When I take over as world Emperor...

[SARGE]

1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors,
not face-concealing ones.

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not
kept anonymously imprisoned in a fogotten cell of my dungeon.

4. Shooting is -not- too good for my enemies.

5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the
Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity.

It will be in my safe-deposit box.

6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicaments before killing them.

7. When the rebel leader challenges me to fight one-on-one and asks,
"Or are you afraid without your armies to back you up?" My reply will
be, "No, just sensible."

8. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look before you kill
me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll shoot him,
and then say "No.."

9. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married
immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in
three week's time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

10. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely
necessary. If it is necessary, it will not a be a large red button
labelled "Danger: Do Not Push."

11. I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is
destined to overthrow me--I'll do it myself.

12. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum--a small
hotel well outside my borders will work just as well
.
13. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need
to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my
weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

14. I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an
accident: I'm not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn't
believe it.

15. I will make it clear that I -do- know the meaning of the word
"mercy"; I simply choose not to show them any.

16. One of my advisors will be an average teenager. No one can spot a
flaw in a someone elses plan like a teenager.

17. All slain enemies will be cremated, not left for dead at the bottom
of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths as well as any
accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the
aforementioned disposal.

18. My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as
members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military
boots or adhere to any other dress codes.

20. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find
that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate
when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into
operation.

21. I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad
scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently
twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he's caused.

22. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's
just one thing I want to know."

23. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to
their advice.

[Colapop]

AGAIN with the "When I am World Emperor" schitk?

[ManDownUnder]

AGAIN with the "When I am World Emperor" schitk?

:psst: Cola... there's no "c" and no "K" in that word...:corn:

[Croft]

Hmmm.... you've REALLY put some thought into this haven't you?!!! Ha!!

[Colapop]

It's Sarge - Are you trying to tell me there's no 'S', 'a', 'r', 'g', in 'deluded'?

[Timber020]

I think the emperors hat is already on a little tight.

[SARGE]

AGAIN with the "When I am World Emperor" schitk?

oh you know its coming Cola..


just a matter of time

[Lissa]

17. All slain enemies will be cremated, not left for dead at the bottom
of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths as well as any
accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the
aforementioned disposalDoes this celebration include free drinkies or do we have to bring our own?

[SARGE]

Does this celebration include free drinkies or do we have to bring our own?

your first drink is free.. cash bar after that

i'll supply the meat for the BBQ though..

[SARGE]

Hmmm.... you've REALLY put some thought into this haven't you?!!! Ha!!

shit Croft .. look at the trouble that kinda shit got all Batman's and James Bond's Arch Enemies into..

"i will tell you my plans, then leave you for 30 minutes while this laser beam warms up..."


OH COME ON!!! why not just leave the Utility Belt just out of reach on the table next to the dungeon keys???

[oldrider]

I found the weakness in your plan. No 9 Just kill the fricking princess and get on with the business!

1) There are plenty of princesses

2) Every Donald duck or whatever story, the hero fucks up with the princess! Move on with the plan.

3) Personally I would have stuffed it up with the princess too, just love those princesses to bits

Sounds like a plan that any right wing honest decent thinking red blooded guy should come up with.

Let me know when you are going to begin, I will enlist, I am not in my prime but I can be used as a dispensable in your hour of need.

Ooops is that the alarm? Time to get up and go to the bike rally! Cheers John.

[The_Dover]

your first drink is free.. cash bar after that

i'll supply the meat for the BBQ though..

We want some flesh on that, not just lard

[SARGE]

I found the weakness in your plan. No 9 Just kill the fricking princess and get on with the business!

1) There are plenty of princesses

2) Every Donald duck or whatever story, the hero fucks up with the princess! Move on with the plan.

3) Personally I would have stuffed it up with the princess too, just love those princesses to bits

Sounds like a plan that any right wing honest decent thinking red blooded guy should come up with.

Let me know when you are going to begin, I will enlist, I am not in my prime but I can be used as a dispensable in your hour of need.

Ooops is that the alarm? Time to get up and go to the bike rally! Cheers John.


John.. you my friend will have a highly paid food taster role ..

[98tls]

Princesses should be virgins.....can i be chief princess virgin checker...sole charge position.....

[unhingedlizard]

your first drink is free.. cash bar after that

i'll supply the meat for the BBQ though..


Tight git:Pokey:

[SARGE]

Tight git:Pokey:

i'm world emperor .. not WINZ for christs sake..


get a job


Princesses should be virgins.....can i be chief princess virgin checker...sole charge position.....

sure .. but just lift your Kaftan (http://www.eunuch.org/)...i'll go grab my hammer..

[Lissa]

I have to agree with unhinged here All Mighty and Wise World Emperor Sarge... if all you can supply is one measley free drink not sure I want you taking control of the world.... I might have to start revolting :beer:

[SARGE]

I might have to start revolting :beer:

nope .. not gonna touch that one ...:Pokey:

[Lissa]

Excellent World Emperor Sarge... how do you expect people to follow you if they aren't half cut!:whistle:

[SARGE]

Excellent World Emperor Sarge... how do you expect people to follow you if they aren't half cut!:whistle:

worked for Hitler...

[The_Dover]

Hey Sarge.

GET A JOB.

[Macktheknife]

I think the emperors hat is already on a little tight.

Yes but the new clothes look just about right!

[SARGE]

Yes but the new clothes look just about right!

yea .. i have to wear a tie and shave more than once a week now ...


shit works out bro...


you can be my Chief of Security..


now go cook me some eggs

[dawnrazor]

I'm not convinced the world is worth the effort...anyway isn't emperor just another name for commie facist bullyboy...

[SARGE]

I'm not convinced the world is worth the effort...anyway isn't emperor just another name for commie facist bullyboy...

yes it is .. but i think my CV more than stands up for itself...

[Ixion]

I'm not convinced the world is worth the effort...anyway isn't emperor just another name for commie facist bullyboy...

Uh, yes. I was always good at that stuff,

Emperor Ixion I. Has a nice ring to it doesn't it?

[Big Dave]

Uh, yes. I was always good at that stuff,

Emperor Ixion I. Has a nice ring to it doesn't it?

A burnt out oil ring.

[Lou Girardin]

Won't happen sarge. You don't have the money, nor a brother as Governor, to help you steal an election.

[Colapop]

Yes but he is an American, has no idea about politics and thinks he right - sounds like the perfect President. As far as Emperors go, Nero, Caligula, Ceasar ... etc they were all depraved narcisists I'm thinking there's alot of similaritys here...

[Sniper]

Hoora, I support that, but I wont be wearing ny damn helmet.

[SARGE]

Yes but he is an American, has no idea about politics and thinks he right - sounds like the perfect President. As far as Emperors go, Nero, Caligula, Ceasar ... etc they were all depraved narcisists I'm thinking there's alot of similaritys here...

thanks Cola .. i knew i could count on your support ...

and i am proud of the fact i dont know anything about politics .. the mess Helen and Don are making is enough for me not to know..(politics are for criminals and those too weak to take matters in hand without worrying about hurting anyones feelings ..)

i'll just unleash the death squads

[ManDownUnder]

thanks Cola .. i knew i could count on your support ...

and i am proud of the fact i dont know anything about politics .. the mess Helen and Don are making is enough for me not to know..(politics are for criminals and those too weak to take matters in hand without worrying about hurting anyones feelings ..)

i'll just unleash the death squads

It's an advantage to not know about Politics. Outside of parliament, anyone too political is seen as a self serving pain in the arse (ass - just you you Sarge), yet in Parliamnet we group them all together and let them play with every tax dollar we collectively hand over.

What the fuck is up with that?

I'd rather put the money in Bob Jones hands... I doubt I'd like what his plans are, but at least I know he'd get somethign done... and that's gotta be progress right?

I can't see him handling over plasma TVs to the prisoners either...

[Jamezo]

I found the weakness in your plan. No 9 Just kill the fricking princess and get on with the business!

1) There are plenty of princesses

2) Every Donald duck or whatever story, the hero fucks up with the princess! Move on with the plan.

3) Personally I would have stuffed it up with the princess too, just love those princesses to bits

Sounds like a plan that any right wing honest decent thinking red blooded guy should come up with.

Let me know when you are going to begin, I will enlist, I am not in my prime but I can be used as a dispensable in your hour of need.

Ooops is that the alarm? Time to get up and go to the bike rally! Cheers John.
Are you finished sucking Sarge's cock yet? Yeesh.

[oldrider]

Are you finished sucking Sarge's cock yet? Yeesh.

You have got a real problem son, go see a shrink before it's too late! Good luck with it. John.

[SARGE]

Are you finished sucking Sarge's cock yet? Yeesh.

plenty to go around Jamezo.. don't be jealous just because you didn't get an offer .. i'm sure SOMEONE will let you have some once you learn not to blow your load within 15 seconds

you're not really my type anyway.. you seem to be the 'roller coaster" type anyway ( great fun as long as you dont look down...)

[paturoa]

so this whole World Emperer thing, do you think Helen has the same dream?

[Ixion]

What, sucking Sarge's cock. I doubt it. Now Helen's HUSBAND , now, that might be a different matter.

[paturoa]

I'm sure I saw a Tui that implied H's hubby wanted Donny's cock

[Colapop]

thanks Cola .. i knew i could count on your support ...
and i am proud of the fact i dont know anything about politics .. the mess Helen and Don are making is enough for me not to know..(politics are for criminals and those too weak to take matters in hand without worrying about hurting anyones feelings ..)
i'll just unleash the death squads
Got your back bro, won't be any midnight mining expeditions from Peter Davis! No I won't be watching his arse. As long as I keep getting paid, I'll be guarding my investment.
The man behind the scenes. It's like being in power without having to be the target.

[paturoa]

Got your back bro...


do you wanna be the pitcher or the catcher? just remember the man at the back ain't gay.

M8 u gotta be carful where u say things like that!

[SPman]

I can't see him handling over plasma TVs to the prisoners either...
Whats wrong with that - as long as they've all got Sarges "likeness", burnt into the screen, like all good plasmas do.......

[Colapop]

The guy in the shadows isn't gay either... perverted maybe but not gay.

[SARGE]

Got your back bro, won't be any midnight mining expeditions from Peter Davis! No I won't be watching his arse. As long as I keep getting paid, I'll be guarding my investment.
The man behind the scenes. It's like being in power without having to be the target.

something along the lines of...


"protect us from the wrath f the Northmen" comes to mind here ..

[Colapop]

"A man should never move a step from his weapon."

[SARGE]

"A man should never move a step from his weapon."

rule #8? (never leave home without your knife..)