The_Dover
6th July 2006, 08:51
NZPA - 8.43am Thursday 6 July 2006
Leading cutlery expert Ray Z A Sharp has warned politicians about the increasing use of knives to cut food as a scientific study carried out by the Institute of Diabolical, Incompetant and Obscenely Truthful Scientists (I.D.I.O.T.S) has shown that knives are responsible for more injuries to circus dwarves than spoons.
A study of 2 circus dwarves showed that when they were pinned to a rotating wheel and had spoons thrown at them by a blind tourettes patient there were significantly fewer injuries than with the same test using knives.
Helen Clark has issued a statement indicating that it is the publics best interests if everyone cuts their food with spoons from the 1st August. Labour will also be introducing a new "cutting edge tax", believed to be the first in the western world, aimed at reducing the number of blades on dinner tables across New Zealand.
The government will be subsidising blenders and straws, 1c of each from Briscoes, in a move to encourage New Zealanders to eat liquidised food and preven further dinner table cutting (and choking injuries).
"We are here to protect the everyday New Zealander from themselves"
Leading cutlery expert Ray Z A Sharp has warned politicians about the increasing use of knives to cut food as a scientific study carried out by the Institute of Diabolical, Incompetant and Obscenely Truthful Scientists (I.D.I.O.T.S) has shown that knives are responsible for more injuries to circus dwarves than spoons.
A study of 2 circus dwarves showed that when they were pinned to a rotating wheel and had spoons thrown at them by a blind tourettes patient there were significantly fewer injuries than with the same test using knives.
Helen Clark has issued a statement indicating that it is the publics best interests if everyone cuts their food with spoons from the 1st August. Labour will also be introducing a new "cutting edge tax", believed to be the first in the western world, aimed at reducing the number of blades on dinner tables across New Zealand.
The government will be subsidising blenders and straws, 1c of each from Briscoes, in a move to encourage New Zealanders to eat liquidised food and preven further dinner table cutting (and choking injuries).
"We are here to protect the everyday New Zealander from themselves"