Your most embarrassing moments

[kro]

After some thought, I decided to share some moments of shame with yall.

30th Birthday Party - Kouatuna (Coromandel Peninsula)
I was drinking, as you do, and needed a pee. Shitter had a queue a mile long, so I wandered to the end of the driveway, and decided, seeing as I was in the middle of nowhere, in the "off" season, I would pee in the bushes. I start peeing, and a deep growl in my lower intestinal tract heralded the arrival of the type of fart that can change the way a man walks.
Feeling quite confident, I let this gas free into the atmosphere. Halfway thru the aforementioned "blow-off", two women mountain bikers rounded the bend in the road, and ride behind me "mid trumpet"
Giggles all round.

Suzuki GSXR1100 - Harris Road - East Tamaki
Had my walkman playing in my ears, it was 8pm, on a cold winter eve, traffic was damn near non-existant. The song "Right now" by Van Halen is playing, as I pull up to the lights, and seeing no people around, I start singing hard out in my helmet. The young couple walking on the side of the road I did not see, and received a large round of applause from them, for my efforts on the song.

Suzuki GSX400-X Impulse - New North Road - Mt Albert
Two up, dropped clutch way too hard, stood the front wheel high into the air, veered sideways, and mounted the kerb, wiping out the flower stand in front of the dairy. Very angry shopkeeper, and a pillion who couldnt stop laughing.

I have lots more, but want to see what other people have done to enter the hall of shame.

[GR81]

Suzuki GSXR1100 - Harris Road - East Tamaki
Had my walkman playing in my ears, it was 8pm, on a cold winter eve, traffic was damn near non-existant. The song "Right now" by Van Halen is playing, as I pull up to the lights, and seeing no people around, I start singing hard out in my helmet. The young couple walking on the side of the road I did not see, and received a large round of applause from them, for my efforts on the song.
least your helmet was on ;)

[Indiana_Jones]

I'm too insane to get embarrassed

-Indy

[Brian d marge]

When I first started in the garage I was given the task of cleaning out the boot of a car whose owner had spilt battery acid.

Took everything out . washed everything with heaps of water, draped the carpet over an old farm impiment.

That was at 10 just after morning tea. later about 3 pm I had an itchy back , when I went to scratch said back, I felt not overalls but skin. A quick dash to the toilet revealed the extent of my modesty,

I wondered why the boss had me pumping gas all afternoon, it was unusual. and I am sure I served that same old lady twice!

Dont get me started about the time I tried to park a car in tuskers on Columbo st. Not my fault the last time I was there it was a wee side street . ever parked a car on the footpath ? it takes a lot of manuvering ...with everyone in the restrauant having a good old laugh !

Stephen

Dont forget all the times I said ...I wonder if .........:slap:

[WINJA]

stoppy in high st went wrong , knee on horn as i cart wheeled for all of the busy friday night punters to turn and point and laugh as i was pinned under the magic.

showing everyone a stoppy on magic thru a deep puddle , magic flipped knee on horn going over the puddle was very deep had my head pinned under the magic drowning for real everyone laughing found out who my real friends are = none.

with a group of biker friends couldnt find a toilet , did a shit by someones letter box , i always carry toilet paper in my van so whoever got their mail that morning would know its human waste.
i have an endless list

[Marmoot]

I'm so ashamed of not having anything embarassing......:pinch:

[BEAMER89]

HA HA HA Keep them kumming u silly bastards HA HA HA :bleh:

[Zed]

Suzuki GSX400-X Impulse - New North Road - Mt Albert
Two up, dropped clutch way too hard, stood the front wheel high into the air, veered sideways, and mounted the kerb, wiping out the flower stand in front of the dairy. Very angry shopkeeper, and a pillion who couldnt stop laughing.LOL, a true 'minty moment' if i've ever read one! :lol: You coming to the KB stunt day hehe, sounds like you need the practise.

Hmm, most embarrassment i can recall is years ago in my Datsun 120Y forgetting to pull out the fuel pump nozzle from my tank at the gas station and ripping the entire pump out of the ground causing petrol to overflow the whole forecourt - doh! :o Was never sent the bill for that.

Another was leaving my front disc lock on my new Fireblade in '95 and attempting to ride off in front of a crowd of freinds, only to come to an abrupt halt and furiously try and save the bike from falling sideways, which i did...just. :slap:

[Maha]

Hey indi jonesy what about that pose wearing the spaceman suit at Ruakaka ?
For me?..... pulling into the Dairy Flats servo and grabbing a handful of throttle in neutral while there were 3 other bikers about to leave, lucky for the compulsory helmet thing...... whew.............:slap:

[NotaGoth]

When I walked out of a public toilet with my skirt accidently tucked up into my g-string. Tell you. Full moon was out that night. :crazy:



p/t

[Maha]

And.............. took the yammy down the road for some beauty shots, could have sworn i kick the side stand until i noticed that when i got off the bike followed me to the ground, guess the people in the shop accross the road would have come to my aid once they picked themselves up off the floor from laughing
:killingme :killingme :killingme :killingme

[Zed]

And.............. took the yammy down the road for some beauty shots, could have sworn i kick the side stand until i noticed that when i got off the bike followed me to the ground, guess the people in the shop accross the road would have come to my aid once they picked themselves up off the floor from laughing
:killingme :killingme :killingme :killingmeLOL, sounds like a Mr Bean incident! :killingme :killingme :killingme :killingme...yeah i dunnit too now i think of it, doh.

[jonbuoy]

Was showing off on a roundabout in front of some girls from college on my pride and joy - Honda CB100N (with perforated exhaust to release the throb of that single cylinder tyre shredder). It had rigid rubber foot pegs, said pegs dug in and an embarasing low side in front of them all. Bent mirrors,handlebars and damaged pride.....

[nadroj]

When I walked out of a public toilet with my skirt accidently tucked up into my g-string. Tell you. Full moon was out that night. :crazy:



p/t


Stop teasing KiTtiE - the mind boggles! Must be the glare

[Madness]

And.............. took the yammy down the road for some beauty shots, could have sworn i kick the side stand until i noticed that when i got off the bike followed me to the ground, guess the people in the shop accross the road would have come to my aid once they picked themselves up off the floor from laughing
:killingme :killingme :killingme :killingme

I did the same thing one friday night right outside the large window of my then local fish & chip shop. Pulled up on an RG250, hit the kill switch, stepped off the bike and... CRASH!! That bike was mint too. I ordered Pizza that night in the end from memory

:angry:

[Finn]

I've got quite a library but this one was good.

On my way to Europe about 10 years ago, I spent an over nighter in Bangkok. I was really careful what I ate but the night before I brushed my teeth using tap water. I was thirsty so I drank some water out of the tap. I finished and thought that wasn't very clever. The next morning felt a bit yucky, got to the airport and boarded the plane. I had my meal then took a sleeping pill. Not long into a DEEP sleep I awoke feeling like I was going to explode. I needed to fart real bad so I checked the lady next to me was asleep. She was - cool. Slowly relaxed the old valve and... emptied my bowls in my pants. It wouldn't fucking stop either. Fuck the stench! I got around the lady next to me and walked to the shitter with warm poo running down my legs. Got into the toilet and contemplated staying there until the plane had landed... a good 7 hours to go. Decided I had to wash my pants. I did and got the attention of a stewardess, explained what had happened and that I needed my pants dried. All she came up with was a blanket which I wrapped around me and returned to my seat that someone had put a cover on. The lady that was beside me had gone. About half an hour later my bowl had a spasm so I ran to the toilet, half loosing the blanket on the way there. In my previous visit to the shitter my undies were past the point of no return so I had thrown them away. I eventually got my damp pants back and made sure I was the last person to leave the plane. While I was waiting in passport control and everybody was looking at me like I was a known paedophile, I had to make another mad rush to the toilet in the opposite direction. I was almost running, heard some yelling, looked behind me and security were running after me. I didn't stop and ran into the airport shitter. I was letting rip while two security guards were laughing their heads off.

[Coyote]

Rode into Scoots Magoo's garage too quick on the CBR with wet tyres, crunch!

....and 4000 posts

[Zed]

Rode into Scoots Magoo's garage too quick on the CBR with wet tyres, crunch!Lol, can't say i've ever crashed 'at speed' in the gargre!!


...and 4000 postsWhatdya want, a medal, or a sticky post to pin it on??


Well done on the 4k motor-mouth! ...seems like only yesterday to me :2thumbsup

[Karma]

I was letting rip while two security guards were laughing their heads off.


:killingme :killingme :killingme


You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Finn again.

[Waylander]

A rally in the states just before I left. Was sleeping on the seat with the bike on the centre stand when someone decided to tie my belt to the pillion pegs with a length of rope then startle me awake. Fell off the bike and since I did not have a belt on my pants ended up around my ankles.

Now you know why I always wear a belt.

[marty]

finn - that is by far the funniest thing i have read all year!

[WINJA]

My bike is WINJA's god
YES IT IS.

[Waylander]

YES IT IS.:devil2:
Messege too short my hairy ass.

[WINJA]

yes it is.
you arsehole waylander , you shouldnt use your moderator privilages for personal gain

[Waylander]

I didn't do anything. And to be honest I'm too tired and too :drinknsin to care. So,:finger: *hic*

[Oakie]

It was fun at the time but a bit embarrasing for the following 11 days .....
It was at a function in the fine-dining restaurant at the Hermitage Hotel at Mount Cook when I worked there as Payroll Officer.
Anita (our HR manager) was leaving and we had a function for her. 60 invited guests and a pretty posh affair. Meal finished and after about an hour of dancing I got hold of Anita for a dance. I had a bit of a rep for dancing on tables so I told her we had to do it on 'my' dance floor ... ie a table. Was all great until she decided it would be fun to undress me as we danced. What could I do!? Would have been embarrasing to her for me to fight her off infront of all those people so I just let it happen and managed just to retain my err ... dignity. Thank God my undies were tight that night.

[Buster]

Oakie, I like your style mate.. Thats a gross pic by the way!

[sugilite]

I was a 14 year old heavy metal wannabe, I hooked up with some older ones from school, they did Friday night drinking in manners mall WGTN.
I went along, It was my 1st time drinking...I thought it was normal to drink a flagon of beer through a straw!:slap:

I hit maccas, I'm not sure what happened there for a while..What I do remember is starting to feel crap! I got the homing signal and caught a bus, it was packed with the only seat being right at the back in the centre.
Anyways, I just did this massive power chuck as the bus went down hill and it ran all the way down the isle to the front complete with pristine indigested mcdonalds burger (well chewed I noticed)
I got of the bus and fell over a good few times on the way home, I can remember a couple pointing and laughing at me!
I got home 5 mins before my parents!
And yes, if course there were people from my school on the bus to give everyone else a full report!

As a sequel to this incident......
My Father gets me out of bed early next morning, and takes me with him shopping. I feel remarkably good and figure I must have spewed the whole lot out!
We get to the mall and this well developed hotty looks right at me and goes "HIIIII It was really coooool last night eh!" I'm like looking behind me to see who the fuck she is talking too, cuz it can't be me, Dad looks at me with a "onya son" look on his face! To this day, I have no fukkin idea what we did that was so cool!

[kro]

Man, some of these are superb. Finn's getting "muddy"at 30 thoudsand feet, Sugilite is power chundering on buses, and Oak's up on the table getting half nekkid.

Finn's is freakin hilarious

[marty]

going to chase a runner in a really busy checkpoint, heaps of spectators, middle of town.

run up to my XR6 patrol car, jump in the seat to take off. WHO STOLE MY STEERING WHEEL?

oops, got in the back seat..........

[Motu]

I've done a lifetime of embarassing things,and still doing them.I don't want to relive things like the dommino incident,so how about a private one?

We were gate crashing a party,and the fighting in the street was getting a little heated,and some guy was yelling - ''Where is that little shit?,I'm gunna kill him!''.I wandered through the house and into the backyard,and seeing an outhouse thought I could hide in there and have a crap too.So I'm sitting on the plank pissing hard listening to the hard stream hitting the front board....but when I stood up and put my jeans on,I found there was no front board,I had been pissing in my trou!

We had actualy gatecrashed a party that had already been gatecrashed,and our guys had sorted the first group - so we were heros! On the way back home to our camp I was driving my International truck,the one in my avatar,and as I came up to a corner the brake pedal just went straight to the floor! I pumped the pedal,but there was nothing there...no brakes! I went flying off the road and down a small bank onto the reserve...I drove around the reserve for awhile until I could find a way out.Back on the road the brakes were perfect again....um,I had been pumping the clutch pedal.

These are just between you and me ok? No one else saw this happen,so there is no proof.

[Firefight]

think I have told this story b4, but what the hell, was such a laugh(for everyone else) First a bit of back ground... , for years I worked out at the woodhill forest bike park as a one of the park wardens, got to know most of the regular riders out there over the years I worked there, but thats not important right now !

Often rode there myself when not working as a warden, one of the more intersting and skilful riders who vist woodhill is John Nic from Kiwi rider bike mag, what can you say about this old bugger, those that know him will agree a fantastic rider, heaps of skills, Enduro ace, etc etc,not much John can't get a bike to do,, any way John often comes out to woodhill to test ride new bikes for his write ups in KR mag( yeah I know shit of a job, not !)But thats not important right now !

I often would watch John when he came back from a ride round the park he did this cool wheelie up to his trailer and straight back on to the trailer with out the ramp that most of us use, I guess you have to ride off road bikes to understand, its a pretty cool trick.

So Ia'm thinking yeah I can do that, so I start practicsing, had a few bin's but slowly got the hang of it.

After a few weeks I manage to do it with out making a dick of myself, and figure what the point of being able to do trick shit if you don,t show it off.

So I pick a sunday afternoon, the bike parks rocking heaps of riders there just after lunch everyones sitting round chilling out after a good moring ride.

Enter me, soon to be the woodhill dick of the year !, nice little wheelie up the car park (sorry Greg bad example I know) and up on to the trailer:pinch:
ah- no-not going to happen- get the front wheel up okay weight forward drop , just not enuff the back wheel just touchs the back of the trailer.. so close..over we go drop the bike and pin myself under, can,t lift it off:violin: after a while, and once they stopped laughing a few dudes came over and lifted the bike off me... they even asked me to do it again, so they could watch:corn: ....

Got heaps of shit for weeks after that, every time I signed someone up for a days ride, I'd get "hows the trailer stunt going "? or" saved up enuff money for a ramp yet ?".

About a year later, I was still getting a bit of shit from the regulars who were there that day..


F/F:(

[Sparky Mark]

I took a picture of my ex on the toilet once which startled the hell out of her but had me in bloody hysterics as she attempted to hide her modesty while launching toward the door to slam it shut before the 35mm reloaded... :lol:

This prank turned out not to be the best move I ever made on the 'entertainment' front.

Some months later we took a trip away and stayed in a lovely log cabin on the east coast of South Africa, a very romantic setting which lead to us spending much time being as naughty as possible in the bedroom. So after one particular romantic session, I went to the bathroom to 'wash up'.
Now I'm not particularly tall, and the sink in the bathroom was not particularly low, which meant I had to clamber up on the surface and lean uncomfortably over the sink to 'wash my bits'.
Without going into too much detail at this point, I wasn't at that point 'entirely satisfied' and so part of me was still under 'protrusion' as I cleaned said part...

Enter ex girlfriend with 35mm camera...

I nearly fell off the bloody sink at the point of the flash going off and said protrusion immediately became an 'inversion'.

Well, we laughed at this but the embarrasing bit was yet to come. About 4 weeks later we took our films in, about 4 in all to get developed. When we went to collect them the guy in the camera shop sort of gave me a funny look, followed by lots of giggling from some other 'unseen' shop attendents. By this time I'd forgotten about any potentially dodgy material and we just left, wondering what all the fuss was about.

Arriving home at my ex's family's house, her mother keen to look at the holiday snaps, began thumbing through... All good until she nearly fainted throwing one of the snaps to my ex and uttering words which even I was embarassed hear from a 65yr old woman...

We grabbed the pic only to find a naked picture of me, delicately perched on the side of the bathroom unit seemingly, to anyone who wouldn't know better, engaged in mid ejaculation!!! :tugger:

I could have fucking died! :Oops:

Anyway we eventually saw the funny side and all was good. I will never forget that moment.

[Finn]

I had to clamber up on the surface and lean uncomfortably over the sink to 'wash my bits'.


You washed your cock in the basin? You disgusting pig!

[Sparky Mark]

You washed your cock in the basin? You disgusting pig!

I normally used the urinal, but it had shit in it....

[buellbabe]

1 of my moments happened in the UK. I had just picked up my photos from my Euro tour and took them over to my NEW boyfriends place without even opening them... BIG mistake... We got to the packet of Austrian pics and started looking thru a heap that were taken at a party and there before my eyes were 1/2 dozen shots of male 'bits' !!! We are talking up close and extremely personal! I suddenly remembered loaning my camera to 1 of my male buddies that night, which WAS TRUE but my new man was NOT impressed... and then when I started looking closer and identifying the suspects things just went from bad to worse! I tried to explain that it was a theme party and that I knew what they were wearing that nite...
My man thought I was a HO and I just wanted to crawl under a rock someplace!!!!
Moral of the Story: NEVER loan yr camera out at a booze fuelled party AND when yr already in the shit... keep ya mouth shut!
:slap:

[SixPackBack]

My favourite [ I have many]

" Whens the baby due"
"I'm not pregnant"
:pinch:

[Finn]

My favourite [ I have many]

" Whens the baby due"
"I'm not pregnant"
:pinch:

Those ones are nasty. I once asked a customer what did they do to their neck. "I was born like that" Oh dear.

