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McJim
26th September 2006, 08:47
Just got sent this - thought some of you might enjoy.

Did a search - couldn't find - so if anyone posts repost I'll chase you up a tree and set fire to it.

Scottish "Put-Downs"

1. Look's like he's been dooking for apples in a chip pan
2. She's got a face like a dug lickin pish aff a nettle
3. It looks like he's been set on fire and put out with a golf shoe
4. She's got a face that could make an onion cry
5. I wouldn't ride her into battle
6. Everyone has a right to be ugly, but he abuses the privilege
7. I wouldnae do her with a rusty pole
8. He's got mair chins than a Chinese phone book
9. She's got a face like a melted welly
10. He smells like an alkies carpet
11. She's seen more japs-eyes than an oriental optician
12. It's like shaggin a pail of water
13. It's like shaggin the sleeve off a wizard's cloak
14. She's killed more cocks than a fowl butcher
15. She's got a fanny like a ripped out fireplace
16. She' got a fanny like a horses collar
17. He's got a face like a sand blasted tomato
18. She's got an arse like a bag o washing
19. Your face could get a job haunting houses
20. I wouldn't ride her if I had a bag of spare Dicks
21. He sweats like a dog in a Chinese restaurant
22. She's seen more helmets than Hitler
23. The wheels turning but the hamsters died
24. She's been cocked more times than Davy Crocket's Musket
25. He's got a face like a stuntman's knee
26. She's got a fanny like a badly packed kebab
27. Your ma's goat a dick and yer da's jealous

onearmedbandit
26th September 2006, 10:30
Very funny, I need to remember some of those!

The_Dover
26th September 2006, 10:36
don't jim, yer making me homesick.

badly packed kebab.....ahhhh I remember that one well.

WRT
26th September 2006, 12:12
Doesnt help us much here in NZ, we need a few local variants. For example:

She's got a face like a half chewed minty.

McJim
26th September 2006, 12:47
Doesnt help us much here in NZ, we need a few local variants. For example:

She's got a face like a half chewed minty.

Ach - I'm sure yez can come up wi' plenty o' yer ain!

Firefight, Scumdog, Scracha, car and Dover (to name but a few) will be sure to have a giggle or twa!

yungatart
26th September 2006, 12:50
LMAO - will fax it to my Mum in law (she doesn't do computers), she is a Glasgow lassie, so will appreciate it heaps!

Beemer
26th September 2006, 16:07
Doesnt help us much here in NZ, we need a few local variants. For example:

She's got a face like a half chewed minty.

Or the classics - a face like a slapped arse or a face like a twisted sandshoe!

The_Dover
26th September 2006, 17:41
It's like chucking a sausage up queen st.

Looks like she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Hitcher
26th September 2006, 18:37
Hilarious. Cheered me up a treat, that did.

scracha
29th September 2006, 13:29
Just got sent this - thought some of you might enjoy.

Scottish "Put-Downs"
27. Your ma's goat a dick and yer da's jealous

28. Ah wouldnie dae her, even wi your wee cock

(normally followed by "hey doll, gie us a swatch eh yer minge" )

cheese
29th September 2006, 13:45
lol that was great!

The_Dover
29th September 2006, 13:54
I wouldn't fuck her with a stolen cock.

Maha
29th September 2006, 14:07
1...She's got a face like a busted onion...:whistle:
2...With those teeth she could a pie through a pickett fence...:D
3...When she laugh's, she looks like a horse eating thistles....:(


# 15.....pick of the bunch.....:lol: