Real Kiwi Biker Movie?

[Paul in NZ]

I suspect "The One" wants to do a clone of the skinny dudes on big boofy sports bikes doin' dumb shit in front of a shakey hand held camera and smearing themselves all over the tarmac and runing their $5,000 tattoos kind stuf... Lets face it, we can download shit loads of that stuff that better (ie dumber) than anything we could do...

I'd propose something way cooler....

Similar format to 'On Any Sunday'. Short clips of the who spectrum of the sport from Speedway solos to Touring the South Island.... Adventure rides to top level MX! Oh hell... Lets even throw in 'The One' doing stunts and runnin' from the law...

Kids on mini MX, old dudes classic racing, trials, rally goers, brass Monkey etc etc.

All I need is you all to give me your time, your bikes and $100,000 each and I reckon I'll be sweet.

Cheers

(no no, don't thank me, it's my pleasure)

Paul N

[vifferman]

All I need is you all to give me your time, your bikes and $100,000 each and I reckon I'll be sweet.I'll do it for $100 each.:eek:

[NC]

I think someone needs a :hug:

[Paul in NZ]

I think someone needs a :hug:

Nah! It's not gunna be that kind of movie....

Paul N

[kneescraper]

I think a movie of that sort of thing would be cool to watch. Also some track day events on film would be fun as well!!! Don't know about the $100,000 though :whistle: :mad:

[Two Smoker]

Ill be keen to take a camera on my bike around Taupo if you want.... and i can get my Uncle to take a camera onboard his 1970's TZ350 for your classic racing :niceone:

[DEATH_INC.]

Yeh,I think it'd be cool to see a kiwi remake of the old classic. :niceone:

[Wenier]

could b fun but 100Gs is well outa the question. Some awesome track footage would b great.

[kneescraper]

Two Smoker it would be sweet to get some track footage and see some NZders going hard on their bikes!!!

[Kwaka-Kid]

sounds wicked as to me! im keen to help in any way i can.

have some antiques lying around here too.

[FROSTY]

actually what would be really cool would be a "staged" race with KK,HooN,TS
Mitch etc in it. I'm thinking we could do it at 3/4 race pace and pull the bikes in real tight and have some swapping of positions and maybee a bit of argey bargey. I could have Mella yella as the camera bike

[Motu]

Yeah,a movie like On Any Sunday,show the huge variety of bikes ridden and what they do with them would be great - some of the unique New Zealand stuff...speedway sidecars,these guys could have their own reality show,it's just outrageous,beach racing...this has been going on since the year dot,some fantastic beach specials have been made over the years - Forrest Carden's (sp?) 1000cc JAP V twin in the featherbed got down to bed rock on the turns,an awesome sight,the classic races bring out the shed engineers with home built wonders....280 riders were on the start line of the Tarawera 100...there's a shit load of stuff going on out there....ok...we need someone to record it for us...?????.....oh,who gives a fuck,it's just some guys riding bikes.

[speedpro]

Ill be keen to take a camera on my bike around Taupo if you want.... and i can get my Uncle to take a camera onboard his 1970's TZ350 for your classic racing :niceone:
I've got onboard video of a mate lapping Taupo on his TZ500H. Very cool, every time the tacho hits 7000 in the first three gears the track disappears. Also got some awesome onboard video of a National champ grade rider doing laps of the Blenheim kart track. Some with the camera forward and some pointing back.

[Quasievil]

I suspect "The One" wants to do a clone of the skinny dudes on big boofy sports bikes doin' dumb shit in front of a shakey hand held camera and smearing themselves all over the tarmac and runing their $5,000 tattoos kind stuf... Lets face it, we can download shit loads of that stuff that better (ie dumber) than anything we could do...

I'd propose something way cooler....

Similar format to 'On Any Sunday'. Short clips of the who spectrum of the sport from Speedway solos to Touring the South Island.... Adventure rides to top level MX! Oh hell... Lets even throw in 'The One' doing stunts and runnin' from the law...

Kids on mini MX, old dudes classic racing, trials, rally goers, brass Monkey etc etc.

All I need is you all to give me your time, your bikes and $100,000 each and I reckon I'll be sweet.

Cheers

(no no, don't thank me, it's my pleasure)

Paul N
Dont despair paul me ole mate I get your point buddy:msn-wink:

[loosebruce]

Hey ya Paul, nice idea mate, i just got my on board camera hooked up and working nicely, giving it a run tomorrow over waihi way :wacko: and plan on hooking it up to some members bike's as well, get some track days, wheelies etc etc etc once i've complied some footage will send it off to ya to check out.
You can have my bike (keeps falling apart) got a spare K4 gixxer hanging around?
I'll glady give you 100K if anyone is foolish enough to give it to me in the first place, if all else fails hows about a free pizza? :niceone:

[Paul in NZ]

Well...

When I first posted that I was a bit tongue in cheek but I seem to remember that the original film was an amazingly low budget thing spliced together by 2 guys living in their car and I think partly financed by people like Steve McQueen on a whim. I'd check it out on the net but can't be arsed and let's face it my version is cooler!

Events like the Pukekohe Classic festival and the Sound of Thunder are epics in themselves. Add in the speedway boys and all the other events and you have really got something.

Speaking of onboard cameras.... What would be cool is the same camera mounted on a range of bikes from a pukka Manx Norton to the latest and greatest.

I know some dudes in the filum / arty (black is the new black dahlink) world. I'll bet there is funding out there for an enterprising film major to make a docco..... Anyone know any other that might be interested?

The other idea would be a road movie... A video version of NZ's 10 greatest rides... :ride:

Maybe a Goodbye Pork Pie chase thing featuring 'The One' ?? :shit:

You could do a great story... Plot Something like??

Affluent Auckland based high flyer manager dude (moved up from Gore in the early 70's), 2 ex wives and a host of ungrateful kids has massive heart attack at work. Income protection pays out the mortgage but he looses his job, can't get another because he has only a little good time left and gets a bit pissed off with the whole thing. None of his buddies want to know!

Driving back alone to his apartment in the city (last wife kicked him out when the money stopped) he sees a stream of bikes headed south and gets all fucked off that these layabouts aught to be workin' etc. Stops for a pie at a gas station and finds the bikers are all going to the Brass Monkey.. So he looks it up on the interwebby thing.

Some thing clicks, Fuck me! That's it! That's what he wants!

Problem is, he's got no job, no money and no bike license..

He's got 12 months to sort it out and make the trip. He has to go because it might be his last chance.

Buys a crappy old triumph T140 - quintessential kiwi biker bike (no, better than that, his ex gang member brother he has not seen for 20 years after he ran off with the town beauty queen gives him his old bike) and renovates it as best he can while learning to ride on a postie bike (gives us a chance for gear lever on the wrong side gags and shit)

Finally gets it going an heads off in a cloud of smoke with no money, no license and no hope 2 months before the rally to work / bludge his way south.

Gets adopted by the internet biker community as he his picked up pushing his bike across the desert road (outta gas) and passed from contact to contact as he makes his way south.

takes part in a few events....

Finds that there are a bunch of people out there with fuck all that will still give him what he needs without expectation he will ever be in a position to give it back (unlike his mates in the business world)

makes it down there, falls in love (obviously) with a girl that owns an old pub / farm / fish and chip shop / pottery gallery / tattoo palour (whatever) and finds he has learnt to give as well. Finds happiness in the real NZ.

Hmm! Could work!

I'd watch it!

Perhaps I'd better start on the novel first eh?

[Sparky Bills]

I have been told to race the 900DUC race bike from now on!
So could get some footage off that.
There's a track day coming up at Manfeild, so will have the camera on the bike regardless.
:2thumbsup

[gav]

Wasnt Kiwi Rider mag doing a TV show there at one stage? Maybe some footage could be incorporated with that? How about on Prime?

[Blakamin]

I'd watch it!



I'd watch it too.... and read the novel... hurry up, I'm waiting!! :msn-wink:

[Fryin Finn]

I hooked up my helmet cam when I went for a trail ride - mostly got the front fender but hopefully will learn from the situation next ride and will keep the current footage for splicing into a later movie.
I'm in London at the moment - spotted a yellow and a red XJR 1300's - blue is best.

[Posh Tourer :P]

Riveting read there Paul!!

When is the full length version coming out?

[Paul in NZ]

I dunno.... There is the skeleton of a story there.

Some of the clever buggers out there could tell me the way to outline a proper novel.

First off... Lets say the dude is in the financial sector. Dodgy ex-pat type dude working for a multi national ... What sort of medical condition should he come down with?

Cheers

[jrandom]

First off... Lets say the dude is in the financial sector. Dodgy ex-pat type dude working for a multi national ... What sort of medical condition should he come down with?

Syphilis.

:moon:

[duckman]

Syphilis.

:moon:
That response from you is down right disappointing .....

How about ...PNEUMONO*ULTRA*MICRO*SCOPIC*SILICO*VOLCANO*CONI OSIS

It's a lung disease!! :doctor:

[Paul in NZ]

nah!! From a story point of view a veneral disease is not so daft actually!

Leprosy worked in the chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever and a socially repugnant disease would turn it into a redemption saga. (Mind you, incest would do that too but I'm NOT going there. NOT today of all days)

Now we have "Man falls from grace" and is forced to re evaluate his life and values.. Interesting...

It also has the added advantage of leaving him physically capable of riding the bike... So.. What sort of horrid disfuguring disease could someone get that would fit the bill and have some relatively easily researchable symptoms?

????

What about (say) acid burns from laundering triad money that went wrong and.... (how did I get started on this??)

Paul N

[TwoSeven]

How can you kiwis make a bike video. Technically you havnt invented the wheel yet. I do believe the first horse and carts (with wheels) were imported from the uk.

[loosebruce]

I got some interesting footage for you today paul, the really expensive kind :wacko:

[Paul in NZ]

How can you kiwis make a bike video. Technically you havnt invented the wheel yet. I do believe the first horse and carts (with wheels) were imported from the uk.

Well... This is an intersting troll so I'll bite....

Riding a friggin Honda you would have to be an expert on carts I suppose so i guess I should defer to your opinion but somehow I just know that I'm going to be glad you seem to be distancing yourself from 'us kiwis'....

Paul N

[Paul in NZ]

I got some interesting footage for you today paul, the really expensive kind :wacko:

Yeah! I read that Bruce... Please don't do that again eh! You are right, as soon as you get the camera out..... D'oh!

I'm a bit the same, every time I get my Guzzi up to 400kph there is never a soul around......

;-)

Cheers

[jrandom]

nah!! From a story point of view a veneral disease is not so daft actually!

I know. It was a serious suggestion. I just added the 'moon' smiley because the post was too short.

I enjoyed your story outline. Always been tempted to dabble in a bit of fiction myself, but I think I need to season my outlook and style with another decade or two of hard knocks; I don't yet possess the chutzpah to presume I can amuse or entertain with my verbose ramblings.

If you do work it up into a novelette, you might like to consider posting to www.kuro5hin.org for comment.

[Paul in NZ]

I know. It was a serious suggestion. I just added the 'moon' smiley because the post was too short.

I enjoyed your story outline. Always been tempted to dabble in a bit of fiction myself, but I think I need to season my outlook and style with another decade or two of hard knocks; I don't yet possess the chutzpah to presume I can amuse or entertain with my verbose ramblings.

If you do work it up into a novelette, you might like to consider posting to www.kuro5hin.org for comment.

Actually.... Catching it off his current wife that caught it off her lesbian lover could keep everyone going... It's a bit soap opera but... Well, it COULD happen!

Please don't wait a couple of decades for some hard knocks, if you join my accelerated learning program, just as soon as your cheque for $200 clears, I'll arrange for a couple of big beefy blokes to come to your place and beat the crap out of you while reciting shakespeare and wordsworth. I'll throw in a nice certificate (in 3 colours) and everything! (when I say reciting, they will be more chanting shakespeare and wordsworth over and over really)

Oh the stories! You WILL be a sure hit in intensive care !! Whats more, we have a 100% success rate! If you are not happy with your first beating we will just repeat it until you are 100% satisfied! You can't say fairer than that!

While you are interested, you MIGHT like to learn about the other courses we offer!

Not tough enough? Never been in a fight?? For only $500 we can arrange for some nerdy writer wanna be to allow you to actually beat the shit out of him! You can't loose! (man, those chicks will REALLY dig those skinned knuckles.. Call NOW!)

This has been a public interest posting on behalf of www.paulwilleducateyouordie.com

Cheers

:no:

(i know but Vickis away on a course and the dog stopped talking to me an hour ago)

[pete376403]

nah!! From a story point of view a veneral disease is not so daft actually!

Leprosy worked in the chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever and a socially repugnant disease would turn it into a redemption saga. (Mind you, incest would do that too but I'm NOT going there. NOT today of all days)

Now we have "Man falls from grace" and is forced to re evaluate his life and values.. Interesting...

It also has the added advantage of leaving him physically capable of riding the bike... So.. What sort of horrid disfuguring disease could someone get that would fit the bill and have some relatively easily researchable symptoms?

????

What about (say) acid burns from laundering triad money that went wrong and.... (how did I get started on this??)

Paul N

His nose has fallen off from doing to much coke in his yuppy dealing days? That'd be ugly and easily researchable, eg
http://www.drugdetection.com/cocaine.html
"Cocaine constricts blood vessels which dry up with repeated exposure. This eventually exposes the cartilage and nasal septum which eventually begins to dissolve. If caught in time, surgery can repair the damage. If not, the user risks the collapse of the nose".
As an added benefit, coke can lead to paranoia, so you could have a few "mad rage" scenes as well.

[jrandom]

Actually.... Catching it off his current wife that caught it off her lesbian lover could keep everyone going... It's a bit soap opera but... Well, it COULD happen!

Yes! Yes! There should be lesbians. All proper stories have lesbians.

:doobey:

[Paul in NZ]

Yes! Yes! There should be lesbians. All proper stories have lesbians.

:doobey:

Jeeze!! Calm down!! What sort do you want (Paul cringes)

Paul N

[pete376403]

Really good looking ones. (Not real lesbians with armpit and leg hair)
Something involving a spa pool would be good... like ' the hero returns home after a long days ride, thoroughly shagged from (among other things) rebuilding the crankshaft on the side of the road, using nothing but a Swiss army knife and a small rock. Coming around the side of the house he espys two nubile maidens cavorting in the spa pool. Etc etc.

[Deano]

I got some interesting footage for you today paul, the really expensive kind :wacko:

Is that from your spill ?

Can you post it ?

[Paul in NZ]

Really good looking ones. (Not real lesbians with armpit and leg hair)
Something involving a spa pool would be good... like ' the hero returns home after a long days ride, thoroughly shagged from (among other things) rebuilding the crankshaft on the side of the road, using nothing but a Swiss army knife and a small rock. Coming around the side of the house he espys two nubile maidens cavorting in the spa pool. Etc etc.

This was going to be a believable story...

So, lets assume you just repaired your crankshaft with a knife?

Maidens are cavorting, big boofy biker covered in dirt and a lot of grease and in possession of a knife comes around the corner of the house???? On what planet whould that end up with you getting a good bonk??? Not this one I can assure you!

Even if it did, I am not sure I want to cavort with chicks that are lesbians, into grease, spontaneous bonking and like playing with knives... Sounds like a fast way to get the non speaking role in CSI!

Paul N

[vifferman]

First off... Lets say the dude is in the financial sector. Dodgy ex-pat type dude working for a multi national ... What sort of medical condition should he come down with?Or.. or... he could be working for a multinational software company in D'Auckland, where the unremitting boredom of cubicle hell starts leaching the life outta him, firstly inflicting him with Aaaaaaargh-thritis, then stress-related depression.. As it starts to affect his mental well-being, he confides in management and the HR person, who profess their full support, only to then decide he's a liability, and threaten him with summary dismissal for non-performance of duties.
Nah... On second thoughts, it's too far-fetched to be believable. Either that, or too shockingly mundane and unimpressive to be movie material.
Better stick with the well-hung dude contracting willie rot.:msn-wink:

[jrandom]

multinational software company in D'Auckland...

Oi! Did the people ever get back to you about the thing, with the guy? At the place, that time?

PM me or summat.

[pete376403]

Even if it did, I am not sure I want to cavort with chicks that are lesbians, into grease, spontaneous bonking and like playing with knives... Sounds like a fast way to get the non speaking role in CSI!
Paul N

"You're young, you're drunk, you're in bed, you have knives: Shit Happens!"
Angelina Jolie explaining a scar. She might not be a lesbian but if you can get her in the movie...

Oh I didn't realise you want believeable

[riffer]

Even if it did, I am not sure I want to cavort with chicks that are lesbians, into grease, spontaneous bonking and like playing with knives...
Check out a movie called Baise Moi - a bit of an eye-opener for this sort of thing :rolleyes:

[Paul in NZ]

Check out a movie called Baise Moi - a bit of an eye-opener for this sort of thing :rolleyes:

There are some things I REALLY don't need to know! I already have way too many method of inflicting hurt on myself...

Paul N

[Blakamin]

There are some things I REALLY don't need to know! I already have way too many method of inflicting hurt on myself...

Paul N
Like talking to Bo for too long???... or inviting me around!! :blah:

[Ghost Lemur]

"You're young, you're drunk, you're in bed, you have knives: Shit Happens!"
Angelina Jolie explaining a scar. She might not be a lesbian but if you can get her in the movie...

Oh I didn't realise you want believeable

You obviously haven't seen Gigi. :D

She does some very serious girl on girl in it.

As for Baise Moi, yeah not really a film I'd recommend to you Paul.

Brief synopsis runs like this...

Girl 1 gets graphically gang raped (btw at this point it'd be worth mentioning the two 'stars' and the director are all ex-adult film girls).

Girl2 - kills bastard boyfriend.

Girl 1 and 2 meet and go on rampage killing and fucking and fucking and killing.

Not a lot more to it than that.

cno6 - I take it you are into "arthouse" films? Bit of a fan myself, along with b-grade. Read recently in a paper the same moral-minority organization that had Baise Moi banned from the Film Festival just tried getting the latest French film banned too, only this time failed. Will have to see it, can't remember the name of it though. Best recent film I've seen was Hero with Jet Li. If you haven't seen it I highly HIGHLY recommend it. Oh and for something slightly different, Chinese Odyssey 2002 and a Danish film by the name of Old Men in New Cars.

/OT

[Paul in NZ]

I used to do all the B movie / art house stuff but sometimes rubbish is just rubbish.. I got sick of talentless wankers using shock / porn tactics to prop up dodgy ideas and as soon as you start looking at the holes in the arguments it's.. "But it's art dahrlink, you just don't understand"

Well i usually understood being charged top whack to see the crap!

Now having said that. Those that know me, will back me up when I say my taste in most things is .... odd!

I mean to say! I own a B movie bike after all!

Paul N

[vifferman]

Oi! Did the people ever get back to you about the thing, with the guy? At the place, that time?

PM me or summat.PM=Public mail?
Nah, not a word. "But y' get tha' on the bigjobs." (Wee Small Willie With The Bigger Willie Than Small Wee Willie With The KnobRot Nac Mac Feagle.)

[jrandom]

Hero with Jet Li

Yup, the critical establishment are liking that one a lot.

I'm gonna be off to see it as soon as it opens.

[riffer]

cno6 - I take it you are into "arthouse" films? Bit of a fan myself, along with b-grade. Read recently in a paper the same moral-minority organization that had Baise Moi banned from the Film Festival just tried getting the latest French film banned too, only this time failed. Will have to see it, can't remember the name of it though. Best recent film I've seen was Hero with Jet Li. If you haven't seen it I highly HIGHLY recommend it. Oh and for something slightly different, Chinese Odyssey 2002 and a Danish film by the name of Old Men in New Cars.

/OT
Hey GL. Yup. Love the weird films. Sometimes I think I'm the only person in NZ who has Rialto channel.

Which film are you referring to - the latest Catherine Breillat movie, Anatomy of Hell possibly. There was all sorts of nonsense with Romance, including not allowing men and women to sit together in the same theatre. Ridiculous.

Baise Moi was rubbish. I thought Sex and Lucia, which caused a bit of a stir as well, was immensely better.