Kiwi
23rd December 2005, 10:44
My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months.
Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and healthy.
*Extra thanks to whoever sent me the email about rat crap in the glue on envelopes - because I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.
* Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
Because of your genuine concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because I
know it can remove toilet stains, which is not exactly an appealing
characteristic.
* I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I
could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
* I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell
like a water buffalo on a hot day.
* I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me
with a perfume sample and rob me.
* I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually
horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
* I no longer worry about my soul because at last count, I have
363,214 angels looking out for me.
* Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers
if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes.
* I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl
on the internet who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th
time).
* I no longer have any money at all in fact - but that will
change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me
for participating in their special on-line email program
*Yes, I want to thank you all so much for looking out for me that
I will now return the favour!
*If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the
next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhoea will land
on your head at 5:00 PM (GMT) this afternoon. I know this will occur
because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
DO IT NOW OR ELSE.
And have a nice day!
OH - and you have a Merry Christmas
:woohoo:
Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and healthy.
*Extra thanks to whoever sent me the email about rat crap in the glue on envelopes - because I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.
* Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
Because of your genuine concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because I
know it can remove toilet stains, which is not exactly an appealing
characteristic.
* I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I
could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
* I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell
like a water buffalo on a hot day.
* I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me
with a perfume sample and rob me.
* I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually
horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
* I no longer worry about my soul because at last count, I have
363,214 angels looking out for me.
* Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers
if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes.
* I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl
on the internet who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th
time).
* I no longer have any money at all in fact - but that will
change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me
for participating in their special on-line email program
*Yes, I want to thank you all so much for looking out for me that
I will now return the favour!
*If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the
next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhoea will land
on your head at 5:00 PM (GMT) this afternoon. I know this will occur
because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
DO IT NOW OR ELSE.
And have a nice day!
OH - and you have a Merry Christmas
:woohoo: