Outside looking in. [Archive] - Kiwi Biker forums

Deviant Esq

22nd January 2006, 17:25

Warning - Do Not Read if not inclined to give a care (trying to keep swearing out of this post).

Being a newbie is something we've pretty well all experienced at some stage in our lives. Whether new to a school, new to a workplace, or new to a webforum such as Kiwi Biker, most of us know what it feels like to start at a new place and not know anyone, much less what to do.

Different types of people deal with this situation in different ways. So what? you say. But it's true. Whilst some people when they join are immediately "one of the boys", there are others who are always wondering if they're accepted, if someone thinks they're worth knowing. It's the "I'm on the outside looking in" feeling, not knowing whether or not they'd really even notice if you suddenly up and left. Would they just shrug and say "Meh."? Would they try to convince you to stay?

So, you say, what's this post got to do with anything?

Much as I know that to admit things like this in an open forum such as this is often somewhat detrimental without a flameproof suit, I'm talking about myself. Much as I hate it, I realised the other day I've always been "outside looking in", pretty well all my life.

It drives me crazy thinking like this - I'm not a stupid person and know full well you can't expect everyone to bow down to... wait a second... revealing my plan too early... :shifty:
You can't expect everyone to think of you and invite you along to things when you're still reasonably new to something. But I still can't help feeling somewhat deflated, depressed even, when I seem to get that horrible feeling that it really wouldn't matter whether I were there or not, they'd not give too much of a damn if I suddenly departed. Low self esteem generally not helping, of course. And I'm not talking about work... I'm talking about Kiwi Biker.

Am I alone in thinking like this occasionally?

And it's not the people either. For the most part, people have been pretty good, pretty friendly. But I'm coming to the conclusion no-one really has a great deal of time for a newbie like myself. So I don't feel a great sense of comeradery... only a sense of.... I'm on the outside, I'm looking in.

Anyone got any useful advice?

Or, if you're in Christchurch and like a quiet beer... send me a PM.

Disclaimer: Oops! Didn't expect this to be as long as it's gone. Sorry! :o

Scouse

22nd January 2006, 17:34

Your too sensitive just roll with the blow's once you get out riding and meeting some of the personalitys you'll be more comfortable and when they are posting or repling to your posts they will know who you are and perhaps show some respect / be suportive of your veiwpoint. in short just stick around.

SpeedyGirl

22nd January 2006, 17:39

I am surprised D.... so if you want a beer, give me a yell :wavey:

SlowHand

22nd January 2006, 18:03

Dev luv, when you joined the site, did you tick the wrong box under 'sex'?

You should look back on your post a year from now, be agreeing with me then.

Motu

22nd January 2006, 18:16

Yeah,I know where you are coming from,I've never fitted in my whole life,always on the outside watching the others.But then I thought,stuff it,that's what I do,so I've gone on happily not fitting in....When I first came to this site I certainly didn't fit in,no one rode dirt bikes and I have opposing views to what the mostly sportsbike riders here think - I don't care,I still don't fit in....but atleast they can't tell me to go home and lock me out....I can always come here and think what a bunch of fuckwits.

Colapop

22nd January 2006, 18:32

I sort of thought about this stuff probably at about the same time post-wise. I'd started to contribute and get some feedback but no bike. How the hell was I supposed to get to know people without a bike? Biking is about bikes, bikers and bikers issues. Dev. E although this place can be a screen on the desk at times, just a blank space when it's not on, there have been enough things happen to me that have been associated with this site to tell me of the community that exists here.

I'd wager that if you posted a request for help to view a bike, ride pillion, stop in for a beer etc. then you'd have a ton of takers. I bought a bike last year that has since been sold and I asked for some help - a battery charger (thanks BungBung) and and help to re-route the throttle cable (thanks Nudemetalz-Chris) among other things, and the help that I have received has been outstanding. The knowledge base here, the community spirit and all the shit that ya get given for free (Thanks WINJA, Mikey, John...) make this place worthwhile. Your presence (sp) here Deviant Esq. adds to this experience. You are as much a part of this as anybody.

If you at any wonder whether your contribution here means anything check the tribute to Scott Carpenter, whom most of us had never met. The spirit that is portrayed in the loss of a fellow biker typifies this. And no you do not need to have passed away to be a part of the community here.
Col

RiderInBlack

22nd January 2006, 18:36

Yep, agree with Motu. Have lived too much of my life feeling like I don't fit in, or not one of the "click"/"cool" groups person. Have learnt sometime ago now that I'm different, so what the fu*k. If the clicky people don't like that, then it's their problem, not mine. Who wants to be a sheep in a flock? Funny thing is, that now I am accepted for who I am more, and more accepted by groups because of that.

This site is fairly diverse. Be yourself (and not a sheep), roll with the shit throws, and you will find you fit in here just fine.

PS: you will be very surprised how many people you think are part of a "cool click" group don't actually think that they fit in ether.

DingDong

22nd January 2006, 18:49

Fuq sake cheer up, kiwibiker is here the support motorcycle riding not the other way around... I dont fit in half the time... SO WAT!

:shit: live one life at a time and stop thinking about wat others think of you, not that they're thinking of ya anyway...

merv

22nd January 2006, 18:49

So are you still bike-less? You need to hurry and get one and get out on the rides in your area. Failing that hook up with someone that will take you out pillion a few times if bikes are what you want to be into.

As for Motu's comments don't belive him, there are plenty of us ride dirt on this site. 3/4 of the bikes in our garage are dirt bikes of one sort or another. Make sure you come to the Capital Coast Motu and I'll meet you there.

Its probably more about personalities and not necessarily that you are a newbie - some people are extroverts, some are introverts and most are somewhere in between. Me, I'll happily talk to anyone.

Then there's people like LB, she will not only talk to anyone but she knows most people associated with biking in one way or another.

There's a lot to enjoy talking to people on here, just speak up and we will respond. That's how you come on inside - just knock on the door, walk on in and talk to us. No need to be on the outside looking in.

One of the problems in this modern society is lack of time. With work, family, house, travelling etc I don't have a lot of time to ride nor come on here so my post count grows rather slowly. Don't take offence to that, we are busy people and may not answer all of your posts let alone see them. Computers were meant to make our lives easy, but hell compared to the 70's they have put a lot of pressure on my life speeding things up so much.

Stick around and enjoy the fun.

White trash

22nd January 2006, 19:31

Never really "not fitted" in anywhere so I'm not sure what the deal is. All it takes is a bit of effort and if that don't work, post up large untill you're part of the furniture.

Works for Sniper.

merv

22nd January 2006, 19:34

You're a skinny prick WT so you'd fit anywhere there is a gap. You are definitely not one of the introverts I was talking about, but as you say he has just got to get on posting and he will be one of the "old" guys in no time.

Waylander

22nd January 2006, 19:36

Meh, you'll start to fit in soon don't worry.

Know what you mean though and sort of in with Motu and RIB as I've never really fit in in large groups anyway. Have quite a few close mates on here now though so I'm not as 'outside' as you, but try being a cruiser rider who is planning on getting into sportbikes lol. Luckily for me I know atleast one other person who is thinking of doing the same.

Motu

22nd January 2006, 20:09

I have found that people who hang out in groups are ''needy'',it's like they have something missing from their personalities that they constantly have to be around other people.The best thing I found with bikes when I first started to ride was that I was out there by myself,making my own decisions on what I did for the day....and it's what I still do now,36 yrs later...it's fun to ride with others,but sooooo much better by myself.Off road I like to be with others,and seldom do it by myself....and trials is best of all,riding my own ride,but being with other riders.

All my family are selfcontained,we just get on quietly with our lives - but one of my daughters is a ''people person'',she was around here last night for a birthday and the whole place just comes alive,the noisiest house in the street last night.Funny lot,us humans....

Deviant Esq

22nd January 2006, 20:20

Thanks for the advice so far folks. Sorry about the mope, been a bit of a downer week for me. Bit rough when you get them, feels like I've rocked with one too many blows. :wacko:

So are you still bike-less? You need to hurry and get one and get out on the rides in your area.

Its probably more about personalities and not necessarily that you are a newbie - some people are extroverts, some are introverts and most are somewhere in between. Me, I'll happily talk to anyone.

Stick around and enjoy the fun.

Currently working on the "no bike" problem. Got one lined up, it's pretty well sussed, just got to wait to see it yet. The chap who's selling it to me (another KBer) is making sure it's all fixed up for me, which is much appreciated. Only trouble is, I'm young and impatient, and the bike's in Wellington, or I'd probably have been over to see it a lot earlier.

But yeah, hopefully once I've got it I can get out and meet a few people. Knowing a bit more about bikes wouldn't hurt either, don't know a great deal at this stage, so can often be lost in those conversations.

I agree with you about personalities, sure does make a difference.

merv

22nd January 2006, 20:37

Good on yah. Hope you get the bike soon, and try to stay upright when you get it, don't let the impatience win through.

thehollowmen

22nd January 2006, 20:54

I'm gonna send you a PM

I'm moving to christchurch in a few weeks... so .. yeah .. another beer buddy would be appreciated

Anyways, the more the merrier here so please stay :-) I think that this ostrocising newbies is what is causing a huge aging gap in the motorcycling community in NZ, which is a real pity. The newbies are the future, and also they may be future friends.

Anything I can do to help, give me a yell.

22nd January 2006, 20:55

I think you might have voiced what a lot of newbies will feel in this situation.

This is a big crowd to try to feel part of so I don't concentrate so much on trying to feel part of it at the moment - not all at once anyway. Compared with other online groups I have mingled with (and I an not including the nudists here) this group is huge!

Almost daily I will see a name I don't recognise, check their post count and see 1,000 or 2,000 posts beside the name and think, "when will I get to know all these people?" :lol:

A lot of newbies come and go. Takes time and posts I guess.

miSTa

22nd January 2006, 20:57

If you're a skinny bugger and less than well hung then I'm more than happy to take you on the back of the ZZR. Give you a chance to meet some of the other dodgy chch characters.

SpeedyGirl

22nd January 2006, 21:09

SpeedyGirl

22nd January 2006, 21:10

Give you a chance to meet some of the other dodgy chch characters.

You could only be talking about Dangerous and Kickaha.... :moon:

thehollowmen

22nd January 2006, 21:12

where is my invite for a beer???:Pokey:

Well, he was the one who invited offers to beer. I'm sure you'll be welcome to come along.

Although beware, I'm a nana rider on a DL650

SpeedyGirl

22nd January 2006, 21:13

Although beware, I'm a nana rider on a DL650

Geez... i thought i was the only nana around here :rofl:

miSTa

22nd January 2006, 21:23

You could only be talking about Dangerous and Kickaha.... :moon:

I actually haven't meet Kickaha so no comment, as for D I will neither confirm now deny. There are plenty of other 'characters' out there though..

Deviant Esq

22nd January 2006, 22:19

Thanks again for all the positive comments! Sure made me feel a lot better reading through these posts, well wishing PMs, and comments with green bling! :first:

I think you might have voiced what a lot of newbies will feel in this situation.

My parter actually said to me after reading through the thread that she was quite surprised I'd posted what I had in a public forum. After reading through it again, I sort of wonder what'd gotten into me a little, if I'd thought about it rather than just type what was going through my head, I probably would have just let it stew.

If you're a skinny bugger and less than well hung then I'm more than happy to take you on the back of the ZZR. Give you a chance to meet some of the other dodgy chch characters.

Appreciate the offer, and would be happy to take you up on it. Trouble is, I'm neither of the two things you've said there... :whistle:

Speedygirl and Hollowmen: Now now! Like hollow said, you're both more than welcome to come along for a beer. I've only met a few Chch KBers up to this point, so I'm looking forward to meeting those people I have chatted to but not yet met. And those I've not chatted to as well! :drinknsin

Talk about a turnaround, I feel much better now. You guys rock! :love:

WINJA

22nd January 2006, 22:34

Dev luv, when you joined the site, did you tick the wrong box under 'sex'?

You should look back on your post a year from now, be agreeing with me then.
+1 , AND IF SO ARE YOU ON THE RAG?

Back Fire

22nd January 2006, 22:39

boomer

22nd January 2006, 22:42

swings & roundabouts and rollercoasters

Take the blue pill next time. Get out when you have the bike and meet some of the 'maurices' on teh site; I'm sure one or two will click :drinknsin

Sketchy_Racer

22nd January 2006, 22:53

mate, i feel just like you.

I have never really fitted in.... maybe becuase im a outgoing person, that openly displays my opinion.... or i just dont.

when i first started posting, i felt realy left out,

after time i have met some people, and am starting to fit in, or i feel like i am,

yea thats all

Colapop

23rd January 2006, 07:11

I've seen your intended beasty, and the seller is a good bloke. Be patient young Skywalker, use the force and lift it you will....

deathstar

23rd January 2006, 07:46

i think it is because you don't meet people face to face i have the same problem that if they don't know your face they forget your name, it's like talking to a call centre person on the phone Do you remember their name?

scumdog

23rd January 2006, 07:54

Buy a tassled leather jacket, ride a Harley and become a cop and you'll be so IN! People will be begging you to stay in the KB site if you do that.!:whistle:
(and spouting a lot of religious stuff will give you an added edge!):motu:

AND DON'T FORGET TO TYPE IN CAPS.

Kickaha

23rd January 2006, 08:02

Shouldn't you be out persucuting innocent motorists or something :finger: :lol:

Krayy

23rd January 2006, 08:03

My parter actually said to me after reading through the thread that she was quite surprised I'd posted what I had in a public forum. After reading through it again, I sort of wonder what'd gotten into me a little, if I'd thought about it rather than just type what was going through my head, I probably would have just let it stew....
Dude, just having an interest in bikes makes you one of us, so welcome aboard :spudwave: Doesn't matter to most of us if you don't have a bike just yet, but this place can offer a world of advice when you get closer to making a purchase and the Online trading forum can sometimes show up some good deals. Being a pillion on a short ride is also a good way to get into it.

Now heres the kicker....when you go out on your first few rides it can be tricky as hell not knowing anybody and feeling like a bit of a fifth wheel, but thats okay. You all share a common interest, so find someone your own age and ask them about their bike and how they got into riding. Instant conversation! If it's a KB ride, you have 2 things in common!

Just don't be put off if you see all the sprot bike riders (600cc+), cruisers and 250 riders all milling about in their own groups. It's just an experience thing, but the 250 crowd is who you want to hang with. (Sprot riders are a weird bunch. Doesn't matter if you've had your license for almost 20 years and the wife will only let you have a 250 (doesn't sound like a whinge does it?), chops don't mean jack if you aint got 100hp+ under your bum)

Good luck!!

MSTRS

23rd January 2006, 08:06

MSTRS

23rd January 2006, 08:10

Anyone got any useful advice?

Just stick around and post. It won't happen overnight, but it will happen...
I've been here just over a year & I'm now officially an old hand:tugger: :rofl:

thehollowmen

23rd January 2006, 09:13

Yea. It was 2 years ago. And his name was Jeremy.:nya: :Pokey: :killingme

That sounds like the start of a story you'll tell to your grandkids..

Posh Tourer :P

23rd January 2006, 10:02

feeling like a bit of a fifth wheel

You mean like you are attached to the ar in artic?

**R1**

23rd January 2006, 12:18

prozac, P, pot, beer, cocain, and av-gas I hear works...but im not sure ask Dangerous..

buellbabe

23rd January 2006, 13:50

Wow! You were obviously have abit of a verbal spew... nothing wrong with that and good on ya for being man enuf to admit how yr feeling.
When I was younger I had issues with fitting in... during my teens all my friends were older than me and went to other schools or were already in the workforce... When i discovered motorbikes my whole outlook/world changed. Suddenly I could be me and not be judged cos I was 'different'. Bikers tend to be really open-minded and the people I have met during my years of riding have remained my closest genuine friends!
I haven't been on this site long and I have already met some nice people and been for a few rides, even tho you are currently bike-less you still have the shared interest. The ChCh KB community sounds to be a really friendly lot so get out there and meet them!:2thumbsup :grouphug:

dangerous

23rd January 2006, 17:51

prozac, P, pot, beer, cocain, and av-gas I hear works...but im not sure ask Dangerous..
why ask me :apint: drugs are a loosers sport, and ave gas works very well.... in the bloody bike.

Deviant Esq............... since you have joined there has been a BBQ and rides in Chch also we meet up at race events and rallys.... dont mater if you rock up in a cage, but if ya are a no show then ya not going to meet anyone now aye.

Ps: tonight @ the loaded hog @ 8 there will be a few KBers, couple of us Chch members are going to show a couple a N/Iers how to drink. :apumpin:

Deviant Esq

23rd January 2006, 18:00

Thanks again for all the good messages guys and girls, plenty of good advice hidden away there! I've read through all of them, and realised just through the amount of messages and general helpfulness of most of them, KBers mostly do give a shit about other members, even newbies, even if they don't always show it. So I really had nothing to worry about. Silly me. :baby:

**R1**

23rd January 2006, 19:29

why ask me :apint: drugs are a loosers sport, and ave gas works very well.... in the bloody bike.
I just assumed to sell a nice jappa for that thing you have now you must be wasted on summin:kick:

APPLE

23rd January 2006, 19:59

thats pretty out there bro?sounds like u need some dam good advice?so here it is?jus b cool..:cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: dont feel left out, neglected,or think no ones listening 2 yah,coz we are?keep posting.....Talk about anythin man.i think that az u get out and do more rides with the KIWIBIKER whanau u would feel alot better mate?:headbang: