Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)
19th June 2007, 08:44
Subject: FW: Old people think ahead
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the
best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
The nice thing about having senile dementia is you can hide your own Easter
eggs.
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make
me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license!
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's
permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated,
jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my
leotard on, the class was over.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had
two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she
wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher
exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice
a week."
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp
as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief"
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow
old because you stop laughing.
THE SENILITY PRAYER: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never
liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight
to tell the difference.
Ain't senility wonderful?!
Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others...
or whatever. Oh, just send it to a bunch of your friends if you can
remember who they are!
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the
best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
The nice thing about having senile dementia is you can hide your own Easter
eggs.
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make
me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license!
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's
permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated,
jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my
leotard on, the class was over.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had
two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she
wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher
exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice
a week."
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp
as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief"
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow
old because you stop laughing.
THE SENILITY PRAYER: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never
liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight
to tell the difference.
Ain't senility wonderful?!
Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others...
or whatever. Oh, just send it to a bunch of your friends if you can
remember who they are!