Do you know this guy? [Archive]

Laava

15th February 2007, 22:30

Spent the last couple of days working in close proximity to this guy that I could swear I've met many times before. He is the guy that had a car that was way faster than anything that I've ever owned before. It was supercharged and had nitrous and did 8 sec 1/4's. He has operated all types of machinery in all different job sectors, had major 'incidents' with all of them [when prompted!] and never got hurt. You know, runaway trucks and rolled tractors etc. He is just a bit down on his luck at the moment and that's why he can't afford a road legal car, someone broke into his house yesterday and took everything he owned! His partner got mugged yesterday as well and the muggers took everything she had. But it won't happen to him 'cos no-one has the balls to attack him, his nickname preceeds him everywhere he goes, he's welcome at any bike club in NZ. 'Cept Tribesmen and some other, he's got a few of them tied up at the moment! Whatever the fuck that means! I couldn't bring myself to ask what his infamous 'nickname' is, my workmate suggested to me, while our hero was off on a dak break, that it is probably Sue. I now have a bet with my workmate for $100 that tomorrow, I can get him to; A, Tell us that he has a mate with a 14 stone Rottweiller, and B, that he is one of the few people in NZ who can scull a full 40oz bottle of JD's. I'm sure that you guys must know this guy as well, anyone know his name? Anyone want to put money on the bet?

N4CR

15th February 2007, 23:16

the one and only... larger than life

winja

Dooly

16th February 2007, 07:12

Peter Davis.

Sniper

16th February 2007, 07:15

Steve??

frogfeaturesFZR

16th February 2007, 07:24

:dodge: Arnie ???

hellnback

16th February 2007, 07:34

Mate, it's James...

Guitana

16th February 2007, 08:04

Is it HELEN CLARKE????????????

Chisanga

16th February 2007, 08:15

You found Osama bin Laden :)

Guitana

16th February 2007, 08:44

You found Osama bin Laden :)

No actually Osama Bin Laden is really----------

MR BEAN

lb99

16th February 2007, 09:21

I know that dude, is his name craig? or andy?, or FIGJAM or.........

Indiana_Jones

16th February 2007, 09:24

Bottle of JD?, must be CLINT 'BOO-YAH' BROWN!

-Indy

The_Dover

16th February 2007, 10:26

pfft, 40oz of JD.

amateur.

Edbear

16th February 2007, 10:43

Used to work with him back in the '70's, then met him again in Taupo in the '80's! He gets around...

scumdog

16th February 2007, 10:59

The same Bullshit Barry that used to work down here?

Or Tutae Tane?

Or Fullofshit Phillip?

Colapop

16th February 2007, 11:03

He's my hero. I want to just like him if I grow up.

White trash

16th February 2007, 11:50

His name is Kerry Dukey.

Crasherfromwayback

16th February 2007, 11:55

His name is Kerry Dukey.

Good call mate......that's him!
Cept he's busy flying jets in Iraq right now...

Laava

16th February 2007, 12:43

Yep! I knew it! You guys know him! Todays story, said loudly so that everyone could hear it over the noise of a concrete pour, was 'Mate, went home last night and took the old bike for a ride. Thrashed the arse of it , went past a cop with no license plate [Just like his car!] and next minute I had the flashing blue lights, come on boys I said, then I had every cop in Whangarei chasing me. Went down Second Ave and cut up the alley to the Bypass and lost them.' I couldn't tell if the stuff flying out of his mouth was spittle or jizz! This is a guy in his 40's, he would have to be a P addict.Hope he doesn't have kids!

Colapop

16th February 2007, 13:33

N4CR

16th February 2007, 13:44

maybe its dmntd? :lol:

scumdog

16th February 2007, 13:45

He has, mate! He told me his son is 6'4" & 120kgs of solid muscle, captain of the first 15, head prefect and has his way with any girl he wants (including young student teachers)... and he's only just started college this year!

He said something about having an heir to his throne....?
Do people like that think everybody else believes their bullshit, do they believe themselves.... or do they just not care?

And do they have a big self-esteeem/ego problem???

Colapop

16th February 2007, 13:48

Low self esteem, attention seeker. At least he's only commiting social crime...

Crasherfromwayback

16th February 2007, 14:15

Do people like that think everybody else believes their bullshit, do they believe themselves.... or do they just not care?

And do they have a big self-esteeem/ego problem???

Nah...the guy is simply a pathalogical (sp?) liar....I honestly don't think he can help himself.

avgas

16th February 2007, 14:18

Sounds like a cock to me - His name isnt Shane ***** and he drives a 350 sunbird?

bistard

16th February 2007, 14:24

Nah...the guy is simply a pathalogical (sp?) liar....I honestly don't think he can help himself.

Thats Mat Halliburton
Ha fucken ha

Crasherfromwayback

16th February 2007, 14:44

Thats Mat Halliburton
Ha fucken ha

I think he was last seen holding Dukies hand as they skipped happily off to bare bottom land.....

bistard

16th February 2007, 14:48

Kerrys alright,I tell you what he knows his shit when it comes to
Suspension,transfomed both my bikes!!
Was reccommended by Dr Robert

LilSel

16th February 2007, 14:50

Nah... I dont know that guy... sorry lol...
*read all the thread tho*... a lil confused... :mellow:

Bykmad

16th February 2007, 15:00

Ive met him several times. Faa Too Fulloffaeces.
Last I heard he was in Christchurch.

White trash

16th February 2007, 17:46

Kerrys alright,I tell you what he knows his shit when it comes to
Suspension,transfomed both my bikes!!
Was reccommended by Dr Robert
Really? You let a guy who (in his own words) "Took a mate round the outside on me XT500 at 160 kays mate-ahh, ran a bit wide and there's a fucken Volkswagen Beetle coming the other way, so I just hoisted the front and wheelied right over it mate-ahhh. Didn't even slow down." work on your bike? Brave man.

This is what he tells MOTORCYCLE slaes people in MOTORCYCLE shops.

How's this one.

"Got myself a Buell X1 Lightning. People give these things shit but the guy on the 'Blade was sure surprised when I WHEELIED 'round the outside of him with me knee down going up the Rimutakas."

Ummmmm, what else can I recall......

Oh yeah, "Testing for the Suzuki GP team back in the day at Daytona. Went past Roberts into turn one at 170mph with smoke pissing off my front tyre. Suzuki guys told me they'd have me riding for them, but I was just too hot. A bit radical for us"

He's not a "good guy", he's a raving cocksucker who forgets he's talking to bike people, and thinks he's talking to 13 year old school girls.

Edit: Almost forgot, if you even HALF buy into his bullshit (or just want a fucking good laugh) google "Kerry Dukey" and have a bit of a browse......

Crasherfromwayback

16th February 2007, 17:59

He's not a "good guy", he's a raving cocksucker who forgets he's talking to bike people, and thinks he's talking to 13 year old school girls.

Edit: Almost forgot, if you even HALF buy into his bullshit (or just want a fucking good laugh) google "Kerry Dukey" and have a bit of a browse......

That would be 'school BOYS' mate......don't think he's interested in impressing girls!

scumdog

17th February 2007, 03:53

Really? You let a guy who (in his own words) "Took a mate round the outside on me XT500 at 160 kays mate-ahh, ran a bit wide and there's a fucken Volkswagen Beetle coming the other way, so I just hoisted the front and wheelied right over it mate-ahhh. Didn't even slow down." work on your bike? Brave man.

This is what he tells MOTORCYCLE slaes people in MOTORCYCLE shops.

How's this one.

"Got myself a Buell X1 Lightning. People give these things shit but the guy on the 'Blade was sure surprised when I WHEELIED 'round the outside of him with me knee down going up the Rimutakas."

Ummmmm, what else can I recall......

Oh yeah, "Testing for the Suzuki GP team back in the day at Daytona. Went past Roberts into turn one at 170mph with smoke pissing off my front tyre. Suzuki guys told me they'd have me riding for them, but I was just too hot. A bit radical for us"

He's not a "good guy", he's a raving cocksucker who forgets he's talking to bike people, and thinks he's talking to 13 year old school girls.

Edit: Almost forgot, if you even HALF buy into his bullshit (or just want a fucking good laugh) google "Kerry Dukey" and have a bit of a browse......

When you add up all the time it would have taken dorks like this to do everything they said they did and go to the places they said they went to they must be about 300 years old to have fitted it all in.

shafty

17th February 2007, 06:42

.......or the Guy I met moons ago in Wellywood, who cleaned up in the drinking races by sculling 6 jugs then a jug of chunder, - SHIT he impressed me

shafty

17th February 2007, 06:44

.............or if your story involves someone you know having 2 legs amputated, - his mate had 3!

JimO

17th February 2007, 07:58

i worked with a guy in the 70s who had done everything and been everywhere but he used to start all his stories with "no word of a lie but" and then after that you tuned out cos it was total bullshit. he had been in the army etc for years and done this and done that, a bit tragic really considering when i was 17 he would have been 35 and was a plasterers labourer. he smashed his humber 80 one night drunk and by the end of the week he had written off 6 cars in the smash and the humber was still going hardly a scratch, i used to feel sorry for his kids because as they got olde they would see what a tool their dad was

Superweetard

17th February 2007, 08:07

Hey Jimmy,dont forget he was "a qualified Ferrari mechanic" as well

scumdog

17th February 2007, 11:18

Hey Jimmy,dont forget he was "a qualified Ferrari mechanic" as well

Had a guy down here we called Sid Snot, he rebuilt an early Ferrari complete with Borani wire wheels (he knew all the right jargon) and painted vivid metallic blue, said it was his dads "but seeing as I had spent so much time rebuilding it dad said I might as well regard it as my Ferarri". Despite a lot of requests we never got to see it let alone go for a ride in it.

Also arrived at my place one day walking with a bad limp, I commented "Had a bit of bad luck Sid?

He said "Well, you might think it's bad luck but actually to me it's good luck"

Dumb arse me says "Oh, how come?"

And off he goes "Well, actually about three weeks ago was involved in a six car pile-up on the one-way heading north".
"Got away without too much injury except for length of steel through my body, just missed my spine by an inch, I was in a coma for two weeks and I'm just out of hospital, I'm lucky to be alive"

"But now I have a $30,000 pay-out from ACC and I'm trying to figure out which car to buy, I saw a nice Mustang in Dunedin, a GT350 but also xxxx has his radical hot-rod for sale so might go that way"

Left my place limping on the other leg.

Ferk - from nearly being killed and/or paralized to ACC payout recipient in just three weeks!! - no wonder he thought it was 'good luck':whistle: :shit: :rolleyes:

Guitana

17th February 2007, 12:10

I met a guy through some mates down in the South Island he was in the local pub. My mates had warned me not to take him too seriously!
Anyway we get talking about hunting as the boy's and I had got back from a pig hunt earlier that day, and this guy's telling me about the 300 yes that's right 300 pound boar he shot up the back of his dads farm! He took the dogs for a walk and saw some pig rooting in the field so went back and got the pig gun and took his two yes two pig dogs with him they finally found this mammoth boar in a grassy flat up the back of the property and the dogs close in for the hold while he manouvers around to take the shot after what seems like a half hour battle the pig is finally shot and it's sooo big he has to cut it in half to get the meat back to the farm house! So off he goes back down the hill with the back end half of the super pig and drops it at the house.
As he's walking back up to the spot where he left the other half of the pig (with the two dogs on sentry duty) He hears another huge pig squealing and fighting but on making it to the clearing he discovers HULLO theres the other half of the pig which apparently has come back to life and fighting the two dogs??????
His nickname is Bull I thought it was something to do with his size cos he was big but it was just short for BULLSHIT!!!!

Verity

17th February 2007, 12:27

That would be 'school BOYS' mate......don't think he's interested in impressing girls!

I think you're right there crasher, likes impressing boys, definately didn't impress me or the chick that was with him in the shop that afternoon... something about "if I wanted to hear what shit sounded like I'd fart"... words to that effect anyway.

We also can't forget that he designs and builds electronic ignition units cos the factory ones are shit.....

Brett

17th February 2007, 13:11

Sounds like Chuck Norris to me.

pritch

17th February 2007, 14:26

HULLO theres the other half of the pig which apparently has come back to life and fighting the two dogs??????

Give the guy credit, that's brilliant!

With that level of creativity he's probably moved on to writing election manifestos now.

The Pastor

17th February 2007, 21:03

lol this guy is funny as.

And i googled "Kerry Dukey" but nothing came up?

klingon

18th February 2007, 14:02

OK I admit it... it's me!

I'm working undercover as a concrete pourer in Whangarei to distract people from the fact that I'm an SAS operative in afghanistan looking for Osama. They fly me out every night after work in a silent helicopter to go do my thing, then bring me back every morning.

Oh and if you wonder why I never take off my gumboots it's because I had my left foot bitten off by a shark after I was thrown overboard in the Straits of Malacca by a bunch of pirates. But don't worry, I swam after the ship, overpowered the pirates and sailed it home single-handed through a storm with the stump of my foot tied up with a tourniquet.

Sorry you had to find out this way, I was meaning to tell you eventually.

Laava

18th February 2007, 15:35

And your beard growth is beyond reproach!:bs:

Crasherfromwayback

18th February 2007, 15:37

Goatee?:innocent:

Guitana

19th February 2007, 08:56

Give the guy credit, that's brilliant!

With that level of creativity he's probably moved on to writing election manifestos now.

Yeah but I kept expecting him to start laughing and say he was bullshitting me but he truly beleived himself!!!!

He told me another one some time later about going duck shooting there were no ducks so he got out his cleaning gear and started cleaning the shot guns barrels with a cleaning rod (still loaded apparently) when a duck flew right in front of him so he stood up with the cleaning rod still down one barrel and let loose on the hapless duck!!! But HULLO (this was his favourite saying and also a clear indication that the story was about to become local folklore and that his legends would be passed down from generation to generation)not only did he shoot the duck with the first shot but the second shot( the barrel with the cleaning rod in it) sailed past the duck and into the clearing across the other side of the pond apparently making a funny noise!!!
After he recovered the duck by swimming in and retreiving it he proceeded to the clearing where he searched for the subsonic cleaning rod!
He walked through a bunch of toitois to find his cleaning rod firmly imbedded in the chest of a 16 point stag Stone dead!!!

I told him he was a fucken legend and proceeded to out do his story but to no avail!!! I could not compete with a pathological liar who actually beleived every word he said and said it with a straight face!

scumdog

19th February 2007, 09:26

Yeah but I kept expecting him to start laughing and say he was bullshitting me but he truly beleived himself!!!!

He told me another one some time later about going duck shooting there were no ducks so he got out his cleaning gear and started cleaning the shot guns barrels with a cleaning rod (still loaded apparently) when a duck flew right in front of him so he stood up with the cleaning rod still down one barrel and let loose on the hapless duck!!! But HULLO (this was his favourite saying and also a clear indication that the story was about to become local folklore and that his legends would be passed down from generation to generation)not only did he shoot the duck with the first shot but the second shot( the barrel with the cleaning rod in it) sailed past the duck and into the clearing across the other side of the pond apparently making a funny noise!!!
After he recovered the duck by swimming in and retreiving it he proceeded to the clearing where he searched for the subsonic cleaning rod!
He walked through a bunch of toitois to find his cleaning rod firmly imbedded in the chest of a 16 point stag Stone dead!!!

That is just a re-hash of an old story from muzzle-loading days only in THAT story the ram-rod shot two ducks flying side-by-side and when the guy went to retreive them he found the ram-rod had speared a large trout on its return to earth and the story teller was so surprised he slepped and fell over loosing one of his gum-boots and when he fished it out of the water it was full of white-bait!!

In real life your mates shotgun would have blown to bits with a cleaning rod down the barrle, but hey were talking about a rabid bull-shitter here.....

Guitana

19th February 2007, 09:39

That is just a re-hash of an old story from muzzle-loading days only in THAT story the ram-rod shot two ducks flying side-by-side and when the guy went to retreive them he found the ram-rod had speared a large trout on its return to earth and the story teller was so surprised he slepped and fell over loosing one of his gum-boots and when he fished it out of the water it was full of white-bait!!

In real life your mates shotgun would have blown to bits with a cleaning rod down the barrle, but hey were talking about a rabid bull-shitter here.....

Rabid would be an understatement!!! But he was happy in his little world of fantasy! I just avoided him like a dose of the clap for fear of getting another ear bashing over his latest adventure!!!