This'll stop 'em knocking...

[Beemer]

How to keep the Jehovah's Witnesses away from your front door.

[Wolf]

If you're taking orders, I'm in. :rofl:

[NotaGoth]

hahahahaha I want one lol

[MSTRS]

Saw the title and thought....ohhh, knockers. Sadly, it was a spelling mistake:rolleyes:

[Beemer]

My late father was never fond of religious callers. He'd open the door, say "religious?" and when they nodded, he'd say "fuck off". My mother said to him one day "did you just say what I think you said?" and he replied "yes, and maybe this time they'll get the bloody message and stop calling!"

Living in the country we are pretty lucky - we've only had callers of this persuasion out here once. Felt a bit (but not THAT much) sorry for her after she climbed our steep, 60 metre long driveway, only to be told "thanks, but no thanks!"

[scumdog]

My last door-"knocker" was a soft plastic boob over the door-bell button

You had to push the nipple to ring the bell.

That sure as hell kept a shit-load of unwanteds away!:niceone:

[Wolf]

My last door-"knocker" was a soft plastic boob over the door-bell button

You had to push the nipple to ring the bell.

That sure as hell kept a shit-load of unwanteds away!:niceone:
And if you had KBers turn up you could tell who it is by the way the bell rings incessantly until such time as you apply an armlock and escort the bugger down the hall away from the door...

[scumdog]

And if you had KBers turn up you could tell who it is by the way the bell rings incessantly until such time as you apply an armlock and escort the bugger down the hall away from the door...

True, true, the damn thing almost got worn out with my idiot drunken yahoo mates trying to push it with their tongue all the time.

[yungatart]

An alternative method of getting "them' to not linger on your doorstep
Knock knock- I've come to bring you the word of the Lord

He's already been and had a cup of tea- then f***** off- I suggest you do the same..

[Sniper]

"Jesus may love you, but I sure as hell don't" seems to work too.

[thealmightytaco]

Definate market for that I tell ya

[MisterD]

A mate of mine at University, known as "Nick the Goth" (black and purple crimped hair, leather kecks, boots covered in buckles etc etc) used to keep a skull with a big red dribbly candle stuck in the top next to the door, for just this sort of eventuality.

[Cibby]

my uncle lives out of the way a bit but he is super religious, not joho, but he knows the bible inside out, he invites them in for bbq's and then proceeds to argue with them until they leave defeated.

quite amusing! ;)

[sugilite]

I live out way rural, so only get the odd johoe out here, 5 of them arrived in a car one day, they just finished passing 880 KG+ size crystals (the devils tools to them) down the driveway and there is a 2.5 meter Amethyst Geode by the front door, I could see them in there basicly saying, you go, no you go, nooo you go! The one who got the short straw bravely knocked on the door, and said "you have a lot of crystals don't you?" I replied with a deliciously open ended "yes, thats what we do" she threw a mag at me then scuttled back to the car lol

On the whole I tolerate them, I just say..thanks but no thanks, if they persist, I disassemble their belief system and send them on their way.
As Arafat once said, religious wars are over who has the most powerful invisible friend!

[Wolf]

When mum lived out in a smallish rural area the johos used to come and knock on the door, mum would invite them in for a cuppa nad debate religion with them. They battled hard but mum kept coming up with counter arguments so they told the church she was too tough a nut to crack.

Well, the church couldn't have that and got hold of Gunther, one of their top theologians who had the attitude that the provincial johos were hicks and couldn't convert a joho to the faith, let alone an outsider. He came all the way up from Wellington to take on this little old lady that the hicks reckonned was so difficult...

And after a few hours of debate left with his tail between his legs and the beginning of a nagging suspicion that those "hicks" might have known what they were talking about.

Those were the good old days when they'd come inside and chat and try to convert you rather than just stand on the doorstep and sell you a magazine. I haven't locked horns with any johos for a while because the current mob have no fire or fervour, they're just magazine salesmen. Definitely "lukewarm", wouldn't be an intellectual challenge anyway.

Lost a lot of respect for them when they started sending their kids out door knocking - ended up giving a couple of 11-14 year-olds (dressed up in suits on a hot summer's day), who came to inform me that AIDS was God's righteous punishment for sodomites and drug users, an in-depth treatise on the spread of AIDS and what causes it. Poor buggers seemed surprised that hetrosexuals and non-druggies can also get it...

[Ixion]

I live out way rural, so only get the odd johoe out here, 5 of them arrived in a car one day, they just finished passing 880 KG+ size crystals (the devils tools to them) ......
As Arafat once said, religious wars are over who has the most powerful invisible friend!

Why are crystals the devil's tools to them ?

And religious wars are not over who has the best invisible friend , they're over who has the most guns. Not many of the participants rely on the power of prayer to win battles (oddly, since if they really were doing their gods will you'd think he'd chip in whith a few thunderbolts or such like )

[Wolf]

(oddly, since if they really were doing their gods will you'd think he'd chip in whith a few thunderbolts or such like )
Dunno about many of them but YHVH is powerless to defeat people who use metal chariots and that's pretty much everybody these days...

Thor would be your man for a few thunderbolts but he's just as likely to throw a tanty and throw them at his own people...

As far as religious wars go, I think Johann Christoph Friedrich von Schiller had it right: "Against stupidity the very gods Themselves contend in vain." The combatants clearly aren't listening to their gods, why should their gods chip in even a light shower?

[sugilite]

Why are crystals the devil's tools to them ?
To them, crystals come under the witchcraft category, not just to joho's either. I've been helping my wife sell crystals at markets for about 12 years now, and quite often we get religious types coming over and hassling us. Born again Christians being the worst offenders. These people are so ignorant and intolerant, and ironicly, good for sales! The more excitable ones seem to attract people over, who listen in and then start buying crystals lol

Agreed on religious wars, considering both sides "manual" usually has the don't kill each other clause in them.

[Patrick]

"Jesus may love you, but I sure as hell don't" seems to work too.

Reminded me of our fridge magnet, which was near the door and the Jehovahs could easily see...

"Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks you're a Cu#t"

They don't come round as often any more.....

[figjam]

My favourite for stumping them is...

If God created Eve from the rib of Adam...

Doesn't that make him the first genetic engineer and sanction cloning in the bible?

[Edbear]

My favourite for stumping them is...

If God created Eve from the rib of Adam...

Doesn't that make him the first genetic engineer and sanction cloning in the bible?

Eve was a clone of Adam? Was sure she woulda looked a bit different with other different bits and pieces, too? She was rather complementary, different from complimentary, though she may have been that too, Adam was when he saw her...

[Wolf]

My favourite for stumping them is...

If God created Eve from the rib of Adam...

Doesn't that make him the first genetic engineer and sanction cloning in the bible?
I actually had a Born-Again Christian turn up several times because I challenged him. Her wasn't a JW or any of the usual door-knockers, just a Born Again Fundamentalist who felt that God wanted him to knock on doors and get told to "fuck off" a lot - YHVH has some nasty ideas on "character building", I suspect.

I was in one of those "disturb me and get short shrift" moods so I told him I had no time for a religion that upholds incest as an appropriate way to begin human life on the planet - an argument that I normally reserve for people whose faith I know to be strong but that day I didn't really give a rat's arse if he went home crying in search of a good "Introduction to Buddhism" primer.

He took my arguments quite well and kept coming back for more stimulating debate (probably because debate is better than "fuck off").

We had some girls from the LDS (normally they send out their blokes but this time it was couple of young chicks) turn up just as my mates and I were about to head out and wander 'round town. They asked if we wanted to hear what they believed and I said (expecting it to put them off) "provided you listen to what we believe" and they said "sure". And listen they did, because they actually asked intelligent questions of the "as you believe such and such, how does that affect your views on so and so?" ilk. We wound up staying home, sitting out in the sun and trading view points on Life, The Universe and Everything.

Last time I actually had a proper debate with a JW, though, very quickly became more about etymology than theology because she used the term "bugger" to refer to sodomites and I pointed out that "bugger" has the connotation of sexual deviant in all respects, not just sodomy - owing to the French belief that the was not a depraved sexual act that the Bulgarians were not capable of. She did not believe me and we debated it for ages, much to the bemusement of her companion.

A week later I had a Watchtower bunged in my letterbox with "You were right about bugger" penned on the cover. :devil2:

[scumdog]

C'mn Wolf, it IS motorbike forum!!

And BTW I worked for quite a few years at the freezing works with Jay DoubleYews and I found they were honest, trustworthy and hard working - unlike a lot of other non- JayDoubleYews
And later I had one as a boss and despite my constant contradicting of his ideology he promoted me because I was 'honest and upfront and didn't promote strife"
Cor, how did I EVER get to be a plod??:whistle:

[Wolf]

C'mn Wolf, it IS motorbike forum!!
C'mn, SD, it IS a sub-forum of Rant or Rave...


Cor, how did I EVER get to be a plod??:whistle:
Bad karma?

[scumdog]

C'mn, SD, it IS a sub-forum of Rant or Rave...


Bad karma?

You know something??

Well that 15 year old was a liar, a liar I tell you, she wasn't any good anyway!!!!

[juzzer]

How to keep the Jehovah's Witnesses away from your front door.

the missus is a JW and wants to knock on your door. :devil2: