Pirate Jokes

[Squeak the Rat]

Shiver me timbers and swab me pecker it's International Talk Like a Pirate Day today, so here are some amazing pirate jokes.



Q: Why are pirates called pirates?
A: Because they Aaaarrrrrrrr.
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A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Yaaar, well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!"
"Well," says the pirate, “It was me first day with da hook."
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A pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks down and says "You know that you have a steering wheel in your pants"
The pirate replies "Ay, it's drivin' me nuts"
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Q: Where does a Pirate go for his morning coffee?
A: Starrrrrrrrbucks.

[Lil_Byte]

It's too early in the morning to comprehend arrrrrgh:scooter:

[Cookie]

Most important day of the yearrrrrrr in my books.

Thanks for bringing this to our attention. :D

[Maverick]

Which Star Wars character is really a pirate?

Aarrrrgghh-2-d-2

[Maverick]

What is a pirate's best feature?

His booty!

[Maverick]

What has 8 hands and 8 legs?




8 Pirates.

[Squeak the Rat]

Why couldn't the pirate get in to see the movie?



Because it was rated aaaaarrrrrrrrrr.

[Pillick]

Arrrr, is there any man who be giving this day the respect it deserves? It be powerful hard to converse in this fashion - and the office wenches dannae take kindly to it.

Respect to any sea dog who can keep afloat and stay true on this difficult day.

[Squeak the Rat]

Arrrr, is there any man who be giving this day the respect it deserves? It be powerful hard to converse in this fashion - and the office wenches dannae take kindly to it.

Respect to any sea dog who can keep afloat and stay true on this difficult day.

One of our managers be offerin' bountiful discounts to punters who be speakin' their order in the lingo of seafarin' scoundrels. Aaarrrrrrr.

[Pillick]

One of our managers be offerin' bountiful discounts to punters who be speakin' their order in the lingo of seafarin' scoundrels. Aaarrrrrrr.

Haaarrrrr, a good man that. And what be this managers trade?

Whissht, ne'r mind. I see that ye be too far to the north for me. No self respecting pirate would ply his trade in the land-locked port of hamilton. Tis a shame.

[Maverick]

Haaarrrrr, a good man that. And what be this managers trade?

Whissht, ne'r mind. I see that ye be too far to the north for me. No self respecting pirate would ply his trade in the land-locked port of hamilton. Tis a shame.

Aye, T'would be sad to be a river Pirate, Fore'er searchin but naer finding the Open Sea, Arrrrgh.

[GN1NiteStnd]

Aye I have always loved pirate jokes arrrrrrg :yes:

[Squeak the Rat]

Haaarrrrr, a good man that. And what be this managers trade?

Whissht, ne'r mind. I see that ye be too far to the north for me. No self respecting pirate would ply his trade in the land-locked port of hamilton. Tis a shame.

Arrrrr, he be a neighbouring scallywag of yars pillagin' and reapin' the bounty in the seas known as cambridge by tradin' electrical loot for gold bulion..... T'is indeed a river 'rat, makes it 'eaps easier to plunder from capn's of mansions, aaarrrrrr.'

[JimO]

what kind of car did the pirate drive



























Monaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaro

[Maverick]

what kind of car did the pirate drive?






















Monaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaro

Or was it a L'ARrrrrrrrda?

[Pillick]

Aye, T'would be sad to be a river Pirate, Fore'er searchin but naer finding the Open Sea, Arrrrgh.

ARRRRGH! Belay that talk, ye scurvy-infested bucko! How daft de ye think I be? Ye think I cannae find the sea e'n when I ha' a river to guide me? E'n if ye be dense as a cannon ball, there be only two directions to look!

[Hitcher]

But pirates are spoilt for choice with Yamaharrrrrrrrrrrr motorcycles:

The FJarrrrrrrrrr1300
The Arrrrrrrrrrr1
The Arrrrrrrrrrr6
The XJarrrrrrrrr1300

Shiver me timbers and blow through me knothole!

[Waylander]

But pirates are spoilt for choice with Yamaharrrrrrrrrrrr motorcycles:

The FJarrrrrrrrrr1300
The Arrrrrrrrrrr1
The Arrrrrrrrrrr6
The XJarrrrrrrrr1300

Shiver me timbers and blow through me knothole!
Ain't ye forgetten them V-Staarrrrs there me matey?

[The Pastor]

A pirate and his parrot, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a valiant battle. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, the pirate stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a Genie came forth. This particular Genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving any thought to the matter the pirate blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into rum!" The Genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest rum ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the Genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of rum on the hull broke the stillness as the two considered their circumstances

The parrot looked disgustedly at the pirate and after a tension-filled moment spoke: "Now yee've done it!! Now we're goon to have to pee in the boat!"