Bullshit Biker Stories

[Deano]

I have heard a couple of bullshit stories myself (well sounded like bullshit and were told at a party while consuming vast quantities of booze, so they were at least stretched somewhat). Im sure some of you have heard a few good ones - well, now's the time to share - could be good for a laugh.

Guy at a party said he was shagging his missus on his bike doing 160km/h.
(maybe he calls his left hand his missus)

Same guy reckoned that he had come over the crest of a brow doing over 160km/h, sheep standing in the middle of his lane - no time to swerve - he llifted the front wheel and hit it mid engine - cut the sheep in two and carried on - didn't drop the bike :killingme

[R6_kid]

i've seen a pic of guy doing a stoppie with a naked lady, legs spread in his lap, back down on the tank, so i could see how the shagging story could be true, maybe at a slightly slower speed.

When i was riding my vespa i took a 50kmh corner at about 75-80kmh, hadnt yet learnt the skill of countersteering (had only been on it for a month), so took the corner way too fast, ended up on the foot path, narrowly missing a power poll, then flying about 3m as my scoot jumped off a raised driveway. Im not sure if it was fun, coz it scared me shitless, but i would really have liked to see it on video from the other side of the road.

Thats about all i've got yet, other than the occasional unintentional powerslide in traffic!!! Now thats good fun.

[jrandom]

i've seen a pic of guy doing a stoppie with a naked lady, legs spread in his lap, back down on the tank, so i could see how the shagging story could be true

Sorry to pop your fantasy bubble, but that picture was photoshopped.

[R6_kid]

enivitable :thud:

[FzerozeroT]

Sorry to pop your fantasy bubble, but that picture was photoshopped.

do you have a copy?

if so post it :niceone:

[FROSTY]

There was a guy I knew once--had no idea how to keep probability in view when telling his taaaaaal tales.
A couple memorable ones were A being able to ride from downtown auckland to hamilton and back in 1.5 hours.
-on a gpz900 ninja. I think his Average speed had to be 290km/h
Same guy caught the bus into town one night -Told us he had to stash his bike because he'd been chased by the cops and diddnt want to get caught.
Um pity was one bloke had a police scanner and heard nothing about a chase. -Worse the mechanic from the bikeshop he'd left his bike at -for damage caused by falling off in a carpark was in the van
ooops -sprung

[Jackrat]

I reckon bikers must be one of the hardest groups to bullshit an get away with it.After all most of us have a pretty good grip on reality seeing as how we really do it for real.
One thing I noticed when I bought my first HD was the amount of possers that would come up to you in pubs an such telling you they used to have one of those,or their mates,cousins,brothers,uncle has one,or they have one themselfs but it's in the shop right now,having new tail light bulbs put in it or some other unlikely excuse.I still get the same thing now with the XS but their age,wrinkles and haunted look,tells me they are probably telling the truth in this case. <_<

[Wenier]

well one time at band camp this girl stuck a whole bike up her pussy, im pretty sure that one was true. :laugh:

[vifferman]

well one time at band camp this girl stuck a whole bike up her pussy, im pretty sure that one was true. :laugh:
Wenier, you've obviously spent too much rewatching "American Pie".
But I really loved that line about the flute. :niceone:

[Wenier]

Wenier, you've obviously spent too much rewatching "American Pie".
But I really loved that line about the flute. :niceone:

No i havent spent to much time watchin it only seen it 2 times overall and that was a while ago jus had to b a smart arse

[Deano]

well one time at band camp this girl stuck a whole bike up her pussy, im pretty sure that one was true. :laugh:

Come to think of it - group of KBers at Lifeboat in Eastbourne - a HD rider there said he rode a HD nitro (might have the name wrong...again), but Jimbo750 (I think it was) said it sounded like a type of dildo..so maybe....

I saw on the Jackass movie, one of the guys stuck a car up his ass - a toy car though !!

[pete376403]

A guy who we used to ride with had a really beautiful Dutch girlfriend. Oh, she was soooo pretty. He also worked at a high paying job, the rest of us were all underpaid apprentices, so he had a Honda 750 four while we all rode trailies and so on. Bastard he was. Anyway, on a ride over masterton way, on the long boring straight bits, caught up with this guy to see her reaching round, giving him a hand job. Fuck I was jealous.

