Something helpful

[hXc]

How to boil water
<hr style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" size="1"> <!-- / icon and title --> <!-- message --> It really doesn't matter if you watch the pot ... but turn away if it makes you feel better.

Ingredients:
water!

Steps:
1. Choose a pot that's large enough to hold the amount of water you want to boil, and has a lid that fits.
2.Remember that the pot might have to be bigger than you'd think if you're going to add food to the water. Without enough room in the pot, for example, rice or pasta will boil over.
3. Place the pot on a stove burner and pour cold water from a measuring cup into the pot. Or, if you're doing something such as cooking pasta and don't need to measure, just run cold water from the tap into the pot, then place the pot on the burner.
4. Turn the burner to high. Cover the pot.
5. Check for steam escaping from under the lid, then lift the lid carefully to see how the water is doing.
6. Look at the water. If large bubbles are rising from the bottom of the pot to the surface, the water is boiling.


Tips:
You might be tempted to use water that's already warm or hot from the tap, but this water has been sitting in your pipes for some time, getting stale. Use cold water if you're going to drink it or cook with it.

Small bubbles that stay at the bottom or sides of the pot are air bubbles present in the water; they don't necessarily indicate that boiling is imminent. Wait for bubbles that rise to the top of the pot.

Boiling water remains at the same temperature for the entire time it's boiling.


Warnings:
Don't let your pot or kettle boil dry, or you risk ruining the pot.

Tips:
Watching the kettle boil does not change anything. It does not take longer!

[yungatart]

Hmmmmmm.....:confused:

[MSTRS]

Great....you can cook dinner for us.

[Scorpygirl]

Hi hXC....That is so very helpful. Well done mate and you going to apply for chef school. I will remember these tips when I cook my rice for tea tonight. Thank you. You have saved my day and a pot!!! :killingme :laugh: (P/T):bleh:

[hXc]

Just thought it could help somebody out there.

[hXc]

Hi hXC....That is so very helpful. Well done mate and you going to apply for chef school. I will remember these tips when I cook my rice for tea tonight. Thank you. You have saved my day and a pot!!! :killingme :laugh: (P/T):bleh:
That's quite alright Scorpy. Always like helping people.


Great....you can cook dinner for us.
Let's see..........

Nah!

[Coyote]

That's how you do it :slap:

[hXc]

That's how you do it :slap:
Yeah I've been practising for some time to get it down to a fine art.

Stay tuned for the next helpful piece of kitchen information...

[Scorpygirl]

Yeah I've been practising for some time to get it down to a fine art.

Stay tuned for the next helpful piece of kitchen information...

hXc - I can't wait for the next kitchen tip. I need all the help I can get!!! Thank you! :killingme

PS - off to cook stir-fry now...wish me luck!!

[hXc]

There's nothing like a fried egg in the morning, with some toast and coffee.

Ingredients:
Non-stick cooking spray
Spatulas
Frying pan
Butter
Cooking oil
2 large eggs

Steps:
1. Over medium heat, warm a small amount of oil or butter, perhaps 1 1/2 tsp., in a small skillet, or spray the pan with nonstick cooking spray.
2. Crack the eggs into the pan.
3. Cook until the white appears solid, about 3 to 4 minutes.
4. For basted eggs, put 1 tsp. or so of melted butter over the yolk.
5. For eggs sunny-side up, remove the egg from the pan with a spatula and serve.
6. For eggs over easy, carefully flip the egg over onto the yolk side and cook another minute or two. (You'll probably want to turn the egg after 2 to 3 minutes, instead of 3 to 4, depending on how well done you like your eggs.)

Tips:
If the egg's edges burn, turn down the heat.

Most people like the egg cooked gently, as the white gets rubbery if the heat is cranked up. But some people like their fried eggs with browned edges. Turn up the heat if you like it that way!

Some people cover the pan to make the egg cook faster, but then the yolk gets a film over the top.

Warnings:
Eggs are high in cholesterol.

Suggestions from me:
I suggest covering the eggs with a lid that you have placed a few drops of water in. This creates steam and you won't have to flip the eggs.

[Magua]

What would I do without you hXc?

[crashe]

But but but.... how do you 'boil' an EGG...?






(pt):bleh:

[Scorpygirl]

HXC you are a cooking genius...Move over Jamie Oliver!!! :laugh: :killingme

PS - the boiling water tip worked wonders... my pot is intact and the rice is not a lump of glue!!! YIPPEEEE!!!! :drinkup:

[Coyote]

I'm surprised this thread hasn't crashed landed into PD. Guess the moderators found it informative :bleh:

[froggyfrenchman]

You stole that out of the cooking book i released last summer. "cooking with heat"

[hXc]

You stole that out of the cooking book i released last summer. "cooking with heat"
Man, you speak some shit!

[froggyfrenchman]

Man, you speak some shit!

Pot: "Youre black you is!"
Kettle: " 'er, fuck off"

[BuFfY]

This thread will be very useful for my sister... A while ago mum asked her to boil some potatoes.... some how she burnt them! AND she can't even cook 2 minute noodles!

[hXc]

This thread will be very useful for my sister... A while ago mum asked her to boil some potatoes.... some how she burnt them! AND she can't even cook 2 minute noodles!
**Cough** Retard! **Cough**

Lollerskates, she must be extremely pathetic

[Ixion]

What self respecting biker dude is going to cook eggs! Thatz what we haz a bitch for, ain't it?

Thiz shoulda been in the Biker Angelz forum, dude.

Now get in the kitchen and cook me some eggs.

[Scorpygirl]

What self respecting biker dude is going to cook eggs! Thatz what we haz a bitch for, ain't it?

Thiz shoulda been in the Biker Angelz forum, dude.

Now get in the kitchen and cook me some eggs.

Some words Xion!!! On ya Bike!!! The kitchen is too hot!!:killingme :ride:

[Rosie]

There's nothing like a fried egg in the morning, with some toast and coffee.
You going to post the instructions for toast and coffee, or are you going to leave us in suspense?
I like weetbix for breakfast, do you have a recipe for those?

[yungatart]

AND she can't even cook 2 minute noodles!
Ummm..er... hXc can you please instruct us lesser mortals on how to cook these too...

[Hitcher]

Don't get too far ahead of yourself, hXc. There's "cornflakes" and "toast" to master as well, as part of a breakfast experience...

[Krayy]

Don't get too far ahead of yourself, hXc. There's "cornflakes" and "toast" to master as well, as part of a breakfast experience...
This could be the start of something that's been missing from the bokshelves for quite a while now....a "Blokes Cookbook". Here's one....

Blokey Muffins
1. Ask the wife where the flour is and throw some in a bowl
2. Rummage through fridge for 20 minutes looking for some eggs before asking wife where she has put them, then mutter under breath when she tells you they're on top of the microwave (thats the medium sized white box on the bench top).
3. Crack one or two eggs into the flour then pick the shells out.
4. Now wash the chain grease off of your hands before wife notices.
5. A splash of milk wouldn't go astray in the bowl.
6. Beat the hell out of it until your arm gets tired then fill a muffin tray with the mixture.
7. When you realise that you haven't put the chocolate chips in,just pour them over the tops of the muffin mix in the tray, it'll melt in.
8. Put them in an 240 degree oven until either the wife says she can smell burning or the fire alram goes off.
9. Server with pride and a beer!

:finger:

[hXc]

How to cook toast


Ingredients:
Bread
Toaster
Butter
Spreads/toppings
Knife

Steps:
1. Have a toaster and a favorite bread on hand.
2. Make sure the toaster is plugged in.
3. Set the toaster on a medium or light setting. You can always adjust it up later.
4. Put a slice or two of the bread in toaster.
5. Push down the toaster button.
6. Wait until the toasted bread pops up, and see if it's done as much as you'd like. If not, push it down again for a very short time.

Tips/Suggestions:
Put a topping or two on the hot toast, such as a thin layer of butter and some jam.

Other popular toast toppings are cinnamon and sugar, or peanut butter.

Warnings:
Don't burn yourself.

Don't burn your toast - it's easy for it to catch on fire if the settings are too high.

Don't hold down the lever on the toaster as this will cause the toaster to catch fire.

[Qkkid]

Great....you can cook dinner for us.
that sounds great dinnner for all of us:eek:

[hXc]

How to make a great cup of coffee


Ingredients:
Coffee
Mug
Teaspoon
Water
Jug/kettle
Milk (optional)
Sugar (optional)

Steps:
1. Collect the coffee, mug, teaspoon (smallest spoon), kettle, and sugar (optional).
2. Fill the kettle with water, and put it on to boil.
3. Put the coffee & sugar (optional) in the Mug.
4. Fill the cup 20% full with milk. (optional)
5. Stir for 30 seconds, to make sure there are no lumps.
6. Add boiling water to the mixture.
7. Stir the mixture until smooth & frothy.
8. Enjoy your coffee. Drink it while it's hot - but don't burn yourself!

Tips:
If using coffee whitener or having black coffee, add a little cold water first. (optional)

Warnings:
Do not add the boiling water without milk or a little cold water, as this kills the taste.

It's hot, don't burn yourself.

[Qkkid]

[QUOTE=crashe]But but but.... how do you 'boil' an EGG...?


nevermind a boiled egg what about scrambled eggs

[yungatart]

How to make a great cup of coffee


Ingredients:
Coffee
Mug
Teaspoon
Water
Jug/kettle
Milk (optional)
Sugar (optional)

Steps:
1. Collect the coffee, mug, teaspoon (smallest spoon), kettle, and sugar (optional).
2. Fill the kettle with water, and put it on to boil.
3. Put the coffee & sugar (optional) in the Mug.
4. Fill the cup 20% full with milk. (optional)
5. Stir for 30 seconds, to make sure there are no lumps.
6. Add boiling water to the mixture.
7. Stir the mixture until smooth & frothy.
8. Enjoy your coffee. Drink it while it's hot - but don't burn yourself!

Tips:
If using coffee whitener or having black coffee, add a little cold water first. (optional)

Warnings:
Do not add the boiling water without milk or a little cold water, as this kills the taste.

It's hot, don't burn yourself.
What is this kettle you speak of? Last night you taught us how to boil water in a pot, now you talk of this kettle thing, please explain?

[hXc]

How to make noodles


Ingredients:
Water
Bowl
Noodles (with flavouring)
Microwave
Fork or spoon

Steps:
1. Crush the Noodles while the bag is still sealed.
2. Put noodles into a bowl. Fill bowl with water until it reaches just below the top of the noodles.
3. Microwave it for 2.5-3 minutes, stirring once or twice.
4. After the microwave beeps, don't take it out straight away. Let it sit for a minute with the door open, it will cool the bowl down enough to be able to take it out.
5. Take it out and pour in the Flavour Packet. Stir noodles until flavor dissolves.

Tips:
Let the noodles soak for a few minutes in the flavor before eating. They'll be plumper that way.

You can put in the flavor packet before microwaving. This will give the noodles more time to soak up the flavor.

Warnings:
Don't touch the bowl right after the microwaving is done cooking. You'll burn yourself!

[hXc]

What is this kettle you speak of? Last night you taught us how to boil water in a pot, now you talk of this kettle thing, please explain?

A metal, or plastic container, which is electronically powered and has elements in the bottom. It heats water to the boil faster than a pot.

But you must use a pot if you are cooking rice or pasta etc.

[Qkkid]

Got the coffee got the toast dinners sorted now how about scrambled eggs how do i make them to go on me toast

[Goblin]

Thiz shoulda been in the Biker Angelz forum, dude.

I thought piontless drivel would be more appropriate:bleh:

[MSTRS]

Got the coffee got the toast dinners sorted now how about scrambled eggs how do i make them to go on me toast
Stand-by.....he's gone to work to learn how to make latte....

[Rosie]

Who would have thought that instant coffee and instant noodles would be so complicated to make?

[Coyote]

How to make noodles...

Whoa, fuck. This is going way over my head

[Hitcher]

I thought piontless drivel would be more appropriate:bleh:
Indeed. I was forgetting myself. Ahem. "Strike one!"

[kickingzebra]

You know, if you put a lid on the pot, the water boils faster....

[yungatart]

You know, if you put a lid on the pot, the water boils faster....
Do you wet the lid first, to create extra steam to speed up the process? Does a lid also make a kettle boil faster?

[kickingzebra]

Do you wet the lid first, to create extra steam to speed up the process? Does a lid also make a kettle boil faster?

If you paint the lid red, it goes faster....

[Qkkid]

You know, if you put a lid on the pot, the water boils faster....
And if you half fill it it boils much much much more faster

[Qkkid]

And if you half fill it it boils much much much more faster
hang on if you get a very small pot and then only half fill it it boils even faster again:laugh:

[kickingzebra]

hang on if you get a very small pot and then only half fill it it boils even faster again:laugh:

And only takes half the time to drink the resulting cup of tea, cause it's half the size....

[MSTRS]

And only takes half the time to drink the resulting cup of tea, cause it's half the size....
Now hang on a mo....half-size cups are for coffee, not tea. And they're called demi-tasses.

[BuFfY]

Wait.... so what you are saying is if I have lots of lil red pots my water will boil faster?

[Qkkid]

Wait.... so what you are saying is if I have lots of lil red pots my water will boil faster?
providing you put them all on the stove p.s dont forget to turn the stove on and if your on gas dont forget to light the gas

[MSTRS]

Weelll....pot will make your eyes red....but I'm not sure what it will do to 'your water':killingme

[Ixion]

Got the coffee got the toast dinners sorted now how about scrambled eggs how do i make them to go on me toast

Break as many eggs as are desired into a mixing vessel
Add to the vessel one SMALL dollop of milk per egg
Beat all well together until homogeneous
Salt and pepper to taste

Pour mixture into a greased skillet or pan, preheated to a moderate heat.
Add one small knob of butter cut up and spread throughout the mixture.
Stir with a wooden spoon, moving the thickening mass from the edges into the centre and folding the mixture over until it has thickened. Reduce heat as necessary to prevent hardening around the edges.

Serve, garnished as desired.

[Qkkid]

Break as many eggs as are desired into a mixing vessel
Add to the vessel one SMALL dollop of milk per egg
Beat all well together until homogeneous
Salt and pepper to taste

Pour mixture into a greased skillet or pan, preheated to a moderate heat.
Add one small knob of butter cut up and spread throughout the mixture.
Stir with a wooden spoon, moving the thickening mass from the edges into the centre and folding the mixture over until it has thickened. Reduce heat as necessary to prevent hardening around the edges.

Serve, garnished as desired.
add some herbs a bit of mustard very yummy thank god i can have breakfast now thank you ixion:msn-wink:

[Rosie]

So I'll contribute a recipe of my own...

The first beer of the day

Ingredients:
Beer
Bottle opener (optional)
Beer glass (optional)

Chill the beer in a refrigerator. Beer can be fast chilled in the freezer, but this is not recommended.

Remove beer from refrigerator. Dark beers for winter consumption can be left on the bench for a couple of minutes to warm up a little. In summer, beer glasses can be put into the freezer for a few minutes to make them nice and cold. But not for too long or your tongue will stick to it.

Open beer. Using a bottle opener if necessary. Opening your beer with another object, such as a screwdriver, the bonnet of your car, or your eye socket is a nice touch (especially if trying to impress females).

Tilt beer glass about 20-30° from vertical. Pour beer in slowly, so it doesn't froth too much. For wheat beers, pour 3/4 of the beer into the glass, swirl the remains around the bottom of the bottle, and continue pouring.

Take a moment to smell the delicious aroma of your beer before taking the first well-deserved sip.

Repeat as required.

[Hitcher]

You know, if you put a lid on the pot, the water boils faster....
PV = nRT (where RT is the radius of the top?)

Oh. And that must be "Strike two".

[kickingzebra]

This it is, humblest apologies... hXc has written cover the pot... If not for posterity, I would amend post to read:
Although one buttock will probably be of sufficient size to cover the pot, a lid is the recommended device, as buttocks have limited sensitivity to boiling water/steam.

[crashe]

hXc - You are doing a damn fine job trying to teach these totally uncouth motorbike riders about the finer art of culinary delights.

Here they are all taking the piss at you, when you have gone out of your way to help them make a meal for their next date (thats if they can get one) and for those that are married, so that they could surprise their wife/partner with a nice meal.

Whether it be muffins or scrambled eggs on toast with a nice cuppa coffee.
This rowdy lot are not appreciating all that you are doing for them...

Now I imagine even the gals are taking note on how to do things as well...
Cos you know some gals just don't like to do the kitchen thing.


So all I can say is well done and keep up the good work.

And NO this thread should NOT end up in PD....

We must all appreciate hXc's great work and to do that it can only be done in this thread in the 'Rant and Rave" section.
So moderators please leave this thread alone.
cheers.

[hXc]

...Insert above post here...

Thanks Crashe. I appreciate it. I mean, I have gone to a lot of trouble to try and educate these half wits. I like to be helpful and I'm glad that some people are taking this seriously.

I believe this thread should not be sent to PD. It's not pointless, and it's not drivel. It's basic, yes: But it will certainly help the likes of alarumba, Rosie, BuFfY and the sister of BuFfY.

To carry on with my helpful cooking instructions, stay tuned....

[yungatart]

..... helpful cooking instructions, stay tuned....
hXc has to get off the computer now and go and prepare a 3 course banquet for yours truly and MSTRS...
I really don't mind if it is toast, scrambled egg, boiled water and noodles, with blokey muffins and coffee for dessert - as long as he puts his great culinary skills to good use in the kitchen - for a change!

[MSTRS]

After all this gratuitous cookery, I thought that it might be appropriate at this time to instruct you all on what to do with all those dirty dishes.....
Pop them in a sack & take them round to your mum. She knows what to do with them.

[hXc]

How to make fried rice

Fried rice is an easy and filling dish - great for a bachelor gentleman. You just have to remember to cook the rice the night before.

Ingredients:
4 c. cooked rice
Oil
2 eggs
1 carrot - diced
1/2 c. frozen peas
4 scallions - minced
1/2 c. leftover meat
Soy sauce

Steps:
1. Heat a wok or large skillet over high heat.
2. Add a little oil and wait a few moments for it to heat up.
3. Break the eggs into the wok and mix quickly to scramble.
4. When the egg is well-set, remove it and chop it into bite-size pieces or strips.
5. Wipe out the wok and add a little more oil. Wait for it to heat.
6. If the rice is clumpy, break it up with your hands so that each grain is separate.
7. Add the cold rice to the wok. Move the rice quickly around the hot pan by putting your spoon or spatula under the rice and turning it over. (This is the basic stir-frying technique.)
8. After a minute or so, add the diced carrots and move them about the pan with the rice.
9. After 3 minutes, add the frozen peas and stir-fry.
10. After 2 minutes, add the scallions, egg and meat, if using.
11. Season the rice with salt or soy sauce once the ingredients are well-mixed. Cook another minute or until everything is heated through.
12. Remove from heat and serve.

Tips:
The amount of oil you use is up to you. You need only a tablespoon or so to keep the rice from sticking.

You can put anything you want in fried rice: leftover vegetables, stir-fry or anything that seems interesting. Try fried rice with ham and eggs for breakfast.

Traditionally, fried rice is seasoned with salt instead of soy sauce, because soy sauce turns the rice brown. Whichever you choose, be conservative when you first add it. You can always add more, but you can't take too much back.

Try a few drops of sesame oil in the egg before you cook it.

Try some minced garlic and ginger in the oil before you add the rice.

If your wok is large, you can cook the egg with everything else: After the rice and other ingredients are heated, push it to the sides of the wok so there's an empty space in the bottom. Crack the eggs into the space and cook. When the eggs are set, stir everything together to break up the eggs.

Some people like tomato sauce on their fried rice.

Warnings:
Don't use hot rice, or you'll have a gloppy mess. Cooling the rice makes the grains separate.

[Rosie]

But it will certainly help the likes of alarumba, Rosie, BuFfY and the sister of BuFfY

Alright, I'll stop mocking you. This is a great recipe, and easy to remember (1 of everything). I can even make it when I'm drunk.

Corn fritters (stolen from Alyson Holst "Meals without meat").

You will need...
1 can of whole kernel corn, drained, or 1 1/4 cups of thawed frozen corn
1 cup flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 egg
a little bit of water, or juice from the corn can.
Black pepper to taste

Optional flavourings (choose a couple, not all at once)
Grated cheese
Fresh herbs
Chilli sauce
left over chopped up veggies
curry powder
fish sauce
balsamic vinegar
etc.

And here is what you do...
Mix all the ingredients together, adding just enough water to make a fairly stiff batter to coat the bits of corn. Don't overmix, or the batter will become tough.
Heat some oil over medium/high heat in a frypan. Non stick if you must, but they get a nice crispy crust if you put them in a proper cast iron pan (and that extra iron is good for you! Teflon isn't).
Add big spoonfuls of the fritter mixture to the pan, and flatten them slightly. Cook for a couple of minutes on each side, or until golden, and cooked through (ie not goey in the middle).
Put them on a plate lined with a paper towel, and keep them warm in the oven (~150°C) until ready to serve. Or, if you live by yourself, stand in the kitchen and eat the first batch while you cook the second.
Serve them with potatoes and vegetables to impress the vegetarian love of your life, or serve them for breakfast with eggs (see recipes above), or eat them by themselves for an easy and filling snack.

[kickingzebra]

.

"Meals without meat".


LIES!!!! There is no such thing!!! LIES I SAY!!

[BuFfY]

[QUOTE=hXc] It's basic, yes: But it will certainly help the likes of alarumba, Rosie, BuFfY and the sister of BuFfY. [QUOTE]

I am a brilliant cook actually! And I am about to prepare a fantastic meal as I am having a dinner party! When you come to Auckland I will prove this to you!
But yeh... My sister needs a lot of help in the kitchen!

[hXc]

How to boil water in the microwave

Ingredients:
Water
Microwave safe container
Measuring cup

Steps:
1. Determine the amount of boiling water needed for your task.
2. Measure amount, then pour water into a microwave-safe container.
3. Place the container in the microwave.
4. Set microwave on High. Heat water until boiling; generally 4 minutes for 1 cup; 6 minutes for 2 cups; 10 minutes for 4 cups.
5. If container is hot to the touch, use pot holders or an oven cloth to remove from the microwave.

Tips:
In general, boiling water in the microwave should be reserved for projects requiring four cups of water or less.

When boiling water for tea, simply fill cup with water, put in microwave for 3 minutes, add tea bag and steep as usual.

If you are not sure what a microwave-safe container is, consult the manual that came with your microwave. Generally, it is safe to use glass.

Warnings:
Be careful when boiling water - use pot holders/oven cloth to carry the hot container and don't leave boiling water unattended.

[Scorpygirl]

[QUOTE=hXc][B][U]How to make fried rice
[QUOTE]

Excuse me Mr Cordon Bleu Chef Sir ... whats a scallion??? I am a complete cooking pleb!!! :doh:

Thank you so much for your cooking tips. I have learnt so much!!! :killingme

[hXc]

It's a type of onion

[Maha]

Cant wait for 'How to rotate cock anticlock wise' post.......:laugh:

[Colapop]

Do have instructions for Sucre la Creme?

[Hitcher]

How to cook a pizza. 0800 83 83 83.

[Scorpygirl]

It's a type of onion

I learn something new everyday!!! :yes: Thank you hXc!!!

[hXc]

I learn something new everyday!!! :yes: Thank you hXc!!!
That's alright.

[Scorpygirl]

A good cooking point - NEVER EVER pour a pot of boiling, salted water with oil and macaroni in it over your hand. The resulting hand ends up a blistered mess and said person is guaranteed to be pumped full of morphine and get a ride in a white truck with red flashing lights to a burns ward. Touch and go for skin grafts. Said hand does not have the stretch it did anymore. Lesson Learnt!!! :doobey:

[Ixion]

Do have instructions for Sucre la Creme?

Etes-vous Quebecois?

Take thou of brown sugar, white sugar, and heavy cream (it MUST be HEAVY cream), equal parts. 1 tablespoon of UNSALTED butter for each cup of cream. Half a teaspoon of vanilla essence for each tablespoon of butter.

Mix the two sugars and the cream in a saucepan, and bring it slowly to the boil, being very careful not to burn or caramelise it. Be careful! Boil gently (WITHOUT BURNING IT!) until a thermometer reading of 240 F. if you have no thermometer , boil until a drop of water flicked onto the surface JUST jumps off instantly.

Did I mention not to burn it?

Cool for about half an hour, until just still to hot to bear the touch . Stir in gently the butter (cut into small lumps and distributed) and the essence.

Beat like bejazus, until either the mixture looses its "sheen" or your arm falls off, whichever comes first.

Pour (it won't pour easy, you'll have to scrape it) into a square pan and cool to room temperature (assuming you're not an Eskimo).

Serve cut into square.

DON'T BURN IT.

[Scorpygirl]

Sounds complicated Ixion!!! I don't think I will try it, I can burn water me!!! :gob: :doobey:

[MSTRS]

How to cook a pizza. 0800 83 83 83.
Well, I've looked and damned if I can find that setting on the microwave.....is mine perhaps an obselete model?

[Hitcher]

Well, I've looked and damned if I can find that setting on the microwave.....is mine perhaps an obselete model?
Possibly. But it's more likely to be an obsolete model.

You must learn to think beyond the microwave, Grasshopper...

[MSTRS]

Possibly. But it's more likely to be an obsolete model.

You must learn to think beyond the microwave, Grasshopper...
-----fuck-----sprung-----

[kickingzebra]

You're all nucking futs!! I'm eating muesli bars from now on!!!

[MSTRS]

You're all nucking futs!! I'm eating muesli bars from now on!!!
Oh, a recipe for them would be good. I tried making some once without a recipe. I had trouble finding a suitable binding agent. Trust me....cement is NOT good....

[Rosie]

Oh, a recipe for them would be good. I tried making some once with a recipe. I had trouble finding a suitable binding agent. Trust me....cement is NOT good....

I have a reasonable muesli bar recipe. They come out a bit sticky, but taste really nice. I can post it tomorrow if you like.

[Swoop]

What are all these references to a "stove"???

What / where is it?

[kickingzebra]

Waiting for the post nazis to come on and abuse the abusers of a BIKE forum...
But bikers need cement flavoured muesli bars... Good and crunchy!! always as fresh as the day after you baked them... 12 mpa after 14 hours...

[MSTRS]

But bikers need cement flavoured muesli bars... Good and crunchy!! always as fresh as the day after you baked them... 12 mpa after 14 hours...
The only good thing about that is you can get stoned legally

[Ixion]

Ah me, we had the lace doily thread, and the knitting thread, and now the recipe thread.

If the public but knew the things that big tough mean bikers spend their time talking about :rofl:. Our reputation would never recover.

[kickingzebra]

Bearing that in Mind Ixion, shall we go beat up some innocent people in the streets, maybe ride somewhere without our helmets on...

Even better, go and rob a bookstore of all their cooking books!!

[Rosie]

What are all these references to a "stove"???

What / where is it?

Underneath all the glassware in your P lab, there is a white metal object that burns you when you touch parts of it. That's the stove.

[MSTRS]

Ah me, we had the lace doily thread, and the knitting thread, and now the recipe thread.

If the public but knew the things that big tough mean bikers spend their time talking about :rofl:. Our reputation would never recover.
What? You mean that we can't discuss who we will invite along to the Vicar's next tea-party whilst dealing to some innocent Joe Public with our chains??

[Rosie]

Waiting for the post nazis to come on and abuse the abusers of a BIKE forum...
But bikers need cement flavoured muesli bars... Good and crunchy!! always as fresh as the day after you baked them... 12 mpa after 14 hours...

Do you use steel reinforcing muesli?

[kickingzebra]

Only if its load bearing

[Scorpygirl]

What are all these references to a "stove"???

What / where is it?

A stove? That's a very good question Swoop and for the life of me I can't think of the answer. Must be Old Timer's Disease creeping in. Oh well off to burn something else now!!! :blip: :killingme

[Rosie]

Only if its load bearing

Load bearing? Is that like when someone says "why don't you just sellotape that muesli bar to your hips to save time?"

[kickingzebra]

Very similiar, but DOS based... A:\load>Bearing.FAT

[Scorpygirl]

Load bearing? Is that like when someone says "why don't you just sellotape that muesli bar to your hips to save time?"

No, No... Load-bearing is all the extra bulk generated from the so-called nutritious fibre!!! :gob: Whatever that is? :blip:

[Rosie]

No, No... Load-bearing is all the extra bulk generated from the so-called nutritious fibre!!! :gob: Whatever that is? :blip:

So in that case you'd use fibre cement? :blip:

[Scorpygirl]

So in that case you'd use fibre cement? :blip:

Hahahahahahah!!!!! :shit: a brick! Literally!!!

[kickingzebra]

So in that case you'd use fibre cement? :blip:

Contained asbestos... So the choice is heart disease from weight, or lung disease from eating oh so yummy asbestos... MMmmm, dinner time... anyone want to practice some good recipes at my house??

[Rosie]

Contained asbestos... So the choice is heart disease from weight, or lung disease from eating oh so yummy asbestos... MMmmm, dinner time... anyone want to practice some good recipes at my house??

I was thinking more about the fibre cement with wood fibre in it. But asbestos would be ok, as long as you don't inhale. :rofl:

[kickingzebra]

Thats OK, treated timber is also carcinogenic :)

[Rosie]

Thats OK, treated timber is also carcinogenic :)

They don't treat the wood fibre, they use ordinary Kraft fibre (the stuff they make newspapers out of). Maybe newspapers are carcinogenic too :gob:
I think this is getting off topic anyway. So I'm going to post a recipe.

Weetbix a la Banane (1 serving)

A healthy way to start your day. With lots of fibre (not asbestos).

You will need:
Weetbix. The packet suggests eating two. I have four because I want to grow up to be big and strong.
Around 2/3 of a cup of milk
A banana (or other fruit as desired)
Coffee grounds - espresso grind, not filter or plunger.
sugar (optional).

1. Set up your stovetop espresso machine. Put water in the bottom part, add the filter and fill with coffee grounds. Screw on the lid firmly, put onto the stove and turn element to 'high'.

Warning: These also come in cordless electric versions, do not put one of these on the stove, or the plastic will melt. Put it onto the cordless base, and turn the switch on.

2. While the coffee is brewing, prepare the weetbix. Place the desired number of weetbix into a bowl, laying them flat, or standing them up on edge according to your personal preference. Peel the banana and slice it into the bowl. If you slice the banana using the edge of a spoon, you create less dishes, and you are less likely to cut yourself (remember you haven't had coffee yet, so may not be entirely coordinated). Arrange the banana over top of the weetbix, or around the edges of them, again, according to your personal preference.

3. Once the coffee is ready, pour it into a cup and add milk and sugar to taste. Stir thoroughly. But not with the spoon you sliced the banana with. Ewwww.

4. Pour the remainder of the milk over the weetbix and serve immediately.

5. Remember to rinse out the bowl when you are finished. Dried up bits of weetbix are near impossible to remove later.

Bon Appetit!

[kickingzebra]

Thats a dinner recipe?? Sounds yummo!!

[Qkkid]

and dont forget to do the dishes huh?

[Qkkid]

and dont forget to do the dishes huh?
:wait: can we have a lesson on doing the dishes:blip:

[Rosie]

So you'll be offering to cook dinner for the Mrs tonight? :dodge:
The intro said it is a good way to "start your day" If your day starts at 7pm, then perhaps you might want to have weetbix for dinner. If you're having it with dinner, you might want to serve it with a light, fruity white wine rather than coffee.
I'm not so good with wine and food matching though, maybe someone else has a good suggestion.

[MSTRS]

:wait: can we have a lesson on doing the dishes:blip:
Anwswered already....http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showpost.php?p=588300&postcount=57

[Qkkid]

Anwswered already....http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showpost.php?p=588300&postcount=57
:blip: Sorry missed that one good old mum :innocent: eh???

[Swoop]

Underneath all the glassware in your P lab, there is a white metal object that burns you when you touch parts of it. That's the stove.
The only "P" at my place is directed at the porcelain...:nya:

[Hitcher]

If you slice the banana using the edge of a spoon, you create less dishes
You create fewer dishes.

(Being helpful, in the spirit of this thread...)

[crashe]

So in that case you'd use fibre cement? :blip:

No no no it must be HIGH Fibre cement...
you know to get you *ahem cough cough * going...... :whistle:


Oh and you must SHUT the door during and after you have gone.... :rofl::sick:

[Rosie]

You create fewer dishes.

(Being helpful, in the spirit of this thread...)

A spoon isn't a dish. So when talking about 'dishes' it's more a continuous quantity of stuff to be washed, rather than a discrete number of dishes. Thus 'less' rather than 'fewer'. Or something like that.

They stopped teaching grammar long before I started school, so I'm really on the back foot here.

[Hitcher]

They stopped teaching grammar long before I started school, so I'm really on the back foot here.
Less means "not as much"; fewer means "not as many." Trust your ear: if you'd use "much," use "less"; if you'd use "many," use "fewer." You earn less money by selling fewer products; you use less oil but eat fewer fries. If you can count them, use fewer.

This grammar tip courtesy of the BDOTGNZA.

[MSTRS]

Less means "not as much"; fewer means "not as many." Trust your ear: if you'd use "much," use "less"; if you'd use "many," use "fewer." You earn less money by selling fewer products; you use less oil but eat fewer fries. If you can count them, use fewer.

This grammar tip courtesy of the BDOTGNZA.
And for your next trick, can you explain the 'who/whom' thing? Like long division, I never got that either....

[Ixion]

To whom do you look for enlightenment. Who will enlighten you.

Who relates to the subject of the sentence, whom to the object. Or is it the other way round?

[Qkkid]

very enlightning ixion very deep i guess thats what happens when we cant ride:scooter: our bikes because of the weather

[Hitcher]

And for your next trick, can you explain the 'who/whom' thing? Like long division, I never got that either....
A simple test to see which is proper is to replace who/whom with he/him. If he sounds right, use who. If him is right, use whom.

For example: since he did it and not him did it, use who did it. Since we give something to him and not to he, use to whom.

It gets trickier when the preposition is separated from the who: Who/whom did you give it to? Rearrange the words in your head: "To whom did you give it?"

The BDOTGNZA hope this is of assistance.

[Ixion]

very enlightning ixion very deep i guess thats what happens when we cant ride:scooter: our bikes because of the weather

What weather? I shall be riding home in a few minutes.

[MSTRS]

The BDOTGNZA hope this is of assistance.
Yea, verily and forsooth.....:yes:

[kickingzebra]

I tried to explain the words "Verily verily, I say unto you" to a japanese guy once. That was hilarious. Then there was the walrus incident.
We taught him that a walrus is like a mermaid, with a face like an elephant, with long tusks coming out of the nostrils, and wings, so it can fly, underwater, upside down.
Poor Kenichi...

[hXc]

Sorry to dig up an old thread but...fuck this sounds good. I sort of thought of it today, haven't made it yet. But mmmm...chicken!

Chicken and cranberry pinwheel bake

2 parts cranberries: 1 part water: 2 parts brown sugar
Half an orange zest.

Rinse berries and remove stems. Place in water and add brown sugar and zest.
Boil lightly until berries pop open, stirring frequently.
Add orange zest just before removing from heat, stirring thoroughly.


Place chicken snitzel into sauce, then roll up tightly, placing in a baking dish, until all chicken is rolled. Once all chicken is used, pour over remaining sauce.

Bake in oven at a moderate heat until the chicken is cooked (I've never actually made this yet, so this is a little guess-work). Towards the end of cooking time, add some brie or other cheese/herbs over the top.

[yungatart]

I suggest you practice that tonight!
I'm sick of cooking for you lot, anyway.

[hXc]

I suggest you practice that tonight!
I'm sick of cooking for you lot, anyway.
Fuuuckk...the cheek of it! Stays home all day, and doesn't even cook up a decent meal. Gosh!

[GurlRacer]

Fuuuckk...the cheek of it! Stays home all day, and doesn't even cook up a decent meal. Gosh!

Oooooosh... the cheek of it... someone who studies Hospitality L2 and OBVIOUSLY doesn't listen :p hah. Go cook some eggs biatch!! :p

:laugh:

[BuFfY]

Oooooosh... the cheek of it... someone who studies Hospitality L2 and OBVIOUSLY doesn't listen :p hah. Go cook some eggs biatch!! :p

:laugh:

You tell him girl! That boy needs a damn good whippin'!!

Zaccy.. you can come up here and make that for me! mmmm hmmmm

[yungatart]

Well, it would be nice if I could tell you all how yummy hXc's chicken dish really is....but I can't, cos he didn't make it!:weep:

[hXc]

Oooooosh... the cheek of it... someone who studies Hospitality L2 and OBVIOUSLY doesn't listen :p hah. Go cook some eggs biatch!! :p

:laugh:You study it too, go cook your own fucking eggs!


You tell him girl! That boy needs a damn good whippin'!!

Zaccy.. you can come up here and make that for me! mmmm hmmmmI might consider making it for you. But it depends.


Well, it would be nice if I could tell you all how yummy hXc's chicken dish really is....but I can't, cos he didn't make it!:weep:Get the ingredients g, then I might consider making it.

[MSTRS]

You study it too, go cook you're own fucking eggs!


The BDOTGNZA insists on correct grammar....:spanking:

[hXc]

The BDOTGNZA insists on correct grammar....:spanking:Cheeky shit, changing quotes...Tut tut.

[BuFfY]

You study it too, go cook your own fucking eggs!

I might consider making it for you. But it depends.

Get the ingredients g, then I might consider making it.

Depends on what??

[hXc]

Depends on what??I don't know. Just felt like saying that.

[hXc]

Sorry again guys. But this is for real this time.
As you may have read, I study Level 2 (Yr 12/6th form) hospitality and we have an assessment on New Zealand food. We pick 3 foods (1 fruit, 1 vege, 1 meat, or 1 seafood) and study them. We make/find 2 recipes for each food, and then choose which of the 6 recipes we have, what one to cook.

I chose venison and got 2 recipes for it. One is a venison, pear and bacon burger. The other is venison steak with red wine, chocolate and chilli sauce.

Venison, Pear & Bacon Burger

Ingredients: Patties
Lean venison mince
Tinned pears - chopped
Kiwi Bacon - chopped
Caramelised onion
Breadcrumbs
Salt & Pepper

Salad
Lettuce
Redcurrant Jelly
Beetroot
Tomato
Camembert Cheese

Method
Mix the first group of ingredients together in a bowl and form into patties
Fry or grill until cooked, then combine with other ingredients to form your burger.
Garnish with red currants on the side.



Grilled Venison with red wine, chocolate and chilli sauce

Ingredients
1 venison steak
140g/5oz potatoes
4 tbsp olive oil
flatleaf parsley

For the marinade:
4 tbsp olive oil
1 garlic clove, crushed
6 sprigs thyme
freshly ground black pepper

For the red wine, chocolate and chilli sauce:
¼ red onion, chopped
60g/2oz butter
150ml/5fl oz red wine
pinch chilli flakes
1 tbsp melted chocolate

Method
Heat the oven to 220C.
Place the potatoes in a pot of salted water, bring to the boil and cook for 10 minutes or until just tender.
Place the steak in a bowl and cover with all the marinating ingredients.
For the sauce, melt half the butter in a pan and add the onions, cook for 5 minutes or until softened.
Add the red wine and chilli flakes and simmer until it has reduced to half the original volume.
Drain the potatoes, put on to a baking tray and drizzle over the olive oil. Put into the oven and roast.
Melt the chocolate in a bowl over a pot of simmering water and add to the red wine reduction.
Season the steak with some salt and fry on a hot griddle for 3 to 4 minutes on each side.
Remove and leave to rest for a few minutes then slice into thick pieces.
Whisk the remaining butter into the sauce with the pan juices from the steak.
Put the roasted potatoes on a plate, place the venison steak on top and pour over the sauce. Garnish with chopped flatleaf parsley.



Well I'm making the latter on Tuesday, but thought I may need some practice. Made it tonight, and it was a great success. Not very good photos, but better than nothing I guess.

My other two foods were capsicum, and tomato.

[Flatcap]

Well, if we are being helpful with recepies and such, may I direct you to something I made earlier:

http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showpost.php?p=1159403&postcount=20


Enjoy

[MSTRS]

Lmao at Fairlie!!! And btw - hXc's dish was delicious. Yes kids - you CAN try this at home.