What am I? Fly paper for freaks!

[Sniper]

As a few know, I work in the rental car industry and as hard as I try every once in a while I get called to the front to deal with certain customers. Why I get the retards, sorry... Learning impaireds sorts most of the time is beyond me. Must be some sort of in house joke Im yet to catch onto or the fact that I feel very little remorse ruining peoples holiday when they piss myself off or abuse my staff. The whole, "The customer is always right" and, "I pay your wages!" doesnt bode well with me. This past week and this coming week look to be a couple of doozys. Memorable in my book. Have a laugh at the below par IQ customers which seem to flock to me (Im sure they head everywhere else, but its starts with me).

Unbeknownst to most it seems, New Zealands busiest time for Tourists is between 20th to 25th Jan to 15 to 20th March. Not many people realise this because they think once the school holidays are over it means the whole world stops just for them to go on holiday. Our Rental car company owns over 1500 cars NZ wide. This time of the year we have 99.3% utilisation of all our vehicles of all classes. Great fun when it comes to people wanting cars just for a day.

My favourite this year was a middle aged British couple who walked in off the street wanting a 4wd to go skiing in. After a quick character check and a whiff of the air around them let me know they hadn't smoked anything mind altering (which only left ingesting or injection) I let them know that at this time of the year there are no ski feilds open and that we have no 4wds for hire.
This didnt seem to deter them as (and I quote), "There was snow last time we were here in July". So after a quick reality check that I wasnt in a dream from hell, I told them that unfortunatly snow doesnt last all year round as there is this season called Summer that we are currently in the middle of that prevents snow from forming. Didnt stop them lecturing me on that I must be stupid because it was winter from where they are from and so it must obviously be the same here as we are part of the British commonwealth.
By this stage I was tired of them and came very close to telling them things about their parentage but instead asked them to go to the library (I even gave them a map) and told them to read about the differences in the Northern and Southern Hemispheres.

So that was Tuesday and after that the rest of the day went well which could of been karma rewarding me for not killing them or it could have been the fact I brought out my motivation pole which is a length of tubular steel I use the bash things and vent stress.

Wednesday started out fairly simply with no one bothering me, all the customers acting nice and someone buying me cake. Then I get a phone call that was transferred from our queenstown branch. It seems Mr Chandrasegarampillai (Yes thats the name) has somehow managed to mount a Toyota Corsa onto a rock 60km out of Wanaka. Not only did he just crash a car we needed in 3 days, he managed to get it mounted on a 2m high boulder. How the fuck he got there no one knows, he doesnt seem to know either.
Thats ok, we will manage to collect it and bring it back and hopefully asses the damage and find out if it can be repaired, until then I have to arrange bookings to cover for this dumbarses actions as we will never tell anyone who has booked that we cannot offer them a car. Strange think I as Im on the phone to him, Queenstown could have done all this........ and then he says the dreaded words..., "When can I get my replacement car?"
Seems Queenstown past him onto me because he didnt like the verdict that not only he wasnt getting another car, he is getting charged the vehicle excess too. The conversation went backwards and forwards with him telling me he wasnt and me telling him he doesnt have a choice for a couple of minutes and them him saying that he just wont turn up to pay to which I replied that doesnt matter, we have his credit card, we will charge it. He told me he would cancel the card, which would have been fine had I not charged him a few seconds earlier and when I told him this, he went spak! It was all I could do (which wasnt much) to stop me bursting out laughing while he obviously yelled at me in hindu or something similar and when he heard me laughing he just lost it and hung up..... I thought this was the end.

The rest of the week went pretty smoothly except having to deal with some difficult sorts wanting refunds for early returns and people who were general arseholes.

I had the weekend off (or so it was rostered) but I was called in on Sunday (yesterday to help) because of someone not turning up to work. Something the motivation stick does wonders (with minor concussion) in ensuring it wont happen again.

Sunday started off neatly, it was beautiful, quiet and hence really peaceful (we had 3 cars going out as we have nothing to hire, remember 99.3% utilisation.) My morning coffee break (0900 to 1159, it was my day off remember) was interrupted by the sliding door of the office flying open and making one hell of a bang when it hit the door stops and what can only be described as a rabid indian bursting in cursing and yelling with a wife in tow who look like she was trying to calm him down (or egging him on, I dont know) So being the polite (and slightly annoyed) individual I am, I got up and tried to see what was happening as I was warned that certain rental companies were turning away pre-booked clients as they overbooked themselves, so I could understand if that was the case, but no, not today. The sun may be shining, but not on me, this just happened to be the one and only Chandrasegarampillai. You would think the bastards would have calmed down by now.
And so it starts. He wanted to speak to the person in charge, which was me. He introduced himself (followed by a sigh by me, my coffee was going to get cold) and he wanted to make a complaint about a Mr Stuart. "Okay, that would be me" says I in a rather nuetral voice as not to egg him on too much. He didnt really know what to say to that, but he did go some rather cool shades or red an purple while trying to keep his nerve.
After the colour show (which lasted a minute or so) he said in a very calm and steady voice that he would rather not speak to me but would rather speak to someone else in charge. I told him he cannot as at this point in time I am in charge until Wednesday (my coffee was cold at this point and Im losing precious solitaire time and I was telling the truth too) and if he has any complaint he may chat to me about it and we shall see what arrangement we can come to. At that point his wife said something and he excused himself outside and then walked away. Hopefully this is the end.

But wait, theres MORE!!!

I had just managed to answer 3 phone calls and was getting rather frustrated as minesweeper had got the best of me 3 times in a row. When in drives our panel shop courtesy car which was meant to be with one of the staff and not with a pompouse British twat as I learnt.
Apparently he had driven his car into a ditch somewhere between rolleston and Akaroa and was given this car to tide him over till Sunday when he had to catch a bus to picton because we didnt want to give him another car. Our standard practise is to get the person to fill out an accident form and if they dont have the excess waiver we charge them. So here he was in front of me filling out the forms all the time telling me how dangerous the NZ roads and how our cars are dangerous because we dont provide GPS units in them ect ect ect. I wasnt in the mood so I was just nodding my head and agreeing with him when he fucken lost it. And I mean lost it. One large FUCK, a pen thrown out the door and a , "What the fuck do you mean by this?" snapt me out of my trance damn smart and put me on the back foot even smarter.
On our accident forms there is a place where you declare who was at fault for the accident. Pretty simple answer if you ask me. Anyway, as he had driven off the main road and into a ditch with no one around it was, as common sense would place it, his fault, and I had written it there. Well apparently this seemed to anger him as the accident wasn't his fault according to him and according to me I couldnt understand how he came to this conclusion and asked him whos fault he thought it was.
The list goes on, but the main culprits seem to be Us, the NZ Govt, Our Road contracters and the city council. Which didnt stop me calling him a fucken idiot (Im allowed to for some customers ,in reason of course) because driving off the side of a fucken road is no ones fault but your own, the car, the road and the govt have absolutly nothing to do with him driving off the road (it was past lunchtime and I wasnt in the mood) and he was a fucken moron if he dared argued it. Maybe it was the adrenaline, or the fact I was younger than him that caused the outburst, but he calmed down afterwards and apologised and left. Cant fault someone for knowing when they are wrong.

Well thats all at the moment. I do have many more though which I might add up if you enjoyed these.
The Luggage racks and the Previa.
Mr American and the fence post
Mr Israelie and the house paint to cover damages incident.
The, "Spanish police are coming to arrest you" incident
The fat people and small car incident and more.

You couldnt pay for entertainment like this

EDIT: More stories situated through thread

[Beemer]

Brilliant! Don't you love the "I want to speak to someone in charge" line - guaranteed to raise hackles!

Made me happy to realise I am self-employed and no longer have to deal with morons like this blaming me for THEIR problems. I think you did bloody well not to thump the lot of them!

[scumdog]

Brilliant stuff!
You seem to get the same 'customer quality' I do, unfortunately I have the spectre of PCA holding me in check (Most of the time)

[Guitana]

I hope this is going to be a regular update????

[hellnback]

Great read, bring on some more!!

[j_redley]

Thats like a bloody novel! Still though, as the saying goes between the staff I work with - Rule Nbr 1: People are Stupid.

[mstriumph]

...............................My favourite this year was a middle aged British couple who walked in off the street wanting a 4wd to go skiing in.................

woulda saved several paragraphs and much angst iffen you'd told 'em that most people use skis? :innocent:

[Jantar]

A great read. You could make a weekly series out of your experiences. :yes:

[ManDownUnder]

Brilliant! Don't you love the "I want to speak to someone in charge" line - guaranteed to raise hackles!

Made me happy to realise I am self-employed and no longer have to deal with morons like this blaming me for THEIR problems. I think you did bloody well not to thump the lot of them!
Yeah - it's sooo good.

Go get someone junior and tell the customer they'll b able to sort it, and if they nee more help they can escalate it from there.

Of course it will eventually come back up to you... and that'd be priceless.

The only thing missing is Basil Fawlty...

[Crisis management]

Ooooh, we're coming your way in March, I must think up a plausible reason to demand the hire of a car for 2 hours on a sunday.....




This reafirms my decision to avoid dealing with the public, I'd last about 30 minutes in that job!

Well done Sniper.

[paturoa]

those were good,

I want more!

[Damon]

hahaha awesome,

we call our meat heads id10t's, i once had a lady try and put a cd into her A drive, after a puzzled look when it would't fit into the slot she askd me where it goes, i told her to push the button to open the CD drive she gave the ole "Ahhh it's a CD" and proceded to push the CD drive with her finger,

unfortuantely i have to work with these people every day and i'm not allowed to ask for prof of IQ before giving our equipment.

[vifferman]

I pick "The Spanish Police are Coming to Arrest You!" :yes:

[megageoff76]

Cheers for the laughs mate!

[Sniper]

Ill post more up when I have a bit of time. Maybe this evening

[James Deuce]

I'd bling you but I have to spread it around.

You should start a blog man.

[Indiana_Jones]

lol, classic!

-Indy

[scracha]

I want your job buddy!

I'm self employed and regularly have to deal with fucktards myself. Unfortunately this town is far too small for me to go into detail.

Still cracks me up how people come out with stuff implying that computers are all "new". FFS, they've been in people's homes for over 25 years. They're about as "new fangled" as CD players.

[riffer]

I'd bling you but I have to spread it around.



That's okay. I've given him one for you since I can't give you anymore.

[Sniper]

You should start a blog man.


Never. No one tends to apprieciate a blog and Im too lazy to keep one regularly updated. This way you guys get a chuckle as often as it happens to me.

[Flyingpony]

Wednesday started out fairly simply with no one bothering me ... It seems Mr Chandrasegarampillai (Yes thats the name) ... when I told him this, he went spak! It was all I could do (which wasnt much) to stop me bursting out laughing while he obviously yelled at me in hindu or something similar and when he heard me laughing he just lost it and hung up..... I thought this was the end.
You sure you didn't give Mr Chandrasegarampillai my home phone because I had some weird Hindu guy ringing my place wanting to speak to somebody I don't have a clue even existed at my residence. He even insisted he was right and this person must exist at my house because the number he had was the same as mine and blah blah ... I hanged up. Prick rang back and the phone rang and rang for 5 BLOODY minutes! Twice just encase he missed dialed the first time! :nono:

Mr Hindu first rang on Thursday and again on Friday at the same time of the evening. Didn't ring over the weekend, then again, I was on the Inter-web, that might have helped. Wonder if he'll ring tonight?

[imdying]

Tears down my face :rofl:

[dawnrazor]

Thats the longest post I've ever seen from you Sniper........

[Swoop]

Superb!

Stu, keep up the good work. Perhaps you need a small customer dervice counter adornment... like a Barrett. That might divert the attention of the "irate customer" on arrival :rofl:

[Macktheknife]

Good stories mate, well done.
The old "I'm sorry, you seem to have me confused with someone who gives a shit" works well too.
Cheers

[Beemer]

Mr Hindu first rang on Thursday and again on Friday at the same time of the evening. Didn't ring over the weekend, then again, I was on the Inter-web, that might have helped. Wonder if he'll ring tonight?

If he rings again, ask for his phone number and try the same trick on him!

[Sniper]

Thats the longest post I've ever seen from you Sniper........

Should be. I started typing it at 1015 this morning because I was trying to avoid a meeting and then got bugged by phone calls all day


Stu, keep up the good work. Perhaps you need a small customer dervice counter adornment... like a Barrett. That might divert the attention of the "irate customer" on arrival :rofl:

I usually really on my attituide and a fuck off if it comes down to it. I havent met a customer who knows how to deal with that yet.

[WickedOne]

Excellent write-up, look forward to hearing more!!!

[Black Bandit]

Great stories. I needed a good chuckle today. Thank god I don't have to deal with morons like that. :lol: :lol:

[Hitcher]

We could start a "work war stories" thread.

Could be entertaining...

[Cibby]

"Sniper, Sniper Sniper"

Those stories were wicked, keep em coming mate :)

[onearmedbandit]

Good write up Stu, look forward to further installments!

[jrandom]

We could start a "work war stories" thread.

Yeah.

Today, for instance, I'm trying to write a whitepaper on applied psychoacoustics. I had a tense little argument with a colleague an hour ago about what information should, and shouldn't, be reserved for his patent application. I won, of course, because I'm a cunt.

With edgy shit like that happening regularly, no wonder Mrs Fish always looks fascinated when I come home and tell her about my day.

[SlashWylde]

The sheer stupidity of some people, their and disconnection with observed reality never cease to amaze me. Please do share more of these amazing tales :yes:

[oldrider]

Sorry Sniper, I looked at the post size and thought, too much! (it's hot out side) :zzzz:

I sorted through the replies to see what the reactions were like.

Well done Sniper, the reviews are pretty much in support of your thread subject and presentation.

I am now tempted enough to go back and read the whole opening post.(what have I missed?)

The thought (quietly) crossed my mind, from reading the replies, that it seems you don't like "customers", it also crossed my mind,(quietly, again) what sort of a day would you have if you never had any, fuckwits or not!

Now having read the reviews, I will go back to the front and read the novel, completely unbiased of course! :rolleyes: John.

[Paul in NZ]

Mr Chandrasegarampillai

Wonder if he is sick of people asking him - "How do you spell that?" Musta been a bastard at school enrolment day - would have used all his ink on the first day!

[SixPackBack]

Sounds like Fawlty Towers down your way Sniper, perhaps more entertaining...keep it coming:yes:

[oldrider]

Bwwaahhhhhhaha, that was well worth the time taken to read!

Mrs O/R read it too and we both pissed our selves laughing!

:drinkup: :drinkup: :slap: We will shout you some real ones one day, when we meet you. :yes: Cheers John.

[Hans]

Brilliant mate, please DO post more. I couldn't agree with you more. There is no excuse for being an idiot. None.

[nadroj]

Best you post these stories (edited) on a customer notice board for their perusal / entertainment and to take the wind out of the next complainee's sails. I'd be interested to hear the reactions and change in attitudes. You could go for a walk out the back looking for the person in charge to give them a little reading time. Don't forget to include a few pics of people parked on rocks & in drains too.

[0arbreaka]

Sounds like you need a cold one Sniper

[Donor]

I feel your pain.

Worked a few months in the Avis call centre.

Lost track on day 3 of the "We didn't get all our days because we left NZ early/broke the car/were imprisoned for bestiality and as our agreement was for X days, the rental agreement should be null and void, we want our money back!" calls.

And I only had the twats on the phone.

If I wore a hat sniper, I'd take it off to you.

[Steam]

I want to hear the one about the fat people in the little car!

[Lou Girardin]

It seems that bike renters are a bit smarter. Except for the Merkin woman who dropped our Dyna on roadworks (she rode over to the same spot where the guy in front had just dropped his, to see if he was OK) Then refused to tell us where the accident happened. Then, to top it off, complained to Harley US that the tyres were bald!
But overall, they're OK.
I guess bikers are just brighter.

[Toaster]

Good read dude. Cheers.

