget the double ended dildo!!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Oh come on I'm sure he's not that cleva!

[Str8 Jacket]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Oh come on I'm sure he's not that cleva!

lol! When you said leather mask and zip suit it reminded me of GTA San Andreas, you can dress the guy in a gimp suit and if you have picked up the double ended dildo on your travels then you can choose that as your "weapon", its farkin funny believe me!

[Colapop]

lol! When you said leather mask and zip suit it reminded me of GTA San Andreas, you can dress the guy in a gimp suit and if you have picked up the double ended dildo on your travels then you can choose that as your "weapon", its farkin funny believe me!
Hahahaha!! And here's me thinking you meant he head two heads coz they when they were handing them out they were half off so he got two! What's he like at the staff picnic? A couple of sandwiches short?

[Sniper]

How did this thread turn into a dildo fest in a gimp suit?

[WRT]

Well, you started it . . .

[Str8 Jacket]

How did this thread turn into a dildo fest in a gimp suit?

Sorry Sniper,I do believe that its my fault! Its been one of those days.

[Ixion]

"those days " ? You regularly have days that involve dildos and gimp suits ?

[Str8 Jacket]

"those days " ? You regularly have days that involve dildos and gimp suits ?

Mate, I wish! That might actually be fun! :blink:

[Sniper]

Mate, I wish! That would be fun! :blink:

I can see why you ride a KR then :lol: :banana:

[WRT]

I can see why you ride a KR then :lol: :banana:

Doesnt her name give it all away?? You guys are surprised she's down with the double ended dildo-wielding gimp?

[Str8 Jacket]

I can see why you ride a KR then :lol: :banana:

Well the selling point was definately the double ended dildo they offered as an "extra". :blip:

[Colapop]

Mate, I wish! That might actually be fun! :blink:
Got any jobs there then? I'm sure between the two of us we could ensure that everyday is like that!

I'll 'old 'im you hit 'im! :bash:

[Str8 Jacket]

Doesnt her name give it all away?? You guys are surprised she's down with the double ended dildo-wielding gimp?


You should see my boyfriend! :devil2:

(sorry in advance)

[WRT]

You should see my boyfriend! :devil2:

(sorry in advance)
Aha!! It was you!! (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=14982&d=1125354912)

[Str8 Jacket]

Aha!! It was you!! (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=14982&d=1125354912)

Im the one with the Wanger...:blip:

[WRT]

Im the one with the Wanger...:blip:

LOL - in that case, I'm a bit worried about your "boyfriend" . . .

[Colapop]

Im the one with the Wanger...:blip:
Is that a brand of Dildo or the (?) standing next to you?

[Sniper]

Well the selling point was definately the double ended dildo they offered as an "extra". :blip:

Lol, very good call, rep awarded

[Str8 Jacket]

Is that a brand of Dildo or the (?) standing next to you?

I'll let you use your imagination for that one!

:doh: Sorry Sniper for the thread highjack!

[Colapop]

I'll let you use your imagination for that one!

MMmmmmm Cake... ?? No I mean MMMmmmmmm .... mmm Cake... (Bugger I'm hungry)


:doh: Sorry Sniper for the thread highjack!

He starts threads in the hope they get hijacked! And what's not to like about this... Gimp suits, double ended Dildos, imagination and .... cake

[heavenly.talker]

congrats..
I recently installed barbed wire and employed two great danes to sit next to me at all times. Still doesn't stop my pen from being nicked.
bastards. I'm watching you...


Bugggie....Is your bear on speed today?

[Pathos]

I breath a sigh of relief each morning I see the 21 inch screen still sitting on my desk.

[scumdog]

Come on Scumy, you really can't expect them to not use the toilets can you?

Ooh! You can be such a bitch at times. Bastard!:lol:

[Xtat1k]

yeah those pens are great, some1 got me wit 1 so i held it onto his neck, it worked a treat he stayed away from me lol. recently myself and Phenoix found that in red planet they also have a computer mouse and a lighter that do the same, the mouse is a mother f**ker, because it touches your whole hand you get quite a whollop, im gonna put one on the bosses desk... teach him for being cheeky and stealing my pens:devil2:

[Sniper]

The trick is to be subtle about it and only admit fault when there is no other scapegoat

[WINJA]

WHEN THE MISSION IS COMPLETE MOST PEOPLE GO HOME , SEE YA BACK TO AFRICA FOR YOU

[Sniper]

WHEN THE MISSION IS COMPLETE MOST PEOPLE GO HOME , SEE YA BACK TO AFRICA FOR YOU

Want me to say hi to the relatives for ya. :lol: