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miSTa
14th February 2006, 14:36
Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf Ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Q . Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it.

Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh" and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.

Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.

Q. What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q. Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than
improving their minds?
A. Because most men are stupid but few are blind.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. They don't have balls to scratch.

SpeedyGirl
14th February 2006, 15:01
Funny!! :rofl: Bling for that

scumdog
14th February 2006, 15:01
Sounds like a resume' of your life ZZR:lol: :dodge:

Wolf
14th February 2006, 15:23
Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.
My eyes watered from reading that!

MidnightMike
14th February 2006, 15:31
Lol :lol: The best yet!

MSTRS
15th February 2006, 14:08
A farmer wanted a divorce and went to a lawyer.

The lawyer said, "How can I help you?"

The farmer said, "I want to get one of them dayvorces".

The lawyer said, "Do you have any grounds?"

The farmer said, "Yes, I got 40 acres".

The lawyer said, "No, you don't understand, Do you have a suit?"

The farmer said, "Yes, I got a suit, I wears it to church on Sundays".

The lawyer said, "No, no, I mean, do you have a case?"

The farmer said, "No, I ain't got a Case, but I got a John Deere."

The lawyer said, "No, I mean, do you have a grudge?"

The farmer said, "Yes, I got a grudge, that's where I parks the John Deere."

The lawyer said, "Does your wife beat you up or something?"

The farmer said, "No, we both get up at 4:30"

The lawyer said, "Is your wife a nagger?"

The farmer said, "No, she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger.That's why I wants a dayvorce."

Sniper
15th February 2006, 14:21
Lol, thats great

Big Chim
17th February 2006, 11:34
Hahaha, Priceless

yungatart
17th February 2006, 15:30
A Vampire Bat came flapping in from the night, face all covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other Bats caught the scent of blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to piss off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.
“OK, follow me” he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a huge forest of trees.
Finally he slowed down and all the other Bats excitedly milled around him, tongues and fangs lusting for blood ………..
“Now , do you see that large oak tree over there?” he asked.
“YES, YES, YES” the Bats all screamed in a frenzy.
“Good” said the first Bat, “Because I fucking didn’t”.