[Laava]

Yep, funny Sniper! Fat people in the little car for me too!:yes:

[KLOWN]

I want to hear the one about the fat people in the little car!

second that motion

[Deviant Esq]

We all say LOL but god damn how frustrating it can be. Nice to be in a position where you know it's you in the right, you're at the top, and you can say "fuck off" if it gets to that point. Such a long post from Sniper is so strange I had to read the whole thing just out of shock... :eek:

Fat people in small car... such a recipe for hilarity... let's hear that one next. :yes:

[heyjoe]

A most entertaining set of stories Sniper.
Having worked in sales I have met some crazy people posing as customers so I know what its like.
You deserve an award or some cold ones for putting up with some of that shit.

[Sniper]

This morning started off well. (I'll post up the others later in another long post.)

We had a booking due to go out last night at 1700. Not too bad except we close at 1700 and Im not the sort that enjoys sitting on my arse waiting for people when I could be out doing something else. Besides, my contract states I finish at 1700 (har bloody har). But it was a good booking, over a grand so I was willing to wait around for a wee bit after 1700 because the traffic had started earlier than usual anyway. So around 1720 I got a bit antsy and I closed the roller doors, went upstairs and told our reservations staff that if he rings, he is out of luck and to come back tomorrow. Then I left.

Anyway, I mentally prepare myself for the onslaught tomorrow morning on the drive home which is easy enough. I imagine myself telling the people we close at 1700 and I waited for 20mins and when they didnt show I left and them saying ok, sorry and going on their way. Oh how dreams plan out so well....

As I am pulling into the driveway at home I get a transferred call to my personal cellphone (I deliberatly left my work cell at work) whos number isnt known to the reservations staff for damn good reason. Guess who it is? Yes you are right, Mr and Mrs Tardy (Wow, scary Blues clues moment there) who are there now at 1746 (according the the clock on my now violated private cellphone) and they want their car because they have booked their accomodation 2 hours away and are not happy about no one being availible to give them a car. Which is cool, I could understand and almost had a wee bit of sympathy creep in a hidden side door of my concious mind before I squashed it like the sneaky emotion it is and nailed that blasted door shut. And then I explained we had opening hours and closing hours. And they are now 45 minutes late and its their own fault. We do not sit around waiting for people to do as they please. Then they told me that they were told not to come any earlier than 1700 when they booked the car. (Funny think I, I was the one that took the booking and told them we closed at 1700 and to be there before then. I remember, because they did say what happens if they were a bit late) So I told them they were lying to me and they knew it and their only option for a car was to come back tomorrow morning which they finally agreed to.

Roll on this morning when they walked in on the dot of 0800 (I had been here since 0700 as usual) and they start with the ," Bad service", "Rude people" ect ect which I let them have as that damn sympathy bug had managed to invade again or it could have been the lack of sleep from the previous night. And then I explained I was the one who took the booking, I told them we close at 1700 and if they had a problem with it... tough. Which they grudgenly accepted after I also informed them that we do not have to give him the car and we could sure use a spare car if he continued to argue with me.

Then there was a problem with the car. Apparently they booked a convertible, which was news to me as we dont hire them. Well according to him we advertise it on our website which is also news to me because when I last updated the site with vehicle types and rates I didnt add anything about convertibles. Well, they werent going anywhere without a convertible which was tough luck for them because not the sympathy bug had not only been squashed, I had nuked the little fucker and replaced him with some rather nasty something else. After explaining to them they must be seriously mistaken and to not interrupt me and also this was the only car they may drive away in and if its not to their liking, there is a large roller door they make make their way out of. They wanted to go have a coffee and decide what to do.

I had a free car for about 15 minutes before there was a hire put on it by reservations. I hope they enjoyed their coffee as they didnt seem happy when they walked back in and was told they no longer have a car.

[scumdog]

I often wonder how people like that make their way through the rest of their lives!

[Karma]

Spare car for 15minutes? I'm in the wrong business...

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

That was hilarious, thanks for sharing - You deserve a medal - how do you keep a straight face, you would have to have the patience of a saint.
Definitely post some more please.

[Juud]

Brilliant stories! more more! :corn:

[Cibby]

hahahahha awesome next installment. next please

[N4CR]

spanish police please!! that was an awesome story though keep em coming!

[Hans]

I spent a while in "customer service" at one point and I found it extremely soothing if I could actually grossly insult the customer without them realising they had just been insulted. Works wonders for the old nerves it does...

[sunhuntin]

lfao....toooo funny! love it!

ive got a mildly amusing fat man-small car story, though the fat man doesnt actually get involved.

one of our main customers is an account holder, and he is also a very wealthy man...owns a large trucking company. hes a very solid, round man, who holds the weight well due to his height. he normally drives a large 4x4. [like a rav4, but twice the size] hes a lovely guy, always friendly and ready to crack a joke.
on this occasion, he came in to fill up a relatives car...a small thing... like a suzuki or similar. 2 doors, and tiny.
as he was leaving, i went on to fill up another customers car. horrid bitch that she was started making comments in my ear. now...those that have seen me know im not the smallest person either. i very nearly clobbered this bitch, and didnt say a word the whole time she was there.
she looked a very well-off type. nice-ish car. but being rich doesnt always mean manners are included. he is easily twice as rich as she is, and 3 times as friendly and polite.
after she left, i thought "shoulda said hes my father...woulda shut her up!"

thankfully, she hasnt been back. i never told him about it either, but by god was i wild. none of her business what a person drives.

["D" FZ1]

Hahaha. I liked the bit about the Poms looking for snow as it was winter when they left Pommy Land :yes:

[Lias]

Some funny shit :-)

[RiderInBlack]

Thanks for that Sniper. Suddenly my job seems so much better.

[Skunk]

Great laughs guys. Thanks for starting this Sniper; keep them coming...

[peanuteater]

Thanks for sharing that, good laugh,-makes me think think my jobs not that bad after all....

[Sniper]

I have a little time before I get to go home, so here is a story I rate up there on my list. Even as I think about them I hope to god I never see these folks again.

It happened on New Years Eve 2005. I remember it as I was going to head out to a party and enjoy myself before dragging myself out of bed the next morning and attempting to manage a branch without puking on anyone or reeking of too much alcohol. (Ahh the days when I didnt fear consequence from after effects). The day had past pretty uneventfully and I was getting all excited (Youthful exurberence). The only thing that should have rung alarm bells in the noggin was a phone call I got at around 11am from a couple in Akaroa who had picked up a car at 0830 and they said the brakes were squeaking. Most the time if brakes have a minor squeak its due to dust in the pads, but we always have a garage check it out just to be on the safe side.

A bit of background on these folks first. Now when they walked in, they had to open the sliding doors all the way open to fit in, they were not small people. They had deliberatly booked a budget car as they were not fucken millionaires as they put it and couldnt understand why we wouldnt give them better rates for a 3 day hire in peak season. And to top this off, not only were they Australian (Which is a nationality I have absolutly no problem with contrary to NZ rules) they had immigrated from Russia 2 years previous so they were Russian Australians!!! Unfortunatly, due to their attitude I will never hire to an Australian Russian again and I find some sadistic pleasure in attempting to sabotage any holiday plans I see from those.
Now, they were Ok to sign up. Not too loud and english wasnt fantastic and I used that to my advantage. They somehow (By some unearthly power) managed to squeeze themselves into this little 3 door Nissan Lucino all ready for their trip.

Now, back to the story.....

I rang the Akaroa Shell garage up and asked if there was anyone availible to check the brakes on a car if I got the customers to take it into them. They said it should be fine as long as they went in before 1600 as they were closing early (It was 1115 at this stage) and I said they would definetly be in before then and thanked the chap.
Back on the blower to the (still rather ok at this point) moron and his evil bitch from hell (you will see why soon) and told them where to take it, gave them the address and told them it wasnt hard to find and they thanked me and that was that. Hardy fucky har Tui anyone?

*Later that afternoon*

At 1700 I jump up to close the roller doors and get ready to leave when I see this little black Nissan Lucino, carrier of Satans spawn, drive into the depot. (God hated me for some reason around this time) And this thing was sitting low, I shit you not, you could have taken the springs out and it would have sat higher than it was at this point in time. And fuck me sideways with a black and blind midget, not only do the orginal 2 ooze out of the car, they somehow managed to pack their 2 friends who were the same size as they were in as well. (By this stage Im wondering on the population of Akaroa and my own safety as I swear I see one of them weigh me up as a roast in their mind) and they were not happy.... NO FUCKEN WONDER THEY HAD A PROBLEM WITH THE BRAKES!! Im sure the car had a weight carrying limit and it was severly jeapardised by Humpty Dumpty and his friends.

Anyway, he came in and explained to me they were not happy with the car (I was amazed at how much his english improved since the morning). He explained the brakes were not upto scratch and that the car was terrible uncomfortable to drive. (Not fucken surprising, I was mentally praising the brakes from stopping the car reaching terminal velocity down a hill) So I told him that we only had 2 choices, he could swap into another car just the same, but higher kms or he could come back the following morning and I would make a special effort to be there early (0750 instead of 0800) and I will put new brakes in the car. He contemplated both ideas, had a look at the spare car I was offering and then went outside to chat to wife and friends and obviously discuss their options (Or which African countries Aid Supplies they were going to eat for breakfast)

The enter Satans ex-wife (Had to be Ex, no normal person could be capable of what she was) and she lost it. She was swearing and carrying on (In perfectly good English) how we were not helping her, and we have ripped them off already with the price and we were hindering their travel plans. (What the fuck, I offered the only solutions I could and I was being helpful) To say I was pissed would be an understatement. I told her that I had offered them the only solutions I could and it was one of those she could pick, no others. Then she went spak and demanded a manager, so I did a little twirl around and said I am he and she may have a completely unbiased decision. To say she didnt like that would be the complete and honest truth too :p

By now it was 1735 and I was 15 minutes late to pick someone up and she went out to chat to the others and hopefully cool down. (My mental suggestion to use the water blaster was a bad one according to common sense) And obviously instead of cooling down, the reaction was a complete oppisite. Both the women came in and both had a yelling match informing me what I will do and what they will do. Now, Im 25 minutes late, Im being yelled at by something that is proberbly about to have a heart attack and I do not like being told what I will do when Ive been nice and calm this entire time. Easy fix...I told her friend to shut up as I have nothing to do with her and she was doing nothing to help the situation for her friends and then I told the bitch from hell that I have got another option for her, but it would be wise to stay away from it. I got a, "I'll make up my own mind you rude little boy" (Hmm, the rude I wasnt fazed by, but the little boy bit was pushing it) So I told her that the third option was to turn around, walk out of the branch and good luck finding another car. She didnt seem to like that option and told me to phone other rental car companies before she decided. (Har har, get fucked, I bend over for no one) So I told her I wasnt going to do that, that was up to her and now that she had an additional option, she had better choose as I was going to make the decision for her instead shortly.

She then went outside and oviously had a bit of a moan about me and the options and then instead of coming to a rational decision and realising that Im just a little more than fucked off she decided to lay the rules, according to her... Her and her friend walked back inside with stupid little grins on their faces and then (I was almost ready to pull out a set of earplugs) they decided to speak normally. Apparently, what I was going to do (Now she has stepped over the line, I did warn her about telling me what to do) was to call the other rental car offices to see what else was availible, to pay for anything if there was availibility (remember, its new years eve) and if there was no availibility to take them to their accomodation (How the fuck am I going to fit in that car, and we dont keep a bulldozer on site) and pay for their taxis for the evening while I bring the car back, fit new brakes and deliver it to where they are staying and because they pay my wages, thats what I was going to do...

Then I laughed. By now the line they had crossed wasnt even a line anymore, it was a dot and I had had enough. My plans were down the sink as it 1830 by this stage and Im angry. They didnt like me laughing obviously as they told me to stop being immature. This time instead of being nice on polite I told her friend to, "Get the fuck out of my office now!" (That served a purpose, she shut up) and then I told the evil bitch from hades that I gave her some perfectly good solutions, I had been more than polite, and that I am making the decision. Could she please leave the branch and take her husband and her friends with her, I do not want them here. She kind of blinked a couple of times like she was trying to comprehend it all and then just looked at me and said, "Sorry?" in a really disbelievable way. Then I got stuck in telling her that if she can get fucked if she tries telling me she didnt understand, that there is a big door there, walk outside and never come back, I dont give a fuck how they get around the island and that if they didnt walk out in the next minute I would forcefully escort them out. (Fuck knows how, I didnt have a crane) Well she went a funny shade of green and then walked out.

Then the husband came in (remember him, he didnt feature much as he sat outside smoking cigars with his friend) and asked what was going on. So I told him, his wife had pushed me too far and I gave her the same options I gave him which she didnt accept so I told her what they were going to do. He was very calm the entier time and just said, "Yes, but they are women, let us talk, man to man" to which I could only reply, "Had you been man enough to step up and control your wife and make a rational decision, then you would not be in this spot. You have no one to blame but yourself and your wife, so please leave the branch before I phone the police." (I will always remember saying that, it just seems so special) Well at least he got the hint and walked outside without saying another word and after a 5 min chat with the group (and a few attemps by his wife to come inside and him having to stop her) they turned around and walked out.

Whenever I feel sorry for customers I think of this and realise how ugly things can turn so quickly. A change in attitude can mean alot when dealing with people which I will always keep in mind if I ever find myself on the other side of the counter. And I will always dread New Years incase they ever come back.

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

I've just had tears of laughter rolling down my face - I'm still at work, you write extremely well. I usually let my ex husband handle "delicate matters" he was more diplomatic - however there were times I grabbed the phone and said Now what part of that don't you fkn understand. I'd go debt collecting in my business suit, I'm blessed with long legs, and I would sit there and wait and be a broken record. I will leave when I have my money! I can be incredibly patient (sp?) oops brain has died.

[Hans]

Magic, you may be made a saint for your patience yet.

[Ixion]

In a previous incarnation i had a job where I quite often ahd to deal with foreign customers, especially yanks

One of the things that they did that really got on my wick was the habit they have of saying "You need to ..."; "What you will do is ...".When what they meant was " I want you to ..."

Usually, as in Mr Snipers case, after I had outlined all the available options to them, none of which they liked.

They always seemed quite astonished when I replied "No, I DON'T need to do anything - YOU need to choose one of the options I've given you".

What IS it with that stupid attitude "You need to (do something that you certainly are not going to do". I've never heard a Kiwi say that.

But then , I'm renowned for my philosopy that the customer is always wrong. And the sooner they realise it and do as I tell them the sooner things will get sorted out. Which is actually almost always true in IT (The previous job wasn't IT though).

[FROSTY]

Hmm
Im in a similar rer occupation
My er best compaint was the bloke that wanted us to pay for a new clutch tyres and handbrake.
The idiot could at least have scrubbed the diesel and ripped up rubber from under his wheel arches.
His clutch was so buggered the flywheel was blue and the clutch was worn to the rivets

[heyjoe]

Absolutely amazing....

[dnos]

This is some very entertaining stuff, in fact it's hard not to laugh out loud which might let the boss know I'm not really working in here.
Would love to see more.

[Indiana_Jones]

lol I've been having a giggle at my work station too :D

-Indy

[Brett]

When I read your story at work, I was pissing myself laughing...bloody good effort!

[Pixie]

I pick "The Spanish Police are Coming to Arrest You!" :yes:

Sure it wasn't the Spanish Inquisition?
No one expects the Spanish Inquisition

[Lou Girardin]

The other side of the rental coin is Affinity Rentals who advertised a Beetle convertible available from Christchurch and Nelson on their website. That is of course, until you call them and find out it's only available from Nelson for a minimum 7 days.
Or, as I've already posted, Hertz charging airport levys when there is no alternative pick up point other than the airport.

[Sniper]

The other side of the rental coin is Affinity Rentals who advertised a Beetle convertible available from Christchurch and Nelson on their website. That is of course, until you call them and find out it's only available from Nelson for a minimum 7 days.
Or, as I've already posted, Hertz charging airport levys when there is no alternative pick up point other than the airport.

Yup, thats a standard money making practice by Hertz. They will charge you for anything and everything if they can. One thing appealing about the company I work for is that there are no hidden costs, airport fees are only if you are dropping after hours and we do courtesy pick ups and srop offs from all our depots.

/end sales pitch

[Hitcher]

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition

NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!

Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.

Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.

Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency... and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.

Our four...no... Amongst our weapons...

Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again.

[Drew]

trying to write a whitepaper on applied psychoacoustics. .

It'd be easier if the word itself were pronouncable, then, after half an hour of phoenetics, and I can say it, i'm no fuckin smarter on what it bloody means. Elaborate!!!

[Edbear]

It'd be easier if the word itself were pronouncable, then, after half an hour of phoenetics, and I can say it, i'm no fuckin smarter on what it bloody means. Elaborate!!!



It's those strange noises in your head....:yes:

[JMemonic]

Good tales Sniper, glad I am not in an industry now where I have to make an effort to satisfy peoples silly ideas of service.

[Coyote]

Geeezzz

I'm not ususally the long post reader type, but those stories were incredible. The last story with the fat people wanting you to personally escort them will always remain a classic example in my mind of how people will aways think they're special and everyone should bend over backwards for them. Bloody incredible

[Brett]

Sniper mate, you write incredibly well, and that last story was no exception. Well done.

[Postie]

Sniper, you need one of these

[Sniper]

Ooo, thats a damn good idea.

[Hitcher]

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The owner does not respond.)

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, Miss?

Owner: What do you mean "miss"?

Mr. Praline: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

Owner: We're closin' for lunch.

Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting...

[Sniper]

I have been asked for this story, so here it goes. Forgive me though, its a while ago this happened and things are a bit hazy.

*Cue mist and dreamy music while I go back in time*

It was when I was a stand in manager for the Picton Apex Car Rentals. Well, I was technically a CSR but the manager was a strange sort, but I wont go there, needless to say I was called on often to do managerial duties including difficult customers.

We were down at the ferry terminal meeting people off the boat that had arrived and all was going smoothly when we had a rather short guy in a rather flash suit rock up to the counter (Pushing in front of some rather nice people I might add). Now those that have been to the picton ferry terminal might have seen the Apex Counter across from checkin. A normal 5' 8" person stands about head and shoulders above the top of the desk and this (I wont say midget as it is insulting to Finn) short arse whos chin can only just clear the desk surface is standing there staring up at me. Now being the polite individual I am I looked at him and told him I would be there in a second when I have dealt with the people who were there before him in a nice even tone giving nothing away (Much like you talk to a small child or a person thats short and cocky and behind your counter without laughing) And he said that he couldnt afford to wait and that I should get back to them when I have dealt with him. He seemed to me that his morning breakfast consited of a big bowl of self importance and a glass of fucking people off juice.

This pissed me off a bit as the couple I was dealing with was a really polite and friendly sort and I was happily telling them about Picton and the Queen Charlotte track they were heading off to walk and I wasnt about to piss them off. So I told him he can go ahead and wait like all the other people who come off the boats 365 days of the year and I will deal with him when Im finished fullstop (I dont like being interrupted). To most people this would register as a halt to proceedings and they would quietly fume in a corner until I could smother them or help them depending on how I was feeling. He just spat a "Fuck You" at me and then walked out of the building. Well the english couple and I had a bit of a chuckle at him and then after I had shown them the car I went back inside expecting all to be done and then lunch!! Seems I was wrong (See a pattern emerging from my previous stories)

The little ducks disease man was back and he was having a go at the manager who looked like she was not having the best time. Amazingly, I felt sorry enough for her that I did not head back behind the desk, I went and stood next to this horrid excuse for an man and told him that if he has a problem with staff or decisions he can chat to me. This was quickly backed up by the manager at the time (When you take a managers course, is payment with a spine these days?) Now I was only a young stag at this stage and I was still learning the art of dealing with complaints which is why I think the situation became quite blown up quite quickly. Thinking back now, hindsight is a great thing (Not the arse checking out hind sight you perverts). He had a bit of spit at that I shouldnt interrupt him as he is talking to someone that might not be so rude and actually help him. Then I gaffawed (thats the only word I think I can use.) It wasnt a real laugh, it wasnts a chuckle, it was one of those strange quick laughs of disbelief or condesendtion (is that a real word?) and that started it.

He got angrier and started shouting. Now, I dont like being shouted at and I dont like being sworn at without a damn good reason (which) I didnt have at this stage and I told him for his own good he had better calm down and start telling me when his problem is before I had the Interislander security escort him out. (I already had their eye but they didnt bother coming over as the guy was too short at this stage) I dont remember much of what had happened but the short and curlys of it was that in the north Island he had a car with us. Just the previous day he had driven into the back of a parked truck at 50kph (Dont ask me how, the mind boggles) and had cause a fair bit of friction up there. This happened in Taupo. Apparently from there he hadnt told us about the accident, he had buggered off and hitched to Wellington, stayed the night and hopped on the first availible ferry to Picton. To top it off, it was a brand new toyota camry on its first hire. Needless to say, I was not impressed and I conveyed that onto said customer.

Now the reason he was here was, he wanted another car and he wanted us to pay for the inconvenience of him hitchhiking, staying in a 4 star hotel and paying for the ferry to come across. I told him that on no grounds whatsoever would we give him another car as the accident was his fault, we now have to get a damaged car from Taupo (where we need to find it as he didnt know where he had the accident) and that his idea of compensation was an absolute joke and no matter what country he is from he is fucken lucky not to have the cops after him. Well he didnt like that as he went off his rocket. So I raised my voice (First and last time I will ever do it with a customer) and told him that he will not shout at me of any of the staff here, that if he is going to argue we will call the cops and they can deal with what we call a hit and run.

Then he started shouting and calling me names and swore that he will send the spanish police to arrest me for ruining his holiday. I couldnt help laughing at that and neither could some of the II staff which he seemed to take personally and yelled loud enough for the entire terminal to hear that we would be hearing from his govt, the spanish police and the tourisim board. Which was cool, good luck for him. All I said in reply was that we will be notifying the police and he will be lucky to leave the country.

My apologese if the story seems a bit vague, like I say it was a while ago.

[Sniper]

As funny as these stories are, rmember, I let these guys on our roads :bleh:

[Swoop]

Scary.
I know for a fact that I would have been arrested for GBH.

[Juud]

sheezz, some people! I so admire your patience, I think I would 'ave burst into flames :2guns: :bash: :mad: :ar15:

another great story though!! :2thumbsup

[Jantar]

It a damn good job I don't work with the public. I don't believe I'd have the degree of restraint that you do. :rockon:

Keep the stories coming. :yes:

[Sniper]

At the request of Swoop, I should share a few more stories. I have time for a quickie (Story dammit, you perverts) before getting back to work :innocent:

Not really a rental car story, but more a work story non the less.

Opposite work we have a store with a flat above it. In the flat live some young folk who we speculate (I mean speculate) sell mind altering plant substances. We only come to this conclusion as he always seem to have friends turn up throughout the day who vary in age and dress sense who turn up, go upstairs and then come out with dazed looks on their faces or stumble out with a bag they didnt go in there with. As well as that clue, he always seems to have money and his car seems to get blung out very quickly. Mind you, its very amusing watching them... Anyway, back on track.

Bit of a mental picture here for you (yes use your brains sorry). We are on a one way street. We have rather large double roller doors about the size of a 6 or 7 car garage across which there are no yellow lines, but are pretty plain and obvious that you should not park in front of them. This flat across the road has no parking (see where Im going). Every-so-often we presume he has parties or he comes home a bit tiddily and he forgets that he shouldn't park his car in front of our doors. His friends tend to do it, and I would have thought he would have warned them, but as of yet, no such luck.

To date, we have had his car towed 5 times this year and about 6 or 7 of his mates cars towed. You would think they would get the hint, but it seems that common sense has long since died with him. Or its been lost in the smoky haze? Its an endless source of amusement for me at least and I know a few at work get kicks out of watching him argue with a tow truck driver who really isnt interested.

The first time it happened, he came out with a dozy look on his face and came inside to ask where his car was. He didnt look too happy that it had been towed, but I was bigger than him, and he obviously was in no fit state to argue with me. So he walked out...... Without asking who it was that towed his car. It was about 1600 before he got his car back :lol: Second time was only a couple of days later and I think he was just testing my theory. He parked his car smack bang in the middle of one of our doors. So this time (After being told that because there some special rules, the council needs to be involved in towing them) I rang the council who's parking warden turned up in about 5 minutes. Now I allowed myself a wee bit of a chortle this time, as not only is he going to be paying a bit to get it out of the tow yard, but he just got $455 in fines for no rego, no warrent and blocking a driveway. Anyway, he turned up with his car aroung midday not looking too happy.

There were a couple of other occasions where we had him and his mates towed, but at no stage did they come in until I had this honda integra towed. This had to have been my favourite time with these guys. Now, I'll let you know about this integra. Its a show car, its been in performance magazine twice and has been awarded various prizes at shows around the country. It has 18inch wheels, its lowered to 15cm off the deck, its got a one of a kind Mugen body kit, dueal exhausts and a bonnet scoop. Fair enough, but it doesn't give hiom Carte Blanch to park where ever he feels.

I spent all of 30 seconds wondering if I should kick on their door and tell them to move, or get it towed. Guess what I chose?? :devil2:

Anyway, PK's towing turned up. PK who is a nice guy and Im on first name basis with by now as he is the usual who turns up shows. He takes one look at the car and shakes his head. Apparently he hates towing these cars as they get damaged and there is always a piss fight about it. The Parking Warden (Who by now differs on each occasion, but always seems to know my name) tells him that tough shit, he is parked illegally and that any damaged occured to his car is his fault. Woohoo, a parking warden with balls. So PK does his bit, only problem is that the car is sitting too low to get the braces under the wheels... "No worries" says I running off, only to return with the trolley jack. Once the wheels are not even off the ground we hear a cruch from the back. So, there goes part of the one of a kind Mugen bumper. We all had a laugh about it and the PK lifts the car up a bit more until the car can be towed safely (By now the rear bumper has been broken off its mounts so PK tossed it in the back)

About 3 hours later (1100) this guy walks out, looks around hurriedly and then shoots inside. I had a bit of a chuckle as he has proberbly gone to tell his mates that the cars been stolen. Obviously he has been told otherwise cause he comes downstairs with his mates and his gilfriend. They swagger (Could have been stagger, but I think they were trying to look tough, emphasis on trying) across the road and walk inside the office.

Him: "Hey mate, you know what happened to my car"

Me: "What car"

Him: "The blue Integra outside, moron" (Oooo, he is calling me names)

Me: "Oh yea, I got it towed"

Him: "What the fuck for?"

Me: "Cause some dipshit parked it in front of our doors"

Him: "Well theres no fucken sign telling me I can't park there, you can't tow it"

Me: "Ummm, its a driveway, its pretty self explanitory not to park in front of it" (By now Im getting a bit annoyed)

Him: "Well you could have fucken come and got me you tosser, I would have moved it"

Me: "Unfortunatly, I have too much faith in mankind and though that you would have figured out for youself that parking here would be a bad idea" (In a calm quiet voice)

By now, the usual guy who lives there realises they are not going to get anywhere with me and take their mate outside to find the car. I though it was to be the end, but you remember the part about the crushed bumper? Well me hoping he wouldn't notice (:killingme) was wrong and he came in a bit later all red in the face and obviously wanting to cause trouble.

Him: "Have you seen whats happened to my fucken car" (Yelling)

Me: "Yup, I saw it this morning"

Him: "Well why didn't you tell me you (Something about my parentage)" (He was yelling, and I wasn't impressed)

Me: "Well, its not my fucken problem, you wanted to park in front of a driveway, its your fucken problem"

Him: "Well you had better figure out how you are paying for it to get fixed.

*I laugh*
Me: "Ummm, yea right, Im not responsible for anything buddy"

(I'll cut out a bit as this went backwards and forwards for a while)

Him: "Well you better fucken sort it. I'll wait for you outside tonight when you finish, so we can discuss how you are going to pay for it" (Is that a threat??)

Me: Ok, tell you what, you wait outside for me, by yourself, and we can discuss as much as you like, as long as the cops are around to listen in."

Him: "Well, why the fuck do you want to involve cops?"

Me: Easy, you just threatened me, and Im not wanting to get into fights with dipshits. Tell you what, you get a lawyer or someone to prove that Im in the wrong, and I will pay to have your car fixed, until then, fuck off."

He left after that. Its been 3 weeks, I haven't seen him around and haven't heard from him, so Im presuming that he hasn't been able to find anyone to help him out. Pity though, it was an amusing time.

I will post up some more stories a bit later, until then, keep smiling

[Matt Bleck]

Great stories Sniper!!!

[Sniper]

Don't some folk get it??

This morning (so far) is a doozy. And its going to get alot worse before it gets better. At least its not monday.

We run another company under us Called Roadtrip rentals. All our "aged" cars go to them. General criteria for a Roadtrip (RT) car is cars over 150000kms and 1995 to 1997. Because of this RT can offer cars for as little as $17 per day. Everyonce in a while, we don't have a suitable road trip car for someone and we give them one of our own cars. Not my ideal idea, but I know better than to argue with the powers that be.

Anyway. Last night I had a RT customer phone me on the RT cellphone (I forgot to convieneintly turn if off like I usually do) round 2130. Answering the phone was a mission in itself, it wouldn't stop ringing and after the 4th time it started ringing in 10 minutes I decided to actually answer it. This involved me dropping the drill I was playing with (To a large sigh of relief from MissSniper) and turning System of a Down off (To the relief of the neighbours) and actually finding the phone which had conviently made its way through a hole in the pocket of my jacket and deposited itself underneath the armpit. Apparently this looked funny from the way MissSniper was laughing so hard, I was not impressed.

Turned out Miss Spencer (Not her real name of course, one I just made up cause I can) had managed to prang her car into the side of a mountain in Milford sounds. On top of this she wasn't happy as she was wanting to be in Te Anau that night and wanted to know what I was going to do about it. I wasn't in the moods to boot up the laptop to sign into work and find out her story and I told her there was nothing I could do at this particular time as Im at home in Christchurch and I do not have a computer to check her hire, she would need to find her own way to Te Anau and phone us in the morning. I was expecting an argument, but she was really compliant and said she would call in the morning around 8am. Cool! First time that anyone has happily said they will contact me the next day after an accident and organise their own way to accomodation.

So I hang up (and turned off the phone) and went in search of my new drill I was playing with before the call. Somehow, the drill had mysteriously dissapeared from the workbench and any pleas I lodged with MissSniper were met with a smirk and a rather innocent (How the fuck can a female so guilty make themselves sound so innocent???), "I really don't know hun." I knew she was lying when she started putting the med kit back in the cuboard. That kit only comes out when Im around power tools, knives, sticks, my best mates, scissors, general car maintenance and any other object or work that can be even remotly dangerous and the fact it was being put away was enough to tell me that my drill was hidden and it will take a while to find. After a little search (I checked where I had it last in case I missed it) MissSniper said I should come to the bedroom as there is a surprise there for me, I forgot completely about what I was looking for and sprinted to the room in anticiapation only to find that the "surprise" was the electric blanket was on. Really sweet I know, but not what I was hoping for.

Anyway, get to work this morning (0710 as usual) and the phone goes at five to eight. It her and she seems more unhappy than she was last night. Here I was hoping a nice sleep would refresh her mind and make her come to realise just how much she needs to do before we would even come to the party. Turns out that it took her an hour to find accomodation in Te Anau, and the room was way out of her budget and she wanted us to compensate her for the inconvenience. As well as that, she needed to head south and across to Dunedin and when was her next car going to get to her so that she could carry on? There was a brief spat and carry on while I told her that we are not bringing a car to her, she needs to get to our depot in Queenstown where we can get her to fill out an accident form. If she gets another car is completely up to the branch manager in Qst and I would be chatting to him shortly to let him know she was on her way.

As Im sure most know. You always have an excess on insurance and on our rental cars, the excess is $1000. She knew this and as parting words mentioned that, "Im deducting all of what you owe me out of the excess before paying it" and then hung up. What I wouldn't give to be down in Qst today when she turns up and chat to her face to face....

More on this as it goes along.

[Beemer]

You are SO deserving of bling for those stories but unfortunately I've been a bit of a slapper with the old bling today and I can't give any more out for a while! I will return...

[Sniper]

You are SO deserving of bling for those stories but unfortunately I've been a bit of a slapper with the old bling today and I can't give any more out for a while! I will return...

Cheers Beemer. Hopefully some folk can get a laugh or two out of these stories. They only seem funny to me when I read them

[Beemer]

I think you and my husband would get on well - he works for NZ Post so you can imagine the type of customers he gets on occasion. He - like you - is very good at telling stories about funny things that happen to him at work and he includes all the silly voices, hand signals, etc!

His favourite right now is what he terms the lost cause - trying to convince people that sending money overseas to release funds they have won in lotteries they didn't buy tickets in is a scam. One lady told him to mind his own business (and she's what he believes to be a seemingly rational businesswoman in her 50s) when he suggested that sending thousands of dollars (yes, it's not always $20 or $30) to some guy she'd never met in Nigeria was a rip off. It's not just little old ladies who fall for it!

And his stories about the local guys sending money over to Russian brides are so funny! One guy has sent money over for at least three but none have turned up so far. They'll be terribly disappointed if they do - he looks like a shorter, skinnier, older, uglier version of Baldrick! With a cap... and a very high-pitched voice... loverly!

[buellbabe]

Great stuff... sitting here on my lunch break shaking my head and chuckling with the occasional "guffaw"...FARK! some people really do have shit for brains.
Many many years ago I was in a customer service job and I learnt very quickly to grit my teeth, smile sweetly and be nice as pie while explaining why things were NOT gonna happen the way they thought.
Bugger that... my patience or LACK of it couldn't cope and I eventually lost the plot... at my boss!!!

As someone said, you have the patience of a saint... and you're a brilliant story teller too!
bet you can talk your way out of most situations??? ha ha ha

[Swoop]

... the local guys sending money over to Russian brides are so funny! One guy has sent money over for at least three but none have turned up so far.

Possible expiry date problem with the merchandise, perhaps?
Maybe they have been shipped to the wrong address? Hmm, this might explain SARGE's absence recently!:rofl:

[alexthekidd]

Oh more Sniper, please, more i beg

[Sniper]

Well, we haven't seen nor heard from the lady yet.

Im giving her until lunchtime before charging her card and waiting to hear back.

[Krayy]

I am loving these tales of others stupidity that I can't help but chuckle at....encore, encore!

[Beemer]

I am loving these tales of others stupidity that I can't help but chuckle at....encore, encore!

I just hope Sniper never leaves his job, I am so enjoying these tales!

[Sniper]

If they don't come to you, you force them to come out.

So as I said yesterday, if that lady had not contacted me by lunch, I was going to charge her card. Now before you legal bushmen start your unfair dance, she did sign a contract which clearly states she is liable for all and any damages and that we have the authority (within reason) to charge her card for any losses we take up to $1500 unless the police get involved and she is charged with anything.

Anyway, me being the son of a bitch (according to her) that I am, I charged her $1500 on her credit card. Now heres the funny thing.... It took her less than 7 minutes to phone up and demand that we put the money bac on her card. So I figure that I obviously have disrupted her finances enough that the payment she was just about to make on her "Bitches Elixer TM" didn't go through, and as we all know, that means she must have been suffering serious withdrawl symptoms. Pity none of them were common sense and the ability to shut up. Anywhoo, I told her that I shall not refund any money and that we still require her to fill out an accident form. I was told that on no uncertain terms would she fill out a form without me refunding her money first, and I just replied that unless she fills out the form, we would charge her the full the amount of the damages.

So, not liking what she hears (Tough shit) she hung up on me. Now in all my preious stories you would have read that I should learn that this does not signal the end, yet what does yours truely do??? Guess, I bet you can't be wrong. So I hang up and breathe a sigh of relief whilst mumbling under my breath, "Good riddance" (See, told you Im a slow learner, or just thick) and I go back to reading my book after pulling the ethernet cable out of the bosses PC. I really enjoy watching him get more and more frustrated and then we he goes to ask someone who knows, I quickly plug it in. I know the day is coming when I'll be caught, but right now I find it too funny to worry about consequences.

Anyway, along come 1500 and Im mentally preparing myself for the onslaught of paper work I should get done before I leave and also stay motivated enough to study when I get home and in walks this women and a couple of guys. Now they weren't big guys, but you know when guys are just there to intimidate instead of anything else. Now, female species, I know you don't really understand, so I will try and help. When a guy is intimidated, there are 2 paths, only 2, no others. 1 is to bow down and take it up the rectum (Hehehe, damn near killed him) and the second is to stand up and become difficult. Now the standard criteria that you use to make your decision is that

1.Are they bigger than you?
2.How many are there?
3.What if any objects are they carrying that will hurt if they hit you?
4.What are their intentions?
5.How long before lunch/dinner/beer ect?

Now my mind was made up pretty quickly that they were purely there for ornimental reasons and that they would not do anything, I mean, who in their right mind comes into a rental car office to use force to get their way? I don't like fighting, I find no need to fight to make myself feel like a man and I admire those that have the same veiws.

Back to the story..... So she starts on that she wants to speak to Stuart, NOW! I hate it when folk yell, but somewhere in the dark inky depths of my mind, there is a little voice laughing at my stupidity in thinking that the phone call was the end of the matter with this women. So after beating the little voice in my head with the other, larger voice that propmts me to drill a hole in that bit of wood instead of the bit Im meant to be working on (Its the same voice that tells me anything can be made to fit with the right amount of force) I told her that Im am he and how could I help. (By this time, the guys are sitting down which is a good sign)

So she starts ranting and raving that we have taken money off her card when we shouldn't have and now she cannot afford to get a ticket back home and her Visa is due to run out. I can almost understand where she is coming from, and might have felt sorry had I not (in a previous story) nailed the door shut where that blasted "Sorry for folk" emotion used to sneak in. But as far as Im concerned, she drove into a side of a cliff, wrote off our car, refused to co-operate with me and we are paying to get the car back to us, so after conveying my thoughts to her, I asked her why she thought we should then (effectivly) just pretend nothing happened, give her another car and carry on? I explained that according to the contract she signed, we are allowed to take the excess of her, regardless if she is present or not, and under no circumstances are we obligated to give it back. I think at that stage she (and I) realised that I was going to be as difficult as possible and she looked at one of the guys obviously looking for support. You could tell he knew the same thing and they were pushing at a lost cause and he told her that if she signed a contract, then its her problem.

Obviously not getting what she wanted from the chaps she brought in, she then lept into stage 2. She was going to report Apex to the Tourism board and the Fraud squad and the goverment and the police for either in-convienincing her holiday or stealing her money to which I just smiled and offered her my best wishes at doing so because she won't get very far. Hell, if Fair Go couldn't do anything to us, then she couldn't. So she grabbed my card off the desk (didn't even ask, the bitch. That card cost me nothing) and stormed out. The most amazzing thing was the guy she turned to stood up, came over and apologised for her. I almost felt a bit of guilt, but then realised what the intention was behind her bringing them and told him not to worry, its not his fault, but I don't want her back in the building.

Pretty average wednesday if you ask me. Please excuse the bad story telling today, bit knackered.

[Forest]

Unbeknownst to most it seems, New Zealands busiest time for Tourists is between 20th to 25th Jan to 15 to 20th March. Not many people realise this because they think once the school holidays are over it means the whole world stops just for them to go on holiday. Our Rental car company owns over 1500 cars NZ wide. This time of the year we have 99.3% utilisation of all our vehicles of all classes. Great fun when it comes to people wanting cars just for a day.

Wonderful stories - I really enjoyed reading them.

But I was wondering something. If you have 99.3% utilisation of your vehicles then doesn't this mean your business doesn't have enough vehicles to meet the demand? Or is it just an averages game? (to cover the reduced demand in the low season)

[Sniper]

Wonderful stories - I really enjoyed reading them.

But I was wondering something. If you have 99.3% utilisation of your vehicles then doesn't this mean your business doesn't have enough vehicles to meet the demand? Or is it just an averages game? (to cover the reduced demand in the low season)

In truth, yes we don't have enough. Hard to imagine 1500+ cars out on the road not driven by the average NZ'er, but quite often durning those time, we turn buisness away becuase we don't have the vehicles for it.

[heyjoe]

Thank you for these amazing stories man.

You seem to be having the luck of flypaper...

[Fat Tony]

Excellent... no story so far about a weird British couple who picked up a nice clean Subaru Legacy in Christchurch, dossed at your place for a couple of days, then two weeks later left the absolutely filthy car at the Auckland airport office :innocent:

[Sniper]

Excellent... no story so far about a weird British couple who picked up a nice clean Subaru Legacy in Christchurch, dossed at your place for a couple of days, then two weeks later left the absolutely filthy car at the Auckland airport office :innocent:

Nah, they seemed decent sorts. :)

[Krayy]

<snip>...Hell, if Fair Go couldn't do anything to us, then she couldn't...<snip>
Do tell us about why Fair Go would be at your door :yes:

[Sniper]

Do tell us about why Fair Go would be at your door :yes:

They came to us at work claiming we were ripping folk off when we booked their ferry tickets. Strange thing is they showed one instance of our website quoting $2 more than what the Interislander was quoting. Thing is, ours was a fully flexible fare (Able to be altered without penalty and refunded if cancelled) and the II was a super saver (Cannot be altered and no refund if cancelled). They wouldn't go ahead and show the other 4 quotes where we were up to $50 cheaper than the II.

Plus they were comparing prices from our peak times to the II's down periods.

[Patrick]

Awesome read and great stories/story telling Sniper... hillarious!! Awaiting more... You should write a book!!!!!

[Edbear]

They came to us at work claiming we were ripping folk off when we booked their ferry tickets. Strange thing is they showed one instance of our website quoting $2 more than what the Interislander was quoting. Thing is, ours was a fully flexible fare (Able to be altered without penalty and refunded if cancelled) and the II was a super saver (Cannot be altered and no refund if cancelled). They wouldn't go ahead and show the other 4 quotes where we were up to $50 cheaper than the II.

Plus they were comparing prices from our peak times to the II's down periods.



Sounds like a case for a complaint to the Broadcasting Standards Authority!

[Sniper]

Sounds like a case for a complaint to the Broadcasting Standards Authority!

Nah, we told them to get fucked. They told the public we refused to comment :lol:

[mstriumph]

mebbe go after them?

"...... refused to comment" is mediaspeak for "is not only fully guilty as charged but also performs indecencies with small furry animals ............."

go after them mebbe??

[Sniper]

mebbe go after them?

"...... refused to comment" is mediaspeak for "is not only fully guilty as charged but also performs indecencies with small furry animals ............."

go after them mebbe??

There was a stage we thought about it, but it made no significant impact on our buisness, so we told them to fuck off

[Virago]

Cheer up Stu, you don't get them all. From this month's Top Gear NZ magazine:

"....In Messina, Italy, the Fiat Puno that Nicolatta de Luca crashed into a tobacconist as a result of pinching her nose and holding her breath until spotting a brown or black dog (a superstitious ritual performed each time she saw an ambulance), was the second hire car she had wrecked in the same afternoon..."

[Sniper]

In reference to post 90. http://stuff.co.nz/4073071a12855.html

I had to laugh. I was here when they busted the door in across the road. Was very amusing

[Sniper]

And it still doesnt give me a break. For those that don't know our office hours are 0800 to 1700 (As per most buisnesses) but I am regularly here from 0700 to 1730 or 1800 (Cause I never learnt to lay boundries when I first started). That doesnt bother me though, it gives me space to wake up and time at the end of the day to wind down without coming straight into the frustration that is my (soon to be ex) job.

I accidentaly undiverted the phone at 0720 this morning (I should know better) and within the minute I had a call asking for a car for today to travell to Wanaka and back by 1700. So I asked the usual questions, "What type of car?", "What transmission?" and "How do you think you can get from CHCH to Wanaka and back by 1700?" Anyway, he told me he would be in 10 minutes to collect the car (I said yes to teach myself a lesson on why I shouldnt answer the phone before 0800)

This young chap duly rocks up 15 minutes later and tells me that he is here to collect the car. Now he LOOKS young and sounds young and upon inspection of the license, he is only 16 with a restricted. As per many rental car agencies, you need to be AT LEAST 21 to hire a car for a variety of reasons. Main one being the insurance. So I told him that unfortunatly due to his age and the fact he doesnt have a credit card he will not be able to hire a car. He tells me he does have a credit card and then pulls out his eftpos card. I had to surpress a chuckle when I tiold him that an Eftpos card does not constitute as a credit card and even if he did have one, he could still not hire a car due to his age.

Then he got his knickers in a knot and started talking in a really high and squeaky voice and telling me that I am descriminating against him because of his age and that I am not allowed to do that. I was being very nice in telling him that I am not being discriminatory, it is company policy that we do not hire out to anyone under the age of 21 for insurance reasons. "But I know how to drive, I have never had an accident", says the high voiced boy, to which I said, "It doesnt matter, you are below 21 and you do not have a full license" I will cut it short here, we went backwards and forwards like this for a while. I remember being young and was hoping it would sink in, but I can only be so patient for a while.

Anyway, the next move the Squeaky makes is to tell me he is going to phone the police because I promised him a car. (Why is it everyone wants to call the police??) So my patient streak now ends and Im seriously considering teaching the Squeaky the physics involved with my boot and his arse. But being 0745 I still havent had time to have my morning cup of coffee and Im not as quick as I want to be. Next thing Im aware of is Squeaky is handing me a cellphone and telling me to talk to the person on the other end. Whoever was on the other end, I wouldnt know considering I took the phone and hit the end button to hang up before even putting the phone to my ear (Not deliberatly of course ;)) I gave the phone back and said that whoever it was hung up and no matter who he happens to call, he will not get a car.

After a bit more bantering and arguing for another 5 minutes, Squeaky finally admits that he may be too young to hire the car, but he will be back with someone to hire the car soon. Hopefully he gets lost.

I wonder if I will miss any of this?

[Hitcher]

I wonder if I will miss any of this?

Probably not. But you'll have a great selection of "war" stories with which to regale friends and family!

[Lias]

You need to purchase coffee on the WAY to work me thinks :-)

[Sniper]

You need to purchase coffee on the WAY to work me thinks :-)

Have thought about that, but I don't go past any coffee places and the coffee machine here makes good stuff

S

[buellbabe]

Jeez...I never tire of reading about yr daily dramas...of course its bloody funny to read but honestly i dunno how you have managed to stay sane!

[Sniper]

Jeez...I never tire of reading about yr daily dramas...of course its bloody funny to read but honestly i dunno how you have managed to stay sane!

If someone ever manages to tell me, I will be greatful too :p

S

[Jantar]

I had a call asking for a car for today to travell to Wanaka and back by 1700. So I asked the usual questions, "What type of car?", "What transmission?" and "How do you think you can get from CHCH to Wanaka and back by 1700?"

And what was his answer to this obviously trick question? Or does he know a shortcut? :clap:

[Sniper]

And what was his answer to this obviously trick question? Or does he know a shortcut? :clap:

Ive learnt not to question the thoughts of some people. Their answers scare me

[Sniper]

Ahh, memories. Was sitting on a balcony overlooking the ocean at a 4 start resort last night and just thinking about this thread, KB and the friends I made.

Might have to do a road trip sometime next year

[Warr]

Ahh, memories. Was sitting on a balcony overlooking the ocean at a 4 start resort last night and just thinking about this thread, KB and the friends I made.
...............
Wondering when you were going to add some more of lifes exciting experiences. So far so good. I have entertained a number of people by recounting your stories :)

[Sniper]

Wondering when you were going to add some more of lifes exciting experiences. So far so good. I have entertained a number of people by recounting your stories :)

Always good to know. Missed ya guys

[Donor]

ARGH!

Thread dredge!

...a worthy one but... :niceone:

[Naki Rat]

Might have to do a road trip sometime next year

By rental car ? :laugh:

[SPman]

Sniper!

where the hell is Groote?

[Sniper]

ARGH!

Thread dredge!

...a worthy one but... :niceone:

Tis me, and with the backing of the QRF and the unagreed support of BDOTGNZA I felt no fear....

;)


Sniper!

where the hell is Groote?

Island in the Gulf of Carpentaria. Here for a bit of a look and fact finding

[SPman]

Arrrrr - all the good 'uns are fleeing to the sun..........

[Hitcher]

Arrrrr - all the good 'uns are fleeing to the sun.

The smart ones will travel there at night...