[Deano]

A guy who we used to ride with had a really beautiful Dutch girlfriend. Oh, she was soooo pretty. He also worked at a high paying job, the rest of us were all underpaid apprentices, so he had a Honda 750 four while we all rode trailies and so on. Bastard he was. Anyway, on a ride over masterton way, on the long boring straight bits, caught up with this guy to see her reaching round, giving him a hand job. Fuck I was jealous.

Hopefully not during winter....brrrrr..talk about brass monkeys.

[Motu]

Trouble is with bullshitters - sometimes they tell the truth.Used to know one guy who had cronic bullshit stories,and we could always catch him out.Like the time he was chased through New Lynn at 160kph chased by half a doz cops,well we were talking to the local cop about it and nothing was reported that night.One day he rolls up on the only bike I saw him ride,a beat up RD350 - says he's just back from the 6 hour....on the last lap the oil light came on on his CBX (new out at the time) while in the lead,he tried to get to the finish line but seized it.

A few days later I'm in the local Honda shop and see a CBX being stripped down - what's up with that I ask - oh,some guy had the oil light come on on the last lap of the 6 hour and the silly bugger seized it.What was his name?....oh,do tell...well what do ya know - maybe there were two guys with that name,still don't know how he pulled that one off.

[Big Dog]

I have managed the sex on a going bike thing.... But it was on the centre stand. That was hard enough to stay on, and a sport bike requires the male to be either very long or on the back seat.

I have never heard a tall tale from a biker (other than obvious shaggys). I have heard heaps from non bikes that ususally include but are not limited to the time a mate rode from hamilton to Auckland on one wheel, jouneys that require impossible skill or speed.

F*&k a handjob is hard enough to survive ( be warned if you have a duaghter who likes to hitch with a helmet) without trying to finish or balance a another body on a part of the bike just not designed for it.

[shandawg]

A girl at my mate's old work reckoned her boyfriend's bike was so fast that once he was riding along with only his hands on the bars and the rest of his body horizontal with the ground :killingme

[jimbo600]

Come to think of it - group of KBers at Lifeboat in Eastbourne - a HD rider there said he rode a HD nitro (might have the name wrong...again), but Jimbo750 (I think it was) said it sounded like a type of dildo..so maybe....

I saw on the Jackass movie, one of the guys stuck a car up his ass - a toy car though !!

It was a Harley Night train, and I said that it sounded like a condom.

Well a night train for fucks sake. Does it come ribbed? or with a tickler?

[jimbo600]

I have heard a couple of bullshit stories myself (well sounded like bullshit and were told at a party while consuming vast quantities of booze, so they were at least stretched somewhat). Im sure some of you have heard a few good ones - well, now's the time to share - could be good for a laugh.

Guy at a party said he was shagging his missus on his bike doing 160km/h.
(maybe he calls his left hand his missus)

Same guy reckoned that he had come over the crest of a brow doing over 160km/h, sheep standing in the middle of his lane - no time to swerve - he llifted the front wheel and hit it mid engine - cut the sheep in two and carried on - didn't drop the bike :killingme

Have I told you about the time I was racing Kevin MaGee at Daytona raceway. Passed him on a corner with my knee on the deck with the front wheel in the air and went on to win.

True!!

[jrandom]

Passed him on a corner with my knee on the deck with the front wheel in the air

You forgot "and the back wheel sliding sideways while I was scratching my arse".

[Deano]

Have I told you about the time I was racing Kevin MaGee at Daytona raceway. Passed him on a corner with my knee on the deck with the front wheel in the air and went on to win.

True!!

OK Kerry !!

The only way any one here could overtake Kevin Mcgee would be after he had put his bike into the wall during the 500GP.

