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Hitcher
27th August 2004, 21:25
Q: How many Arians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A1: Just the one. You want to make something of it, eh?
A2: None. Arians aren’t afraid of the dark.
A3: Only one Arian, but an awful lot of light bulbs. (“smash”)


Q: How many Taureans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A1: One. But only if they can celebrate afterwards with a ten course meal and some great sex.
A2: None. Taureans don’t like to change anything.
A3: One, but just “try” to convince them that the burnt out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.

Q: How many Geminis does it take to change a lightbulb?

A1: Two. Plus a portable phone, an Internet link and a copy of the “Bluffer’s Guide to Changing Lightbulbs.”
A2: Two (of course) but it will take all week and when they’re done the light bulb will do your homework, speak French and shine any colour you want from it.
A3: Two, but the job never gets done – they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it’s supposed to be done!


Q: How many Cancerians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A1: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grief process.
A2: Just one, and they’ll use a non-disposable diaper too!
A3: None. A Cancerian would worry herself to death with the problem.


Q: How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb?

A1: Leos don’t change lightbulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they’re out.
A2: One. He holds the bulb, and the world spins around him.
A3: None. A Leo would order somebody else to change it.
A4: None. Leos are so enthusiastic they carry their own light.


Q: How many Virgos does it take to change a lightbulb?

A1: Virgos don’t have time to change their own lightbulbs. They’re too busy changing them for everyone else.
A2: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth.
A3: Let’s see: One to spot the bulb, one to record the time the bulb burned out and the date it was bought, one to decide who’s fault it is the bulb burned out and ask why that brand was chosen in the first place, ten to decide to remodel the house as long as they’re changing the bulb...


Q: How many Librans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A1: Er, two. Or maybe one. No – on second thoughts, make that two. Is that okay with you?
A2: Why change the bulb? Isn’t it more romantic in the dark?
A3: Well gee, I don’t know really. I guess it depends on the bulb and where it burned out. It might perhaps take just one if it’s just an ordinary bulb, but maybe two if the person doesn’t know where to find a new light bulb, or perhaps...


Q: How many Scorpios does it take to change a lightbulb?

A1: None – they’d rather sit in the dark.
A2: So who wants to know? Why do “you” want to know? Are you a cop?
A3: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order.



Q: How many Sagittarians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A1: Look, ask me when I get back from India, okay?
A2: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned out lightbulb?
A3: A whole bunch. I can only keep them in the room long enough for them to give the bulb a quarter turn apiece.


Q: How many Capricorns does it take to change a lightbulb?

A1: None. Capricorns can’t afford new lightbulbs – unless they’re a legitimate business expense.
A2: I don’t waste my time with these childish jokes.
A3: None. Why should I bother? It’s probably just going to burn out again tomorrow anyway.


Q: How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A1: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy so...
A2: A hundred, but they’ll all be competing to be the one to change the bulb and bring light to the world.
A3: Like, why don’t you just get out of my face and stop asking me to do all your work for you? I’m, like, really totally sick and tired of you asking me questions.


Q: How many Pisceans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A1: Lightbulb? What lightbulb?
A2: Huh? The light’s out?
A3: None. Only the inner light matters.

Skyryder
27th August 2004, 22:31
Brilliant. And those that don't believe live in darkness.

Skyryder

Motu
27th August 2004, 22:45
Yeah,I'm bloody sick of changing other peoples bulbs,like what do they expect,I've told them not to use that brand,last time I used one of those it only lasted 33 days 17hrs and 27mins,but I didn't actualy see it go out,so can't really say when y'know? I gotta go now and have my last shower of today,pick the cat hairs off the couch and make the bed with fresh ironed white sheets - night all!

Ms Piggy
27th August 2004, 22:48
Q: How many Librans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A1: Er, two. Or maybe one. No – on second thoughts, make that two. Is that okay with you?
A2: Why change the bulb? Isn’t it more romantic in the dark?
A3: Well gee, I don’t know really. I guess it depends on the bulb and where it burned out. It might perhaps take just one if it’s just an ordinary bulb, but maybe two if the person doesn’t know where to find a new light bulb, or perhaps...


Arrrrghhhhhh! That is so me...I hope that's ok with all of you or I guess it really depends on how you are feeling. :bleh: Well sometimes I'm like that but not all the time...ok...

wari
27th August 2004, 22:50
:thud: :shake: :thud: :shake: :thud: ... :yeah:

Slipstream
29th August 2004, 00:20
Q:
[B]Q: How many Taureans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A1: One. But only if they can celebrate afterwards with a ten course meal and some great sex.
A2: None. Taureans don’t like to change anything.
A3: One, but just “try” to convince them that the burnt out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.


Well. That's me to a T :D :yeah: :2thumbsup

Here's my favourite lightbulb joke for you.

Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 2. But they have to be really small. :D

pete376403
29th August 2004, 14:26
A variation. Forgive me, for it involves.......religion

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb? ....



- Charismatics: Only one. Hands already in the air.

- Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

- Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

- Roman Catholics: None. Candles only, at $.50 each

- Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad that will follow the dedication of the bulb.

- Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the martinis, and one to talk about how much better the old bulb was.

- Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

- Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb experience for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

- Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. A church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring the bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

- Nazarenes: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

- Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change, but the Bishop will be consulted to affirm the standing policy.

- Amish groups: What's a light bulb?

Eurodave
23rd May 2005, 19:04
How many psycologists does it take to change a lightbulb?




Only one,but the bulb has to WANT to change!!!!

Waylander
23rd May 2005, 19:15
Hmm, that explains a few things...

Eurodave
23rd May 2005, 19:16
How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?




None, let the bitch do the dishes in the dark!

Eurodave
23rd May 2005, 19:19
How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?




One, to hold the bulb , while the world revolves around him!

Biff
24th May 2005, 17:04
How many body builders does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten. One to change it the other nine to stand there telling them how good they look.






Why does it take 2 pre-menstral wimmin to change a light bulb?


It just fucking does ok!

Hitcher
24th May 2005, 17:50
How many straight GSXR riders does it take to change a lightbulb?

Both of them...

John
24th May 2005, 17:54
How many straight GSXR riders does it take to change a lightbulb?

Both of them...

:killingme:killingme:killingme
Now thats funny.

Wolf
25th May 2005, 15:54
How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?


10 - one to change the bulb and nine to sit around and say "I could've done that better"