Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)
13th March 2007, 13:52
Fair's Fair - last week I posted Female Jokes!!
The contemplative routine of the convent was being disrupted by the presence of workmen converting the electrical service from overhead lines to buried cable.
Mother Superior called the electric company's complaint department to ask for help. "The profanity these men use constantly is unsuitable for our community. You must make them stop cursing so much.", said the nun.
"Very well, sister. But you must make allowances for their habits. Even when they are trying to be tactful, they will still tend to call a spade a spade.", said the company spokeswoman.
Mother superior then observed, "I think the term they actually use is 'fucking shovel'".
Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Aren't
I need you to whip it out by 5:00!
Mind if I use your laptop?
Put this in my box before you leave.
I want it on my desk now!
Hmm.. I think I'm out of fluid.
My equipment's so old, it takes forever to finish!
It's an entry level position.
When do you think you'll be getting off today?
It's not fair... I do all the work while he just sits back!
What's the fastest way to get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.
Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Department of the Treasury Internal Revenue Service Washington, D.C.
To: All Male Taxpayers
RE: Notice of increase of tax payment Form 1040 - P
The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is your penis.
This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is pissed off,
20% of the time it is hard up, and
10% of the time it is in the hole.
On top of this, it has two dependents and both are nuts.
Accordingly, as of April 1, 1998, your penis will be taxed according to size.
To determine your category, please consult the chart below and confirm this informatin on page 2, section 7, line 3, on the Standard Form 1040.
10-16 inches Luxury Tax $50.00
8-10 inches Pole Tax $30.00
5-8 inches Privilege Tax $15.00
4-5 inches Nuisance Tax $5.00
Please note: Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a refund. Please do not ask for an extension!!!!!!
Additionally, males exceeding 12 inches must file under Capital Gains. Sincerely, Peter Checker Internal Revenue Service
What is the definition of ultimate rejection?
Your hand falling asleep while masturbating.
Why is a man at his smartest when he is having sex?
Because he's plugged into a woman!
Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
A mental hospital
Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!
The contemplative routine of the convent was being disrupted by the presence of workmen converting the electrical service from overhead lines to buried cable.
Mother Superior called the electric company's complaint department to ask for help. "The profanity these men use constantly is unsuitable for our community. You must make them stop cursing so much.", said the nun.
"Very well, sister. But you must make allowances for their habits. Even when they are trying to be tactful, they will still tend to call a spade a spade.", said the company spokeswoman.
Mother superior then observed, "I think the term they actually use is 'fucking shovel'".
Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Aren't
I need you to whip it out by 5:00!
Mind if I use your laptop?
Put this in my box before you leave.
I want it on my desk now!
Hmm.. I think I'm out of fluid.
My equipment's so old, it takes forever to finish!
It's an entry level position.
When do you think you'll be getting off today?
It's not fair... I do all the work while he just sits back!
What's the fastest way to get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.
Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Department of the Treasury Internal Revenue Service Washington, D.C.
To: All Male Taxpayers
RE: Notice of increase of tax payment Form 1040 - P
The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is your penis.
This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is pissed off,
20% of the time it is hard up, and
10% of the time it is in the hole.
On top of this, it has two dependents and both are nuts.
Accordingly, as of April 1, 1998, your penis will be taxed according to size.
To determine your category, please consult the chart below and confirm this informatin on page 2, section 7, line 3, on the Standard Form 1040.
10-16 inches Luxury Tax $50.00
8-10 inches Pole Tax $30.00
5-8 inches Privilege Tax $15.00
4-5 inches Nuisance Tax $5.00
Please note: Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a refund. Please do not ask for an extension!!!!!!
Additionally, males exceeding 12 inches must file under Capital Gains. Sincerely, Peter Checker Internal Revenue Service
What is the definition of ultimate rejection?
Your hand falling asleep while masturbating.
Why is a man at his smartest when he is having sex?
Because he's plugged into a woman!
Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
A mental hospital
Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!