The other was with my wife. We were at a restaurant and I meant to say "Honey, would you please pass the salt" but instead said "Bitch, you fucked up my life"

[Aucker]

Some of these are hillarious, some probably far fetched by funny anyway. :laugh:

Most embarrassing moment on the bike for me was stalling and dropping my NEW bike on it's side at a busy intersection, I wasn't used to the new clutch and let it out too quick. I picked it up off the road in my anger and it felt as light as a feather, I guess anger and embarrassment mixed together can be very powerful!

[Sniper]

You washed your cock in the basin? You disgusting pig!

Whats interesting to me is that he had to stand on the basin. Couldn't you just unwind it a bit more and heave it over the top?:rofl:

[Fishy]

One of the first times I ever tried doing a rolling stoppie was at the lights at the Ponsonby Rd/K' Rd intersection beside a car of hot chicks (Bad Idea).

The rear wheel came up sideways straight away which made me let the front brake off real quick but then I couldn't stop (as I was at a red light) and straighten up in time and the bike was on a lean and an angle when it came down. Hard to explain but it was pretty messy and the bike ended up on its side and the girls were all laughing at me...Bugger - glad I had my helmet on!.

[Sniper]

I have a mate who called a male teacher "Mum"

[Sparky Mark]

I have a mate who called a male teacher "Mum"


Yea, wasn't that teacher your Dad? :rofl:

[Sniper]

Yea, wasn't that teacher your Dad? :rofl:

Fuck You:mad: :bash:

[Sparky Mark]

Fuck You:mad: :bash:

Just kidding mate. No offense intended... :innocent:

[Sniper]

PM sent matey.

[Oakie]

I have a mate who called a male teacher "Mum"

Reminds me of a male workmate of mine who absent-mindedly responded "yes honey" to our male boss

[Postie]

I used to work in a call centre and got pretty good at talking and typing at the same time, it was about 5.30ish and i was typing an email as the phone rang, i answerd the phone in my normal mannor, welcome to *** your speaking with Ashley, as i was talking and typing i manged to mix the word speaking for the word i was typing at the time, which was sleeping.
So i answerd the phone, welcome to *** your sleeping with Ashley..... the woman on the other end of the phone couldn't stop laughing for fucking ages.
The best part was, all the phone conversations were recorded and could be brough up any time for managements entertainment

[WINJA]

I used to work in a call centre and got pretty good at talking and typing at the same time, it was about 5.30ish and i was typing an email as the phone rang, i answerd the phone in my normal mannor, welcome to *** your speaking with Ashley, as i was talking and typing i manged to mix the word speaking for the word i was typing at the time, which was sleeping.
So i answerd the phone, welcome to *** your sleeping with Ashley..... the woman on the other end of the phone couldn't stop laughing for fucking ages.
The best part was, all the phone conversations were recorded and could be brough up any time for managements entertainment
ASHLEY? ARE YOU A GIRL?

[Cookie]

...We were at a restaurant and I meant to say "Honey, would you please pass the salt" but instead said "Bitch, you fucked up my life"

:rofl: That's hardcore! Are you still married?

[Finn]

:rofl: That's hardcore! Are you still married?

Yes we're married... just not to each other.

[Grumpy]

Every morning on my way to work I stop at the BP and buy a paper and a coffee. I start at 6am so in non daylight saving time it is still dark when I get there.
We had just bought a new car, a nice shiney blue Altezza. It's got one of those keys that you push the button to lock or unlock and it makes the appropriate beeps.
I got to the BP one morning and wandered in to get my coffee and paper and then wandered back out to my car. Now I'm not a morning person so at 5.30 in the morning I'm having trouble focusing... if you know what I mean. Everything is on auto pilot.
I wander up to my car, push the button, hear the beep but the damn thing wont let me in. After several attempts I'm gettting pretty shitty thinking that my new car is fucked already when I get a tap on my sholder. I turn to see this monster of a bloke. Big ugly fugger.
"what you doing with my fucking car ?" he asked me.
Just then I noticed another blue Altezza parked next to the one I was trying to get into. That one was mine.
Thank fuck he saw the funny side of it.
Once I got over the shear terror of this guy towering over me the situation did seem pretty comical.

[jonbuoy]

I've got quite a library but this one was good.

On my way to Europe about 10 years ago, I spent an over nighter in Bangkok. I was really careful what I ate but the night before I brushed my teeth using tap water. I was thirsty so I drank some water out of the tap. I finished and thought that wasn't very clever. The next morning felt a bit yucky, got to the airport and boarded the plain. I had my meal then took a sleeping pill. Not long into a DEEP sleep I awoke feeling like I was going to explode. I needed to fart real bad so I checked the lady next to me was asleep. She was - cool. Slowly relaxed the old valve and... emptied my bowls in my pants. It wouldn't fucking stop either. Fuck the stench! I got around the lady next to me and walked to the shitter with warm poo running down my legs. Got into the toilet and contemplated staying there until the plain had landed... a good 7 hours to go. Decided I had to wash my pants. I did and got the attention of a stewardess, explained what had happened and that I needed my pants dried. All she came up with was a blanket which I wrapped around me and returned to my seat that someone had put a cover on. The lady that was beside me had gone. About half an hour later my bowl had a spasm so I ran to the toilet, half loosing the blanket on the way there. In my previous visit to the shitter my undies were past the point of no return so I had thrown them away. I eventually got my damp pants back and made sure I was the last person to leave the plane. While I was waiting in passport control and everybody was looking at me like I was a known paedophile, I had to make another mad rush to the toilet in the opposite direction. I was almost running, heard some yelling, looked behind me and security were running after me. I didn't stop and ran into the airport shitter. I was letting rip while two security guards were laughing their heads off.


Thats the funniest story I've heard in a while - fantastic!! I did a similar thing after a typhoid Jab - my built in solids/gas detector failed and I followed through. Had to stash my soiled undies inside the cistern bowl. :whistle:

[madboy]

One night when I was about 17 I did what all 17yos did at one point or another and went out and got absolutely munted at a private function. Mate drops me off at the front gate of my parents place, asks if I'll be okay. Apparently (I have no memory) I said yeah fine, catch ya later sorta thing. Dad heard the back door open then shut followed by brief stumbling sounds. 10 minutes later he hadn't heard the hall door open and shut. He wanders out to the kitchen... there is his six foot tall 17yo son dressed up in his finest curled up asleep next to the two labradors.

[sunhuntin]

mine are tame compared to most....

got off the old gn in a semi crowded parking lot...forgot to hold her towards me and down she went. since then ive learned to put down the kickstand and then dismount. got her upright pretty damn fast.

2nd would be getting off scuffy while still in 1st gear. naturally as soon as the i let the clutch go, she lurched and tipped to the left. i was under her, so stopped her from dropping totally. took about 10 mins to get her upright enough to force the stand down. full tank of gas, she was bloody heavy.

[Finn]

Thats the funniest story I've heard in a while - fantastic!! I did a similar thing after a typhoid Jab - my built in solids/gas detector failed and I followed through. Had to stash my soiled undies inside the cistern bowl. :whistle:

Looking back, I laugh now but when it was happening I couldn't beleive it. My only saving grace was that the lights were off in the plane as "most" people were asleep. The thing I didn't mention was how hard it was cleaning my pants in those stupid sinks with those stupid taps. It took forever. And as if this wasn't bad enough, as I stood there starkers from the waste down I realised that I still had poo on my legs which at this stage had started to set. Great.

I felt sorry for the cleaning crew.

[Shadows]

Best one I can remember, and I'm sure there's plenty I can't, had to be in Ship Cove, at the top end of Queen Charlotte Sound. Had been staying on a yacht for a few weeks, it was our first night in this particular spot. Woke up before everyone else and decided to take the tender ashore for a big dump because the dunny on board stinks everything out and people were sleeping. Wandered up into the bush a bit from where I landed and found a nice tree to hold on to and have a private squat. Long story a bit shorter, made a pile to be proud of, and last night's curried fish mixed with a bottle of sambuca took a fair bit of wiping. Stood up and looked around as I was doing up my trou to see 3 tourists standing at the top of the little gulch I was in, waiting for me to finish, I think so they could walk past. Needless to say I was slightly embarrassed and took off back to the tender, rowed as fast as I could back to the yacht, and ducked inside. All good, I'll never see them again, or so I thought. A few hours later we thought we'd take the yacht over to the wharf and have a look around for some of the possums we'd blown out of the trees the night before. Big tourist boat there. We get out onto the wharf and a group of thirty or so tourists come walking out of the bush and start towards the wharf. Sure enough, there's the three tourists I'd seen before, pointing and exclaiming "that's him!" to anybody who'd listen. I got some pretty funny looks from people. Fuck it, I didn't actually know any of them anyway.

[nudemetalz]

Well my one was a beauty,....

When I was 15, back in ChCh in 1985, I had a wee Honda XL100S. Thought I was the best rider in the world then !!

Anyway, I was meeting my girlfriend after school at Maximart (remember them?) carpark. I saw her waiting with 4 of her friends by the entrance way, so I thought I'm going to approach in style !!!
I screamed up to them, locked the back wheel and did a slide Ivan Mauger would have been proud of. However, the back wheel suddenly gripped and highsided me right in front of them !!!!
My girlfriend came running over and saw if I was okay (a few bruises but crushed ego) and one of them picked up my bike which was still idling on top of me !!!!.

I got up said "see ya" to retrieve my ego and thought, "right, I gotta salvage this". So I dropped the clutch with a heap of revs, did a good mono in 1st gear, front wheel came down and the still extended sidestand dug into the carpark launching me off the bike yet again, no more than 3 minutes before the 1st one !!!!!!!!.
So pick myself up again (my girlfriend had decided I was a major embarrassment and didn't come over this time) jumped back on the bike (those old trailies were robust) and rode home very quietly, ego now thoroughly nuked..............

[Gremlin]

OK, I can't match nudemetalz... in fact... I seem horribly normal compared to you lot.

Lets see, worst would be back in 3rd form, and I was cycling to school one morning. I knew the route very well, and it was very cold, with my nose, ears eyes all stinging like crazy. Figured it would be best to tuck my head down. Very nice compared to the cold. Figured I had better look up and check again.

Half a nanosecond later I find myself on the back of a parked car :eek5: Probably hit it at 40+ kph, split lip, unridable bike, not a scratch to the car... and some not-funny people still thought it funny in 7th form :sweatdrop

Also stalled my zx7r one morning going to work. Being a carbie, it doesn't like being cold. Only been on the road a couple of minutes, and there is a steepish hill up to a roundabout (aff-man & zapf, you would know it). Didn't give it enough revs, traffic behind. Big powerful sportsbike stalls :sweatdrop In embarrassment, I get it into neutral, start it, give it a good rev (ya know, pretend its not my fault) and try to take off, except I slip backwards (still in neutral). Crunch it into first, and try to get away from all the witnesses as fast as I can. :Oops:

And I still don't go up that hill now, not when the bike is cold...

[nudemetalz]

Oh yes, the big Kwakas are bitches when they're cold. My ZX-10 is like that for the first 5-10 mins.

[skidMark]

was sitting at lights next to a car full of boy racers....

was revving up my bike being a show off....it clicked into gear...i musta accidently hit the gear shift...

front flew up and spat me off the back i proceeded to run behind the bike holding onto the bars......ohhh the shame

being noted this was my first bike and i'd only had it a week...

[Karma]

Did you say showing off? on a pit bike?

[jonbuoy]

Looking back, I laugh now but when it was happening I couldn't beleive it. My only saving grace was that the lights were off in the plane as "most" people were asleep. The thing I didn't mention was how hard it was cleaning my pants in those stupid sinks with those stupid taps. It took forever. And as if this wasn't bad enough, as I stood there starkers from the waste down I realised that I still had poo on my legs which at this stage had started to set. Great.

I felt sorry for the cleaning crew.

Yeah theres just no getting that smell off, without a fire hose and bleach.

[inlinefour]

Back in the days when I was a deckhand on a commercial fishing boat. We had been working pretty hard for quite some time without a day off. The weather packed up and once we got the boat and ourselves cleaned up we had a wee game of the shortest straw. I lost and the other lads drove back to New Plymouth, leaving me in Onehunga port to look after the boat. Decided it would be a good idea to have a look around Auckland and went on a cruise around the place on the local bus system. Met quite a nice lass and we went out for dinner and had quite a few to many. Came back to the boat and since she had never shagged on a boat she got quite adventious. Tried alot and had a great time. Next morning she was going to go home and was going to eventually come back for some more.:rockon: As she set off home and I saw her off the boat we was met will alot of applause from the others stuck in the neighbouring boats around us. Turns out we had put on quite a show for all to see as the wheel house had no curtians. She decided at that time I guess that she was rather embarassed and could not come back for more.:bye:

[Shaun]

We all can take off without wobbling around to much (I hope) as bike riders can, most of us can pull away from traffic lights without to much of a drama as well, even turning corners and stuff is possible if you're kinda capable?

Isle of man TT races, all the top Factory teams were there, Suzuki, Honda, Yamaha, it was the late 90's, so still really healthy over there, the course officualls let us out one at a time normally, this day there had been some drama on the road, so they decided to send us off 2 at a time, fine,:tugger: Give it a handfull to pull away,( Piss off) and next thing I know I am doing a real wicked highside in front of all top teams mechanic,s sponsors, my road race heroes that I respect so much.

Nothing beats that grown up dude who reckons he shat his pants on a plane,:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: has anyone here ever seen his id:

[Lazy7]

Well I had had my first bike for about 2 months.

And i was working on weekend and nobody was around. waiting for one of the servers to migrate before i could finish up me and my mate decided to play "silly buggers" on our bikes in the undercover garage at the office.

now i dont condone this sort of behaviour but we were inside, not visible by the public and obviously off the road so thought i was safe enough to try one of those burnout things i'd heard so much about.

My mate on his FXR was trying his best but couldn't get it into second for any decent smoke.

So i gave it a go. and being my first time i had no idea what i was doing, so i gave it some herbs, dropped the clutch and away it went. i didn't think anything was actually happening, was paying too much attention to the revs and the front brake.

but i took a second to look up and saw my mate had stopped his bike and was waving frantically at me to stop with a shocked look on his face. so i did... and looked behind me.

the cloud of smoke was EMMENSE! and for a split second i thought... "heh, koool!"

then it struck me. Smoke detectors. fuck.

and thats when you get that sinking feeling in your stomach, like you know you've fucked up and any second now the impending doom is going to strike.

i jumped of the bike and ran for the garage doors. they were big hindged fuckers and i started waiving them back and forward trying to get some air flow going. the smoke started slowly wafting outside and i thought. fuck i might be okay here. please please please.

fuck

waaaa waaaa waaaa - off the fucken thing went. loud as a bastard. two seconds later the phone went. it was the boss. he said the smoke alarm was going off and did i know anything about it? well um. er. um. what could i say?

and then another 30 seconds passed and i heard some new sirens... coming down the road.

4 fucken fire trucks turned up. there was about 20 dudes who ran inside. up and down the stairs trying to make sure nobody was in the building and getting burned alive.

they finally found me, saw the bike and the big pile of rubber, gave me a really dirty look and left. poor bastard were probably in the middle of dinner too!

you cant really feel worse than this. or so i thought.

till i turned up on monday and had a "sit down" with the boss.

the cost of a false alarm is $400 per fire truck and then the guys from wormwald had to come in and reset all the alarms. another $300.

worst. day. of. my life. ever.

[c4.]

Big long one.
Watch for the boxer shorts.
Written to brother of mate describing trip to sciliy.
excuse any clloquelisims (sp).
Kia ora old man. Happybirthday!!!
Thought I`d send you a story in lieu of a gift.
Holiday has been awesome. 5 weeks of not working is great when its planned, and not because noone wants to hire your sorry ass.
We went to greece first, Milos, and Santorini. Fucking outstanding! The story though starts with the arrival of the young one.
Gobbins had arrived a week earlier,than your little bro. when we flew into palermo in sicily, Gobbins led us thru town in a rental he had to drop off(we were in our own). My first intro to italian driving!!!!!???????!!!!! Fuck me, it was just like being stuck inside a playstation game. But with only one life.
Spent a week in cefalu with gobbins, all the usual hangovers. However just like a shark behind the breakers we knew we had to grunt up for the arrival of Rara on friday, gulp.
My phone started ringing from 1200, his plane was delayed. Revise dinner plans, sick of pizza anyway, down to super market to buy 1/2 a cow, 8 bottles of wine ,a mini keg that looked like us, and 8 large bottles of Kronenburg, ready now. Bbq it is. 1800 phone rings, needs directions, but has found beer as driving aid.
1930..... Game on, full throttle, not even going to try to count bottles in the morn, but only 4 beers left in fridge in morn(had been hiding under food.)
Huge heads in the morning, had to clean up to move from villa in cefalu, to villa in roocalemura(220 kms).
Roger takes one look at housework, and declares that he has to go back to palermo to look for a friend on a boat.
Grabs beer(heinekin) throws it down his throat(0830) pressgangs gobbins who followed suit with large bottle (kronenburg...Grande), steals our only decent map of the place, and says siyuu.
Clean up, depart there bout 1030,
Drive 100kms or so, 1/2 wayish, have lunch and hit the autostrade again.
Phone starts ringing bout 1400, very pissed boys abusing me hard on other end.(should say at this point that we didn`t actually know where the villa was, some thing to do with mafiosa, villa owners wouldn't give address, but insisted on meeting us and escorting us to villa.) try to explain to 2 very drunk men this subtlety, ha.
Anyway tell them to have a swim or something, and once I find the place, I'll ring them.
Meet Antonio, the son of villa owner, and highspeed chase him down 1 lane road with opposing traffic, and we arrive at the 16th century villa!!!!!!!
As soon as we drive thru the gate arch and past the stables, into the courtyard, I realise that the place might be a wee bit flash.
Meet the rest of the family, near as I can tell,polly and julius own the villa, live in one wing, antonio and his wife live in another wing, 2 more children and spouses live above antonios wing, servants(approx 4-6) live down by stables, and one wing is made availiable to guests(us).
Walk into grande villa, owners have NO english at all, antonio has basic skills, talks better than he understands.
Our wing is fucking flash man. 5 bed rooms, 2 bathrooms,kitchen/dining, formal dining, lounge, formal lounge, and we may use the billiards room whenever we like. Add to this that the whole place is FULLY decked out like a museum,fully painted ceilings, amazing old paintings, furniture,antique glassware, crockery, all out on side boads,tables etc. (can you imagine how display case everything was?)((can you imagine what I thought might happen when gobbins and rara blew into town?)).
So, trying not to freak, nan and I decide to retire to the pool area(which is basically a small park, with an elevated veiw of the ocean, a pool, a bbq that could feed an army of abbotts, and a meandering path thru big palm trees and gardens), to give the kids a swim.
Phone rings bout 1500." Where the fuck are you?" slurs gobbins down the phone. With a sinking feeling I tell him where we are and assertain that they are 15mins away....yay!
20 mins later no boyz.

[c4.]

2nd post
I ph them this time.
Gobbins is sounding quite a lot more sober. "we ve got a bit of trouble here"...
Background sounds....
(roger)"fuck he s not happy, fuck,fuck,fuck"
(gobbins)"rogers hit a truck, and the drivers not very happy, he s chasing us!!"
(roger) "right fuck you, lets see what your problem is"
Car door
(roger)"quick pass me some thing heavy to hit him with gobbins."
Sounds of card board tearing
(gobbins)"here you go"(later research prooves item to be full bottle of Moet)
Car door
(roger)"he didn't want to play"
Anyway get a little more of running dialogue from G but as this call is going from sicily back to NZ back to france then on to Sicily, the call is very echoy, and very very expensive, so I say call me when you lose him, and hang up.
15 mins later phone rings
5 knots I roar down the phone.
Very meek Gobbins voice " I'm afraid we ve got a big problem now. Rogers been arressted, and he's being done for DIC."
So we decide that Gobbins will hang at the carbineira station till he finds out what s happening.
15 mins later ph goes...
(roger)"Waz get here right now, right now, I'm free to go but you have to be sober, and you have to hurry!!!"
(me) OK, where are you?"
Stunned silience
(roger)" aah, aah, aah, good question.
(over his shoulder to cop)" HEY. WHERE ARE WE?"
Cop tells him, he tells me, I remind him that he stole our good map this morning, he points out that he can t help coz gobbins threw the map out the window after he got sick of the navigating abuse.
Eventually find the place(its not even on the pathetic map we've got),boys are sitting in car, gobbins had been to supermarket for more beer, managed to drink thru most of rogers ordeal.
Roger is hopping from foot to foot anxious to get the fuck out of there.( you'll have to get full truck driver police story from them for all the colourful details, but seems he made it hard enough that the policeman gave him a big growling instead of having to do lots of messy paperwork)
Nanette goes in with him to get his keys and licence back and we all head home.
Boys (who have taken no solids at all in the day) roll into the villa in post adrenalin high accentuated by shitloads of beer. Walk into big welcoming committee, slur their way through that, tour of the place, then its time for a drink.
Much hilarirty and imbibing on debrief,
Time for lumps. NO DRIVING, as we've all been drinking now. Have to walk 300m DOWN hill to town. Walk around town for 15 mins looking for food, during which time Roger manages to purchase a pellet pistol of reasonably realish proportions.
Finally find suitable pizzeria, only they don't have any wine.
(roger)" that s ok, they sell cocktails!"
Several Margehritas, and some token pizza mauling, later we have a deal.
I have to drag the boyz away from nice little family resturant as they are now neither nice nor family now themselves. Walk back thru town and arrive at the bottom of 300m hill. Fuck its a bit bigger/steeper with skinful of piss and no antigrav. Roger and I start
Racing up hill shoulder to shoulder, shout from Nanette 100m behind"you'll have to help gobbins, he's fallen over back there!"
Fuck,Fuck,Fuck. Gobbins is right at the bottom of the hill and I'm 200m up it!
Back down to gobbins. He's SOUND a sleeeeeep. Look up hill, everyone else gone. Wake up! Wake up!.....nothing.
Stand him up(considerable effort on my part, as he is now pushing hard for fatboy status). Bad idea, gobbins seems to have discovered exactly the right proportions and mixtures of alcohol, that can dissolve all of a mans muscle into jellylike substances. Face plant swiftly follows elevation exercise.
Looks like one fat barstard is going to have to carry an equal or greater fat barstard up a fucking hill!!
Firemans lift proves simaliar to trying to carry85kgs of waterbomb over shoulder! Luckily discomfort of position brings him semi round. Manage to frog march, carry and cajole him home(sober in morning, couldn't believe a/ how fucking far I carried the cunt
B/ why i didn't just go and get the car.)
At home, bit miffed that roger didn t help get him home, but roger is not there.
Hasn't been there. Oh fuck, i decide he must have fallen asleep on side of road too, so armed with torch, and leaving nanette to clean and dress gobbins grazes( you can't manhandle that much flesh with out some collateral damage.)
I head out back DOWN the fucking hill again.I search both sides of the road, right down to where gobbins was, and right back UP again.
No roger.
We decide that he has slipped back into town to chase women and beer again(he really didn't want to stop when I dragged him away from drinking margehritas, and sexually harassing the cute waitress at the family resturant), so FUCK HIM we say, he's a big boy, and if he's not scared of those 2 groups of thugs who gave us all the evils as we walked thru their turf, then he probably will be fine.
Big day must sleep. Lights off 2300.
2345 bang bang bang on front door of villa.
Get to front door(wearing only holiest boxers)
Whole extended family on front steps in various range of nightdress(though noone else had only old boxers)
There's roger with 3 police men who found him in the back of an ambulance, who found him asleep on the road. Huge hubub in italian ensues. Police want to see rogers passport, rogers had enough of police, is refusing.Police demanding details from owner of villa(european law states that you must have the passport details of any one who is staying in your establishment). She hasn't of course, so they are berating her, she is all flustered and no one speaks english. Finally agree to give all passport dteails in morning, and everyone calms down. Last thing before police leave, they solemly hand Nanette rogers air pistol and ammunition.
Roger now has several policemen who acknowledge him when they see him.
We apologize in our best phrasebook itailian the next day, but they were completly unphased (I guess that's small drama when you're mafiosa) and insisted that we were guests of honour at the miss italiana show which they were hosting around the pool area that night(35 girls, 350 guests, free booze....no poor folks, aint life grand?
Any way, rest of the week has been awesome, though would have been great to see you here. Guess we'll get a lemonade and a chat later in the year.
Happy birthday old man.
Waz and the gang

[terbang]

Took a contract in Indonesia and the company that I was working for had just built a brand new hangar at Halim airport in Jakarta. It was an impressive sight with all the mod cons. Jakarta is predominantly a Muslim city for which I was new to. I had been there a few weeks and had noticed that in the mens toilet the urinal was a strange sort of a trough that needed manual flushing. I had got used to all the praying and so on a regular basis but was unfamiliar with the ritual. Anyway one day, whilst standing there midstream having a piss, I was interupted by the arrival of a very shocked and distraught Indon who advised me that that I was pissing into the bath that they cleansed their feet in prior to prayer..!

Back when I was 23 I had a romantic weekend in Venice Italy with the (then) new love of my life. Forked out for a nice hotel to make a good impression. The hotel toilet was one of those typical european jobs with a Bede and no loo paper. I had never used one of those things before though I knew what it was for. After # 2's were done I promptly straddled the bede and trained this jet of warm water onto my ring and let it do its supposed thing. After the strange sensation of having warm water blasting my asshole and procedure complete (so I thought) I was left with the uncomfortable sensation of a dripping wet ass that was rapidly cooling by the second. A quick scan around the bath room and I found the nearest towel to dry off my butt hole. Problem is, as I was about to discover, a jet of warm water aint good enough to make a squeaky clean job of it and now the loverly big fluffy towel that I was supposed to share with my new girlfriend looked like the runway touchdown zone at any international airport. Now you try to restore a nice big fluffy towel to its former glory in a few mins after wiping your ass with it and with nowhere to hide.. Though I did manage to avoid being caught (by her) for leaving skids on the hotel towells by managing to drop it out of the window into the alley below (out of sight out of mind). She was obviously suspicious of my strange behaviour and the disapperance of one of the towels and asked a lot of difficult questions adding to my (very private) embarrasement.

[Maha]

c4 you need a publisher/editor or learn short hand.............:sleep:

[krash69]

And.............. took the yammy down the road for some beauty shots, could have sworn i kick the side stand until i noticed that when i got off the bike followed me to the ground, guess the people in the shop accross the road would have come to my aid once they picked themselves up off the floor from laughing
:killingme :killingme :killingme :killingme


i no the feeling....years ago i did pretty much the same thing in a gas station....hehehe:doh:

[kro]

I was interupted by the arrival of a very shocked and distraught Indon who advised me that that I was pissing into the bath that they cleansed their feet in prior to prayer..!
Its funny, but not to the poor Muslims, haha, you're a lucky man. Had to chuckle reading that one.



a jet of warm water aint good enough to make a squeaky clean job of it and now the loverly big fluffy towel that I was supposed to share with my new girlfriend looked like the runway touchdown zone at any international airport.

Bahahahaha, very nicely written.

[Kendog]

Was about 16, we all know how easily embarassed you are at that age, went to McD's with my mum. Up to the counter, spunky young thing serves us, mum says to me,'what do you want' and I reply 'a big mic please'. Mum cracks up, the dude smiles and I slink away with a red face. My mum gets to the table and says to me, 'lucky I didn't want a fillet of fish and ask for a fishy mic burger.'
Mrs KD.

[T.W.R]

Back in the early 90s i drove tractors for a local agricultural contractor and during the height of the baling season my tractor (970 case) had to go in for a service and we'd been loaned a replacement (1694 case)while this was happening.

I was out on a job south of Ashburton and had been having a shit of a job baling up a barley straw paddock, as the header had had its choppers wound right up, anyway managed to finish the job but way behind schedule, upon leaving the farm the boss called over the RT asking where i was at & that the 970 was ready for pick up and that the company who did our services needed the 1694 back as it was due to head to a feild/demo day and needed to be prepped for that.

As per usual i pulled up outside the farm & did a quick grease of the baler & general check. So upon finishing that I took off heading back to ashvagas, 10mins down the road, boss was back on the RT saying that a large job we'd been waiting to come fit had called saying ready to go, so it was going to be looking like another 24hr + shift & that i should start sorting all the gear to transfered over to our tractor ( monitor, tools etc in the cab) so here i am in tractor with baler on the back full noise (45kmh) heading down the road with my head down un-hooking bits & stacking stuff at the door. ( now the 1694 being permanent 4wd followed the camber of the road quiet badly) blasting down the road around a couple of bends to a nice long stretch i started hauling so gear over from behind the seat, next thing i feel the tractor heading off the road, spin around in time to see a powerpole no more than 10ft in front of tractor, baler & me :crazy: :crazy: shit fark !!! full noise into pole, snap it off at knee height tractor left straddling stump, pole over bonnet, transformer leaking fluid over tractor, live wires arking out over road, rear window smashed shut into a million bits, PTO shaft snapped clean off at gearbox housing.

Took power out in the area for 4hrs during the height of a big cricket match on tv, did $3000 damage for pole & transformer, $5000 damage to tractor. Got a court appearance for (get this : dangerous use of a motorvehicle ) $400 fines & ordered to do a defensive driving course. and the glory of being plastered in the local rag for the incident :weep:

Worst thing was didn't get a break from the work, once cleared from the crash site had to carry on a usual & into what ended up a 27hrs work straight & part of a stretch of 7wks without a break.

[nudemetalz]

ya wally, Bill !!!!:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[T.W.R]

ya wally, Bill !!!!:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Ha it was a minties moment :killingme but left that job after 5yrs and went to play with the real big boys toys, open cast mines at Huntly :Punk: can get pretty loose in a fully loaded dump truck on a greasy haul road :laugh:

saw one bloke there run over the arse-end of a hilux ute & he didn't even know he'd done it, totally farked the hilux :killingme

[nudemetalz]

Fully loaded dump-truck?
You'd be then hustling the ZXR through the twisties with experience like that !!:devil2: :Pokey:

[Free to Ride]

embarrasing moments (yep I have too many too tell) - was out with a group of friends in a rental car, stopped at Turangi for a breather and when we got back found I had locked the keys in the car - duh!! Anyway we went and got a trusty coathanger from a shop and managed to get in the car (after an hour), returned the coathanger and drove down the road to a cafe where coffee was definitely needed for my nerves. Finished the coffee and oh shit, Id locked the keys in the car again. Walked back to the same shop where Id returned the coathanger feeling like a complete dick, and managed to open the car again - my friends were just pissing themselves with laughter - yep that's one trip Im not allowed to forget!! - and I do try.

[T.W.R]

Fully loaded dump-truck?
You'd be then hustling the ZXR through the twisties with experience like that !!:devil2: :Pokey:

:apumpin: 90tonnes of truck & overburden rolling along at 60kmh was an interesting experience, full lock slides around bends was cool though:gob: no power like slow power :stoogie:

Ha had an FJ11 at the time so it was a bit of a truck to hustle (you'd know what i mean having had one aswell):sweatdrop

makes the ZXR seem like a feather weight to get the mumbo act going:yes:

[skidMark]

Did you say showing off? on a pit bike?

twas a monkeybike...honda z50 replica

[beyond]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Just read this and nearly lost my job. :rofl: :rofl:
It's hard to stop laughing when you are meant to be working.

Thank goodness my little experience did'nt get that bad.
http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?t=26586



I've got quite a library but this one was good.

On my way to Europe about 10 years ago, I spent an over nighter in Bangkok. I was really careful what I ate but the night before I brushed my teeth using tap water. I was thirsty so I drank some water out of the tap. I finished and thought that wasn't very clever. The next morning felt a bit yucky, got to the airport and boarded the plane. I had my meal then took a sleeping pill. Not long into a DEEP sleep I awoke feeling like I was going to explode. I needed to fart real bad so I checked the lady next to me was asleep. She was - cool. Slowly relaxed the old valve and... emptied my bowls in my pants. It wouldn't fucking stop either. Fuck the stench! I got around the lady next to me and walked to the shitter with warm poo running down my legs. Got into the toilet and contemplated staying there until the plane had landed... a good 7 hours to go. Decided I had to wash my pants. I did and got the attention of a stewardess, explained what had happened and that I needed my pants dried. All she came up with was a blanket which I wrapped around me and returned to my seat that someone had put a cover on. The lady that was beside me had gone. About half an hour later my bowl had a spasm so I ran to the toilet, half loosing the blanket on the way there. In my previous visit to the shitter my undies were past the point of no return so I had thrown them away. I eventually got my damp pants back and made sure I was the last person to leave the plane. While I was waiting in passport control and everybody was looking at me like I was a known paedophile, I had to make another mad rush to the toilet in the opposite direction. I was almost running, heard some yelling, looked behind me and security were running after me. I didn't stop and ran into the airport shitter. I was letting rip while two security guards were laughing their heads off.

[750Y]

Yesterday on the phone I was asked by a senior colleague in wgtn what another colleague was like, I just blurted out “total introvert, he’s like a hermit & he’s real ol skool y’know, can only handle one thing at a time, a real plodder & pretty pedantic”.
Then I turn around to see him standing there.

Recently went to a dinner party in Howick & was introduced to a bunch of new people. We were all standing around the kitchen chatting and after a few beers I excused my self to use the boys room, when I looked down I realised my fly was hanging way open. & I thought it was my witty repertoire they were laughing about.

Was sitting in the boardroom with a bunch of senior suits having a serious strategic planning session. I was busy staring out the window & fiddling with my laptop(as You do) when all of a sudden the cd player kicks in at full volume playing rage against the machine. It took me what seemed like an eternity to shut it up during which time senior management were subjected to a bunch of profanity & screaming. None of them looked too impressed except my techo mate & fellow rage fan, who was nearly under the table trying not to piss himself.

Then there was the time I got shitfaced at a wedding reception on waiheke island.
I was sitting next to the grooms family & swearing about how hard the almonds were when I suddenly realised that I was eating out of the bowl for the olive pips.

[Goblin]

Well this one time...at Pony Club camp....:shutup: :doh:

[NotaGoth]

Well this one time...at Pony Club camp....:shutup: :doh:




:spudwhat: what happened Kelly??????

[Goblin]

:Oops: What goes on at camp...stays at camp! My lips are sealed!!:yeah:

[NotaGoth]

Aww come on Kelly, Theresa wants to knowww *whine*


Its gotta be interesting :2thumbsup

[kickingzebra]

My first real play on a dirtbike, an RMX250, out at Kai Iwi beach in Wangas with every single one of my mates, Queens birthday weekend, so the beach is packed, pearler of a day.

Pretty wee waif of a girl wants to go for a ride on the motorbike, so, no worries. She gives me the old, go easy, its my first time routine.

Still on my learners, my ride is an FXR150, and of course, I am just the most experienced rider in the world.

I jump on this 2 stroke beast of doom, give it heaps, and slip the clutch a bit much. Front wheel sticks straight up in the air, and we were sooo past the balance point, somehow reflexes kick in and ease off the throttle, and kick my feet forward. Front wheel slowly arches down, just in time to avoid the bollard that stops cars driving onto the beach.
She swears at me, and hits me (Yet I'm sure she secretly loved it?!) and I'm sweating, wondering if anyone noticed that it was a fluke...

So then when she gets off, I figure, I might as well get some practice at this.
Cue first gear wheelies, basically tight turn, do a wheelie, 180 degrees, tight, do a wheelie, 180 degrees, just a little too tight, rear tyre loses it, and I'm down, exhaust burn on inner thigh, and still have to pretend to be hard.
Maybe 250 people down on that part of the reserve. Every single one of them laughs.

Oh the shame!!

[Krayy]

My most embarassing time was 1985-1997.

(more embarassing for those around me rather than myself - I just feel guilty)

[terbang]

Was operating out of Medan in 2003 flying into destinations in Acheh which was a bit insecure at the time and the Indonesians assigned us each a military guard (M16 and all) who was never to leave our side when we were on the ground. Mine was a surley chap who did his job well rarely speaking. A dodgey Ayam Bakar left my bowells absolutely shot and I remember looking at the heels of his boots, next to the butt of his rifle (shuffling L-R-L-R) under a toilet door while he stood guard outside as I let rip with some of the worst possible sound and smells known to mankind. I was absolutely appalled and embarrased at what I had done and tried to warn him but he unflinchingly endured the lot and did his job to perfection.

[Madmax]

trying to catch an escaping 19 inc rack mount cabnet
we unloaded the cabnet off a truck with the drivers help
driver: you have to sign for it
me: OK
signed the paper turned round the bloody thing had gone!
I was like what the f**k
then i see it gaining speed down symonds st
and give chase in bloody peak hour traffic
bloody thing was really moving and making a hell of a racket too,
Every office worker and student stairing the thing and me giving chase
never caught it, but it stopped when it hit the parked car
retrived the thing witch is now bent as was the car
pushed it back up the road
only to find the truck driver and my workmate pissing themselves!!
when they finally stop laughing the trucky says well ill help you get it in the lift
we go to push it in the lift and one of the wheels falls off!!
This sets them off again.
My boss comes in why is there a rack in the lobby?
at this point every one in the office knows why its there
and mass laughter breaks out
:doh:

[Goblin]

This talk of motor-homers brought back an embarrassing moment...We took our old caravan to Otamarakau beach & set up camp for 10 days or so. On arrival we passed 5 or so nice motor homes parked up, each with a middle aged couple. Gave them all a friendly wave & found our spot. Now my partner & I weren't the sort of people to just go up & introduce ourselves but my 5 year old son was. He was EVERYONE'S friend! By about the third day we had heard these people getting on the piss each evening, laughing & giggling like school kids. Now this place has no loos or showers so it was really roughing it and I needed a decent wash. There was a tap with fresh water tho. I had had enough of my boy asking to go meet the neighbours so told him to go & take his little brother with him. Excellent opportunity to have a bucket bath! So I run & fill the bucket, zip down the awning, strip naked & start soaping up. I'm almost done when I hear people coming down the track:shit: Matthew had gone straight to the neighbours & told them "Grab ya deck chairs folks...there's a PARTY at our place!!" So I'm scrambling around naked & soapy, looking for something to cover myself before these strangers arrive. Got my hand on a sarong & wrapped it around me as quick as I could. I could hear them introducing themselves to my partner, pulled myself together & went & met the neighbours! Murray & Coleen and Ron & Ngaire. On shaking Ron's hand he informed me "Oh we heard ALL about YOU! hahahaha!" They were already on the plonk & offered some of their home brewed brandy cleverly disguised as Cranberry juice. A few drinks later it ended up a harlairous evening. Those old motor homers really know how to have fun!

Thought I'd dig this old thread up....there's some good laughs in here!!

[Colapop]

I had a real 'cracker' today...
After I went to the gym at lunchtime today I was getting changed and noticed I ripped my trou. Right down the bach and under to the ziiper at the front. "shit" I thought "I must have done that when I changed to workout" I thought. So I get c dressed and tie my jacket around my waist. Thankfully I work, literally, next door to the gym. So I go back to work and tell my boss I have to go to get some trou downtown. He says "I thought you would have gone earlier" WTF?? I'm confused, I think "fuck it" and go get pants. When I got back I told one of my workmates what happened and he said "Oh, I meant to tell you" So, here's me, since first thing in the morning walking around the office, no, make that entire building with my arse hanging out for all to see!! And I know people have seen and they said nothing!!

Just as well I have no shame otherwise I wouldn't have gone back....

[Zed]

So, here's me, since first thing in the morning walking around the office, no, make that entire building with my arse hanging out for all to see!! And I know people have seen and they said nothing!! :killingme They probably concluded that you were well aware, isn't it fashionable today to have holes in ya jeans/pants and have them hanging half way down ya backside anyway?

Reminds me of a moment years back when the Mrs and I went to the supermarket and after about 30mins shopping we loaded the car with the groceries and as I got in I realised that I had a bit of tissue on my face from a shaving cut, doh! Me: Why didn't you tell me honey?? Her: Umm didn't think to love.

There are some peeps out there who will tell you if you have a bit of food on your face whilst others will just stand there in silence and feel embarassed for you! I'm the kinda guy who tells. :innocent:

[avgas]

Riding through the orchard full tat on the ol' TS......suddely i stopped moving, bike kept going.....had that moment of "Huh? ok whats the deal" Before being catapulted backwards through the kiwifruit as the bike did the same speed away from me. Failed to notice the new wire in the middle of the block at my shoulder height. My dad didnt however.......he could stop laughing at me.
Got him back though
Once while hunting rabbits, dad spotted a cat that he thought was a wild one that he had trouble gettting for weeks, shot it........only to have the new neighbours come a few days later asking if anyone had seen their black cat that wasnt wearing a collar.

[Zed]

Once while hunting rabbits, dad spotted a cat that he thought was a wild one that he had trouble gettting for weeks, shot it........only to have the new neighbours come a few days later asking if anyone had seen their black cat that wasnt wearing a collar.The poor neighbours would have been horrified had they been greeted by the dead carcass of their precious kitty hanging up next to the wee rabbits! :shit: :crybaby:

[skidMark]

thats one very very expensive burnout there lazy7....plus a tyre too i'm guessing lol

[Mental Trousers]

So, here's me, since first thing in the morning walking around the office, no, make that entire building with my arse hanging out for all to see!! And I know people have seen and they said nothing!!

Just as well I have no shame otherwise I wouldn't have gone back....

I would've capitalized on that and told the boss I was stressing out because everyone let me make a fool of myself for the entire morning and needed time to come to terms with it and deal with it. Then gone riding for a couple of days.

[Lias]

What a great old thread.

I think one of the worst I've done was years ago I went to a Pantera concert in Wellington.. Had a feed of maccas then lined up to get into the venue, only to realise that they have security guards patting everyone down (and a growing pile of weapons, studded belts, and booze piling up next to them). I was in my teens and on a budget so I couldnt afford event center booze prices, and had a hip flask of bourbon on me, and the money to buy a few cokes. Figured I'd better drink this hipflask pronto before I reached the front of the line. Should also probably add that the weather was a fairly decently cold wet southerly. Skull back my bourbon in time, head into the concert, rocking away, brought a beer with my now spare coke money, moshing and having a blast. At some stage some random dude passed me a joint, puffed away and passed it on. Bourbon is kicking in quite well, plus beer + pot + hot sweaty mosh pit. Concert finished and I'm trollied but happy. Make my way from queens wharf down to the train station in freezing fucking weather, then onto a packed as train back out to the Hutt. Train starts moving and my stomach is starting to rebel. Cold to hot to cold to hot, plus booze + pot + jerky train movement was starting to do some damage and that maccas before the concert is starting to seem a bad idea. I'm sitting next to a chick I knew and semi fancied, and were jerking our way through the yards when I feel the mother of all pukes coming. Just managed to get my hands up over my mouth when I let fly. Huge powerchuck which rather that sprayed through and off my fingers much like a sprinker.. it went fucking EVERYWHERE, I swear I puked on about 10 people. Chick next to me is staring at me in horror, girls are screaming cos they have puke on em, and I'm puking for all I'm worth still. The guard wanders down to investigate the yells, looks at me (he knew me because I sued to commute alot) and pisses himself laughing. Luckily I was getting off at Ngauranga so it wasnt far to go, when I got up to get off the train people started applauding, and as I have no shame I took a bow to graciously accept the applause. Walked home, told my flatmate it was a fucking good concert then walked into the shower with all my clothes and my jacket on covered damnnear head to toe in puke. Had real trouble looking that girl in the eye when I ran into her again thou lol.

[placidfemme]

Only two things come to mind with me... firstly... our neighbors have a friend who is into bikes (he rides an old CBR250) and last year sometime on Saturday morning I was leaving home to go to work at about 11am and the neighbors and thier friend were standing outside talking, when I took the cover off the bike they all turned around to watch, started the bike up, warmed it up, put on gloves and helmet, caught a glimpse of them in my mirror still watching me, pop into first, release clutch, and bike moves forward about a meter, then lurches to a stop, caught off balance I nearly drop the bike thinking "what the hell", pop into neutral, hop off the bike and :weird: :slap: dumb ass me forgot to take my chain off...

Needless to say the neighbors and friend were laughing hard out at me while I took the chain off trying not to look at them and made a quick exit lol

Second thing, Sam and I were walking down Queen St holding hands (as usual) and I stopped to look at something in a shop window... let go of Sam's hand, had a look and turned around and grabbed her hand again and started walking off... well it wasn't her hand lol this random guy (fancy that) was like "um..." I nearly died while Sam stood by the kurb laughing at me... :blah:

[krash69]

I had a real 'cracker' today...
After I went to the gym at lunchtime today I was getting changed and noticed I ripped my trou. Right down the bach and under to the ziiper at the front. "shit" I thought "I must have done that when I changed to workout" I thought. So I get c dressed and tie my jacket around my waist. Thankfully I work, literally, next door to the gym. So I go back to work and tell my boss I have to go to get some trou downtown. He says "I thought you would have gone earlier" WTF?? I'm confused, I think "fuck it" and go get pants. When I got back I told one of my workmates what happened and he said "Oh, I meant to tell you" So, here's me, since first thing in the morning walking around the office, no, make that entire building with my arse hanging out for all to see!! And I know people have seen and they said nothing!!

Just as well I have no shame otherwise I wouldn't have gone back....

hehehehe i wood of liked o sea that view....hehehehe

[scumdog]

Second thing, Sam and I were walking down Queen St holding hands (as usual) and I stopped to look at something in a shop window... let go of Sam's hand, had a look and turned around and grabbed her hand again and started walking off... well it wasn't her hand lol this random guy (fancy that) was like "um..." I nearly died while Sam stood by the kurb laughing at me... :blah:

Right up there with people running out of a shop and jumping into the wrong car....

[placidfemme]

Right up there with people running out of a shop and jumping into the wrong car....

yeah not the first time I've done that tho.... Went to an Air Show with my dad as a kid (maybe 7??) and let go of his hand to look at something, went to hold his hand and it wasn't him...

*has a history of doing stupid things*

Edit: Also fell asleep on the bus once... and fell out the seat into the isle... felt like a right dick

[Lou Girardin]

Right up there with people running out of a shop and jumping into the wrong car....

What's so funny about that? :Oops:

[Motu]

Yeah,what's the big deal with that,everybody does it....don't they?

It's bad enough when it's a car the same as yours,but even worse when it's not remotely like what you drove up in,and it's like 100 metres down the road from your's.Us old hippies are allowed to blame it on ''flash backs''.

[Sketchy_Racer]

me and my mates were hooning around on our scooters. It was sunday night so we went to a local carpark to practise our stunts (wheelies and stuff)

I had done a disk brake conversion on my scooter so that i could do some stoppies etc.

anyway im at 50kph on the back wheel thinking im the man!!.
then i hit a bump and fall waaay past the balance point of the scooter. Slammed on the back brakes and slammed down the front... hmm my steering angle has bent... ahh we'll just bend it back.

back to the stunts. Now im showing off my stoppies. Started getting good at them too.

Mid way through a amazing stoppie the front wheel dash the whole front of the scooter dissapeers. Leaving me flying face first into the road. Bang. smashed my helmet up good and proper.
After all my mates stop laughing and i manage to over come the outrageous headache, I look back to see the front of my scooter about 20metres away from the back. the whole thing had sheered in half.

It was a bitch cause i couldnt ride it home after that.

good times.

Ps- we had attracted quite a crowd from our stunts... there was a few people laughing.

[Beemer]

I was reading this thread and laughing my head off (thanks Finn!), all the while thinking I wished I had something good to add to it and then I remembered I did have an embarrassing experience that my husband keeps reminding me of!

It was November 1999 and the first WIMA rally I'd been to, held at Pohangina Valley. I rode there on my RG150 with another woman from WIMA and settled into our cabin. There were four of us from WIMA Wellington and some lesbian we'd never seen before. That night I was sitting by the fire relaxing when a few of the guys from the Central Districts Motorcycle Club started playing soccer with an empty plastic Coke bottle in the main hall. Suddenly the bottle flew past my ear, so I picked it up and threw it back at them with the comment "if that hits me, you're fucking dead". They all laughed so I ignored them!

The following night after the meal we were all dancing and having a good time. I had drunk some of a disgusting bottle of wine I'd bought in Ashhurst, then some whiskey (Irish), followed by some whisky (Scots), some peach schnappes and then beer. Not a good mix, although I didn't chuck! My cousin was sitting by the fire, having her shoulders massaged by one of the guys who'd been playing soccer the night before. She said I could take her place if I wanted, much to the disappointment of the guy - she was about 23, blonde and cute, I was blonde, but not 23, and the cute is debatable! To his credit, he massaged my shoulders and we got talking. Turned out we had a lot in common and we ended up going back to my cabin many hours later - where my cousin and her mate had already turned in with a guy each!

The following morning he went back to his cabin and we had to face the wrath of the lesbian, who was NOT impressed to find three guys in the cabin! I go to have a shower and apparently pass this guy as he was walking back to the camp. Apparently he said good morning - I honestly don't even remember seeing him, I was feeling a little crook! He thought to himself "well, that was short lived!" and went to get breakfast.

I turned up, looked around for his mates (one is quite distinctive so I spotted him easily) then had to try and figure out which one he was! How bad is that? Luckily he decided to give me a second chance and handed me his phone number - not that I got a chance to use it because he rang me that night on my mobile. It was only a month or so later that he asked if I had a landline - I thought he had free minutes and was calling from his mobile but he was calling from his home phone and it was costing him a fortune!

That guy is now my husband -and he still gives me a hard time for snubbing him that morning!

Said husband just told me that story was now HIS most embarrassing moment! He also reminded me that I fell over when learning to ride my RG150 on Christmas Day in 1998. It was at the traffic lights at the intersection of Whites Line East and Cambridge Terrace in Lower Hutt and I was trying to get it into neutral and forgot to put a foot down... Was helped up by a guy wearing a Santa hat! I was so embarrassed I kept my tinted visor down!

[nickname]

I'd just got a chicks phone number, jumped on my bike to ride away with the biggest grin on my face - happy to have been successful in getting her number. Started the bike, into 1st, moved about 3 inches and it all stopped, nearly dropping the bike. Oh, that's right, the front disk lock. Bugger, forgot about that. I was too embarrassed to ever call her...

Thankfully I can laugh about it now.