Where's that fat cunt?

[The_Dover]

Well, it's just turned midnight and no jolly prick on a sledge is trying to squeeze down my chimney.

Happy Fucking Christmas.

(It would appear my clock is four minutes fast, but I've got my knife ready just incase)

[DMNTD]

Well, it's just turned midnight and no jolly prick on a sledge is trying to squeeze down my chimney.
Well haven't ya tried yet man?
Ho ho ho,Ho :scooter:

[NotaGoth]

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii saw Dover... Fucking..... Mrssssss Clause...... Underneath the Christmas tree tonighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhttttttttttttt.....


Put your pocket knife away...!!!

[Karma]

I'll be there in 5...

[bluninja]

Saw the title and thought the post was referring to me. Suggest you grease your chimney hole and make sure it's clean before you expect someone coming down it.....expecially if they have to get their bulging sack in too.


Ho ho ho....don't eat all the mince pies....I've got another 13 hours to go to Christmas.

[The_Dover]

c'mon weasel. not even a reindeer would be seen towing a kwaka...

[Karma]

I can't be bothered coming up with something orignal Ben, so lets just pretend I said something witty about your mother.

[Indiana_Jones]

I'm sorry guys, Santa won't make it this year, he got held up by Dover and Winja :sunny:


<img src="http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=49161&stc=1&d=1166960355">


Ho! Ho! Ooooooooh!

Merry X-mas all :D

-Indy

[Magua]

Ho Ho noooooo!

[James Deuce]

Santa is the master of Quantum Mechanics.

Don't mess with him lest he unleashes a Schrodinger's Cat on your pommy arse.

Merry Christmas.

[Qkkid]

c'mon weasel. not even a reindeer would be seen towing a kwaka...

Shite i thought you were talkin about our mate WINJA:killingme :killingme :killingme :killingme :killingme

[Skyryder]

Shite i thought you were talkin about our mate WINJA:killingme :killingme :killingme :killingme :killingme

I did too. Hey wait aminute. Winja's been missing for the lst few days. Is there a connection? Oh shit. Tell me it's not true. :eek: :eek:

Skyryder

[laRIKin]

Maybe you have not been a good wee boy.

[Grahameeboy]

Shite i thought you were talkin about our mate WINJA:killingme :killingme :killingme :killingme :killingme

Read my mind..........:yes:

[Grahameeboy]

I did too. Hey wait aminute. Winja's been missing for the lst few days. Is there a connection? Oh shit. Tell me it's not true. :eek: :eek:

Skyryder

yeah, I thought I heard a cry for help from my woodburner.............kept door shut just in case.....................he he

[T.W.R]

I did too. Hey wait aminute. Winja's been missing for the lst few days. Is there a connection? Oh shit. Tell me it's not true. :eek: :eek:



:gob: Imagine!:crazy: :doh:

Have a good one & roll on New years

[Teflon]

Sorry, i shot the fucker, and his rein deer.



I'm off to get smashed before i do this family christmas shit. I hope everyone has really happy Christmas.

[Hitcher]

Well, it's just turned midnight and no jolly prick on a sledge is trying to squeeze down my chimney.

He was so busted by MAF Biosecurity New Zealand for importing GM fruit, and the reindeer weren't properly vaccinated. Merry Christmas!

[Swoop]

Is there a Santa Claus?

Flying Reindeer?
No known species of reindeer can fly BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified and while most of these are insects and germs this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has ever seen.
Too many kids.
There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world BUT since Santa doesn’t (appear) to handle the Muslims, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total – 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau.
At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that’s 91.8million homes. One presumes there’s one good child in each.
Time factors.
Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we accept) we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75 ½ million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding etc.
This means that Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second. A conventional reindeer can run, tops, at 15 miles per hour.
Payload?
The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element.
Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,000 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.
On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that “flying reindeer” could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload – not even counting the weight of the sleigh, to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison, this is four times the weight of the HMS Queen Elizabeth.
The sheer physics.
353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance – this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a space craft re-entering the atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy per second EACH. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of gravity.
Conclusion:
If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he’s dead now!!

[James Deuce]

If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he’s dead now!!

I gave you guys plenty of hints but you all chose to ignore them. Santa is the only Quantum Mechanic on the planet. He can be everywhere at once and the theory is quite simple.

Santa (and all his paraphernalia) exists as a particle and a wave at the same time, and thanks to clever manipulation of particle duality can apparently disappear in one location and reappear at another almost instantaneously.

Hence the futility of scanning the night skies looking for a sleigh burning up on re-entry.

[Skyryder]

I gave you guys plenty of hints but you all chose to ignore them. Santa is the only Quantum Mechanic on the planet. He can be everywhere at once and the theory is quite simple.

Santa (and all his paraphernalia) exists as a particle and a wave at the same time, and thanks to clever manipulation of particle duality can apparently disappear in one location and reappear at another almost instantaneously.

Hence the futility of scanning the night skies looking for a sleigh burning up on re-entry.

Yes and there is a name for this. Santa's a doppleganger. The idea is not unknown in yogic practice where the indavidual can appear in two different places at the same time.

Skyryder