Retrosexual man

[marty]

...................

[ManDownUnder]

bling on it's way

'nuff said

[Goblin]

OMG!!:shit: I'm a Retrosexual man!
You just described me to a T!

[Goblin]

...................

Wanky shmanky....put it back!!

[marty]

seeming how you didn't say please, here it is:

This is for the real blokes out there to pass on to all the blokes who nowdays think it is cool to be a metro. Bring back our masculinity - stop being a bunch of pussies who have far too much gel in their hair and smell and look like chicks.

Something to ponder over a skinny decaf frapachino:


The Code:

A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tyre, break-in into your home, or
a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you
live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and
drinking, I salute you. If you are still having sex, you are a God.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women
have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need deodorant and
shaving gear - that's it!! No hair gel / wax! Zip, zilch, nyet, none - ever!

A Retrosexual does not dress like a homeboy with baggy pants that look like
he's shat himself, or with a gay chain from pocket to pocket. If wearing a
hat, wear it correctly - not on the side like a faggot. Blokes and necklaces
(unless you are an Australian fast bowler) are out!

A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be.
This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.

A Retrosexual does not let neighbours screw up rooms in his house on
national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women.
Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you
becoming a handbag carrying little puss, and in the long run, she ain't
worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress
such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak BBQ
accident, favourite sports team being moved to a different city, favourite
dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't
pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed
up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to
conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY
a Windsor knot.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.
This does not include males who have had cosmetic surgery.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a
nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can -- or be
rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you are.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled
with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's
just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or things
that just need a little "wakin' up".

Crying. There are very few reasons that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of
them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams
are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is
swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry
include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish
or cats do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or
loss of major body part on your truck.


When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a
pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and
offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men
still in their seats with a disgusted "you rude pricks" look on his face.

A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not
understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the
acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious
healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting,
cigars, car maintenance and drinking piss with the boys.

A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants.
Wherever it lands is where he bloody well wanted it to land. Except on his
truck--that would happen because of a "force of nature", and then the
retrosexual man's option is to DEAL with IT.

A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any
elderly person.

A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough.

A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does
something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the
process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT!

[R6_kid]

LOL... now thats what im talking about :Punk:

[Monorail]

I'm completely retro then... except for the hair gel bit. But hey not to bad for a sixteen year old:yes:

[Donor]

Hmmm... if my air rifle counts as a gun, I'm a perfect Retrosexual...

[jetboy]

a dying breed aye. seems the new craze is metrosexual or homosexual!

[pervert]

A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any

I like it...except for this one.

Surely a retrosexual wouldn't be using dirty-ass public transport because he would be man enough to have his own vehicle...:yes:

[Crisis management]

a dying breed aye. seems the new craze is metrosexual or homosexual!

We're all dying, its just a matter of when...

Seriuosly tho, I never knew I had a label, I'm not sure whether to be pleased or embarassed now:innocent:

[jetboy]

We're all dying, its just a matter of when...

Say it isnt so!

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

Where do I find one???

[jrandom]

Where do I find one???

We're all taken, because the bitches love us (http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2006/11/29/221645/98).

[Big Dave]

I think that's pretty cool.
Not into guns or slaughtering my own meat and have never cried about a machine.

Nothing about capable sportsman? - no matter what the sport retrosexual can play it or will have a go.

[jrandom]

Not into guns or slaughtering my own meat... capable sportsman?

Fair enough; I'm willing to trade off your lack of gun-nuttery against my complete lack of coordination with a bat, ball or racquet.

[Crisis management]

Say it isnt so!

Ok, its not so.



Do you feel reassured?

(the one thing I have noticed with life is that there was never a guarantee provided)

[jetboy]

Do you feel reassured?

Yup thanks for that! I can now continue to live my life in the world where children dance around rainbows with gumdrop smiles!

[Big Dave]

Yup thanks for that! I can now continue to live my life in the world where children dance around rainbows with gumdrop smiles!

and wheelies are legal?

[Ghost Lemur]

and wheelies are legal?

Not just legal, if a cop sees you on both wheels continuously for more than 1km it's an on the spot fine for "Inability to demonstrate satisfactory control of a motorcycle".

[jetboy]

Not just legal, if a cop sees you on both wheels continuously for more than 1km it's an on the spot fine for "Inability to demonstrate satisfactory control of a motorcycle".
...Or sustained loss of traction

[Hillbilly]

C'mon admit it! You're all a pack of Neanderthals just like this guy:

[Swoop]

(the one thing I have noticed with life is that there was never a guarantee provided)
Or a warranty period... or flybuys....

[Colapop]

C'mon admit it! You're all a pack of Neanderthals just like this guy:
Damn straight! I'll die young, but I'll have LIVED my life not sat on the sidelines wishing I had.

If my wife asks me if I think she's put on weight, I tell her "If you can't fit your fat arse into the jeans that you used to be able to fit - then yeah you got a fat arse!" It aint being tactless it's called honesty.

Of course if she's looking hot or I catch her in the shower I'll say something complimentary like "Wanna root?"

[Big Dave]

C'mon admit it! You're all a pack of Neanderthals just like this guy:

AND he rode a Bonneville.

[0arbreaka]

I can proudly say that I am a retrosexual. Theres nothing like the taste of meat from an animal that you shot

[Crisis management]

I'm very happy for you but can we have the cat back now?

[0arbreaka]

to late, you can have the fur coat though, the cat only had enough for a medium and im an xl...........

[Hillbilly]

OK, hands up who eats thier steak raw, or blue? I have both. Just love Steak Tartar, which is basically a like a raw hamburger patty soaked in Cognac. Yum!

Same with Capparcio, which is thinly sliced red meat marinated in Extra Virgin Olive Oil. No heat, no seared edges. If a Capparcio has been seared it's cos the chef is a pussy.

My favourate meat is game. Ostrich, Venison, Kangaroo, Pheasant, wild Boar, Bison, Buffalo...all good stuff.

[Big Dave]

Kangaroo, Buffalo

Blardy kiwis! - you give that shit to the dog. And Mussells! Mussells are bait!

[Jamezo]

I think that's pretty cool.
Not into guns or slaughtering my own meat and have never cried about a machine.

Nothing about capable sportsman? - no matter what the sport retrosexual can play it or will have a go.
Haven't you heard? Most sports are an excuse for guys to touch each other and grunt. Neither retro nor metro, I think it's something else...

[Hillbilly]

Blardy kiwis! - you give that shit to the dog. And Mussells! Mussells are bait!


No they're not. They're beautiful, espescially uncooked and just marinated. C'mon, BigDave, you never tried chilli smoked mussels before? How 'bout garlic mussels? I suppose you'd be too conservative to try Ostrich/Emu.

[Swoop]

OK, hands up who eats thier steak raw, or blue?
Retrosexual Man would BUILD an open fire and grill the steaks on an open flame, beer in one hand and a "fire poking stick" in the other.

*Thinks back to the scene in "Blazing Saddles" where the cowboys are sitting around the fire eating beans...*:shit: