The couple that spends together stays together? Or Not?

[F5 Dave]

I dunno, this modern world, everything is changing. In our father’s days it was simple. A guy married a girl, she had kids & stayed home & raised them on the 4’6 pence that he claimed was all he could spare her.

Contraception has changed all this. Women now have serious jobs & stay at work longer, choosing when to have kids- if at all.

I think this is a good thing, make no mistake. But my question to youse married ones is how do you agree on shared finances. How many of you keep your own money? How does that change if you have kids & she is then left without an income?
How do I stop her spending all my bike money on shoes? & more likely - How does she stop me spending all her shoe money on bikes? :Oops:

Do you run budgets of play money? :apint: Shared accounts?

[James Deuce]

I dunno, this modern world, everything is changing. In our father’s days it was simple. A guy married a girl, she had kids & stayed home & raised them on the 4’6 pence that he claimed was all he could spare her.

Contraception has changed all this. Women now have serious jobs & stay at work longer, choosing when to have kids- if at all.

I think this is a good thing, make no mistake. But my question to youse married ones is how do you agree on shared finances. How many of you keep your own money? How does that change if you have kids & she is then left without an income?
How do I stop her spending all my bike money on shoes? & more likely - How does she stop me spending all her shoe money on bikes? :Oops:

Do you run budgets of play money? :apint: Shared accounts?


Everything we earn is shared, but I have a play money budget. If it gets a bit tight I stick to buying lunch from my play kitty.

[merv]

For damn near 30 years ours has been all in joint accounts no question. She had 14 years off work bringing up the kids and while she did that she looked after all the banking - I just worked and played and spent stuff and she took care of it all. Most money was in her name to minimise tax on interest. Now she's back at work I'm doing all the banking and paying the bills because she's too busy now. Restructured some of our investments now she is earning again but haven't quite got it right yet as her tax return wasn't quite what we were looking for.

No worries works a treat, but no-one will pay me to stay home so only problem is too much to do too little time which is why I'm a bit of a part time biker really as I'm kinda part time at many things at not really dedicated to just on thing like biking.

[Quasievil]

Well for us I dont care about money at all, she manages it she buys what she wants and I dont give a shit as long as I have my man time with my machine all is well.We basically pay all accounts mortgages bills whatever on one day a month save a bit and blow the rest (within reason) no problems no hassles.
My wife buys more stuff than me but why should I care thats her thing and bikes are mine, all is great, gotta love life huh ?

[riffer]

Fairly similar to Quasi and Jim.

I get paid last day of the month.

Goes into one account, pay all the bills, buy food and stuff.

Anything left we discuss what to do with. Usually a very short discussion.

[bungbung]

Is that one of those short 'two-letters-beginning-with-n' discussions?

[F5 Dave]

Yeah it’s just I’ve been single for so long with a reasonable disposable income (read: floating mortgage -so what if I never pay it off I never have to budget).

Does this mean I have to be considerate? instead of just reaching for the card & saying “They’re shiny!! I’ll have two!” :laugh:

[750Y]

I'm the same as Quasi. my mrs does it all. i don't want to know about it. long as the kids are fed & I can support my bike habit i'm happy.

[riffer]

Is that one of those short 'two-letters-beginning-with-n' discussions?
Hmmm. Not married yourself are you Ola?

[bungbung]

Not married yourself are you Ola?

How did you guess?

Although I've been living in sin for the last 6.5 years...

[Motu]

When we first got together my wife was fiercely independent,she had her own tools and her own bike spares - I wasn't allowd to touch anything of hers,definatly not her bike!! Anything we bought for our joint life was payed for by one person,so she payed for the washing machine,it was hers,I paid for the fridge,it was mine - we were having no problems if we broke up! But now she has been looking after kids for 23 yrs,all the money is hers,she can do what she likes with it,I get $15 per week into my eftpos card....what more could a man want?

[greenhorn]

our monetary policy: whats mine is her's whats her's is her's.
I wear the pants too, she just tells me which ones i can put on. :laugh:

[vifferman]

Me and Mrs FFS have always had joint bank accounts, since before we was married. Spending is complicated by the fact that Mrs FFS is very security-conscious, and an accountant, and earns lots more 'n me. (In fact, I don't earn anything, as I have very low productivity and spend all day playing on KiwiBiker in a vain attempt to avoid work. Like right now...)

After many years, She has finally acknowledged that I'm a bike freak, that it's important to me, and that it costs summat. Doesn't stop her bleating about how expensive it is though, but threatening to sell the FahrtSturm does. But finally, after many years, she has decided it might be fun to accompany me on bike rides (like this last Sunday's jaunt to Muriwai), and now has her own BMW helmet and leather bike pants. Now we've just got to source some gloves and a jacket so the rest of her doesn't get cold....:whistle:

[vifferman]

our monetary policy: whats mine is her's whats her's is her's.
I wear the pants too, she just tells me which ones i can put on. :laugh:I was going to say that! But I couldn't get my over-caffeinated and under-utilised brain around it...

[FROSTY]

Well my ex had a its either me or that dambed expensive bike moment. I sure do miss her sometimes :devil2:

[Jackrat]

The Mrs looks after the money,pays the bills ect.I fix things an move the goat.
We share everything and just reshuffle the budget when either of us get a want of some kind.
We've been married 25yrs so it must work. :niceone:

[Ghost Lemur]

Well my ex had a its either me or that dambed expensive bike moment. I sure do miss her sometimes :devil2:

I don't think anyone would doubt you miss her sometimes (are we talking about the bike or the ex??). :killingme

[MikeL]

Best thing is to let your wife take care of the finances. It's all terribly dreary anyway, and the hours spent balancing the cheque book could be better spent riding. Women actually enjoy writing out cheques and filing away bills with a little "PAID" stamp neatly in the corner. As well, it gives them the illusion of power. But actual decisions about what to spend the money on are another matter. It would be unfair to burden the female brain (subject as it is to illogical and emotional impulses) with the responsibility for choosing between a new bathroom and a new bike...

[MadDuck]

Thats so funny.
I am glad you lads all know who controls the purse strings. Just dont ask her "how much is in the account hun? Enuff to buy a new shiney thing?" ....LMFAO.
Answer will always be "no...maybe next month" its a reflect response!

[F5 Dave]

Write cheques? Balance the chequebook? Man you are living in the 90s. Just log on & see what you still have & push a button to pay the rates or whatever.

[Hooks]

Sometimes you just never get it right tho' :2guns: I was married for 14 years and spent most of that time self-employed ..... she worked in the business too and ran the accounts.... when it came time for us to start a family she was in charge and that was fun .... I just did what I was told and enjoyed the ride ... <_< then 4 kids and 14 years later she changed her mind and took her blackbelt in shopping and the rest of our money and fucked off to the UK to live ..... :Pokey: one minute here going to Welly for a weekend with her girlfriends the next ringing from Heathrow to say "you're on your own mate " .... :bash:
I never stopped her spending or having what she wanted ... I even gave up bikes for that time ... :Oops: to be a responsible father & husband .... :doh: So I don't think that there is a right way .... and yes I am a cynic but I'm gonna go out fighting, this time no matter what, I am making sure that what I want to do gets some consideration and at least my kids are keen to see me have some fun .... So I'm off chasing WT in that pre '89 class if I can ... got heaps to learn and even more to do but it's something that has to be done .... Now all I have to do is get myself a job that lets me have the school hols off and only needs me to work school hours ..... :bleh:

[VivaVee]

We have had one account since we got married -actually earlier - since we got engaged. Three kids later and a tag game of who gets paid most - or if at all since the kids - and it still seems to work. There is not much left to argue about anyway after the 'mandatory' expenses.

I'm the only one trusted with a credit card so there are few damaging surprises - the last batch of reward points went on a DVD player and a cake mixer which pretty much sums up the state of play in our house.

I can't complain since I got to swap my RG for the VFR. All major purchases are committee decisions and we both have a bit of kitty money. It makes no sense to sweat the small stuff.