[moko]

Best/worst one I heard was a prat I used to work with who was,apparently,riding through London at the height of the Brixton riots back in the 70`s(Old English custom,when England aren`t playing away we trash our own country).Anyway he wanted to visit someone in Brixton,as you would with flying petrol bombs,rampaging mobs and the Met.Police Special Operations Group psychos looking to bust anyone`s head that gets in the way.The police had sealed off a street becuase there was a major fight going on,obviously this being not enough to deter our hero from using his intended route he found a plank in a rubbish skip,leaned it up against the police barricade and did the "Great Escape" bit clean over the barricade.This by the way being on an XS750triple...........with his brother on the back.
Same bloke by the way was supposedly a mechanic,when he couldn`t get a machine running again and the boss asked him what the problem was his in-depth,informative,answer was,"It`s just being a bastard",he lasted 2 days after that one,claiming that a metal lug he`d welded in the wrong place had"moved of it`s own accord" was the last straw for the boss.

[FROSTY]

I took a woman for a ride once on my old xj750p (ex cop)
It had more dials and lights and switches than you could poke a stick at.
She wanted to know what the digital readout and all the xtra switches were for--I told her -quietly and camly it was for the auto pilot to drive us home if I got too tired.
To prove it I flicked a couple of switches then set off for a ride with her -and just rode for a half K or so with my arms folded. Ya gotta love cruise control
And yes she did believe me ----She couldnt understand why biker types kept laughing at her when she told em about it :Oops:

[Marknz]

Yea... did I tell you that I rode all the way from Wollongong to Phillip Island with Wayne Gardner and some mates for the 2001 MotoGP with a police escort averaging 145kph.

:D

[Skyryder]

well one time at band camp this girl stuck a whole bike up her pussy, im pretty sure that one was true. :laugh:

The way I heard, it was the biker...........two days later another went missing and her belly was heard to extoll the virtues of Harleys and British bikes.

Skyryder

[Skyryder]

Riding a few years ago up on the summit road and the lead rider canned into the side of a wire fence. Not much damage to the bike but his jeans were torn to sheds. He calmy pulled out a pair of wire cutter clipped some #8 and proceeded to sow up his jeans with fencing wire. Funny as hell at the time. I still crack up when I think of it.

Skyryder

[moko]

Good one this and not B.S.
I was at the annual Plymouth Megaride today,6000 bike run followed by a meet at the sea-front.Amongst other things was a display by the Police showing how a couple of real accidents had happened,complete with pics taken by the accident investigation team.2 young girls were looking and visibly upset at something,Mum comes over,"Oh my god".Obviously I`m a bit concerned because they were obviously upset but I didn`t know what to do or say.Bloke walks up,Dad/Husband,bit of a family conference and he tells me that he`d had a serious accident a year back,ended up in a coma for a month and as a result chucked in riding because of the trauma the whole thing put the family through.What was on the display was his accident!!One of the girls had seen the picture of what was left of a GSXR600 then also recognised the road as well.He had no idea they`d taken any pictures let alone were displaying them.

[merv]

Yea... did I tell you that I rode all the way from Wollongong to Phillip Island with Wayne Gardner and some mates for the 2001 MotoGP with a police escort averaging 145kph.

:D

.. and Wayne was on his old NSR500 I suppose?

[Big Dog]

None of the bikers I have known are keen to let the truth get in the way of a good yarn.

Start a thread about the competency of the police and you will see what I mean. :killingme

[FROSTY]

a true story and my sole clam to fame-- waay back in 1988 i got to (very breifly) ride a Brittain bike. Ok it was in pit lane at whanganui and it wasnt the Brittain as we know it but an earlier version but still how many guys can say theyve ridden a Brittain ?
its kind of like just drop it in the conversation when THE brittain comes up --" Oh yea I've ridden one of those" and leave it at that.--when all the mutterings of BS etc subside I used to flash the picture out.
Not so believable nowadays with photoshop etc but back then.... :killingme

[k14]

Was that the first britten?? the one with normal forks etc?? and the denso piece of shit speedway engine?

[k14]

You forgot "and the back wheel sliding sideways while I was scratching my arse".

and his girlfriend giving him a handjob :eek:

[matthewt]

a true story and my sole clam to fame-- waay back in 1988 i got to (very breifly) ride a Brittain bike. Ok it was in pit lane at whanganui and it wasnt the Brittain as we know it but an earlier version but still how many guys can say theyve ridden a Brittain ?
its kind of like just drop it in the conversation when THE brittain comes up --" Oh yea I've ridden one of those" and leave it at that.--when all the mutterings of BS etc subside I used to flash the picture out.
Not so believable nowadays with photoshop etc but back then.... :killingme

Can't say I've "ridden" one properly but in my study hangs a photo of me on the #1 bike signed by John Britten wishing me a happy 21st. My brother nearly had him talked into leaving the bike in my parents garage so they could pretend they'd brought one for me. F**k imagine reality setting in after thinking that they had actually blown 150k on a bike for your 21st !!

[NordieBoy]

Was that the first britten?? the one with normal forks etc?? and the denso piece of shit speedway engine?

The Denco was a brilliant speedway engine.
It was never designed for the extended use it was getting.

[k14]

Yeah it was useless for road racing. Loads and loads of torque but bugger all power. Apparantly the chassis of the first britten was arguably better than the chassis of the other britten, with the girder front end etc.

[Marknz]

.. and Wayne was on his old NSR500 I suppose?

No, he was on his then brand new Blade that he gets every year from Honda Australia.

[LB]

Can't say I've "ridden" one properly but in my study hangs a photo of me on the #1 bike signed by John Britten wishing me a happy 21st. My brother nearly had him talked into leaving the bike in my parents garage so they could pretend they'd brought one for me. F**k imagine reality setting in after thinking that they had actually blown 150k on a bike for your 21st !!
I've seen the photo so I can vouch that this story is true.

[Big Dog]

Can't say I've "ridden" one properly but in my study hangs a photo of me on the #1 bike signed by John Britten wishing me a happy 21st.
My kids have, somewhere, photo's taken of one with a No1 painted on it with me and eldest son astride long hair blown out behind me. Unfortunately the one with me hanging off the side pretending to ride it with the knee down never came out. All you see is a big finger with a knee protruding out.

Taken at the eltham mobile in about 96 while it was on a promotional tour. I suspect it was not the real no1 as there was no security to speak of. But even a fake had me buzzing for days while I waited for the photos back.

[pete376403]

My bro-in-law has a photo of himself sitting on the real thing at Manfield. Courtesy of him being part of Bruce Ansteys team. (Bruce obviously had enough cred with the Britten people to be allowed to do this sort of thing)

[Motu]

I used to own Ivan Millers Cheney/Triumph,both names would fall on deaf ears here.My Rickman Mettise had Len Perry's name on the ownership papers too.

[White trash]

I'm saving my most bullshit stories for the long drive to Auckland and the BBQ on the 3rd.

You're gonna love 'em! :niceone:

[pete376403]

I used to own Ivan Millers Cheney/Triumph,both names would fall on deaf ears here.My Rickman Mettise had Len Perry's name on the ownership papers too.
Ive got deaf ears but all those names mean something to me. (spelling nazi alert) Metisse (Mongrel in French) only has one "t" but 2 "s"

[merv]

I used to own Ivan Millers Cheney/Triumph,both names would fall on deaf ears here.My Rickman Mettise had Len Perry's name on the ownership papers too.

By the time I met Ivan he was on Suzukis. Interesting story in Kiwi Rider wasn't it about him riding again.

I'm of the plastic generation and while I started riding with the Hawkes Bay MCC about 1970 I started on Japanese stuff, but many then still had the British stuff. Fastest guys in our club then were the Bevin boys on their Spartan Triumphs. (Nigel has been involved in Taupo lately with Husabergs and stuff like that.) Then along came the TM Suzukis and later the Honda Elsinores.

Guys even rode trials those days on anything from Beeza Bantams and up including Dots and stuff like that. Then along came the Bultacos. I was a poor student so stuck with Jap stuff but my Bro' bought a Sherpa T 350 and he was also silly enough to buy a Benelli 180 mini bike off Keith Turner when he was dealing in Napier.

Many of my mates at Uni for some reason went down the British route - to be different I guess when they were long past their use by date.

So Motu, ears aren't deaf and the memories are still there. Its my eyes that aint what they used to be.

[What?]

... ears aren't deaf and the memories are still there. Its my eyes that aint what they used to be.
Whilst Mrs What? may disagree, my ears are also just fine.

[Motu]

Ive got deaf ears but all those names mean something to me. (spelling nazi alert) Metisse (Mongrel in French) only has one "t" but 2 "s"

I know,I know,I always get it wrong and have to ask my wife everytime I write it,but I was at work when I wrote that.Not too sure about Miller either,but Sammy is Millar,so the other will do.

The story I got with the Cheney was that Ivan brought it out from England(they are all hand built to the riders measurments,this was frame no 75),rode it 3 times and then took the motor out and returned to England.The guy I got it off was some sort off entrepreneur(wifes spell check) who found it in the back of a wharehouse he got hold of.Not much of a rider himself he got Dave Tompkins to fit a JAP to it,and I saw Dave race it a couple of times at the beach,but Dave didn't like it and took the motor out again.I put a 5TA back in it,but didn't really like it either - I really liked my 1964 Rickman,the 1968 Cheney was made to compete against Bultaco's and stuff,it was much more nervous.Oh,just to piss you off Merv,I found a Spartan frame in the hard refuse collection once - as I went past I saw the duplex frame and though,well,it can't be too bad and picked it up.But it was a road race frame,so never used it.

The reason guys still rode the British and Euro bikes in the early 70s was because they handled so much better - the 64 Rickman and 68 Cheney were paddocks ahead of my 73 TS/TM 400.

Jeez,us old farts have got some bullshit stories alright eh?

[pete376403]

Cycle magazine did a story about the Cheney BSA built for John Banks (not THAT one) to contest the Trans-AMA motocross series in the US. It looked fabulous and went like hell - easily hosed the factory big bore two strokes (Suz, Yam, etc) of the day, and was really 25 years ahead of its time, if you consider the big bore four strokes coming from Japan now. There wasn't much off-the-shelf stuff in the bike, either. He even made his own forks, using an Eldorado gun barrel boring machine.
Yeah us oldies a full of stuff. And you tell the kids today, and they won't believe you!

[Posh Tourer :P]

found it in the back of a wharehouse
Hijack.... :Offtopic:

Is that a warehouse, a warewhare or a househouse? :bleh:

[Motu]

Fucking spelling Nazi's - I'm gunna get Igor to proof read my posts from now on.

[pete376403]

Now this is pretty http://www.off-road.com/rick/triumph/

[merv]

Now this is pretty http://www.off-road.com/rick/triumph/

Motu how did your heart rate go seeing that?

[vifferman]

Now this is pretty http://www.off-road.com/rick/triumph/
Too kewl!
The names (bikes and riders) you were bandying around were very familiar, but that photo kickstarted my rusty memory! :wacko:

[Motu]

Motu how did your heart rate go seeing that?

It made me depresed,to think of what I had,and now am just one of those guys who says ''I used to have one of those'' But at the time nobody (cept me!) knew what they were and I had a hard time to sell them.A couple of guys in the trade knew what they were,but only wanted one and all the parts,leaving me with a bike and no parts.

The hand built British bikes of that era were something else alright - the Rickman was a gem,a very strong Reynolds 531 frame,brazed I think...twin top rails with a crossover at the steering head like a featherbed,then a brace tube coming back to the low top rails,oil in frame of course,and nickel not chrome plated.Fibreglass tank/seat/airbox and mine had alloy guards,I converted the twin high pipes to TT pipes under the engine,splaying out in front of the rear wheel.Originaly it had a Velocete rear wheel,but it was too low geared for street use,so I fitted a Triumph conical rear - with a large Trident sprocket for off road use...I cut the sprockets in half so I could change the gearing without removing the wheel.Apart from the small tank the biggest pain as a street bike was carrying 20 eccentric washers to adjust the chain.

The Cheney made the Rickman look like a lard arse - the tubing was smaller diameter with only a single top rail and that big gusset at the steering head you can see in those photos,the welding was superb,outstanding in those days,you can see that stuff on Taiwanese pushbikes now.Rear wheel adjustment on mine was a big eccentric alloy block,like a modern bike has.The wheels were Rickman magnesium hubs with high strength steel rims,these were lighter than alloy rims,but stronger - 20in on the front.Alloy tank/guards/airbox with genuine Cheney stickers.It had been raced on the beach and left in a carport when I got it,so the alloy took some cleaning - I just had to paint the frame silver.Ah,that was magnesium alloy too,I needed a side cover repaired and the guy who repaired it (freebee) said he got a hell of a fright when it burnt up on him.

