Assicons

[WRT]

Done a search and cant find this on here, but it is an older one so sorry if its already been posted. Disclaimer (for BDOTGNZA): For the purposes of this email, the terms "ass" and "arse" shall be used interchangeably.


We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where:
: ) means a smile and
: ( is a frown.

Sometimes these are represented by
:-)
:-(

Well, how about some "ASSICONS?"
Here goes:

(_!_) a regular ass

(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(_*_) a sore ass

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_o_) an ass that's been around

(_x _) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) a tired ass

(_E=mc2_) a smart ass

(_$_) Money coming out of his ass

(_?_) Dumb Ass

And finally - people laughing their ass off (_ :-) _)

[Hitcher]

Gahhhhh!!!

This cry of anguish brought to you by the BDOTGNZA.

[Sniper]

This is asking for for repercussions........ :laugh:

Mr Hitcher, I believe you will have nighmares over this :laugh:

[Motu]

Ass,Mom,tire...it's getting tiresome - it's a wonder half of the people on this site don't ride on the right hand side of the road,they identify with another culture so much....

[kickingzebra]

Arse Feck Girls... What side of the road does father jack drive on again??

[WRT]

Me thinks you guys do take that "ass/arse" thing all just a little too far. Alright, there's a lot to be said for correct gramma and spelling, however, can any of you honestly admit that you had no idea why that post was talking about emoticons for donkeys? You all knew what it meant, did you not? Hell, I even put in a disclaimer to let you know what was coming - if it offends you so much, you should have stopped reading right there. I'm definately not going to go to the trouble of copying it all into Word and doing a find and replace on it just to appease the BDOTGNZA.

Dont get me wrong, I hate people that type in txt-speak, but considering this had a high possiblilty of having originated from a source in the States, it doesnt take a genius to "translate" it. What's next? Should we edit all books that come into New Zealand and remove all references to "ass", "mom", etc? Then what? Ask the actors in all films to record an additional voice over soundtrack with our prenouciation for any movies to be screened in NZ?

We live in a multi cultural world, fellas. Learn to live with it.

[Hitcher]

We live in a multi cultural world, fellas. Learn to live with it.
The fight of the BDOTGNZA is against laziness and the naff-Americanisation of our language. Where the American culture can add something positive to ours, then the BDOTGNZA will embrace it fully to their bosoms.

If we don't draw the line at the "ass", we'll all like be calling each other "bro" like and other way cool stuff like, drinking Buds, praising Jesus and wanting to drop our own nuke on Iran.

[Jantar]

If we don't draw the line at the "ass", we'll all like be ....wanting to drop our own nuke on Iran.

Yes, Yes...:doobey: :doobey: Lets show those yanks that we can do it too.... :blip: :blip:

[kickingzebra]

No nukes, we'll just have to drop our puke..

[WRT]

But what you are asking is that I take a peice of writing, and modify its contents to conform to our own expectations before sharing it with the class. Where the nukes come in I have no idea, but if we start modifying their emails, should we also modify their books, their songs and their movies?

[kickingzebra]

Don't do it WRT, they're messing with your mind, Your post is hilarious ass iss. I used to get pissed off cause my brother writes Mom, but he has never been out of the country, but hell, this is just an email. Let it go everyone!!

[Hitcher]

But what you are asking is that I take a peice of writing, and modify its contents to conform to our own expectations before sharing it with the class. Where the nukes come in I have no idea, but if we start modifying their emails, should we also modify their books, their songs and their movies?
There is no crime in New Zealandising (note the use of the s, rather than a z) material sourced from foreign countries. "Arseicons" would have been just as funny...

The nukes reference is in relation to a topical current affairs matter relating to the President of the United States of America (in this case a naff American, rather than a naff Americanism).

(Please don't expect me to add "PT" to my posts so you know whether I'm serious, or not...)

[kickingzebra]

command:\whatis "BDOTGNZA"?

For the unenlightened amongst me

[Maha]

I know where there are alot of unemployed fuckers that can be sent to foreign shores to make a start on the modifycation's...... they will more than likely fuck it up at first...... but ya gotta start somewhere........:cool:

[Motu]

If you are doing a cut and paste it's pretty easy to edit.If the cut and paste is for our own consumption editing into our own ''language'' makes it look like it's from us for us.But if you intend to spotlight is as a USA issue,then leave it in their dialect.Just good manners and showing you care enough to get it right - if people can't be bothered with simple grammer I don't know why I should be bothered to take them seriously.

[Sniper]

command:\whatis "BDOTGNZA"?


Brave Defenders of the Great New Zealand Arse

[kickingzebra]

ten Q velly maaacth

[Maha]

ten Q velly maaacth
Sounds like the mechanic from ' TAXI '......... Lutka Gravis.....:niceone:

[WRT]

Err, your not supposed to take it seriously, hence the "Jokes and Humour" title of the forum. Some times it is easy to change one or two words when you cut and paste, and I normally will in those situations. However, "ass" appears a lot in the above post (I cant be bothered counting how many times) and I'm not prepared to take everything I post up on here and run it through a find/replace for ass, mom, color, etc, etc etc. You can all damned well lump it - but dont feel forced to read anything I post.

Hitcher - as you seem to be the main Bold Defender, I am now eagerly awaiting your New Zealandised version of Hamlet. I'm fed up with the way that pommy git Shakespear writes - what self respecting Kiwi would ever talk in that manner?

[Hitcher]

Hitcher - as you seem to be the main Bold Defender, I am now eagerly awaiting your New Zealandised version of Hamlet. I'm fed up with the way that pommy git Shakespear writes - what self respecting Kiwi would ever talk in that manner?
Hamlet, eh? Good point. I shall mull on that one...

[WRT]

Dont get me wrong, I wouldnt for a second compare the writer of the assicons email with Shakespear, any more than you would compare the word "Mom" with dropping nukes on Iran.

[Motu]

It's a bit sad when I see our young folk taking on americanisims so wholeheartedly,but I was very disapointed when I heard that dancing program advertised on TV not in ''our tongue'' ....not that I'd ever watch a bunch of poofters prancing around the dance floor - my wife is not allowd to watch it in our house,she goes to our daughters place to see it.

I have seen a few polls on forums about zed and zee - and it appears only in the US do they say zee....and so it really annoys me when I hear people saying zee....grrrrr.

[WRT]

But but but, "News Talk Zee B" sounds so cool!!

LOL - only joking there . . . I agree that Kiwis in talking and typing should try to adhere to all our local variants of spelling and pronouciation. I just dont see the point in rewording something that comes from an overseas source.

Edit: Assuming of course that we are talking about some form or variant of English.

[Maha]

Could be changed too ' NUKES TALK ZEE B '...............:2thumbsup

[kickingzebra]

doubleU EX WHY and ZEE it rhymes man, thats what I was taught in kindy, ZED is wrong!! not you Zed!!

[Hitcher]

Hamlet
By Bill Shakespeare

One-sentence summary
Shit happens if you act on impulse. (Quentin Tarantino fans should relate well to this)

[I was going to change the characters' names to something more Kiwi but only got confused]

Plot
Hamlet is really depressed about his Dad’s death and his Mum’s decision to marry the new King, Claudius, after only two months. All a bit dodgy really, according to Hamlet.

Hamlet’s best mate Horatio, tells him he saw a ghost on the castle’s ramparts. That evening, the ghost (who turns out to be Hamlet’s dead Dad) tells Hamlet that Claudius killed him. Hamlet is really pissed off with Claudius and plots revenge.

Hamlet is dating Ophelia. Her Dad, Polonius, tells King Claudius and Queen Gertrude that he reckons Hamlet’s madness is due to his love for Ophelia.

Hamlet puts on a play in which the actors perform a scene similar to the actual murder of King Hamlet. Claudius gets really annoyed when he sees this.

Claudius prays and Hamlet hears him confess to the murder and try to do a forgiveness deal with God. Hamlet then thinks that if he kills Claudius, Claudius will go to heaven. This pisses him off even more.

Hamlet decides to have a yarn with his Mum and let her know what he suspects and has heard. Polonius spies on them and hears all this. Hamlet hears Polonius and kills him.

Claudius packs Hamlet off to England because of the murder until things die down a bit.

Laertes (Polonius’ son) comes home after hearing about his Dad’s death. Claudius tells him Hamlet did it.

Hamlet comes home, and Claudius tells Laertes to duel with Hamlet. Claudius plans to have Laertes kill Hamlet with a poisoned-tipped sword. As an insurance policy to make sure Hamlet dies, Claudius plans to offer him a poisoned glass of wine.

Gertrude tells Claudius and Laertes that Ophelia drowned in a creek.

The duel starts and Hamlet scores two hits. Gertrude grabs the poisoned wine and drinks a toast wishing Hamlet luck. Laertes manages to wound Hamlet, but in the scuffle they swap swords and Hamlet injures Laertes. As she’s dying, Gertrude says Claudius poisoned her. Laertes tells Hamlet he will die as well, and that Claudius planned everything. Hamlet stabs Claudius and kills him.

[WRT]

Now why dont they get us to read that in school? Well done good sir, you have out done yourself. Green on its way.

[kickingzebra]

I could have saved myself 15 minutes of reading time if your benevolent gift to mankind existed 10 years ago!!

[Hitcher]

Summarising. Just a hangover from a game I used to play with my grandparents about 30 years ago.

[kickingzebra]

Something along the lines of and where have you been young man?

[Storm]

Once again, I say, you Sir Hitcher, are my hero