Norwegian Blue

[ManDownUnder]

ok ok - In defferance to my learned collegue (Lind Blair) who suggested this...

Here's a chance for all you (us..) Python nutters out there to make ourselves known and make an arse (or ass from those in the Americas) out of ourselves...

Favourite Monty Python quotes and triva FRONT and CENTRE!

hmmm - where to start?

Holy Grail - the king talking to his son while standing at the window of the castle
King "One day son - all this will be yours!"
Prince " What... the curtains?"

And of course the knight of NI!


Life of Brian - cameo appearance by Spike Milligan - Juniper berries scene
Spike - a hiterto unknown character appears with absolutley no intro or context within the story "Friends romans countrymen" - exit stage right

ok people - bring it on, I know of at least another 3 python nutters in here... go for it people :whistle:
MDU

[jrandom]

Python moments stuck in my head:

"... 'Throatwobbler Mangrove'"

"'e's bleedin' DEMISED!"

"DIIIIIIIINSDALE!"

"Supreme executive authority derives from a mandate from the masses, not some farcical aquatic ceremony"

And the end of one of the Flying Circus episodes, season 2 I think, the one with the occasional furry animals throughout the episode randomly exploding into clouds of orange smoke, where the camera pans past a zoo just before the end credits roll.

[jrandom]

Oh yes, and "Number One, the Larch."

"The... Larch".

"The...

...

Larch."

No idea why I remember that one, or why it cracked me up so hard.

[riffer]

<dl> <dt>CROWD OF WOMEN:</dt><dd> [yelling]</dd><dt> JEWISH OFFICIAL:</dt><dd> Matthias, son of Deuteronomy of Gath.</dd><dt> MATTHIAS:</dt><dd> Do I say 'yes'?</dd><dt> STONE HELPER #1:</dt><dd> Yes.</dd><dt> MATTHIAS:</dt><dd> Yes.</dd><dt> OFFICIAL:</dt><dd> You have been found guilty by the elders of the town of uttering the name of our Lord, and so, as a blasphemer,...</dd><dt> CROWD:</dt><dd> Ooooh!</dd><dt> OFFICIAL:</dt><dd> ...you are to be stoned to death.</dd><dt> CROWD:</dt><dd> Ahh!</dd><dt> MATTHIAS:</dt><dd> Look. I-- I'd had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was, 'That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah.'</dd><dt> CROWD:</dt><dd> Oooooh!</dd><dt> OFFICIAL:</dt><dd> Blasphemy!</dd><dd> </dd><dd> He's said it again!</dd><dt> CROWD:</dt><dd> Yes! Yes, he did! He did!...</dd><dt> OFFICIAL:</dt><dd> Did you hear him?!</dd><dt> CROWD:</dt><dd> Yes! Yes, we did! We did!...</dd><dt> WOMAN #1:</dt><dd> Really!</dd><dd> [silence]</dd><dt> OFFICIAL:</dt><dd> Are there any women here today?</dd><dt> CROWD:</dt><dd> No. No. No. No...</dd><dt> OFFICIAL:</dt><dd> Very well. By virtue of the authority vested in me--</dd><dd> [CULPRIT WOMAN stones MATTHIAS]</dd><dt> MATTHIAS:</dt><dd> Oww! Lay off! We haven't started yet!</dd><dt> OFFICIAL:</dt><dd> Come on! Who threw that? Who threw that stone? Come on.</dd><dt> CROWD:</dt><dd> She did! She did! He did! He! He. He. Him. Him. Him. Him. He did.</dd><dt> CULPRIT WOMAN:</dt><dd> Sorry. I thought we'd started.</dd><dt> OFFICIAL:</dt><dd> Go to the back.</dd><dt> CULPRIT WOMAN:</dt><dd> Oh, dear.</dd><dt> OFFICIAL:</dt><dd> Always one, isn't there? Now, where were we?</dd><dt> MATTHIAS:</dt><dd> Look. I don't think it ought to be blasphemy, just saying 'Jehovah'.</dd><dt> CROWD:</dt><dd> Oooh! He said it again! Oooh!...</dd><dt> OFFICIAL:</dt><dd> You're only making it worse for yourself!</dd><dt> MATTHIAS:</dt><dd> Making it worse?! How could it be worse?! Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!</dd><dt> CROWD:</dt><dd> Oooooh!...</dd><dt> OFFICIAL:</dt><dd> I'm warning you. If you say 'Jehovah' once more--</dd><dd> [MRS. A. stones OFFICIAL]</dd><dd> Right. Who threw that?</dd><dd> [silence]</dd><dd> Come on. Who threw that?</dd><dt> CROWD:</dt><dd> She did! It was her! He! He. Him. Him. Him. Him. Him. Him.</dd><dt> OFFICIAL:</dt><dd> Was it you?</dd><dt> MRS. A.:</dt><dd> Yes.</dd><dt> OFFICIAL:</dt><dd> Right!</dd><dt> MRS. A.:</dt><dd> Well, you did say 'Jehovah'.</dd><dt> CROWD:</dt><dd> Ah! Ooooh!...</dd><dd> [CROWD stones MRS. A.]</dd><dt> OFFICIAL:</dt><dd> Stop! Stop, will you?! Stop that! Stop it! Now, look! No one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle!</dd><dd> </dd><dd> Do you understand?! Even, and I want to make this absolutely clear, even if they do say 'Jehovah'.</dd><dt> CROWD:</dt><dd> Ooooooh!...</dd><dd> [CROWD stones OFFICIAL]</dd><dt> WOMAN #1:</dt><dd> Good shot!</dd><dd> [clap clap clap]</dd> </dl>

[ManDownUnder]

ooooooOOOOOOOOOoooooooo looky what I found!!!!!

http://www.serve.com/bonzai/monty/classics/

Hoooo yeah!

One of my favourite bits... from the Bookshop sketch
C: Yes, well we do have that one.
F: The expurgated version, of course.
C: I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that.
F: The expurgated version.
C: The *expurgated* version of Olsen's "Standard Book Of British
Birds"?
F: Yes. It's the one without the gannet.
C: The one without the gannet? They've all got the gannet -
it's a standard bird, the gannet - it's in all the books.
F: Well I don't like them, long nasty beaks they've got.
C: Well you can't expect them to produce a special edition for
gannet-haters!
F: Well, I'm sorry, I specially want the one without the gannet.
C: All right! {tears out illustration} Anything else?
F: Well, I'm not too keen on robins.
C: Right! Robins - robins... {tears them out} No gannets, no
robins - there's your book!
F: I can't buy that - it's torn!


Brilliant - has me laughing just re-reading it

[James Deuce]

ARTHUR: Old woman!
DENNIS: Man!
ARTHUR: Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
DENNIS: I'm thirty seven.
ARTHUR: What?
DENNIS: I'm thirty seven -- I'm not old!
ARTHUR: Well, I can't just call you `Man'.
DENNIS: Well, you could say `Dennis'.
ARTHUR: Well, I didn't know you were called `Dennis.'
DENNIS: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?
ARTHUR: I did say sorry about the `old woman,' but from the
behind you looked--
DENNIS: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an
inferior!
ARTHUR: Well, I AM king...
DENNIS: Oh king, eh, very nice. An' how'd you get that, eh? By
exploitin' the workers -- by 'angin' on to our outdated imperialist
dogma which perpetuates the economic an' social differences in our
society! If there's ever going to be any progress--
WOMAN: Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh -- how
d'you do?
ARTHUR: How do you do, good lady. I am Arthur, King of the
Britons. Who's castle is that?
WOMAN: King of the who?
ARTHUR: The Britons.
WOMAN: Who are the Britons?
ARTHUR: Well, we all are. we're all Britons and I am your king.
WOMAN: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an
autonomous collective.
DENNIS: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship.
A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--
WOMAN: Oh there you go, bringing class into it again.
DENNIS: That's what it's all about if only people would--
ARTHUR: Please, please good people. I am in haste. Who lives
in that castle?
WOMAN: No one live there.
ARTHUR: Then who is your lord?
WOMAN: We don't have a lord.
ARTHUR: What?
DENNIS: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We
take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the
week.
ARTHUR: Yes.
DENNIS: But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified
at a special biweekly meeting.
ARTHUR: Yes, I see.
DENNIS: By a simple majority in the case of purely internal
affairs,--
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: --but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more--
ARTHUR: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
WOMAN: Order, eh -- who does he think he is?
ARTHUR: I am your king!
WOMAN: Well, I didn't vote for you.
ARTHUR: You don't vote for kings.
WOMAN: Well, 'ow did you become king then?
ARTHUR: The Lady of the Lake, [angels sing] her arm clad in the
purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of
the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to
carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king!
DENNIS: Listen -- strange women lying in ponds distributing
swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive
power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some
farcical aquatic ceremony.
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power
just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: I mean, if I went around sayin' I was an empereror just
because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd
put me away!
ARTHUR: Shut up! Will you shut up!
DENNIS: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system!
HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed!
ARTHUR: Bloody peasant!
DENNIS: Oh, what a give away. Did you here that, did you here
that, eh? That's what I'm on about -- did you see him repressing
me, you saw it didn't you?

[RiderInBlack]

The Number Thou Shou Count Is Three.
Two is not long enough,
And four is right out of the question. (The Holy Grail)

Or The Black Knight scene

Or the nuns:
Spank me.

And me.

And me.

ME. Me. ME. me. (all the Nuns at once).

[Ghost Lemur]

The brilliant Black Knight....

ARTHUR: Victory is mine!
[kneeling]
We thank thee Lord, that in thy merc-
[hah]
BLACK KNIGHT: Come on then.
ARTHUR: What?
BLACK KNIGHT: Have at you!
ARTHUR: You are indeed brave, Sir knight, but the fight is mine.
BLACK KNIGHT: Oh, had enough, eh?
ARTHUR: Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left.
BLACK KNIGHT: Yes I have.
ARTHUR: Look!
BLACK KNIGHT: Just a flesh wound.
[bang]
ARTHUR: Look, stop that.
BLACK KNIGHT: Chicken! Chicken!
ARTHUR: Look, I'll have your leg. Right!
[whop]
BLACK KNIGHT: Right, I'll do you for that!
ARTHUR: You'll what?
BLACK KNIGHT: Come 'ere!
ARTHUR: What are you going to do, bleed on me?
BLACK KNIGHT: I'm invincible!
ARTHUR: You're a loony.
BLACK KNIGHT: The Black Knight always triumphs!
Have at you! Come on then.
[whop]
[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's other leg off]
BLACK KNIGHT: All right; we'll call it a draw.
ARTHUR: Come, Patsy.
BLACK KNIGHT: Oh, oh, I see, running away then. You yellow
bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you.
I'll bite your legs off!

[Ghost Lemur]

And the Hysterical French Guard...


ARTHUR: If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle
by force!
GUARD: You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your
bottoms, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called
Arthur-king, you and all your silly English kaniggets. Thppppt!
GALAHAD: What a strange person.
ARTHUR: Now look here, my good man!
GUARD: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal
food trough whopper! I fart in your general direction! You mother
was a hamster and your father smelt of eldeberries.
GALAHAD: Is there someone else up there we could talk to?
GUARD: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time-a!

[MikeL]

"I think he said, 'Blessed are the cheesemakers""
- Life of Brian.

[boris]

the roman joke name Biggus Dickus

You lucky bastard said to brian after falling of building and crash landing in space ship.

He's not a messiah he's just a naughty boy.. brian mother

[riffer]

"We've come for yer liver...":killingme

Damn you all. Now I'm going to have to watch some of my large Python collection tonight.

Shit. After the wife watches er and after I watch the first episode of the new series of The Sopranos....

going to be a late night.

[RiderInBlack]

"I'm a Lumberjack, and I'm OK.."
Usually sung under me breath when my father is really pissing me off (specially this bit "Oh, I wish I was a girlie, just like my dear Papa"). One day Dad will work why I'm smiling when he is trying to argue with me:whistle:

Was playing a Monty Python tape in the Ute one day, leading to one of my customers thinking I was Cathlic:laugh: Of course the song that lead them to ASS-U-ME this was "Every Sperm is sacred" (Meaning Of Life):killingme

And of course there's the Aussie's "Philosophers Song", which I find very handy for those moments when people start taking themselves too seriously (special if they start quoting):msn-wink: .

[jrandom]

Wenn ist das Nunstrück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

:killingme

[pete376403]

"scuse me squire, your wife, does she...go, eh eh know what I mean, know what I mean, SAY NO MORE!



ending with




"What's it like?"

[riffer]

"Actually, my name's Michael"

"Ah - that's going to cause some confusion - mind if we call you Bruce?"

[MikeL]

BTW I use comedy quite a lot in my ESOL class. I have managed, after lengthy preparation and explanation, to get them to laugh at Fawlty Towers, but the Dead Parrot, as might have been expected, left them totally perplexed.

[SPman]

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel,
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.
There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away--
Half a crate of whiskey every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle.
Hobbes was fond of his dram,
And René Descartes was a drunken fart.
'I drink, therefore I am.'

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker,
But a bugger when he's pissed.

[MD]

Who started this off! Now all us Python fans have to dig out the old tapes and Vids.
But weren't they great "try telling that ta kids these days an thaar wont beleive ya"

[SPman]

But weren't they great "try telling that ta kids these days an thaar wont beleive ya"
Nay..thaar wont beleive ya !

.......
It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?
Finest in the district!
Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
Well, it's so clean, sir!
It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese... .

[marty]

:lol: ............

[RiderInBlack]

But weren't they great "try telling that ta kids these days an thaar wont beleive ya"
I nearly forgot that one. I used to think of it anytime some Old Cu*t start rabbiting on about how luck we were, when in he's day...:laugh: Now I find the laughs on me because now I'm the "Old Cu*t" and no the kids these days don't beleive me:killingme

[MD]

Why doesn't it surprise me that motorcyclists appreciate Monty Python. We must be a warped bunch. Even scarier, some amongst us can come up with links to transcripts! Cheers Marty, good humour never ages.

[modalx]

She turned me into a newt...
...I got better


Young Dinsdale liked to box, but when 'e learned to walk 'e took up puttin' the boot in the groin


So Dinsdale says "I 'ere you've been a naughty boy Clement" and 'e splits me nostrils open, and saws me leg off and pulls me liver out. An' I says "My name's not Clement" an' then 'e lost 'is temper an' nailed my 'ead to a coffee table.
INTERVIEWER: He nailed your head to a coffee table?
At first, yeah


LAD: There's a dead vicar on the landing.
MUM: Ah not another one! I've put 6 out by the bin this week and the dustman won't touch 'em.

[What?]

Holy Grail, witch scene, after the weighing of accused and duck...
Witch: " Fair cop".

And a bit earlier in the same scene...
Arthur: " You have to know these sorts of things when you're a king"

In fact, the whole movie. Not a dull moment in it :first:

[LB]

Ah, MDU: thank you for taking up my suggestion! I suspect I may be late for work today.....have to check out all the sketches on that website......

Not sure what my favourite bit is. there's so many. I like the bits before "Life of Brian" - the tour of Venice "more fucking gondolas", and what about the moose who got mentioned in the credits?

This is good stuff. I'm pleased there's heaps of MP fans out there.

[brit_vtr]

We're Knights of the Round Table,
Of thinking we're capable,
If we get bored with shield and sword
We learn our nine-times table,
It's a cerebral life in Camelot,
We contemplate and plot a lot.

We're Knights of the Round Table,
Although we live a fable,
We're not just bums with Royal Mums
We're men whose brains are able,
We like to je ne sais quoi a lot,
We're a polyglot lot in Camelot.

Though our loyalty's unstable,
And we fold like a card table,
We're not just boys in tin alloys,
Or a King wrapped up in sable,
We think a lot in Camelot--
Therefore, I s'pose, I am a lot.

[marty]

oh oh i came here for an argument

oh, i'm sorry, this is abuse. you want room 12 next door.

oh ok

stupid git

[marty]

St. Victor of Python

"And it came to pass that Saint Victor was taken from this place
to another place. Where he was lain to rest himself amongst sheets
of muslin and velvet.
"And there stroked was he by maidens of the Orient.
"For sixteen days and nights stroked they him, yea verily and
caressed him.
"His hair, ruffled they. And their fingers rubbethed they in oil
of olives, and ranneth them across all parts of his body for as much
as to soothe him.
"And the soles of his feet licked they. And the upper parts of
his thigh did they anoint with the balm of forbidden trees.
"And with the teeth of their mouths, nibbled they the pointed
bits at the top of his ears. Yea verily, and did their tongues
thereof make themselves acquainted with his most secret places.
"For fifteen days and nights did Victor withstand these maidens,
until he cried out, saying:
"'This...is fantastic! Oh...this is *terrific!!*'
"And the Lord did here the cry of Victor. And verily came He down
and slew the maidens. And caused their cottonwool bugs to blow away,
and their Kleenex to be laid waste utterly.
"And Victor, in his anguish, cried out that the Lord was a rotten
bastard.
"So the Lord sent an angel to comfort Victor for the weekend.
"And entered they together the jaccuzzi."

Here endeth the lesson.

[Posh Tourer :P]

What.. Is Your Name?
Lancelot
What.. Is Your Quest?
To find the Holy Grail
What.. Is Your Favourite colour?

.... In fact, that entire scene is great

'Ere!! Thats not a 'orse, thats a man knocking two coconuts together......


And


They fell upon hard times in the forest, and had to eat robins minstrels, and there was much rejoicing....


And

Oh Brave Sir Robin.... (follow the rest of the song - cant remember word for word)


And

hey! I'm not dead!
Yes you are.
No I'm not
Shut up you.
no I... Thunk

[El Dopa]

Albatross!

[riffer]

Albatross!
.... Salty petrel on a stick!!

[riffer]

****

A man walks into an office.

Man: Good morning, I'd like to have an argument, please.
Receptionist: Certainly, sir. Have you been here before?
Man: No, this is my first time.
Receptionist: I see, well we'll see who's free at the moment.
Mr. Bakely's free, but he's a little bit concilliatory. No.
Try Mr. Barnhart, room 12.
Man: Thank you.

He enters room 12.

Angry man: WHADDAYOU WANT?
Man: Well, Well, I was told outside that...
Angry man: DON'T GIVE ME THAT, YOU SNOTTY-FACED HEAP OF PARROT DROPPINGS!
Man: What?
A: SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT! YOUR TYPE MAKES ME PUKE! YOU VACUOUS
STUFFY-NOSED MALODOROUS PERVERT!!!
M: Yes, but I came here for an argument!!
A: OH! Oh! I'm sorry! This is abuse!
M: Oh! Oh I see!
A: Aha! No, you want room 12A, next door.
M: Oh...Sorry...
A: Not at all!
A: (under his breath) stupid git.

The man goes into room 12A. Another man is sitting behind a desk.

Man: Is this the right room for an argument?
Other Man:(pause) I've told you once.
Man: No you haven't!
Other Man: Yes I have.
M: When?
O: Just now.
M: No you didn't!
O: Yes I did!
M: You didn't!
O: I did!
M: You didn't!
O: I'm telling you, I did!
M: You didn't!
O: (breaking into the developing argument) Oh I'm sorry, is this a five minute
argument, or the full half hour?
M: Ah! (taking out his wallet and paying) Just the five minutes.
O: Just the five minutes. Thank you.
Anyway, I did.
M: You most certainly did not!
O: Now let's get one thing perfectly clear: I most definitely told you!
M: Oh no you didn't!
O: Oh yes I did! ___
M: Oh no you didn't! \
O: Oh yes I did! \
M: Oh no you didn't! \
O: Oh yes I did! \
M: Oh no you didn't! \
O: Oh yes I did! \
M: Oh no you didn't! \
O: Oh yes I did! > very fast
M: Oh no you didn't! /
O: Oh yes I did! /
M: No you DIDN'T! /
O: Oh yes I did! /
M: No you DIDN'T! /
O: Oh yes I did! /
M: No you DIDN'T! /
O: Oh yes I did! ___/
M: Oh look, this isn't an argument!

(pause)

O: Yes it is!
M: No it isn't!

(pause)

M: It's just contradiction!
O: No it isn't!
M: It IS!
O: It is NOT!
M: You just contradicted me!
O: No I didn't!
M: You DID!
O: No no no!
M: You did just then!
O: Nonsense!
M: (exasperated) Oh, this is futile!!

(pause)

O: No it isn't!
M: Yes it is!
(pause)
I came here for a good argument!
O: AH, no you didn't, you came here for an *argument*!
M: An argument isn't just contradiction.
O: Well! it CAN be!
M: No it can't!
An argument is a connected series of statement intended to establish a
proposition.
O: No it isn't!
M: Yes it is! 'tisn't just contradiction.
O: Look, if I *argue* with you, I must take up a contrary position!
M: Yes but it isn't just saying "no it isn't".
O: Yes it is!
M: No it isn't!
O: Yes it is!
M: No it isn't!
O: Yes it is!
M: No it ISN'T! Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just
the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says.
O: It is NOT!
M: It is!
O: Not at all!
M: It is!

>DING!< The Arguer hits a bell on his desk and stops.

O: Thank you, that's it.
M: (stunned) What?

O: That's it. Good morning.
M: But I was just getting interested!
O: I'm sorry, the five minutes is up.
M: That was never five minutes!!
O: I'm afraid it was.
M: (leading on) No it wasn't.....

(pause)
O: (dirty look) I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to argue any more.
M: WHAT??
O: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five
minutes.
M: But that was never five minutes just now!
(pause... the Other Man raises his eyebrows)
Oh Come on!
Oh this is...
This is ridiculous!
O: I told you...
I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you PAY!
M: Oh all right. (takes out his wallet and pays again.) There you are.
O: Thank you.
M: (clears throat) Well...
O: Well WHAT?
M: That was never five minutes just now.
O: I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!
M: Well I just paid!
O: No you didn't!
M: I DID!!!
O: YOU didn't!
M: I DID!!!
O: YOU didn't!
M: I DID!!!
O: YOU didn't!
M: I DID!!!
O: YOU didn't!
M: (unable to talk straight he's so mad) I don't want to argue about it!
O: Well I'm very sorry but you didn't pay!
M: Ah HAH!! Well if I didn't pay, why are you arguing??? Ah HAAAAAAHHH!
Gotcha!

O: (pause) No you haven't!
M: Yes I have!
If you're arguing, I must have paid.
O: Not necessarily.
I *could* be arguing in my spare time.</pre>

[riffer]

To save me copying and pasting anymore, here's a url for all the python scripts:

http://bau2.uibk.ac.at/sg/python/Scripts/

[SPman]

You must forgive me Wilde, I must get back up t' the palace...

Your Majesty is like a big jam doughnut with cream on the top!

I beg your pardon!

Ah....it was one of Whistlers

I didn't say that

You did James, you did.

Well Mr Whistler?

I meant, your Majesty that, like a doughnut, your arrival gives us pleasure and your departure leaves us hungry for more!
...laughter..
...Right!
Your majesty is like a stream of Bat's Piss!

What!

It was one of Wildes!

It sodding was not! It was Shaw.

Well Mr Shaw?

I umm, I ahh ..I merely meant, your majesty, that, ah, you shine out like a shaft of gold, when all around is dark!
...laughter...
Right!
Your Majesty is like a dose of clap!

What!

Before you arrive is pleasure, but after, is a pain in the dong!

I...beg your pardon!!!

It was one of Wildes!
..........

[Hitcher]

Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition!


Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries.


Fiddily di, fiddily dee, Eric the half a bee
A B C D E F G
Eric the half a bee
Who is this dreaded demi-bee
Half asleep upon my knee
Some freak from a menagerie?
No, it's Eric the half a bee!

[spudchucka]

The Holy Grail

"Oooh look there goes the king".

"How do know he's the king"?

"Well he's the only one that hasn't got shit all over him".


Also another all time favorite is the "fish slapping dance".