One for all you evil bastards out there

[moko]

I`ve been having a bit of a problem with 5 of my neighbours over the last couple of years,long story that I wont bore you with.The time has come when enough is enough and they`ve got to go.Violence is out,purely on the grounds that I dont really want hassle with the law.Got a few ideas but I`d like some more on how to give these folks a really hard time,trust me I`m the wronged party here.Basically I want ideas on how to totally piss them off in a subtle but effective way.1`s actually moving because "he no longer feels safe" but I dont want to go too far down the intimidation route and at the moment I`m in the right,they`re in the wrong as the long,slow process of the law will prove.They`re already scared being used to hassling old ladies and not getting any comeback.Anyone got any good wind-ups,piss-offs or downright dirty deeds of no more than a law-stretching nature then I`m open to suggestions.Please dont waste your time with "just leave it" posts cos I just aint made that way,these people are going,they just dont know it yet. :2guns:

[wari]

I'll sleep onit today moko ... :yeah:

lets see what my dream time comes upwith ... :doobey:

[jrandom]

'Warm up' the Fazer with open headers for half an hour every morning before sunrise.

[Firefight]

Well far from telling you to leave it, I feel sure that a few of the more devious(sp?) kiwis here may have some good ideas. Naturally anything I suggest would just be the result of an overworked imagination which is bought on by many hours at my work doing nothing waiting for shit to happen, and I feel sure that anyone who knows me, would attest to the fact that I would never do any of the following......

1), Wait till at time they are out and have a truck load of chicken shit delived on to their front lawn :killingme .

2) Ring up and order a large bit of earthmoving equipment to do a job in there back yard :whistle:

3) You can resort to the good old ringing in the early hours of the morning and asking some obscure question. :wacko:

4) Ring an escort service, (male :love: or female) and book a out call, (I think thats what its called) to their house.

5) Tip the cops off too the possability of some form of illeagal actvity at the houses. :Police:

6)Depending on how pissed off your were you could borrow a D8 bulldozer, armour plate it and bulldoze their fucking houses down, may have a bit of prob with the law ?

7) May be some obscure by bylaw hidden in some dusty old council back room that may allow you to turn you own home into a conmune(sp?)provided of course you donate a small fee to said. council.

8) Ring green peace, :grouphug: and see if they could use your front room as a regional HQ, for some"Stop dumping toxic waste"" campagin.

Thats should keep you going for a bit, good luck

F/F

[RiderInBlack]

First you need to know what their likes and dislikes are, and then play on those.

eg:

if they are in to late night parties, and heavy music; try early morning (7am-ish) positive affermation music (whale, birds, and stream sounds with sickly sweet stuff playig in the background) or load Classic.
if they are not relidgious, get some JW's to visit regularly or fill their letter box with "Watch Tower" type pamphets.
if they are tidy freaks; don't mower your lawn or shave, wear scruffy clothes, leave dishes in you sink, etc., and then invite them around for dinner (sniffing and then spitting, scratching your ass or drooling would add to the effect).
Or you could really freak them out by being overly nice to them:innocent:

[Deano]

Turn the toby right down so they get feck all water pressure.

Stuff a large carrot etc up their waste pipes to block their sinks.

Loud but short duration noise in the middle of the night is a right biatch, but don't upset any innocent neighbours. Anyone remember 'roof rattling' with gravel as kids...

Throw some dead animals under the house, especially fish waste - it stinks.

[Deano]

Oh yeah, do they have a teenage daughter...........nuff said.

[Firefight]

Oh yeah, do they have a teenage daughter...........nuff said.



Nice one :killingme :killingme


F/F <_<

[Al]

Pee into a bottle, lean bottle against front door of neighbour........ Door opens in the morning and there is a stream of yellow liquid flowing into their hallways. Also the old schoolboy trick of wrapping sh*t up in newspaper, leaving at front door, light paper, ring doorbell and RUN.
:sneaky2:

[Wenier]

Oh yeah, do they have a teenage daughter...........nuff said.

hahah beautiful thats a crack up.

With the gravel one if they have a corogated iron roof and access to a helicopter and long chains you can drag the chains over the roof and make a hell of a noise

[bluninja]

Hmmmmm...had a problem with a neighbour a long time ago....long and short of it was that they called the police and naval provost to get a party shut down. As it was a terraced brick built house we decided to put some 'shelves' up for a month. We used an impact drill on a piece of wood on the partition wall and every friend would help us by putting a shelf up when they came around.

We also watered the garden with a sprinkler hose whenever their washing was out.

A few months later we had a shelves completed party and no bother at all :rolleyes:

[Quasievil]

Well I could send around my Henchmen for you grab your neighbours and throw them into my purpose built tank complete with Sharks with Freckin Laser beams tied to their heads.

I can blow up their houses with my "laser beam" for no apparent reason?

you decide

[Motu]

Also the old schoolboy trick of wrapping sh*t up in newspaper, leaving at front door, light paper, ring doorbell and RUN.
:sneaky2:

Oh dear,that reminds me of how low I stooped in the neighbour feud thing - his doggies barked and cried all day and night when he was away,then when let off came straight over and dumped huge smelly turds on my lawn - so I picked then all up and deposited them on the step to his caravan...I heard him come home that night,but no more doggie poo.... :rolleyes:

[Dr Bob]

Stay away from the whole phoning up on their behalf thing unless you de-phone id your phone.

Do the next door neighbours rent or own? It makes a big difference.

Go for legal stuff first - Spraying sulphar based garden remedies or fish based fertiliser on plants or fences next to their living areas can be fairly useful.

You can contact noise control for any reason, it doesn't have to be a stereo. If they have a party and they talk to loud you can contact noise contol - on the other hand they can do this as well. However, when someone contacts noise control, the noise officer asks the person to phone back after 30 minutes to see if it is still noisy, if it isn't then they cancel the job. If it is still noisy the officer schedules a visit, if there is no noise evident then they go away. Therefore you should crank up the volume for 15 minutes and then be quiet for an hour, then crank it up again etc. This will drive them completely crazy, especially if you have directional speakers that focus on thier bedroom.

[Hitcher]

Order them a truckload of coal. About three tonnes would be about right. Drive a peg in their driveway that says "dump here" shortly before the prearranged delivery time.

Ring up Telecom and change their phone number. Make it unlisted.

[PZR]

Cmon guys the man wants some serious mayhem! Helicopters indeed?:bleh:


Spray bomb "CHILD MOLESTER LIVES HERE" (or words to that effect) outside their house.
Depending on their race how about bombing "We hate (Insert choice here......) whites, blacks, browns, yellows. You get the idea.
Or a sign which advertises the local UK version ofthe Klu Klux Clan (Labour Party isnt it?)
Make a long stick that will hold an aerosol so you can use the spray from the bottom of the stick (this assumes its a common 2 story house) and then paint all their windows black late one night.

Have the gas turned off (disconnected)

Poms have lots of funny council laws, look into some of those

They also have lots of laws about squatters rights, maybe something useful there.

Advertise their phone number in a phone box/local shop as a number for (again your choices) prostitute, adult baby fun times, gay, lesbian, S&M or all the above

Poison their plants/grass/trees

Drop dirty oil on their clean driveway

Put lots of bird seed on their house/car roofs

Harder to do but block the chimeny

Superglue their locks car/house/windows

Kill their cat/dog/hampster/children/mother in law (forget the last one they may thank you for that

Hang slaughtered animals (see above) with intestines dangling from their house somewhere

Rape the children and kill all the women and behead the men
OOOps sorry getting carried away there, but hey, the world is your oyster to fuck with. Have fun

"I think my chip is getting bigger" he mumbles to himself
Shouting out loud!!!!"Mabel lock me in again tonight its a full moon!!!"

[duckman]

Dump 3 litre bottles of Isopropol alcohol and a dozen assorted glass chemistry vessels in their garage and call the cops complaining about the chemical stench coming from your neighbours house.

"P" party - here we come!!!

[Omega1]

Get their phone number and place an add in the trade & exchange

"Free piano to a good home please ph......."

[Dr Bob]

Well that's different, sorry for not being more sensitive to your address before.

Most of us won't have a clue as to the rules over there for what constitutes bad neighbourly behaviour, over here there are far fewer attached houses (called apartments, or town houses) and a much higher incidence of space between neighbours.

Is it semi detached, terraced, or a bungalow?

Do you have a decent backgarden, front garden etc. give us a picture {words will do}.

[750Y]

need more information about the setup first.
just a question but why don't you move? you have no clue who's gonna replace them after you finally get them out anyway & who wants to live like that? life is too short to worry about that crap, move on and breathe some fresh air, sounds like you could do with it. And don't go all stubborn and try making a pitiful stand in suburbia ,look at the big picture. not trying to be rude moreso trying to motivate you out of a bad situation and let you take the opportunity to make things better. turn the page, let it go or you will wake up one day all bitter & twisted old man wingeing about the neighbours again and think to yourself hmmm i've gone nowhere. anyway enough from me, what would i know 8-(

[RiderInBlack]

let it go or you will wake up one day all bitter & twisted old man wingeing about the neighbours again and think to yourself hmmm i've gone nowhereYou'll turn in to an old wingeing POM:doh: , like Mr Meldrews in "One Foot In The Grave":killingme Just what England needs:rolleyes:

[moko]

Thanks for input so far.The really interesting bit is that I live in a block of 8 flats,1 of these people is actually my next-door-neighbour,another on the floor below.All "the accused" are already very wary and creeping around trying to avoid me.No chance I`ll get bitter and twisted,I look on sorting out arseholes as sport pure and simple.Basically they`re an elected commitee that run the finances of the flats(40 in all)there was some dodgy stuff going on with an electrical contract,I asked questions which by law they`re supposed to answer,they`ve just lied to my mortgage provider to try and get the money they reckon I should pay,causing me all kinds of hassle in the process.All along I`ve stated that if they show me proof that they went about this contract in a legal manner I`ll pay up immiedietely,proof they should have by law,and should show me by law.The latest little stunt was just one too far,these heroes other claims to fame include throwing some old ladies property into the bins and ripping down a bird-table that a disabled woman put up outside her window for something to look at.I`ll beat them with the legal bit as Brit law grinds it`s way to completion but they`ve really F***ed me off and I want to make their bastard lives as miserable as possible.They`re all spineless shits and as Wari will tell you I`m less than beautiful in a good mood,let alone at full scream,prefer the subtle approach though.Nice work people,plenty of food for thought to be getting on with.

[Big Dog]

I would stay away from leaving DNA if you would be a natural suspect.

Sugar works quicker but a pound of salt in a tank is irreperable, and about 6 months out, just so long as you don't change your mind before then eh.

First the fuel pump or guage then the other, then the injectors or rings. then pistons etc. I'm told once started it never stopps and the repair bills just get worse.

The ping pong ball was made famous by csi but shool kids have been doing it for years. Drop it in the tank, whenever the gas gets below half the suction pulls down the ball over the intake. It stalls the car, but starts again straight away as the suction is broken. The next time the ball passes over the vortex again it stops again.

Fish guts in the chassis rails are another school boy fav.

Adjust the handbrake so itis always on.

Call the council every time their dog barks.

From a pay phone give an anonymous tip about a "heroin shipment", ending in the words 'I saw him swallow 12 condoms'.

Feed their cat....1 Slowly add asparagus. It makes them incontinent, with really awful odour. Will regain continence after you stop feeding it.
2 better food than they do... so it won't touch the cheap stuff any more.

Feed their dog 1 lots of high energy food so it needs walking more.
2 feed him better than his master so that he hangs around by your side of the yard instead of masters house at meal times.

[Big Dog]

I live in a block of 8 flats.
And you want 5 of them to move out? If you start the bully stuff, I'd sleep with one eye open..... Mate i'd be looking to make one of them at a time your best mate until you control the balance of power.... Has reality tv taught you nothing man? You don't have to like them, or even not hate them... just let them think you like them.

[Jackrat]

Do they own their house??
If so dump a bag of quick setting cement down their drains.
If you can access it and it has the type,unplug the pipe to the toilet where it comes out the wall and dump a bag down that fucker to.#2 Put an add in your local paper selling a mint restored 73 Triumph bonnieville for $1000.Apply in person to Blah Blah this Saturday morning,No scumbag Head Hunter type gang members need apply.#3 Get an old pair of sand shoes, tye the laces togeather and throw them over the power lines out side their place.
#4 Get some fertiliser and write "sex offender lives here" on grass outside the place.I got a few more but you don't want any grief from the law right!!!

Oh shit I just realised you live in the UK,better change that bike gang to Satens slaves or sumint.I guess the sand shoes won't work there either.Bugger!!!

[Big Dog]

another on the floor below
I assume you have a bath? :ar15: "fall asleep" in it at 3am several days in a row.
With the tap running of course.

[Big Dog]

assuming they have external gas water heating like most units here, put out their pilot lights on really cold mornings.

[Skyryder]

Motu I know you do not want the leave alone and forget it bit but the road you are contemplating is a long and difficult one that may result in you being more pissed off than you are now. At this stage I get the feeling that you are on your own. Taking on numerical superiority on your own may not be the way to go. If you want to go down this road find some allies and go the legal way. Most of the 'ideas' that have been floated have involved some degree of dishonesty and if your computer is seized (for wahtever reason) you may find your self back in Godzown sooner than expected. You mentioned something about the finances if there is fraud involved that may be the way to go. Will that get rid of them???????? I can not answer that but I doubt it considering that there may not be very large sums of money involved. Whenever I get myself into situations that require a simular response I ask myself two questions

Am I right

Can I win.

If yes to both I go for it. If no to just one then I walk away.

Just think very carefully to what you are going to do.


Skyryder

[What?]

Motu I know you do not want...
Motu? Donchamean Moko??

[wkid_one]

if they have a corogated iron roof and access to a helicopter and long chains you can drag the chains over the roof and make a hell of a noise
Hey Wenier - I think the Helicopter would work making enough noise WITHOUT the chains!

[MadDuck]

dont think it has been suggested yet?

uuummmmmmm....ocifer (from phone box) I think that tomato plants at said address are not actually tomato plants :Police: might warrant an investigation. From what I know if its a quiet night they might just enjoy a "ram raid"...roflmfao. About 1am is always good esp this time of year.

Another option is to invite KBers for a afternoon tea (scones optional) and have 30+ bikers turn up ...only work if they own harleys I guess :cool2: