Wrote this up for the toilets at work today.

[James Deuce]

Just waiting for the boss to approve it and then I'm making up 20 copies and distributing them through the toilets on my floor.


If you can’t flush it, don’t shit in it. Maybe you could wait until you get home, so your Mum can flush it for you.
If you need to crap, try not to grunt. It’s bad enough having to share cubicle space with strangers without having to hear about it.
If you take a piss in a toilet bowl…. Actually just fucking don’t, unless you’re sitting down. You know what I’m saying, Mr I-park-by-touch-so-why-do-I-have-to-aim-my-penis?
Wash your hands. I gag at the thought of washing my hands and then touching your dangly bits or excrement on the door handle on the way out. There is nothing worse than sitting in the crapper and hearing the cubicle door open next to you, followed immediately by door to the toilet opening without the sound of hands being washed under running water for at least 40 seconds in the intervening time.
Your cooperation in these matters will ensure that I don’t hide in the air conditioning ducts wearing a Chem Warfare suit, randomly releasing SARIN gas into the toilets.

[Hitcher]

Do I detect a slight hygiene problem?

[The_Dover]

Jim told me that it was just a hormonal imbalance that made him smell funny.

[u4ea]

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkk!!!!!!!!:shit:

[James Deuce]

I've bought a bottle of steri-gel for my desk.

Plus you can put it in a water pistol - instant naplam thrower.

It's an anger management thing.

[Skunk]

I've bought a bottle of steri-gel... ...you can put it in a water pistol - instant naplam thrower.
Must get some of that. I have a need...

[vamr]

I've bought a bottle of steri-gel for my desk.

Plus you can put it in a water pistol - instant naplam thrower.

It's an anger management thing.


Hehe, think on the bright side, at least you aren't working at a bar (the things that happen to the toilets are sometimes hard to believe).

[Mom]

Dear God YUK!!!!!!

can you add a couple of things and then print out a few more and send to me so I can put them up at the camp ground this summer......

If your kids dont flush the toilet at home...what makes you think they will here

toilet paper goes in the toilet when you have used it not the floor!

I could go on but I am starting to feel a bit ill......:sick:

[Disco Dan]

steri-gel on your desk?

thats a little bit of overkill dont you think??

...the reason the hospitals are fighting superbugs and antibiotic resistant germs etc is because everything is steril. We need to be exposed to at least some of these nasty germs to build our own antibodies to protect ourselves. by sterilising everything we create a cycle that produces children with less antibodies.. who go through the steril life.. ...produce their own children with even less antibodies.. anyone see the pattern?????

[The_Dover]

can you print an extra copy for the bogs at De Bretts in Taupo?

some filthy cunt damn near destroyed them on sunday morning.

[Mom]

steri-gel on your desk?

thats a little bit of overkill dont you think??

...the reason the hospitals are fighting superbugs and antibiotic resistant germs etc is because everything is steril. We need to be exposed to at least some of these nasty germs to build our own antibodies to protect ourselves. by sterilising everything we create a cycle that produces children with less antibodies.. who go through the steril life.. ...produce their own children with even less antibodies.. anyone see the pattern?????

Yeah yeah I agree with you, but at least I am grubby enough to share my nearest and dearests germs........I sure as shit (oops sorry bad pun) dont feel the need to share other peoples.......

[James Deuce]

steri-gel on your desk?

thats a little bit of overkill dont you think??

...the reason the hospitals are fighting superbugs and antibiotic resistant germs etc is because everything is steril. We need to be exposed to at least some of these nasty germs to build our own antibodies to protect ourselves. by sterilising everything we create a cycle that produces children with less antibodies.. who go through the steril life.. ...produce their own children with even less antibodies.. anyone see the pattern?????

I'm sorry, I don't think I should be eating other people's shit at work or standing in their piss or having to wipe crap off the seats.

Steri-gel is designed for this type of thing.

Not washing your hands after going to the toilet is the single biggest killer in the history of mankind.

Hospitals aren't fighting super bugs because of steri-gel. Steri-gel is just an ethanol wash. So called super bugs have been caused by tinkering with the human immune system, not by washing your hands when you take a crap.

[Disco Dan]

yeah i guess... cheers for that..

for me soap is suficant.. and in the absence of that, extremes of temperature will do the trick too for washing your hands.. ie very hot or very cold.

computer keyboards are another germ hotel... do you clean your keyboard often? :innocent:

[James Deuce]

Wash your hands - and then open the door that someone who didn't wash their hands just opened a moment ago. You may as well have not washed your hands.

My keyboard gets a wipe down with steri-gel once a week.

I've been in hospital twice this year with Influenza, and my immune system is rubbish as a result.

[Shadows]

I've never figured out why, along with all of the other so called stringent health regulations they have to comply with, public eating places and the like have never been required to have outward opening doors on all of their bogs.

[Switch]

Nice rules. Im with you on the whole not washing hands after going to the toilet thing. I feel the need to throw up when i see people walk out, then seeing them handling food and eating it. Ahwell, their loss i spose

[Drum]

You forgot the skidmarks Jim2.

[Crisis management]

thanks for all that, now I know why i work at home...

[Indiana_Jones]

I've bought a bottle of steri-gel for my desk.

Plus you can put it in a water pistol - instant naplam thrower.

It's an anger management thing.


Do you keep that in your purse, next to your tampons? :D

Just kidding lol. Yea, I hate people that don't wash their fucking hands, it's sick. :angry:

-Indy

[James Deuce]

You forgot the skidmarks Jim2.

What's he got to do with it? Hmmm?.... O, I get it.

[Deano]

steri-gel on your desk?

thats a little bit of overkill dont you think??

...the reason the hospitals are fighting superbugs and antibiotic resistant germs etc is because everything is steril. We need to be exposed to at least some of these nasty germs to build our own antibodies to protect ourselves. by sterilising everything we create a cycle that produces children with less antibodies.. who go through the steril life.. ...produce their own children with even less antibodies.. anyone see the pattern?????

Your hands are the most filthy part of your body and responsible for transmitting many illnesses (a flu virus probably being the most common).

I have steri gel on my desk at work - I use it after shaking some 'customers' hands.

The steril vs resistance issue is valid to some degree, but not where pathogens are involved - less of an issue in the 'developed world' where we have ready access to medicines and treatments, but in 'undeveloped' countries, many people often die from the simplest of bugs.

Overuse of antibiotics is another matter altogether, and leads to resistance.

Did you know you can even die or end up with some horrible ailments from food poisoning ?

I did a 'hand hygiene' survey in a public toilet recently, and the results on the whole were pretty poor. (And there are some real weirdos out there.)

[Fatjim]

I gag at the thought of touching your dangly bits.

Don't let the missus's read this. Thats all the excuse they need.

[sedge]

Heh heh...

I worked at a client site for a couple of weeks where the toilets were very small cubicles. When you went in you had to sorta squish up to shut the door again. Anyway... The cleaner obviously never cleaned behind the door coz there was a growing tally of smeary bogies like someone marking the days in a prison cell.

I just can't understand it, you wouldn't shit all over your toilet seat at home, what could possibly make this acceptable at work ? And how do you miss a frecking urinal for fecks sake !

Ah well gotta go wash my hands for a couple of hours now <shudder>

Sedge.

[McJim]

I prefer this sign for loos.

Please don't drop your fag ends
Where you should drop your shite
Coz it makes them really soggy
And impossible to light.

[James Deuce]

Scots Git.

[McJim]

Scots Git.


I ain't denyin' it ;)

Smokes are gettin' too pricey.

[Motu]

You should see my toilet at work! I fired the cleaner,and I won't go near it! We share it with the service station - it's a staff toilet,not a public toilet,but the public still use it....fucking pigs.

Another change I have noticed is they have put a box by the toilet and all the paper goes in there - STINKY SHIT!!! ''It's a euro thing...or a middle east thing...but I think it's a disgusting thing! I now have a steri gel dispenser in the workshop and carry one in the car too.

[Maverick]

We used to have a problem with guys missing the urinal and pissing on the floor. someone put a sign up saying "If your dick is too short that you keep missing, please stand closer." Funnily enough it improved for a while.

[ManDownUnder]

You should see my toilet at work! I fired the cleaner,and I won't go near it! We share it with the service station - it's a staff toilet,not a public toilet,but the public still use it....fucking pigs.

Another change I have noticed is they have put a box by the toilet and all the paper goes in there - STINKY SHIT!!! ''It's a euro thing...or a middle east thing...but I think it's a disgusting thing! I now have a steri gel dispenser in the workshop and carry one in the car too.

So firing the cleaner was a good move then?

[Joni]

I could not help but laugh mate...

Not because of what you said, but because how similar we are (I have noticed that lot lately :sunny: )

In my last position in Auckland, I actually put signs up in the toilet on my floor... it might not have been a desciptive as yours... but yup... guilty as charged.

ewww...

[Motu]

So firing the cleaner was a good move then?

Yeah - showed me I was paying her to clean up someone elses mess.The filth comes from the service station staff and their customers,not from my side.They can clean up their own mess.

[Alice]

We used to have a problem with guys missing the urinal and pissing on the floor. someone put a sign up saying "If your dick is too short that you keep missing, please stand closer." Funnily enough it improved for a while.

Thats good,
in my workplace there is one loo for 7 of us, all guys bar me. Will type up similiar sign in a minute, will be worth it just to see the reaction it gets.
I'm laughing already, there will either be nothing said, or a tirade of who quite knows what..... yet. Amusement for the afternoon alongside the serious buisness of work.

[ManDownUnder]

Thats good,
in my workplace there is one loo for 7 of us, all guys bar me. Will type up similiar sign in a minute, will be worth it just to see the reaction it gets.
I'm laughing already, there will either be nothing said, or a tirade of who quite knows what..... yet. Amusement for the afternoon alongside the serious buisness of work.

Just throw a cork in the loo.... guys can't resist aiming at it and it won't flush (unless a really good sticky turd hits it square on and drags it under)

[Hitcher]

Given that this was originally about the toilet habits of geeks, I am surprised one of their number hasn't invented a device that plugs into a USB port and obviates the need for such visits. An iPoo perhaps.

[ceebie13]

Thats what I like about KB...the variety of subject matter has no bounds. Brilliant!

In my loo here at home I have written (and framed) the following ditty
and placed a box of matches on the window sill nearby:

If in here you make a smell
Rest assured it lingers well
So strike a match to clear the air
Then others will not have to bear.

[Swoop]

toilet paper goes in the toilet when you have used it not the floor!
I'm guessing you haven't been to Corfu then?

[NotaGoth]

Dear God YUK!!!!!!

can you add a couple of things and then print out a few more and send to me so I can put them up at the camp ground this summer......

If your kids dont flush the toilet at home...what makes you think they will here

toilet paper goes in the toilet when you have used it not the floor!

I could go on but I am starting to feel a bit ill......:sick:


Like where I used to work... I mean come on... Who flushes their panties down the toilet...?????????????

And how the hell do you manage to get shit all over the back of the toilet seat... And on the wall...? Dear god thats the wall!!!!!!! How the heck do you manage that one...!!!!!!!!!

Not to mention people that managed to piss everywhere, but not actually into the toilet.....

Can I print off a few and send them to my old boss..??? Pretty please...???

[Motu]

We had a little note in our toilet when on a septic tank....for ''city'' folk -

If it's yellow
Let it mellow
If it's brown
Flush it down!

[Hitcher]

If in here you make a smell
Rest assured it lingers well
So strike a match to clear the air
Then others will not have to bear.

Mythbusters dealt to this theory. Put the matches away!

[ceebie13]

Mythbusters dealt to this theory. Put the matches away!

How did they do that Hitch? Setting light to their farts?

[sAsLEX]

We had a little note in our toilet when on a septic tank....for ''city'' folk -

If it's yellow
Let it mellow
If it's brown
Flush it down!

That was always a summer thing when the water tank would get low

[Motu]

How did they do that Hitch? Setting light to their farts?

Search YouTube for Banned Mythbusters Episodes.

[RiderInBlack]

Well my "Work Toilet" is often outside behind a tree. It can be a long way to a the nearest toilet when I'm out the wop-wops shoeing some fu*ken horse and I need ta go all of a sudden. Have handwash, but then the fu*ken horses often stand in their own poo when I'm shoeing them, so get their shit all over my hands too (along with stockholm tar, copper sulphate, mud and other crud). Just don't shake a farrier's hands while he is working. I clean my hands between jobs, but get them dirty again fairly quick.

[Trow]

Well my "Work Toilet" is often outside behind a tree. It can be a long way to a the nearest toilet when I'm out the wop-wops shoeing some fu*ken horse and I need ta go all of a sudden. Have handwash, but then the fu*ken horses often stand in their own poo when I'm shoeing them, so get their shit all over my hands too (along with stockholm tar, copper sulphate, mud and other crud). Just don't shake a farrier's hands while he is working. I clean my hands between jobs, but get them dirty again fairly quick.

And that there just puts it into perspective for all us keyboard monkeys sitting in our nice warm cubicles worrying about the letters having germs on them.....

[RiderInBlack]

Hospitals aren't fighting super bugs because of steri-gel. Steri-gel is just an ethanol wash. So called super bugs have been caused by tinkering with the human immune system, not by washing your hands when you take a crap.MRSA, and the like, are nosocomal diseases ya mainly find in Hospitals that have become resistant to anti-biotics (AB's). If the Anti-biotic doesn't kill the bacteria it gets resistant to that AB and breeds more resistant bacteria.
But it has been hypothesised that excessive cleanliness may be a factor in the increase in asthma cases. Also the body does require some communal bacteria to defend it against infection. UTI's (urinary tract infections) and intestinal upsets are often due to the lost of communal bacteria. It should be stated here that these same communal bacteria can cause major health problems if they get into the wrong parts of the body (eg: E-coli is a good bacteria to have in ya large intestines but is bad news in ya bloodstream).
By the way healthy urine is acidic and acts as an anti-bacterial.

[James Deuce]

I wasn't arguing with any of that RIB, however Hutt Hospital and Wellington Hospital both have massive MRSA issues because of the building materials. They are pourous, damp, and warm. If you don't stay clean in those environments you can get VERY sick if your immune system is compromised, up to and including necrotising facieitis.

You'll note that they've knocked down Wellington Hospital's old buildings and are planning the same for the Hutt.

The bugs in horse dung are unlikely to cause you any issues however ruminants can carry a variety of spirochetes in their urine that can be very bad for humans.

If I'm not vigilant with my cleanliness at work I end up in hospital. I'm going to stick to being "anal" about my hand-wringing, err washing.

[Motu]

Just so long as you keep all the tea towels colour coded and hanging perfectly straight I don't think there will be a problem...

[Rossi Gal]

I have steri gel on my desk at work - I use it after shaking some 'customers' hands....



Umm...i thought you told us it was a tube of KY gel you kept at work?? :innocent:

[RiderInBlack]

All good Jim. I'll hug ya after I've had my shower.

Tetanus is 1 disease that concerns me as a Farrier, but keep my anti-tet jabs regular.

Yep, it makes me laugh is I have worked as an RN (Nurse) as well as a Farrier. I may look dirtier as a Farrier but my health (and others in contact with me) was more at risk Nursing even with regular hand-washing (a must if ya nursing because the most common transference of diseases in Hospitals is due to poor hand-washing techniques by health worker). Hospitals harbour some nasty bugs.

[Hitcher]

I'd be more worried about the horse standing on my foot, biting me or kicking me in the head that from any bug or zoonoses I may contract from said evel animal.

[yungatart]

I'd be more worried about the horse standing on my foot, biting me or kicking me in the head that from any bug or zoonoses I may contract from said evel animal.

Evel? Surely, you mean evil?
Is one exempt from one's own rules?
Or is one merely showing the plebs that one is fallible?

[Hitcher]

Evel? Surely, you mean evil?

Have you never watched Austin Powers? Wait for the Official Kiwi Biker Wiki...

[yungatart]

Have you never watched Austin Powers? Wait for the Official Kiwi Biker Wiki...

So.... the answer is...drum roll.. fallible, then.
Glad to hear it, can't have mortals posing as gods around here, it just wouldn't do...

[Colapop]

It is well I do not pose as what I am. :yes: (modest too)

[RiderInBlack]

I'd be more worried about the horse standing on my foot, biting me or kicking me in the head that from any bug or zoonoses I may contract from said evel animal.Yep agree with ya there, but the evel Homo Sapiens are far more dangerous. Funny thing is that "Homo Sapien" translates as "Wise Man". Think the Scientist need to reclassify that species.

[Citroenjunkie]

To quote a line from some book about a doctor I read once," Blessed are those who wash their hands after wiping their arse, they shall live forever!"

[James Deuce]

Yep agree with ya there, but the evel Homo Sapiens are far more dangerous. Funny thing is that "Homo Sapien" translates as "Wise Man". Think the Scientist need to reclassify that species.

I wonder what the Latin for Fuck Head is?

[McJim]

I wonder what the Latin for Fuck Head is?

There are no Romans left so it doesn't matter. Most of the people you meet can be abused satisfactorily in a variety of modern languages. It's only the pretentious and those that study etymology that really require a working knowledge of Latin.

[James Deuce]

Biological classifications are all in Latin, you Fuck Head. :D

[Hitcher]

It's only the pretentious and those that study etymology that really require a working knowledge of Latin.

And plant and animal taxonomists.

[bistard]

I wonder what the Latin for Fuck Head is?
I have just worked it out,the correct term in latin of fuckhead is
MAX BIAGGI

[Rossi Gal]

I have just worked it out,the correct term in latin of fuckhead is
MAX BIAGGI
Bahahahahaha