Joke - Warning - religious content.

[James Deuce]

In keeping with the Spiritual tone of this particular forum, I though I would post something I found amusing:

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida to thaw out during
one particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel
where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel
schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on
Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband
checked into the hotel.

There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his
wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address,
and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from
her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called
home to glory following a sudden heart attack.

The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives
and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's
son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the
computer screen which read:


To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2002

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers
here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones.
I've just
arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been
prepared
for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your
journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is hot down here!

[Motoracer]

:lol: ..........

[Ms Piggy]

:2thumbsup

[jrandom]

Nyuk nyuk :eek:

Needs more rude bits, though.

[Holy Roller]

:yes: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :2thumbsup
Still good every time I read it.

A group of Nuns were out travling to a distant convent.
They were pleased at how well there were doing and we very carefull to obey all road signs as it had been a while since any of them had driven a car.
To their amazement the police car that had been following them for a short time turned its lights on and ordered them to pull over.
The nuns had no idea what the matter was. The policeman asked them why they were driving so slow.... They replied that they were following the road signs. The police man stated that the limit was 55 not 25 as the nuns had been doing, then realising that they had deen reading the state highway number instead there were gasps and shocked looks on the faces of the nuns, No its alright said the policeman, No No sonny said the nuns we've just come off 115

[James Deuce]

:laugh:

Where's my Habit!!

I need to go for a ride on SH180!

Whaddya mean there isn't one????

[jrandom]

Where's my Habit!!

Like Mother always told you, it's a filthy one and you should stop.

[Motoracer]

Imagine going on SH1 then! :mellow:

[James Deuce]

Imagine going on SH1 then! :mellow:

That's why I stay OFF it, if at all possible bro!!

[James Deuce]

Like Mother always told you, it's a filthy one and you should stop.

But it feels so gooooooOOOoOood

[Ms Piggy]

But it feels so gooooooOOOoOood

TooooooOOoOoooo much information!!! :eek5:

[Zed]

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his Parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"

The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!

St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?"

The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"

[Zed]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are camping in the desert, they set up their tent and fall asleep. Some hours later the Lone Ranger wakes his faithful friend.

"Tonto, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Tonto replies, "Me see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" asked the Lone Ranger.

Tonto ponders for a minute, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially, billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past 3. Theologically, it is evident that the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you Kemo Sabe?"

The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment, then speaks.

"Tonto, you idiot! Someone has stolen our tent!

[Two Smoker]

LOL, that was amusing..

[Zed]

A freshman in college started his first day of classes. His professor was clearly an atheist, and started the day by saying the following:

"Students, is there anyone here who can see God? If so, raise your hand. If there is anyone here who can hear God, raise your hand. If there is anyone who can smell God, raise your hand."
After a short pause, with no response from the students, he concluded,"Since no one can see, smell or hear God, there is no God. "

A student then raised his hand and asked to address the class. The student approached the class and asked, "Students, can anyone here see the professor's brain? Can anyone here hear the professor's brain? Can anyone here smell the professor's brain?" After a short pause, he concluded, "Since no one can see, hear or smell the professor's brain, I conclude that he has no brain! :bleh:

[Zed]

Jesus, Moses and an Old man are playing golf at Universe Golf Course. Moses is chosen to tee off first. Taking his first swing of the afternoon, he slices a shot, which veers right toward the lake. No problem. He raises his club, and the waters part, allowing the ball to bound through on dry ground and back onto the fairway. Jesus tees off next. Being perfect, but unwilling to show up his golfing partner, He purposely hits the same shot. He too raises His club, and the ball "walks" across the surface of the lake, and bounds onto the fairway. Finally, the old man takes His turn. He too shoots the same shot, which lands in the water, but "miraculously" pops back out of the lake, heads straight up into the air, clips an aircraft, slices through the air, into the club house, through the doors, out the front door, winds its way down the path, over the fence, across the highway, off of an 18 wheeler, back onto the course, onto the fairway, up onto the green, circles the cup, and in for a hole in one. At which point, Moses whispers to Jesus, "I hate it when we play with Your Dad." :msn-wink:

[Ms Piggy]

Moses whispers to Jesus, "I hate it when we play with Your Dad." :msn-wink:

:D Heh heh heh.

[James Deuce]

Good stuff Zed

Cheers!

[Holy Roller]

This biker lady has a heart attack and is taken to hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked "Is mt time up?" God said,"No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, new roads to ride, she figured she might as well look even nicer.
After the last ooperation, she was released from the hospital. While riding he motorcycle home, she was run into by a delivery truck and killed.
Ariving in front of God, she demamnded, "I thought you said I had another 40+ years? How come you didn't pull me out of the path of that freaking truck?"

God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

[Ms Piggy]

God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

:niceone: :laugh: :lol:

[Aucker]

"Tonto, you idiot! Someone has stolen our tent!
Haha I remember the Lone Ranger. I wonder if Tonto really was an idiot?