[toads]

we have shared finances, I've had 20 years at home with kids, I pay all the bills, our money is in a joint acct and we discuss our finances together, and always are in agreement before spending takes place, he trusts me and I him, in fact I don't think a marriage can operate without trust his wages and the family assistance are paid into the same acct, we have a budget and stick to it. All impulse buys are discussed first, so aren't exactly impulse buys, and we compromise with each other. Has worked pretty well so far. When I go back to work full time, we will do exactly the same, we spend all our spare time together, and enjoy each other's company still !!

[F5 Dave]

Thanks for the ideas guys.

Hooks that sounds dreadful, but I guess people have to try to make a go of it. Running away is a pretty emotionally stunted response if it doesn’t work esp. with kids involved.

Well we are going for a holiday next week, so I guess I might have to do the deed then & ask her :love: . I guess choosing the ring will be her first financial decision of how to spend my money from now. I’m scared. :puke:

[Hooks]

Thanks for the ideas guys.

Hooks that sounds dreadful, but I guess people have to try to make a go of it. Running away is a pretty emotionally stunted response if it doesn’t work esp. with kids involved.

Well we are going for a holiday next week, so I guess I might have to do the deed then & ask her :love: . I guess choosing the ring will be her first financial decision of how to spend my money from now. I’m scared. :puke:

Hey mate don't let me put ya off .... I enjoyed every minute of it and I still am even though I don't have anyone to argue with but you useless bastards on here :msn-wink: I feel sorry for the poor buggers who never give it a go ...
Best of luck and as someone above says don't sweat the small stuff ... :niceone:

[MikeL]

Write cheques? Balance the chequebook? Man you are living in the 90s. Just log on & see what you still have & push a button to pay the rates or whatever.

Despite appearances I am actually quite up to date in some things. I have been on internet banking and bill-paying for quite some time. I last tried balancing a cheque book some time in the 80s. Gave it up as a hopeless job. As long as there weren't too many "OD"s on the bank statement I didn't care...

And to avoid giving offence I hasten to add that my tongue was firmly in my cheek for most of that post.

Not all.

[jrandom]

Hmmm.

We've always had a fully joint account. When we were both working, we both kept an eye on the state of it via internet banking, etc, and regular (ahem) discussions were held about expenditure.

Now that it's just me with the single income, I take care of managing what goes in and out and gawd 'elp me if the money isn't in the transaction account to pay for the weekly shopping... other than that, Mrs Random doesn't really want to know.

[LB]

We run both a joint a/c and separate ones. We use the joint a/c for the household-type expenses and groceries etc. I generally pay the household bills because I tend to be on the net more than Hamish and we do virtually all our bill-paying etc by the internet.

But basically the money in all three accounts is all "ours" to spend on what we want.

I impulse buy on smallish stuff (new work skirt and a pair of boots from Kirks for round $600 for example) without even thinking of checking first, but we talk about any major expenses before we buy.

Since we're both into bikes there's no problem with anything bike related. ( "Darling, I think I'll die if I don't get a second Ducati right now" ) Also we don't have kids, so our money is our own.

We both have access to all our a/cs via internet banking.

Hamish tends to spend less much money than me, not because he's mean, but he just isn't as into material things as I am. Also, he doesn't wear pantyhose to work (the old "thumb-through-the-brand-new-pair-first-time-on" syndrome is alive and well) and he doesn't wear expensive French perfume. But the system we run works well for us.


F5Dave: good luck with the "question" while you're away - keep us posted!

[Firefight]

The Mrs looks after the money,pays the bills ect.I fix things an move the goat.
We share everything and just reshuffle the budget when either of us get a want of some kind.
We've been married 25yrs so it must work. :niceone:


Yep , were the sorta the same as you guys Jack,
she handles the dosh, I dig holes, build fences, and walk the dogs, it works,
we got 21 years on the clock, But I still introduce her as my "first Wife"...just in case.. :wacko:


F/F :msn-wink:

[scumdog]

Shared bank accounts, shared interests = no problemo.
She buys the wine, I buy the shiney bits that I "need" for the H-D and our hot rod type cars (most modern car is '84 Laser). She figures out how to pay the bills.

We have been married 3 years now but been together for 7 and our "system" seems to work (except when I tell Mrs S.D we can't afford the wine!!) but I guess with younger kids at home it makes it a bit trickier, you both need "play" accounts where a fixed amount goes into that you can spend as you please so you have a bit of freedom to indulge without feeling guilty (or pissed-off if the other turns up with something you thought was unaffordable).

Tough it out and keep track of where the dosh goes and discuss it rather than just rag each other when things get tight.

[toads]

Best thing is to let your wife take care of the finances. It's all terribly dreary anyway, and the hours spent balancing the cheque book could be better spent riding. Women actually enjoy writing out cheques and filing away bills with a little "PAID" stamp neatly in the corner. As well, it gives them the illusion of power. But actual decisions about what to spend the money on are another matter. It would be unfair to burden the female brain (subject as it is to illogical and emotional impulses) with the responsibility for choosing between a new bathroom and a new bike...

:puke: :angry2: :Oi: hello, this is the 21st centuary, we mere females can even appreciate the rugby these days burdening our female brains be blowed, it's you and your lack of desire to think at all that's the problem. Of course the bike is more important than a bathroom rennovation

[toads]

Sometimes you just never get it right tho' :2guns: I was married for 14 years and spent most of that time self-employed ..... she worked in the business too and ran the accounts.... when it came time for us to start a family she was in charge and that was fun .... I just did what I was told and enjoyed the ride ... <_< then 4 kids and 14 years later she changed her mind and took her blackbelt in shopping and the rest of our money and fucked off to the UK to live ..... :Pokey: one minute here going to Welly for a weekend with her girlfriends the next ringing from Heathrow to say "you're on your own mate " .... :bash:
I never stopped her spending or having what she wanted ... I even gave up bikes for that time ... :Oops: to be a responsible father & husband .... :doh: So I don't think that there is a right way .... and yes I am a cynic but I'm gonna go out fighting, this time no matter what, I am making sure that what I want to do gets some consideration and at least my kids are keen to see me have some fun .... So I'm off chasing WT in that pre '89 class if I can ... got heaps to learn and even more to do but it's something that has to be done .... Now all I have to do is get myself a job that lets me have the school hols off and only needs me to work school hours ..... :bleh:


you have every right to feel twitter and bisted matey, sorry you have been dealt such a rough blow, not all females are like that though

[LB]

I still introduce her as my "first Wife"...just in case.. :wacko:


F/F :msn-wink:





I introduce Hamish as "the current husband" - just to keep him on his toes :msn-wink:

[Firefight]

I introduce Hamish as "the current husband" - just to keep him on his toes :msn-wink:


well it seems to work :killingme :killingme

F/F :sunny:

[riffer]

you have every right to feel twitter and bisted matey, sorry you have been dealt such a rough blow, not all females are like that though
Of course not toads. Only ex-wives. :mad:

[Lou Girardin]

Best thing is to let your wife take care of the finances. It's all terribly dreary anyway, and the hours spent balancing the cheque book could be better spent riding. Women actually enjoy writing out cheques and filing away bills with a little "PAID" stamp neatly in the corner. As well, it gives them the illusion of power. But actual decisions about what to spend the money on are another matter. It would be unfair to burden the female brain (subject as it is to illogical and emotional impulses) with the responsibility for choosing between a new bathroom and a new bike...

Ahh, the benefits of being married to an accountant. I know exactly how much I can't spend at any given moment.

As for the female brain; in As Good As It Gets, Jack Nicholsen is asked how he knows so well how women think. He said, "I think of a man and take away reason and accountability".

[Coldkiwi]

wow. I thought i was the only one bloke who couldn't be arsed doing the bills! My wife loves doing it which suits me just fine. We have a set amount for personal spending each week but all joint stuff goes out of the main account. Works great :)

F5 Dave.. its not all bad having joint accounts after being a solo guy with a master-of-all spending attitude. I was having a bit of trouble keeping up with my bike payments and my over draft before getting married. Now that we've joined accounts, she's essentially helping me pay off my debt (which is now 'our debt') and i'm not stressed about it anymore! its great :) Having said that, although we're earning similar amounts, my career will end up netting us way more than hers so there's a mutual benefit to both of us.

Don't let money put you off marriage anyway. With the right person, money concerns won't be the driving force in your relationship and it simply won't be a major issue.