I H A T E auditors!

[Bob]

We're still suffering our annual audit (well one of them anyway). I just get sick and tired of being asked the same question again (and again... and again... and again). And the way they seem to think that every job you do should have a checklist, which they seem to think should be signed off by someone every time you breathe...

Argh.

If everything should have a checklist, then why is it that THEY aren't using a checklist, but maintain freeform notes, hmmmmmmmmmmm?

FFS, I'm a Database Administrator (DBA). Like all DBAs, I'm procedurally obsessed. I'm sure if there was a personality profile in place as a requirement for a DBA, it would say "obessive to the point of being anal..." It is how we do the job.

I want to jab red-hot pointed sticks in their eyes, I really do :devil2:

[wari]

YOu shoold .. you'd be good attit ... hows the bike goin' ? .. :spudwave:

[James Deuce]

*faints*

Wari! Long time no see.

Auditors are indeed "interesting" I think the new Operations Manager of the team I work for was an auditor in a past life.

[Pwalo]

Every new accountant goes through the audit stage, and people wonder why they're so 'different'.

[Drunken Monkey]

Auditors = they recount the beans the bean counters have counted.

[Motu]

The guys who audit me for WoF's charge $160 per hour,and are in no hurry to get the job done...it also means I can't do any work while they are here,so you can at least double their fee.They have Xray vision - I have to tick ALL the boxes,and I DO....they can pull a check sheet at random and flick to any page and say ''this form is incomplete,this one here too...tut tut tut,I hope I don't find anymore like this....oh dear,you haven't even tick pass or fail here.Hmmmm'' And they do some writting on their clip board.

If you can't grow a good enough mustache to be a traffic cop,you can always make other peoples lives a misery by becoming an auditor.

[Drum]

The last place I worked had so many checklists, that there was a checklist to make sure you completed all the checklists. (Colapop knows what I'm talking about).

[cowpoos]

We're still suffering our annual audit (well one of them anyway). I just get sick and tired of being asked the same question again (and again... and again... and again). And the way they seem to think that every job you do should have a checklist, which they seem to think should be signed off by someone every time you breathe...

Argh.

If everything should have a checklist, then why is it that THEY aren't using a checklist, but maintain freeform notes, hmmmmmmmmmmm?

FFS, I'm a Database Administrator (DBA). Like all DBAs, I'm procedurally obsessed. I'm sure if there was a personality profile in place as a requirement for a DBA, it would say "obessive to the point of being anal..." It is how we do the job.

I want to jab red-hot pointed sticks in their eyes, I really do :devil2:
ask them to write questions down....and repley to them in writing....

this is the fastest way to deal with them....you'll find the volume of questions get very thin very fast.....alot of the time they ask the same or similar questions to make sure they get a consistant repley to them....as they are looking for holes.... try it....

[Swoop]

Those that can, do.
Those that cannot, teach.
Those who can't do that, inspect/audit.

[oldrider]

Those that can, do.
Those that cannot, teach.
Those who can't do that, inspect/audit.

Can't agree with you more Swoop but I have to concede, "that which gets measured, does get done!"
It would be nice to shoot the messenger sometimes wouldn't it! Cheers John.

[ManDownUnder]

Auditors = they recount the beans the bean counters have counted.

I thought they checked they'd been properly processed after being eaten too...

[judecatmad]

We're still suffering our annual audit

Count your lucky stars - our work gets audited quarterly... **sigh**

[Hitcher]

Give me auditors over actuaries any day.

And welcome back, wari.

[BarBender]

I want to jab red-hot pointed sticks in their eyes, I really do :devil2:

Just grab the red pen out of their hand...or if they're using a green one just shove that up their :moon:

[judecatmad]

Give me auditors over actuaries any day.


Ah, Actuaries aren't so bad - just get them talking about stats or the abstract notion of certain numbers, turn them towards a mirror and let them have a deep and meaningful!

Actuaries are rather gentle folks not out to cause any trouble - auditors on the other hand.........(**breathes deeply and counts to ten just like the therapist said to**)

Now, on with my day :)

Have a good one!

[Finn]

I was audited a while back. So many questions, unsure of the "correct" answers. For example;

Auditor: "Why does the Company own 3 motorcycles?"
Me: "Actually it should be 4, so thanks for the heads up. They are courier vehicles"
Auditor: "Where are they now?"
Me: "Couriering?"
Auditor: "Isn't a CRF250 an off road dirt bike?"
Me: "Are you into bikes?"
Auditor: "Yes, why do you use a dirt bike as a courier vehicle?"
Me: "Rural deliveries?"
Auditor: "Hmmmmm"
Me: "Next question"
Auditor: "What about the boat"
Me "Next"

[BarBender]

I was audited a while back. So many questions, unsure of the "correct" answers. For example;

Auditor: "Why does the Company own 3 motorcycles?"
Me: "Actually it should be 4, so thanks for the heads up. They are courier vehicles"
Auditor: "Where are they now?"
Me: "Couriering?"
Auditor: "Isn't a CRF250 an off road dirt bike?"
Me: "Are you into bikes?"
Auditor: "Yes, why do you use a dirt bike as a courier vehicle?"
Me: "Rural deliveries?"
Auditor: "Hmmmmm"
Me: "Next question"
Auditor: "What about the boat"
Me "Next"


Dear Mr Finn

Thankyou Mr Finn for our 20 min conversation on business assets on the phone the other day. As you can see all of our staff were involved in analysing our discussion with you and we look forward to doing a complete audit of your business over the next week. (12 hours per day). Note that we have included our charge out rates and a costing of our initial discussion.

20 min phone discussion with Mr Finn
Partners = $450
Senior Mngers = $350
Snr Associate = $250
Graduate - $150

Total
$1200

Fuck you very much.
Dick, Gumboot and Shitface.
"Pay our charge out rates and you can have anything you bloody want"

[Oakie]

Auditors = they recount the beans the bean counters have counted.
...Ummm ... to make sure the bean counters haven't put a few in their own pockets.
Don't get pissed off with auditors. Get pissed off with anyone who has ever ripped of a system or taken shortcuts which leave threats. That's what makes auditors ask those questions ... because some prick has done something dodgy before. Ahhh the stories I could tell.

[MattRSK]

We're still suffering our annual audit (well one of them anyway). I just get sick and tired of being asked the same question again (and again... and again... and again). And the way they seem to think that every job you do should have a checklist, which they seem to think should be signed off by someone every time you breathe...

Argh.

If everything should have a checklist, then why is it that THEY aren't using a checklist, but maintain freeform notes, hmmmmmmmmmmm?

FFS, I'm a Database Administrator (DBA). Like all DBAs, I'm procedurally obsessed. I'm sure if there was a personality profile in place as a requirement for a DBA, it would say "obessive to the point of being anal..." It is how we do the job.

I want to jab red-hot pointed sticks in their eyes, I really do :devil2:


Whats the point. This is Kiwibiker.

[diggydog]

ok where have you hidden all the money , you did say you hate auditers, so where are you stashing it, i wo'nt tell.:dodge:

[BarBender]

Whats the point. This is Kiwibiker.

Eh...no...this is the Rant and Rave section of Kiwibiker.

[Mom]

We're still suffering our annual audit (well one of them anyway).

FFS, I'm a Database Administrator (DBA). Like all DBAs, I'm procedurally obsessed. I'm sure if there was a personality profile in place as a requirement for a DBA, it would say "obessive to the point of being anal..." It is how we do the job.

I want to jab red-hot pointed sticks in their eyes, I really do :devil2:

Breathe in through your nose and a sssssslllllllloooooooooooowwwwwwwwww breath out your mouth.........bum.... there is no smiley for massage of neck.....:innocent:

Auditors were put on the earth to make lives a misery.........they are just following a formula...........sigh..... and as a DBA ( glad you mentioned anal before me)......I am sure that no teeny weeny little bit of anything would sneak past you......however, they have a job to do........sigh.....:mellow:

They will be gone Monday??????

[onearmedbandit]

Whats the point. This is Kiwibiker.

Matt, if you have nothing to add to the thread don't post.

[MattRSK]

I wish I was as cool as OAB.

[onearmedbandit]

......................

[Tickler]

Im at Auckland uni now studying accounting and doing an auditing paper. had the exam this morn.
My qualifed opinion:
Auditors are there to be the pain in the ass guys asking the pointless questions, cause where there is a will, there is a way.
Personally i hate auditing, doesnt make me get up in the morning but i have to do it.
True, it seems an annoyance for most people; it probably is. But after big problems as seen in america by companies like enron and worldcom lying in the tune of the hundreds of millions honest people lost out.

Anyway, i dont particulary like auditing but it has to be done.
Plus some friends are doing summer internships this summer and the unoffical job description is: Stocktaking! SUPER!

[BarBender]

But after big problems as seen in america by companies like enron ....


True bro...Arthur Andersons did a great job signing off on that audit.