This bike was so light that minus engine my mate - big of body,small of brain - could clean and jerk it over his head.I slapped a motor together and cobbled it into a runner,but it was very twitchy for a street bike,there was no classic motocross back then,so really it was just a waste of time.

The Rickman was a sliding fool as Rick Seaman (sp??) once reported in Dirtbike.On thick Naki loam where I learnt to ride it - it would just go into huge full lock 2nd and 3rd gear slides,you never had to come out of them in a big paddock,just orgasmic bliss that went on for as long as you held the throttle open.It did big long jumps - not high,one metre high,10 long - coming down on the rear wheel,standing on the pegs and holding a powerstand for ages,then slamming it into a slide before the boxthorn took you out.I never knew I was a potential World Motocross Champion until I rode that bike,there was no mistake I could make that the bike wouldn't correct - every word you read about these bikes is only the half of it.

Merv - you follow both worlds like I do...do you remember a guy who rode a Rickman in motocross in the late 60s early 70s? always on the rear wheel,big slides and winning everything? I think he was from Taranaki,Egmont Village.My friend Allan Smart (Paul's brother) married his daughter and said he had a shed full of Rickmans and Cheney's.talk about a name dropper.

[merv]

I was a HB guy then and as I said we had the Bevans on Spartans and there was a guy Ash French from Waipuk area had a Matchless Metisse - I always thought that was a cool looking bike. Then the fast guys started riding CZ two strokes, then eventually moved onto Jap stuff. Bob Grover also had some old British bike too, can't remember what is was but it wasn't very quick. The roadies will know Bob as the guy that has competed continuously at Wanganui since Adam was a cowboy, on Jap hybrids there though, in Formula 3.

[Motu]

More bullshit from Motuworld.

The house I was staying in in Melbourne had a brand new never run Moto Guzzi 250 4cyl sitting on the hearth.On the mantlepiece was a 50cc Ducati pull rod motor,I was responsible for that,bringing it over as hand luggage.On a coffee table was a Guzzi 1000 engine,all covers,bolts etc gold platted.Here's why.

My mate over there (he was into everything Italian and ran the Italian club,setting up the NZ one too) He picked up a beat up Guzzi 1000 Convert to do up - so he bought a brand new one,still in the crate....and wrecked it! never even put it together.He ended up with all new parts for his one and sold the rest as parts,making money on the deal.Then he had a hairbrained sceme to gold plate everything,this was the time just before gold more than tripled in price.He got the motor done,gold prices skyrocketed,dream shattered.

I got to ride lot's of exotic stuff,for the time - didn't get to ride the MV Augusta 750,but went on it as pillion,kinda special eh?.I did ride an MV 350 twin,it only had 175km on it - so I figured I'd better help run it in,giving it death.I coulda bought that one for $1000,but at that time there was a 100% duty on bikes from Aust - two grand for an MV Augusta 350? augh,get real,not bloody likely.

[F5 Dave]

OK Kerry !!

The only way any one here could overtake Kevin Mcgee would be after he had put his bike into the wall during the 500GP.

Jimbo/Deano etc, back on topic & back to page 3: I think you could fill the whole rest of the forum with stories from Mr Daytona. My favourite (in addition to the obvious racing ones) is the being able to reprogram ‘90’s Suzuki ignitions.

Sure, & while you’re about it can you please reprogram my rectifier/regulator? :killingme :killingme :killingme

[jimbo600]

Jimbo/Deano etc, back on topic & back to page 3: I think you could fill the whole rest of the forum with stories from Mr Daytona. My favourite (in addition to the obvious racing ones) is the being able to reprogram ‘90’s Suzuki ignitions.

Sure, & while you’re about it can you please reprogram my rectifier/regulator? :killingme :killingme :killingme

What, you mean Mr Daytona's stories aint true!

Bugger, and there I was thinking he was a hero and all.