Does anyone here speak Gobbledegook?

[Virago]

Attached is an article from a Chamber of Commerce newsletter received today - a bit of a giggle.

I've read it 5 times, and I still can't get past the first sentence, which is 77 words with no punctuation.

Is the "Campaign for Plain English" still around?:confused:

[Drum]

Chamber of commerce newsletter you say?

What unholy act of debauchery did you commit to be sentenced to be on their mailing list!?

[chris]

77 words with no punctuation
There's four full stops and a comma. What more do you want....?

[scumdog]

Trick of The Month? - understanding that clap-trap, sheesh!!

[Virago]

.......What unholy act of debauchery did you commit to be sentenced to be on their mailing list!?
Aah, it's called Networking - but don't worry, there's no Amway involved....

[Squeak the Rat]

That's classic consultant speak. If you didn't understand what was written then you obviously aren't smart enough which justifies needing an overpaid consultant with the brains of a septic mongolian tree tomato to write it for you.

[cowboy]

Ow my head herts now. I think I need a beer

[Str8 Jacket]

Looks alot like the legislation that I have to refer to everyday, except alot harder to read. How the hell did you manage to get that sent to you?!

[Winston001]

Written by an accountant for an accountant. Actually he hasn't made a bad job of it if you compare with the Goods and Services Tax Act 1985 itself. http://www.legislation.govt.nz/browse_vw.asp?content-set=pal_statutes

And the GST Act is small beside the Income Tax Act 2004 - all 4 volumes of it. :sick:




And now for something completely different -


It's fun to charter an accountant
And sail the wide accountancy,
To find, explore the funds offshore
And skirt the shoals of bankruptcy!

It can be manly in insurance.
We'll up your premium semi-annually.
It's all tax deductible.
We're fairly incorruptible,
We're sailing on the wide accountancy

[Sniper]

I bet he has a problem getting laid.

[Str8 Jacket]

I bet he has a problem getting laid.

Depends how much he's getting paid.... Some chicks only see $$ and nothing else matters...

[James Deuce]

Ahhh, the Crimson Permanent Assurance.

[Mr. Peanut]

I think it means that you can deduct the GST you pay on a good that is used for allowing another good to be supplied. (i.e a truck to transport hay) Once that good has been sold? :gob:

It could be so much simpler, I don't think the subject material is rocket science...

[Hitcher]

The failure to exercise or delay in exercising a right or remedy under this Agreement shall not constitute a waiver of the right or remedy or a waiver of any other rights or remedies and no single or partial exercise of any right or remedy under this Agreement shall prevent any further exercise of the right or remedy or the exercise of any other right or remedy. The rights and remedies contained in this Agreement are cumulative and not exclusive of any rights or remedies provided by law.

[Hitcher]

The switched main live is generally a single black wire and this is connected to the brown wire(s) on the fitting. On a wall light this should be a single red wire. The neutral is generally two black wires and these are connected to the blue wire(s). On a wall light this should be a single black wire. The mains earth wire(s) must be connected to all green/yellow wire(s) or earth terminal on the fitting. When completed ensure that there are no bare or loose strands of wire exposed, and cover all exposed areas of terminal blocks with insulation tape

[limbimtimwim]

There's four full stops and a comma. What more do you want....?It needs at least one ";".

[Winston001]

Ahhh, the Crimson Permanent Assurance.

Bingo.

Jim is referring to the accountancy ditty above which comes from a short Monty Python film. The film presages "The Meaning of Life" and is about the Crimson Permanent Assurance Company. A classic film short in it's own right.

http://www.mwscomp.com/movies/crimson/crimson.htm

[RantyDave]

This, is the very definition of a backfire. Scott Mason, a tax consultant, has supplied this piece of rather luscious consultancy to the chamber of commerce as a freebie. After all, once local businesses see what a clearly clever chap he is they will flock to his $250/hr door for all their tax consulting needs, right?

Except that in my experience people do like lawyers, consultants and other bullshitters (IT types included) to translate things into English for their fee. By publishing this farcical piece of legaleze all he has done is demonstrated is that he does not have this skill and is therefore to be avoided at all cost.

I did have a go at translating it, but got basically nowhere. However I can assure you that buying a lotus elise, putting "tricks" on the numberplate then trying to pass it off as a legitimate business expense is simply not going to work.

Dave