Rectum stretcher

[Al]

Apologies (yeah, right!) to all the Mr Plods......



Radar Gun

While I was driving down the road the other day (going a little faster
than I should have been) I passed over a bridge only to see a cop on the
other side with a radar gun laying in wait. The cop pulled me over, walked
up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know about,
asked "what's your hurry"?

To which I replied,"I'm late for work."

To which he asked, "What do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher" I responded.

The cop was surprised and confused. "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just
what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to
two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, I work side
to side, until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely
stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet."

Then the cop asked cautiously, "And just what do you do with a six foot
asshole?"

To which I politely replied, "You give him a radargun and park him behind a
bridge..."



Traffic ticket: $95.00

Court Costs: $45.00

Look on the cop's face: Priceless
:whistle:

[Lord Pac]

:laugh: :niceone:

[Skyryder]

Priceless. Money well spent.

Skyryder.

[Shawn]

one of the best joke... :laugh:

[Wenier]

shit mate that is funny shit wish i could think up something like that. at least the thinks werent to bad :) :laugh:

[Kiwi]

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"

To which she replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah," said the cop, "What do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.

The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way
up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in.
I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I
slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked.
"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge."

Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs. $45.00


The Look on Cop's Face. PRICELESS

:2thumbsup

[Black]

Haha, nice one. Personally, I woulda given her a warning ... except I'm not a 6 foot arsehole, I'm only 5"10.

[Back Fire]

haha, very amuzing :2thumbsup

[XP@]

While I was riding down SH2 today, (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a copper on the other side with a radar gun laying in wait. The copper pulled me over, walked up to my bike, and with that classic patronising smirk, asked:

"Runway too short?"

To which I replied, "I'm late for work."

To which he asked, "What do you do?"

I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The copper was surprised and confused.

"A what...? A rectum stretcher??

And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly, but surely stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet."

Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?"

To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Speeding ticket: $120.00

Penalty Points : 30

Court costs: $45

Look on copper's face: Priceless

[Mrs Busa Pete]

Bloody priceless:killingme have to remeber that one

[scumdog]

It's o.k. for you guys but when I say:

"And I'm a richard retarder"

And they say:

"What's that?"

and I say:

"A dick stopper"

They ruin it all by saying:

"I'm making a PCA against you, you can't say that to me!" :blah:

I guess the fact it still costs them money makes them feel they 'lost' eh?

[Switch]

bahahahahah very good :first:

[tomthepohm]

RECTUM STRETCHER
While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"
To which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, thenwith my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked.

"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."


Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs. $45.00
The Look on Cop's Face. PRICELESS

[WickedOne]

RECTUM STRETCHER
While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"
To which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, thenwith my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked.

"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."


Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs. $45.00
The Look on Cop's Face. PRICELESS

Oldie but a goodie. How you doing mate?

[placidfemme]

lmao... I love it

[Sniper]

Duplicate of a previous post :p

[tomthepohm]

Oh well.......

[T.W.R]

Just got sent this in an email :lol:

Rectum stretcher
While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles
over The limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop
with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that
classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked,
"What's your hurry?"
To which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said
the cop,
"what do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what
does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by
inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers,
then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work
from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I
slowly but
surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he
asked.
"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs. $45.00
The Look on Cop's Face.
PRICELESS

[MyGSXF]

:Police:

:lol:

:killingme

:rofl:

[u4ea]

THANKYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Just made me smile:yes:

[oldrider]

It took me a while to get to the bottom of hat one! (lol) John.

[Quartermile]

Fuken Brilliant :killingme

[What?]

Sniper's gonna get you, Sniper's gonna get you... :nya: :nya:

[Swoop]

http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showpost.php?p=727030&postcount=1

[The Pastor]

nice one :)

[scumdog]

The cop in me thinks: "But they still had to pay the ticket..."

But funny I guess.

[laRIKin]

An oldie but a goodie.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to T.W.R again.

[SpinFx]

good joke that one, a far stretched

[MidnightMike]

Hahahaha :rofl:

[sels1]

RECTUM STRETCHER

(could be a repost but cant be arsed checking....)



While he was 'flying' down the road yesterday, a motorcyclist passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.

The cop pulled him over, walked up to the bike, with that classic

patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, 'What's your hurry?'

To which he replied, 'I'm late for work.'



'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?'



I'm a rectum stretcher,' he responded.



The cop stammered, 'A what?............



A rectum stretcher?



And just what does a rectum stretcher do?'



'Well,' he said, 'I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up

to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work

from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but

surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide.'



'And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?' he asked



'You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge...'



Traffic Ticket $95.00

Court Costs $45.00

Look on the Cop's Face....... PRICELESS

[Ragingrob]

Ha! But I thought a motorcyclist would be on a motorcycle?

[R6_kid]

Is this a transgendered motorcyclist?

It would appear that you start with 'she was flying...' and then 'he' gets pulled over :eek5:

[gsx katana]

RECTUM STRETCHER




While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the
other side lying in wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"

To which she replied, "I'm late for work."
Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"

I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.

The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher?
And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole ? " he asked.

"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Traffic Ticket - $95.00
Court Costs - $45.00
Look on the Cop's Face....PRICELESS !

[Fatt Max]

:lol::lol::lol::2thumbsup

[Skinon]

One day a guy was driving to work, He was late so he was speeding a little bit when he comes up to a bridge. As he's driving along the bridge he sees a police officer pointing a radar gun at him and signalling him to pull over.

The man pulls over and the cop leans in and says "Well well, looks like your gonna be paying a little more than just my salary today! Do you even have a reason to be speeding?"

The man replies "Sorry officer im really late for work and i have to meet a patient!"

Officer "A patient? what do you do?"

Man "Im a asshole stretcher"

Officer "An asshole stretcher? How the hell does that work?"

Man "Well first of all, i stick a few fingers into the asshole and slowley stretch it open, until eventually it's a full 6 feet across."

Officer "And what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?"

Man "You give him a radar gun and put him at the end of the bridge"

[SMOKEU]

this is a real asshole stretcher http://dogandponyshowwebsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/goatse-original.jpg

[Skinon]

haha shoulda used search, wicked joke tho!!

[FROSTY]

THE RECTUM STRETCHER
While he was 'flying' down the road, the biker passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.
The cop pulled him over, walked up to the bike, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, 'What's your hurry?'
To which he replied, 'I'm late for work.'
'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?'
I'm a rectum stretcher,' he responded.
The cop stammerred, 'A what?............
A rectum stretcher!
And just what does a rectum stretcher do?'
'Well,' he said, 'I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in.
I work from sid e to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet'
'And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?' he asked
'You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge . .. .'
Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs $45.00
Look on the Cop's Face....... PRICELESS
For everything else, there's MasterCard

[mister.koz]

:killingme nice