French humour

[Lou Girardin]

Who says the French don't have one?
I just bought 1/2 doz bottles of Chateau de Planque.

[Bandito]

Who says the French don't have one?
I just bought 1/2 doz bottles of Chateau de Planque.
It's probobly not humour at all but a name born from French ignorance.

[Hitcher]

Bottled at the vintners residence at 36 Rue de Remarques?

[MikeL]

It's probobly not humour at all but a name born from French ignorance.

Of course it's highly culturally insensitive of the French to use a name that sounds so much like an English word..

Please, people, spare us the tiresome tirade of anti-French sentiment that will otherwise almost certainly follow on from this, and will merely expose more ignorance and prejudice. I will feel duty bound to defend l'honneur de la belle France... And I've got so much else to do...

But I like the rue de Remarques, Hitcher.

[jrandom]

Please, people, spare us the tiresome tirade of anti-French sentiment that will otherwise almost certainly follow on from this, and will merely expose more ignorance and prejudice.

Ignorance? Prejudice? I'll have you know some of my best friends are ga... uh, French. And they laugh very heartily when I refer to them as 'cheese-eating surrender monkeys'. Ha ha!

Why, there are many good things that can be said about France. Hundreds. Thousands. For instance, I hear they make nice cheese.

It's just a pity about the language, but it could be worse. They could be speaking Welsh.

Did I mention the cheese?

[Nouseforaname]

It's gotta taste better than what im drinking now....... chateau de kyber pass

[Yamahamaman]

I will feel duty bound to defend l'honneur de la belle France... And I've got so much else to do...

And yes, I have stood in the deck of the Rainbow Warrior. There was some 15 - 20 metres of water above me at the time.


But I like the rue de Remarques, Hitcher.
Stolen from from a Piggy Malone skit of a long time ago. (Ronnie Barker/Ronnie Corbet)

[Bandito]

Of course it's highly culturally insensitive of the French to use a name that sounds so much like an English word..

Please, people, spare us the tiresome tirade of anti-French sentiment that will otherwise almost certainly follow on from this, and will merely expose more ignorance and prejudice. I will feel duty bound to defend l'honneur de la belle France... And I've got so much else to do...

But I like the rue de Remarques, Hitcher.
Sure not everything French is bad, they did invent the blow job. :bleh:

[Skyryder]

Sure not everything French is bad, they did invent the blow job. :bleh:

Fellatio, Fellatio where art thou Fellatio, cried Juliette to Romeo as his ladder stood erect beneath her balcony. (Apologies Will. S)

Skyryder

[MikeL]

Sure not everything French is bad, they did invent the blow job. :bleh:

Hmm... Not quite sure about that. I have a sneaking suspicion bjs have been around a lot longer than the French.
Will have to do some research...
:bleh:

[Paul in NZ]

Worked in a french vineyard that made fortified wine for 2 weeks...

Didn't pay much but I had to leave before my liver gave out....

The Patron' used to give us a cup on un cut brandy at brekkie, morning tea, lunch and dinner... Crikey!

Arrogant bastards though! (hic)

[Dr Bob]

......It's just a pity about the language, but it could be worse. They could be speaking Welsh.

Did I mention the cheese?

You should really watch what you say, some of us are Welsh. Cymru am byth.

[Lou Girardin]

Cleopatra was renowned for her oral skills and courtesans during the Roman Empire painted their lips black to advertise that particular specialty.

In the Simpsons last night, Homer was asked who he hated most; the Italians or the French.
Homer said, 'the French'.
The other guy said,"no-one ever says the Italians".

[Coldkiwi]

In the Simpsons last night, Homer was asked who he hated most; the Italians or the French.
Homer said, 'the French'.
The other guy said,"no-one ever says the Italians".

PRECISELY!

'cheese eating surrender monkeys'.... I like that. I'll be using that in french bashing situations in the future thank you! :)

So when WAS the last time the frogs actually won a battle without nearly loosing it and relying on some poor sucker to bail them out?

[MikeL]

PRECISELY!

'cheese eating surrender monkeys'.... I like that. I'll be using that in french bashing situations in the future thank you! :)

So when WAS the last time the frogs actually won a battle without nearly loosing it and relying on some poor sucker to bail them out?

All right, CK, you've goaded me into replying.

Why is it that whenever the French are mentioned, people start talking about wars and battles and defeats, as if fighting was somehow more important than food, or wine, or sex, or art, or literature or...?

You get the point.

And BTW before you get so smug about Anglo-Saxon military prowess, do you really think Britain would have held out against Nazi Germany indefinitely if the Yanks hadn't entered the war, and got the bomb first?

And yes, France is my favourite foreign country, just ahead of Italy...
:whistle:

[Ghost Lemur]

PRECISELY!

'cheese eating surrender monkeys'.... I like that. I'll be using that in french bashing situations in the future thank you! :)

So when WAS the last time the frogs actually won a battle without nearly loosing it and relying on some poor sucker to bail them out?

That would be the last world cup and Euro2003. :bleh: :Pokey:

[Skyryder]

My daughter will not let me say anything bad about the French. :cold: She finished her schooling in France and is doing one of her degrees in French. Worked with a couple on occasions. All bastards. :tugger: Still have not forgiven them for all the nuclear shit etc. :moon: We catch a couple of them, bang them up, Frenchies promise to keep them on The Atoll. She gets banged up. Go back home as heroes and given a medal. :mad: :mad: Own a Peugot, eat french fries, like Dumas, still, trying to forgive, but then I got a little French in me via the Revolution, probley where the bastard in me comes from. :killingme :killingme


Skyryder

ps great food, the French, but still prefer Italian. Just love those Italian buttocks. Next time you see a Cali take a look at the tank. Why I ride a Guzzi........well one of them: great arse. :beer: :beer:

[Lou Girardin]

So when WAS the last time the frogs actually won a battle without nearly loosing it and relying on some poor sucker to bail them out?

I think they helped some poor suckers beat the English in America around 1776.

[Lou Girardin]

Just ahead of Italy, indeed!
Va fan culo.

[MikeL]

Just ahead of Italy, indeed!
Va fan culo.

:Oi: There's no need to descend to profanity...

O.K. I'll admit it's a very close call, and I may end up retiring to the Cinque Terre instead of the Gard.

It's just that my French is so much better than my Italian...

[Wenier]

well wut the hell are you drinking that shit for when theres plenty of good NZ wine for sale

[bluninja]

well wut the hell are you drinking that shit for when theres plenty of good NZ wine for sale

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.....do you know I stopped drinking shortly after I arrived in NZ...used to think it was just that the wine didn't travel well to the UK....now I know....I can pop into the hypermarket in France and buy $2 plonk that's better than most of the NZ stuff..... :puke:

France is a wonderful country...just a shame about the french people....bugger I've got french lineage on both sides of my family....

[MikeL]

[QUOTE=bluninja]France is a wonderful country...just a shame about the french people....QUOTE]

Yes but thank God the Brits are actually doing something about that. They're pouring into Normandy, Brittany, the Dordogne etc., buying up houses and farmlets and opening up fish and chip shops, Tandoori takeaways and Ye Olde Country Pubbes to bring civilization at last to those benighted regions. And with the low French birth rate it won't be long before those peasants with their quaint costumes, silly customs and ridiculous language are relegated to minority status and can be safely ignored.

[Skyryder]

I think they helped some poor suckers beat the English in America around 1776.

That's right and look how Bush treated them after they refused to become part of the Coalition. If my memory serves me correctly the French paid for the Statue of Liberty. Merci beaucoup.

Skyryder

[greenhorn]

Why is it that whenever the French are mentioned, people start talking about wars and battles and defeats, as if fighting was somehow more important than food, or wine, or sex, or art, or literature or...?

or.... french fries. What could be more important than that?

I dont yet know how to quote correctly :doh:

[Skyryder]

Why is it that whenever the French are mentioned, people start talking about wars and battles and defeats, as if fighting was somehow more important than food, or wine, or sex, or art, or literature or...?

or.... french fries. What could be more important than that?

I dont yet know how to quote correctly :doh:

Hit the quote button on the reply you want to quote from. Delete text or leave as is, post under the last bracketed (quote)

Skyryder

[bluninja]

Yes but thank God the Brits are actually doing something about that. They're pouring into Normandy, Brittany, the Dordogne etc., buying up houses and farmlets and opening up fish and chip shops, Tandoori takeaways and Ye Olde Country Pubbes to bring civilization at last to those benighted regions. And with the low French birth rate it won't be long before those peasants with their quaint costumes, silly customs and ridiculous language are relegated to minority status and can be safely ignored.

Oh no, don't let them become a minority!!! if they become a minority I'd get arrested for making fun of them......but then I suppose I could get loads of friends and block all the roads with tractors and trucks till the french government relented...anyway the English owned 3/4s of France till some pisshead King gave it all away...so we're just taking it back...a bit at a time....a bit like the germans taking control of Europe.

[El Dopa]

Can we all at least agree that we all hate the Germans?

Bloody sausage-eating squareheads.

[scumdog]

What good motorbike did the French ever make anyway? :bleh:

[moko]

What good motorbike did the French ever make anyway? :bleh:

Moto Martins of the late 70`s were brilliant,there`s a firm called MOKO knock out some tasty cafe racers and a French firm built a Lambourghini bike in conjunction with the car firm a few years back.Then there`s the Elf racers,read somewhere that the Jap firms pay them royalties for using a couple of their patented ideas.
French P.O.W`s very kindly helped build Devonport Dockyard ,Dartmoor Prison and Bodmin Jail in Cornwall.U.S. P.O.W`s from the war Lou mentioned built a chapel near the prison at the same time.And yes BJ`s were around way before the French "invented" them but until then they involved members of both sexes.The EU came about to end conflict between European countries and encourage Collaboration,something the French pioneered in the last war.We get a lot of French students here,the blokes look like girls and the girls look like blokes,very confusing,they`re loud,rude and get hit a lot.Brits aren`t anti-French,we just dont like them much..........at all.

[Bob]

As this started out about French humour... I recall another Simpson's quote - the ultimate putdown about the French was that "Their national comic hero is Gerry Lewis"...

And before anyone asks, no I never availed myself of this service, but on the subject of BJs, there used to be a Rolls-Royce that basically went round the Arc Du Triomphe all day... with an 'accomodating young lady' who - in exchange for the correct amount of coins of course - practiced the art of the BJ while you got to do some sightseeing in style!

No, I have no idea if this is still happening...

And Brittany? Well as someone said, it was part of Britain for a very long time...

And as we got onto Italians... if it wasn't breach of copyright, I'd scan the image in here - but if you ever see a book called 'Zany Afternoons' by Bruce McCall, have a look at "World War II aircraft that never made it into production". There is an Italian 'fighter' aircraft with a propellor at each end and a swivel seat 'So the pilot can fly in the same direction as whichever side is winning at the time"!

(By the way, I was born in England, but the bulk of my genes emanate from Ireland... another bunch of idiots - 'we' (my distant ancestors) invited the English in as we were having problems with the vikings - and the British promptly took the place over! D'Oh! To finish with another Simpsons line...)

[Lou Girardin]

What good motorbike did the French ever make anyway? :bleh:

There's the Voxan.

[Lou Girardin]

and encourage Collaboration,something the French pioneered in the last war.Brits aren`t anti-French,we just dont like them much..........at all.

Heard of Oswald Mosely, Edward the 7th, Chamberlain? They predated the French by a few years.
The Pom's don't like any Europeans much, I wonder why?

[Coldkiwi]

There's the Voxan.

and it last won a race when?

I like the question:
Q: How many frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
A: No one knows, its never been tried!

[MikeL]

Of course the French don't hate the Brits. (They just ignore them.)

One of the few French jokes about the English...

La cuisine anglaise? Si c'est chaud, c'est de la soupe. Si c'est froid, c'est de la biere.

[greenhorn]

No French we would have no 'Allo 'Allo
Great series.

[Coldkiwi]

great series... but made by the BBC and done with british script writers and actors if I'm not mistaken!

[moko]

Heard of Oswald Mosely, Edward the 7th, Chamberlain? ?

Petain? He even got the chance to work with his buddies un-like the people you mentioned.Only 20-odd of the Gestapo in Paris were German,local talent enthusiastically providing the rest of their number.Moseley was hated by most in Britain,notable exceptions being many of the so-called aristocracy,and his marches were often attacked by what would now be called "counter-demonstrators".The most famous incident being "The Battle Of Cable Street" in the East End which was so vicious that his marches were banned,and the equivalent French response to the Vichy mob?Moseley`s only counterparts these days are the BNP,a fringe party that got 2% of the vote in recent elections,bit of a contrast to Mr Le Pen`s consistent support in France.

[bluninja]

Of course the French don't hate the Brits. (They just ignore them.)

One of the few French jokes about the English...

La cuisine anglaise? Si c'est chaud, c'est de la soupe. Si c'est froid, c'est de la biere.

Other than referring to us as rose boeuf....but I guess we call them froggies....must admit that I do really like the french...and have fond memories of France...

I did a charity bicycle ride from Paris to Le Havre and on to Portsmouth. The first day was 90 miles in July sun.....after one of several steep climbs I entered a village behind the main group wobbling all over the place. A few old ladies sat outside their house enjoying the afternoon saw me and stood up starting clapping and shouting allez allez!...it was quite uplifting and I had a grin on my face as I passed trying to ride faster (and succeeding). I can't imagine that happening in UK or NZ.

[MikeL]

Other than referring to us as rose boeuf....but I guess we call them froggies....must admit that I do really like the french...and have fond memories of France...

Good onya, Simon, for having the intestinal fortitude to defy conventional stereotypes and say something positive about the French (not just France).
FWIW I firmly believe that if you have made the effort to appreciate a meal in the home of a foreigner, and tried to communicate with him, however haltingly, in his own language, or even with sign language, you will never again resort to stereotypical put-downs.
If our only knowledge of a culture is what we learn through the media or as tourists, we have an incomplete and false picture.

In 2 years living in France I never once ate frogs' legs. Snails, on the other hand... :bleh:

[Jackrat]

Good onya, Simon, for having the intestinal fortitude to defy conventional stereotypes and say something positive about the French (not just France).
FWIW I firmly believe that if you have made the effort to appreciate a meal in the home of a foreigner, and tried to communicate with him, however haltingly, in his own language, or even with sign language, you will never again resort to stereotypical put-downs.
If our only knowledge of a culture is what we learn through the media or as tourists, we have an incomplete and false picture.

In 2 years living in France I never once ate frogs' legs. Snails, on the other hand... :bleh:

Does this also apply to the Australians?
You want Tomato sause with that mate??
He was refering to toast fer god's sake. <_<

[MikeL]

Does this also apply to the Australians?
<_<

Nah.
I make an exception in the case of the Aussies.

[El Dopa]

I like the question:
Q: How many frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
A: No one knows, its never been tried!

(puts on pedants hat) Actually not quite true: The Germans besieged it in the Franco-Prussian war, if I recall my history correctly.

And there has only been one other occasion where anyone got the opportunity (WW2), where, yes, they let them walk in. But seeing as how the battle of France was pretty much a foregone conclusion by then, you can hardly blame them.

[Lou Girardin]

Only 20-odd of the Gestapo in Paris were German,local talent enthusiastically providing the rest of their number.

Really? And I suppose there was only about 50 SS troops in France too. They must have been busy boys.
I think you are confusing the Milice with the Gestapo.

[Bandito]

Why is it that whenever the French are mentioned, people start talking about wars and battles and defeats, as if fighting was somehow more important than food, or wine, or sex, or art, or literature or...?

or.... french fries. What could be more important than that?

I dont yet know how to quote correctly :doh:
The French fry came from Belgum!!! :argh:

[Hitcher]

The French fry came from Belgum!!! :argh:

And Belgium is a country created by the English to annoy the French...

[MikeL]

"Allons enfants de la patrie..."

Today is 14 July.

Vive la France!!

(Opens another bottle of Chateauneuf du pape to accompany the roquefort, camembert, bleu de Bresse, gruyere... :Oops: how did that last one sneak in? It's Swiss, dammit.)

[Lou Girardin]

No pat'e de foie gras? Or did the force feeding scene in French Leave put you off?

Almost completely off topic, who thinks the Marseillaise and the Amerikan anthem are the best national anthems?

[jrandom]

Almost completely off topic, who thinks the Marseillaise and the Amerikan anthem are the best national anthems?

'Deutschland über Alles' has always been my favourite, music-wise.

I can't hear The Star Spangled Banner these days without remembering that German soldier in Saving Private Ryan standing in a grave, trying to remember the words in front of several Garands...

[Lou Girardin]

'Deutschland über Alles' has always been my favourite, music-wise.

I can't hear The Star Spangled Banner these days without remembering that German soldier in Saving Private Ryan standing in a grave, trying to remember the words in front of several Garands...

He did remember Betty Boop, what a dish though.
That situation would focus your thoughts quite well, wouldn't it?

[moko]

Almost completely off topic, who thinks the Marseillaise and the Amerikan anthem are the best national anthems?

French one`s o.k.,dont know for sure but read somewhere that some of it is considered racist for some reason.American one pisses me off like just about most things about the bully-boy of the western world.Brit anthem is truly nauseating,we should have been a republic centuries ago.
With your grasp of history Lou would you agree that the "American" war of independence was as much a protest by British republicans settled there against the monarchy as anything else?,bearing in mind that "Americans" of the time were either recent settlers or people with only a couple of generations living there.

[MikeL]

French one`s o.k.,dont know for sure but read somewhere that some of it is considered racist for some reason.American one pisses me off like just about most things about the bully-boy of the western world.Brit anthem is truly nauseating,we should have been a republic centuries ago.
With your grasp of history Lou would you agree that the "American" war of independence was as much a protest by British republicans settled there against the monarchy as anything else?,bearing in mind that "Americans" of the time were either recent settlers or people with only a couple of generations living there.

AFAIK there's nothing racist in the Marseillaise. It does however contain (as you would expect) some fairly strong language, being basically a hymn to liberty and a denunciation of oppression. It refers to the enemy "slitting our wives' and children's throats" and "watering our fields with their impure blood". In the latter phrase the words "un sang impur" might be construed as a reference to inferior race but in the context of the Revolution this is highly unlikely - it's almost certainly an allusion to the monarchy.

The War of Independence started out as a tax revolt ("no taxation without representation!") but the intransigeance and incompetence of George III and his advisors, combined with the increasing estrangement of the colonists for various reasons (there had been British settlements in Nth America since 1620 - more than just a couple of generations) deepened the rift and like the French Revolution it came to be seen as a struggle for freedom against tyranny and oppression. In hindsight it could have been avoided. Now in one of history's many ironies the British people are struggling to retain their own independence in the face of American imperialism...

[moko]

In hindsight it could have been avoided. Now in one of history's many ironies the British people are struggling to retain their own independence in the face of American imperialism...

With you on most of that Mike but the real threat here is from the European Union,an institution so corrupt that it`s own auditors have refused to "sign off" it`s accounts for the last decade as the "numbers never add up".This bunch of cowboys can and do over-ride the British legal system and constitution on a regular basis.While being totuted as "good for Britain" by self-serving scum we put 2 BILLION pounds more into it than they graciously pay back while expecting us to be grateful.While Eastern European countries have their infrastructure replaced with my money this country goes to the dogs while politicians queue up to jump on the gravy-train.

[MikeL]

With you on most of that Mike but the real threat here is from the European Union,an institution so corrupt that it`s own auditors have refused to "sign off" it`s accounts for the last decade as the "numbers never add up".This bunch of cowboys can and do over-ride the British legal system and constitution on a regular basis.While being totuted as "good for Britain" by self-serving scum we put 2 BILLION pounds more into it than they graciously pay back while expecting us to be grateful.While Eastern European countries have their infrastructure replaced with my money this country goes to the dogs while politicians queue up to jump on the gravy-train.

I see your point about the EU and I agree that it must be very frustrating, particularly since there was a lot of opposition back in the 60s and 70s to Britain joining precisely because of this sort of problem. But for better or for worse the U.K. is now pretty well committed to Europe and I suppose you just have to try to minimize the negative economic and bureaucratic effects. I would still rate American cultural imperialism as a worse threat...

[moko]

The EU is widely hated but then so was the invasion of Iraq however those with the power wanted both so both we got.There`s actually quite a backlash agaisnt American culture here,largely because of the war,partly because many see it as shallow and meaningless to this country.In fact it`s becoming common for attitudes once reserved for the French and Germans to be aimed at the U.S. Any U.S. war movie is routinely trashed by the media,Americans are stereotyped as fat,stupid and scared.Even McDonalds is feeling the heat and what was once considered "cool" is now "That Yank shit" and many will buy exactly the same kind of food anywhere but from them.

[Lou Girardin]

But, the advent of huge EU subsidies to various countries, especially Eire, has seen terrorism fade away there. It does seem that wealthy countries with low umemployment are not the best breeding ground for violent radicals.
Sounds like money well spent to me.

[moko]

But, the advent of huge EU subsidies to various countries, especially Eire, has seen terrorism fade away there. It does seem that wealthy countries with low umemployment are not the best breeding ground for violent radicals.
Sounds like money well spent to me.

Not sure where you got that info from Lou.Eire is the Republic Of Ireland as opposed to Northern Ireland which is a British province.Eire came about after a war with Britain.As you say it`s received huge subsidies and has done very well,they are however very worried that with new countries coming into the EU the same industry that came in on the back of those subsidies will just as quickly head for Eastern Europe and more tax-payers cash.The I.R.A. and the government of Eire clashed(I`ll skip the history lesson)and they solved that particular problem by executing several of the I.R.A.leadership.They still exist but as one of the several Mafia-type gangs the country is plagued with.Terrorism in the North continues,though no-where near the same level as in the past,from both "factions".Both in reality being more comncerned with extortion,pornography,drugs e.t.c. than any high ideals.People in the North are sickened by the Brit Governments asserting that everything there is Hunky Dory,that`s a long way from the truth and paramilitary thugs still rule housing estates by fear and there`s a real fear that Blair and co turn a blind eye as long as it`s only "local" murders,knee-cappings e.t.c.
In Spain the Basque seperatists are still going strong,Italy had the Red Brigades,Germany Bader Meinhoff,France Action Direct.Most of Europe has organised Right-Wing groups that carry out terorist acts against ethnic minorities.Britain has Combat 18,the scary low-key guys,and Class War,their left-wing opponents,both specialise in violence,vandalism and intimidation as do the Animal Rights group who`s bombs and targetting techniques point to people with a worryingly high level of skill at what they do.I think you`ll find the more affluent countries have more of a problem,not less.

[Lou Girardin]

The IRA used the south as a safe zone, that's why the border areas were so dangerous. The demise of Red Brigade, Bader Meinhof, et al. tends to support the argument that radicalism is born of poverty, frustration, unemployment, etc.
You can see a similar effect in the worldwide reduction in property offences as unemplyment decreases.