When girls don't put out

[MSTRS]

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men & women differ
so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with
their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets
thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into
bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I
don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to
hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman
enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my
puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not
what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a
big, big unnamed dept. store. I walked around with her while she
tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't
decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair of diamond
earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis
bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the
excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is
all dear, let's go to the cashier".
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out,
"No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank
as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I just
want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile. You're just not in touch with my
financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs
as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

[placidfemme]

lol I just had to share this... then men will love it :)

~~~

Being a man, I have never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differs so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their heads and women with their hearts. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT????! ! ! What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said let’s get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you .she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck! I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey". She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier". I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT??? ! ! ! " I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman. " And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the THINGS that I buy you?" Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.....

[John]

owns owns owns :lol:

[DemonWolf]

haahaha.. thats soo funny... love it!!!

[ManDownUnder]

like it - lots... :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Sniper]

Seen it before but that version is very very good

[Sparky Bills]

BURN!!! :motu:

[inlinefour]

Best joke I've read for awhile! :devil2:

[placidfemme]

BURN!!! :motu:

lol yup... :)

[Riff Raff]

Being a man, I have never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differs so much.
:gob: You're a man?!!!! Does Sam know about this?

[placidfemme]

:gob: You're a man?!!!! Does Sam know about this?

No she doesn't.... but you can't tell her :psst: it'd break her lil heart... then her father would hunt me down and kill me and then burn my bike :(

[Cibby]

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into
bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she
eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you
to hold me." :argh:

I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet
dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my
emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy
your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you
just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in
the bedroom?"

Realising that nothing was going to happen that night
I went to sleep. :crybaby:

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work
to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch
and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed dept.
store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't
decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy
them all. She wanted new shoes to complement her new
clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We
went on to the jewellery dept. where she picked out a
pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she
was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet
when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's
fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual
satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with
excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this
is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No
honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went
completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
WHAT???!!!" :crazy:

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD
this stuff for awhile... You're just not in touch with
my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy
your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to
kill me, I added: "Why can't you just love me for who
I am and not for the things I buy you?" :devil2:

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either! :whistle:

[Sniper]

Lol, I have heard it before, but it just gets funnier.

[Motoracer]

What a legened! lol

[Phenoix]

too classic

[Marknz]

excellent...

[Gremlin]

Lol, I have heard it before, but it just gets funnier.
Like here (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?t=16097&highlight=financial)?

[Vagabond]

Call it even
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words
"I do."

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her we went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed dept. store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier". I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

[Her_C4]

:clap: :clap: :clap: :killingme :killingme :killingme an oldie but a goodie :-)

[Back Fire]

yeeeep.... oldie buts it's always funny :lol:

[Mrs Busa Pete]

F---k that is funny.Mind you if pete done that to me i would just go and buy them

[Fishy]

This was written by a guy... it's pretty damn smart. Girls -- Have a sense of humour!

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear.. "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a
baffled, "WHAT?" I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man
enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

[sAsLEX]

r e p o s t

[Indiana_Jones]

she got pwn3d :D

-Indy

[APPLE]

hahahaha.nice one fish?if it's any comfort to yah mate?i had great sex last nite....hahahahahahahahahaha:nya: :nya: :nya:

[Quartida]

r e p o s t

I think that's worth it for a repost :D

[chanceyy]

laffing well i have never seen that one before .. but well done .. its a goodie ..

[Colapop]

So, how's Sarah? And how's the couch...

[Mental Trousers]

Well that explains why you haven't been posting heaps of jokes recently :blah:

[Fishy]

So, how's Sarah? And how's the couch...



Well that explains why you haven't been posting heaps of jokes recently :blah:

Hahaha nah I didn't write it fella's :doobey: Haven't been posting as I don't really have any spare time during the day anymore as I'm flat out at work.....damn it!

[Colapop]

Uhuh ... yeah .. that\'s ok we\'re hear for you...

[Shadows]

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, we were all over each other and just when I was ready to pound nails through two inch plywood she looks up at me and says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"
I then said "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

[TerminalAddict]

where's sniper? <_<

[ManDownUnder]

Yeah - reee-pete (but fucken funny 2nd time around too LOL :niceone:)

[Bend-it]

OUTSTANDING!!!!

Bling awarded!

[Swoop]

A serious duplicate posting if ever there was one...:shutup:

[willy_01]

Gold .... pure gold

[tomthepohm]

Massive respect mate....

Just get yourself a slut like the rest of us, its far less hassle.

[Disco Dan]

I never quite figured out:

Why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. The whole Venus
And Mars thing. Why men think with their head and women with their
Heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.Well,
The passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel
Like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to
Hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for
Me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me
For who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
With her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big,
Big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried
On several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy
Them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said
Lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewellery department
Where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one
Wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me
Because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know
How to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is
All dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when
I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
"WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this
Stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as
A man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And
Just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
You?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

[Maha]

But first you need a woman!......:lol:

[Colapop]

You could tell him where to find one... but he'd get lost!

Hmmm funny that - That's what women say to him, "Get lost" - very obliging that fella!

[ManDownUnder]

Hells teeth... just head on down to the pub. There's a special room there full of 'em.

It's even got "Women" on the door... what more do you want?

[Maha]

It's even got "Women" on the door... what more do you want?

Hanging off the ceiling fans?.....

[Grahameeboy]

Hanging off the ceiling fans?.....

Fantasising again eh?:banana:

[007XX]

Fantasising again eh?:banana:

You say that like it's a bad thing...:msn-wink:

and about Disco's story...an oldie, but a goodie! Although I do think it is a very broad generalisation of the female mind...but noone wants to believe me when I say we're not all like that :innocent:

[Grahameeboy]

You say that like it's a bad thing...:msn-wink:

and about Disco's story...an oldie, but a goodie! Although I do think it is a very broad generalisation of the female mind...but noone wants to believe me when I say we're not all like that :innocent:

It's only bad if the fan is on winter mode!!

What?, no one believes you...........astonishing........:confused:

[Maha]

It's only bad if the fan is on winter mode!!




Because it blows downwards?.....:sweatdrop

[Grahameeboy]

Because it blows downwards?.....:sweatdrop

I thought it was upwards to circulate the warm air...or was it down, or up, or down..................stop it stop it................aaaarrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhh........... :zzzz:

[Maha]

I thought it was upwards to circulate the warm air...or was it down, or up, or down..................stop it stop it................aaaarrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhh........... :zzzz:


Now i need a smoke.......:lol:

[Colapop]

I've never known why it's called a blow job? I have no need for my ego to be inflated....

[Grahameeboy]

I've never known why it's called a blow job? I have no need for my ego to be inflated....

You have always been flacid...........or was that placid............

[Colapop]

Careful - you'll raise my ire!

[007XX]

What?, no one believes you...........astonishing........:confused:

I knooooowwwwn :rolleyes: Horridibly monstruelous, isn't it?

[007XX]

Careful - you'll raise my ire!

I like it when you go green!!! :love:

[Colapop]

Only with envy of your man....

[LilSel]

hehe REPOST!! :rolleyes:

[LilSel]

......or was that placid............

:laugh:... I dont think she fits in that category :banana:

[jrandom]

I never quite figured out...

This joke has always annoyed me.

You need to get laid, dude.

:doobey:

[007XX]

Only with envy of your man....

Aaawwww...chucks :o

[fireball]

This joke has always annoyed me.

You need to get laid, dude.

:doobey:

only you would know??? :whistle:

[Colapop]

Chux?? You clean too???

[jrandom]

only you would know??? :whistle:

I wasn't offering... Disco is so not my type.

[fireball]

I wasn't offering... Disco is so not my type.

too fem for you? :laugh:

[jrandom]

too fem for you? :laugh:

You know me a bit too well.

<_<

[007XX]

Chux?? You clean too???

I polish well and proper...what with being french and all, ya know! :innocent:

[fireball]

I polish well and proper...what with being french and all, ya know! :innocent:

yeah but you are still a dirty b.....

[Colapop]

I polish well and proper...what with being french and all, ya know! :innocent:
you can french me anytime!

[007XX]

yeah but you are still a dirty b.....

Takes one to know one, Angel! Besides, you know you love it and want me accordingly! :bleh:

[007XX]

you can french me anytime!

Anyone's got a step ladder? :laugh:

[LilSel]

you can french me anytime!

not enough hair darl :lol::lol:

[canarlee]

not enough hair darl :lol::lol:

he is german not french lol

[LilSel]

he is german not french lol

he has a french perm tho :p

EDIT: COLAHOFF!!!!!! OMG!!.... I can see it now... calendars... the works... ;)

[fireball]

Anyone's got a step ladder? :laugh:

you wont need one he will pick you up....

but beware he gives wedgies!

[Colapop]

LS - Control your woman!!

[LilSel]

LS - Control your woman!!

I've given up trying... :blank:

[jrandom]

LS - Control your woman!!

Can I hide behind you until she figures out how?

[canarlee]

you wont need one he will pick you up....

but beware he gives wedgies!

or tears a hole new...........err better not go there aye:shutup:<a href="http://plugin.smileycentral.com/http%253A%252F%252Fwww.smileycentral.com%252F%253F partner%253DZSzeb008%255FZNxpt237YYNZ%2526i%253D36 %252F36%255F1%255F77%2526feat%253Dprof/page.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_77.gif" alt="SmileyCentral.com" border="0"><img border="0" src="http://plugin.smileycentral.com/http%253A%252F%252Fimgfarm%252Ecom%252Fimages%252F nocache%252Ftr%252Ffw%252Fsmiley%252Fsocial%252Egi f%253Fi%253D36%252F36_1_77/image.gif"></a>

[LilSel]

Can I hide behind you until she figures out how?

Blue Juice? :doctor: :devil2:....:Playnice:

[007XX]

LS - Control your woman!!

Why on earth would she want to do that? No fun really...

[jrandom]

Why on earth would she want to do that? No fun really...

Oh, I could imagine all sorts of fun in that particular control scenario, my dear V.

All sorts.

[Colapop]

Back on the chain gang...

[007XX]

[QUOTE=canarlee;1215585]or tears a hole new...........err better not go there aye:QUOTE]

Oh that's naughty! :lol::niceone:

[fireball]

Oh, I could imagine all sorts of fun in that particular control scenario, my dear V.

All sorts.
you need a woman first :lol: or maybe a few and a pool of jelly.......:niceone:


(dont hurt me LilSel)

[007XX]

Oh, I could imagine all sorts of fun in that particular control scenario, my dear V.

All sorts.

I always liked licorice...:innocent:

Besides, back on topic here: only to control your woman is by knowing what to say, and when not to say it...apparently!

[Colapop]

or tears a hole new...........err better not go there...
I think I already did...

[canarlee]

[QUOTE=canarlee;1215585]or tears a hole new...........err better not go there aye:QUOTE]

Oh that's naughty! :lol::niceone:

oooh im norty and not in truble? thats gotta be a 1st <a href="http://plugin.smileycentral.com/http%253A%252F%252Fwww.smileycentral.com%252F%253F partner%253DZSzeb008%255FZNxpt237YYNZ%2526i%253D36 %252F36%255F1%255F34%2526feat%253Dprof/page.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_34.gif" alt="SmileyCentral.com" border="0"><img border="0" src="http://plugin.smileycentral.com/http%253A%252F%252Fimgfarm%252Ecom%252Fimages%252F nocache%252Ftr%252Ffw%252Fsmiley%252Fsocial%252Egi f%253Fi%253D36%252F36_1_34/image.gif"></a>

[LilSel]

Why on earth would she want to do that? No fun really...


Oh, I could imagine all sorts of fun in that particular control scenario, my dear V.

All sorts.

Depends on circumstances... ;)

I did relatively well last night didnt I honey!?...
*cough* chopsticks

[fireball]

I think I already did...

i just couldnt sit down for awhile without a sting..... :crybaby:

you just wait :devil2:

[Colapop]

Were you eating chinese?

I thought FB was european?

[LilSel]

(dont hurt me LilSel)

?????.... you confuse me woman!

[fireball]

Depends on circumstances... ;)

I did relatively well last night didnt I honey!?...
*cough* chopsticks


yeah you have discovered the best way to control me.....eat with chop sticks....

how the hell do you use chop sticks?!

lets just say i was quiet and entertained for an hour and had a cold dinner :angry:

[007XX]

[QUOTE=007XX;1215594]

oooh im norty and not in truble? thats gotta be a 1st

You'd have to try a damn site harder than that to get in trouble with me...:laugh:

But eh girls, what's with the chopsticks???? I want DETAILS please:buggerd:

[LilSel]

Were you eating chinese?

I thought FB was european?

Yep...Work dinner (my work=corporate type)... FB thought chopsticks made good drumsticks... :spanking:... *shakes head*...

I think we still need to touch base on what is acceptable around my colleagues & family :lol:.... we'll get there aye babe! :Pokey:

She doesnt taste like bangers n mash?!

[jrandom]

how the hell do you use chop sticks?!

OMG.

I love it.

I love it.

Did you have to finish every little bit?

[LilSel]

how the hell do you use chop sticks?!

i was quiet

Practice :) n they are not for making noise at the dinner table lol!

:laugh:.... quiet?... :pinch:

[canarlee]

[QUOTE=007XX;1215601]

You'd have to try a damn site harder than that to get in trouble with me...:laugh:

But eh girls, what's with the chopsticks???? I want DETAILS please:buggerd:

details? we need pics!

[007XX]

OMG.

I love it.

I love it.

Did you have to finish every little bit?

Settle petal...you gona get a hernia at that rate! :lol:

[LilSel]

Did you have to finish every little bit?

she gave up after awhile and kinda face dived into the rice & shovelled lol....

[fireball]

yeah ok ha ha ha enough about me!

back on topic.....

how do you control a woman? :bleh: cos i has no idea i cant even control myself!

[ManDownUnder]

Control a woman???

What are you all nuts?

Im-possible!

[007XX]

Control a woman???

What are you all nuts?

Im-possible!

uummmmm, I don't know....me thinks you may not have been using the right ropes there, Brother! :innocent:

[canarlee]

uummmmm, I don't know....me thinks you may not have been using the right ropes there, Brother! :innocent:

or whips.:spanking:

[jrandom]

uummmmm, I don't know...

I do (http://www.shibariartphotography.com/).

<img src="http://www.bondage-guide.net/uimg/shibari.jpg"/>

[ManDownUnder]

uummmmm, I don't know....me thinks you may not have been using the right ropes there, Brother! :innocent:

All I know ... well hear rumour of... is there's a wee button somewhere and if you push it they go bang.

... sounds messy ...

[007XX]

I do (http://www.shibariartphotography.com/).

<img src="http://www.bondage-guide.net/uimg/shibari.jpg"/>

Gaagaaa....bling sent!

Nuff said, as you were....

[007XX]

All I know ... well hear rumour of... is there's a wee button somewhere and if you push it they go bang.

... sounds messy ...

Neat Freak!:rolleyes:

[LilSel]

All I know ... well hear rumour of... is there's a wee button somewhere and if you push it they go bang.


There is!!! :niceone:... :devil2:

You have one too... :innocent:

[fireball]

I do (http://www.shibariartphotography.com/).

http://www.bondage-guide.net/uimg/shibari.jpg



:drool::drool: oh now thats hot! bling for you!

[fireball]

All I know ... well hear rumour of... is there's a wee button somewhere and if you push it they go bang.

... sounds messy ...

there is also that button you push and they get all red in the face......:angry2: avoid that button! :laugh:

[ManDownUnder]

Neat Freak!:rolleyes:

Nu uh... it's just explosions I'm not too keen on ...


There is!!! :niceone:... :devil2:

You have one too... :innocent:

I do??? Show me... LOL


there is also that button you push and they get all red in the face......:angry2: avoid that button! :laugh:

LOL the one on the phone ya mean...?

"YAP YAP YAP YAP..." *click* ...doot doot doot doot...

I reckon that leads to an explosion too - just a different kind

[LilSel]

I do??? Show me... LOL


:oi-grr:... Nooo... Thats best left to your other half lol...
(or go see :doctor:for a check *cough*... ask her to find it ;))

[007XX]

Nu uh... it's just explosions I'm not too keen on ...

Nah mate, that's the best part: KABOOOOOMMMM!!!! :2thumbsup



I do??? Show me... LOL

I thought the pretty nurse had already shown you? :confused:



LOL the one on the phone ya mean...?

"YAP YAP YAP YAP..." *click* ...doot doot doot doot...

I reckon that leads to an explosion too - just a different kind

That's where a trained parrot comes in handy!

[ManDownUnder]

:oi-grr:... Nooo... Thats best left to your other half lol...
(or go see :doctor:for a check *cough*... ask her to find it ;))

Aaaaaaaa that button....

apparently so - it's just hard(er) to find coz... well.. I'm full o' shite.

[LilSel]

Nah mate, that's the best part: KABOOOOOMMMM!!!! :2thumbsup


:rockon::Punk:.... :niceone:.... no Kabooom=no shit show of controlling her!

[Ewan Oozarmy]

I polish well and proper...what with being french and all, ya know! :innocent:

Buenos dias, guapa. Como estas?

You did say "Spanish", didn't you :)

[fireball]

Aaaaaaaa that button....

apparently so - it's just hard9er) to find coz... well.. I'm full o' shite.

so full i believe its dribbling from your lip again :eek5:

[canarlee]

buenos tardis you muppet, its the afternoon not morning lol

[Ewan Oozarmy]

buenos tardis you muppet, its the afternoon not morning lol

Tardis is something Dr Who travels through time in. Tardes is afternoon in Spanish. Buenos dias translates to "good day". Now, who were you calling a muppet? :)

[007XX]

:rockon::Punk:.... :niceone:.... no Kabooom=no shit show of controlling her!

Exactamundo, my dear Lilsel...very elementary, except from a bloke's perspective! :dodge:


Buenos dias, guapa. Como estas?

You did say "Spanish", didn't you :)

Como se dice: je ne sais pas exactement ou tu veux en venir avec ce commentaire, mais bon, c'est pas grave!


buenos tardis you muppet, its the afternoon not morning lol

:niceone::lol:

[canarlee]

Tardis is something Dr Who travels through time in. Tardes is afternoon in Spanish. Buenos dias translates to "good day". Now, who were you calling a muppet? :)

buenos dias is said in the morning, buenos tardes (ok my bad on spellink) is said in the afternoon and buenos noches is said at night.

not all translations come accross correct word for word, (i speak fluent spanish after living in spain for 15 years, i just never got round to writing the lingo) or translate literally. mupp........lol

[LilSel]

Exactamundo, my dear Lilsel...very elementary


I do try :D:wari:

[007XX]

I went out with a hot potuguese guy some years ago....Damn!!! he definitely knew how to look for the button! :yes: :drool:

[LilSel]

I went out with a hot potuguese guy some years ago....Damn!!! he definitely knew how to look for the button! :yes: :drool:

Look for or find?? lol... :cool:...

I dont need to look for it... I know where it is... mwahahahaha!!!! :devil2::devil2:

[fireball]

I went out with a hot potuguese guy some years ago....Damn!!! he definitely knew how to look for the button! :yes: :drool:

im hotter than that lol :chase:

[007XX]

Look for or find?? lol... :cool:...

I dont need to look for it... I know where it is... mwahahahaha!!!! :devil2::devil2:

Neither does my hubby! Aaaaahhh bliss...:2thumbsup:banana:

[ManDownUnder]

Neither does my hubby! Aaaaahhh bliss...:2thumbsup:banana:

Bucky lastard...

Mind you - I've made a nice lady go boom a few times in the past... and there's still not a chance of controlling her... 'tis impossible I say!

[LilSel]

Neither does my hubby! Aaaaahhh bliss...:2thumbsup:banana:

:niceone::niceone:.... :sweatdrop ... I hear ya

[LilSel]

I knew it wouldnt take long for this thread to end up in the gutter :lol:

[007XX]

Bucky lastard...

Mind you - I've made a nice lady go boom a few times in the past... and there's still not a chance of controlling her... 'tis impossible I say!

Maybe the emphasis shouldn't be so much on "controlling", but more on "channeling"...

With your job title, I'm sure you have the potencial, just haven't quite explored its possibilities yet! :lol:

[ManDownUnder]

Maybe the emphasis shouldn't be so much on "controlling", but more on "channeling"...

With your job title, I'm sure you have the potencial, just haven't quite explored its possibilities yet! :lol:
WADUTALKINABOUTWILLIS?

[Maha]

Bucky lastard...

Mind you - I've made a nice lady go boom a few times in the past... and there's still not a chance of controlling her... 'tis impossible I say!

You can get them revalved Fuzzy Ned....:niceone:

[fireball]

a woman is like a child with ADD can not be controlled just medicated :laugh:

[ManDownUnder]

You can get them revalved Fuzzy Ned....:niceone:

They keep getting plugged up though... and when they're like that - some don't go bang at all - and others just about go into orbit..

What the hell's up with THAT

[007XX]

WADUTALKINABOUTWILLIS?

Oh Gawd...I really got to spell it to ya, don't I?

Righto, I will need a volunteer from the assistance please to demonstrate my point...:msn-wink:

[LilSel]

:laugh::laugh:.... *sitting back at work with a cold beer loving KB!!* :apint:

[ManDownUnder]

Oh Gawd...I really got to spell it to ya, don't I?

Righto, I will need a volunteer from the assistance please to demonstrate my point...:msn-wink:

Let me get me camera hun - 'ang about...!


:laugh::laugh:.... *sitting back at work with a cold beer loving KB!!* :apint:

LOL... me too!!!!!!!!!

[fireball]

:laugh::laugh:.... *sitting back at work with a cold beer loving KB!!* :apint:

ive been drinking since 12 lol mmm vodka!

[Ewan Oozarmy]

(i speak fluent spanish after living in spain for 15 years, i just never got round to writing the lingo)

Sweet! Donde vives en Espana? I spent about 8 years there all in all before I left Europe - fantastic country!

[LilSel]

LOL... me too!!!!!!!!!

Great end to the week :D... I've had a smile on my dial all afternoon. very entertaining!!!

[jrandom]

LOL... me too!!!!!!!!!

I have Cascade today. I remember visiting the brewery in Hobart.

Fun times.

[Ewan Oozarmy]

:laugh::laugh:.... *sitting back at work with a cold beer loving KB!!* :apint:

Snap - although unfortunately mine's a Corona :(

[LilSel]

Snap - although unfortunately mine's a Corona :(

Double Snap... thats what im having too :D... (cept I like Corona lol)

[Ewan Oozarmy]

Double Snap... thats what im having too :D... (cept I like Corona lol)

Mine would be nicer with a slice of lime. Oh well, beggers can't be choosers...

[Maha]

Double Snap... thats what im having too :D... (cept I like Corona lol)

Hope you aint driving/riding tonight?....:whistle:...Albany Pub somewhere?

[ManDownUnder]

Mine would be nicer with a slice of lime. Oh well, beggers can't be choosers...

Better to have that slice of lime than the lice of slime... that means you've been eatin' them unsavoury girls... :blink:

[jrandom]

Hope you aint driving/riding tonight?....:whistle:...Albany Pub somewhere?

I'm lubricating pre-pub. Red Bull only once I'm there.

:sweatdrop

[LilSel]

Hope you aint driving/riding tonight?....:whistle:...Albany Pub somewhere?

Not riding no... I dont have my bike *points at FB* she has it...
& no im not actually driving either!! mmmwahahahha!!!! BEWARE!!! LilSel has a sober driver!! (Thanks Blue_Eyez!!!!) She drove myself and FB to my work do last night too!!... (in my car of course, I think she likes driving it!)

[kiwifruit]

ive been drinking since 12

only a few months then? :P :dodge:

[LilSel]

only a few months then? :P :dodge:

BLING!!!!!!!! hahahhahahahaha!!!!!!!

PLUG: toinght (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?t=56625)

[Ewan Oozarmy]

Better to have that slice of lime than the lice of slime... that means you've been eatin' them unsavoury girls... :blink:

Yeah - I much prefer the savoury variety

[fireball]

only a few months then? :P :dodge:

oh ha ha ha so not funny!

[007XX]

oh ha ha ha so not funny!

well, there was one of the buttons...:dodge:

[LilSel]

well, there was one of the buttons...:dodge:

LOL.... yep...& it wasnt the one im going to go find now..!! ;)

See ya'll tonight :D

LilSel outta here!! :hug:

[Mom]

Oh Gawd...I really got to spell it to ya, don't I?

Righto, I will need a volunteer from the assistance please to demonstrate my point...:msn-wink:

pick meeeeeee, pick meeeeeeee

[Mom]

Better to have that slice of lime than the lice of slime... that means you've been eatin' them unsavoury girls... :blink:

You are a gross and yucky man! You better show tonight so I can play with your regrowth...........lol


Yeah - I much prefer the savoury variety

You can join the line behind Mr I know what you have been eating MDU!

ps: do you have regrowth too?


well, there was one of the buttons...:dodge:

some buttons you should push regardless lovely.......amazing what delights come your way when you do :o

[Ewan Oozarmy]

ps: do you have regrowth too?

Of course :)

[Mom]

Of course :)

See you tonight........introduce yourself, I wont be hard to spot

[Ewan Oozarmy]

See you tonight........introduce yourself, I wont be hard to spot

Where?

Why, do you have "Mom" tattooed on your head?

[007XX]

some buttons you should push regardless lovely.......amazing what delights come your way when you do :o

Apparently, I can't stop meself when it comes to buttons! :D :o


pick meeeeeee, pick meeeeeeee

Oh HUn, you would definitely be my pick... if it wasn't for your husband! :lol:

[scumdog]

..........er face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
"WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this
Stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as
A man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And
Just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
You?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

So take long to get the tennis-racket out of your arse???

[Grahameeboy]

So take long to get the tennis-racket out of your arse???

Trust you to serve something like that out...........

[howdamnhard]

HA,HA,love it:lol::2thumbsup

[Mrs Busa Pete]

Well i know what i would say to that.




















Thats ok Darling i have a credit card as well so i will just get them anyway.:bleh:

[MSTRS]

6 posts of the same thing...at least mine was FIRST!!!!:bleh:

[Shaun]

I can never work out why Women and Mens Sexual urges are so different?

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week , my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says,

"I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads

to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman

enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just

love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend

time with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big,

big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she

tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just

buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said,

"Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a

pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I

was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a

tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the

excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think

this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I

don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a

baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a

while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man

enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me,

I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for

the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.... but at least

that bitch knows I'm smarter than her

[nudemetalz]

...and you were alive enough still to write this..... ??? :eek:

[Shaun]

A lady tells her Man: 'I demand good manners in bed, just like at the
dinner table'.

The man climbs into bed slowly and says:

'Honey, would you please pass me the vagina?'



:2thumbsup It was this one that really rocked her:whistle:

[Hemex]

Oldie...but still a good one!

[mynameis]

LOl...:lol: Nice one muahaha

[Shaun]

One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn.

The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged at this that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung".

I calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass".
__________________

[gatch]

lol !

10 char

[racerhead]

This was written by a guy...it's pretty damn smart.

Girls -- Please have a sense of humour!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that b[O'Donnell Gloria] ** knows I'm smarter than her.


All right Ladies. Forward this if you agree. Hell even if you disagree, forward it anyway.

Men, forward this if you have BALLS !!!!
Reply With Quote

[Fatt Max]

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

[rapid van cleef]

bloody great story.......................howay the lads!

[Bren]

hahah (insert smart comment here)

[schrodingers cat]

Yes, Women are wired differently.

I remember once seeking advice to revive a flagging relationship. One of the suggestions was to wake her one morning with oral sex.
Brilliant!
She just woke up choking tho so don't know what went wrong there...

[The Stranger]

She just woke up choking tho so don't know what went wrong there...

Wrong??? Well it's only wrong if she wasn't adequately insured.

[MIXONE]

A woman will pay $1 for something worth $2 even if she doesn't need it whereas a man will pay $2 for something worth $1 because he does need it.

[bogan]

Wrong??? Well it's only wrong if she wasn't adequately insured.

wrong!!! cos she woke up :laugh: