Urgent - Missing child (20 June)

[SARGE]

Shelby Lee Barnett (SARGE's son)

Age 14


Missing since sunday 17 June
last seen Wednesday 20 June in Mt. Roskill around White Swan rd

wearing Jeans and a black hoodie

slight American accent

Contact Avondale PD or 111


I just need to know he's ok


see also http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showpost.php?p=1102889&postcount=25

[WarlockNZ]

Can we get one of the mods to highlight this please .. make it a sticky or something.

[crashe]

Will keep an eye out for him.......

Blardy teenagers aye...

Have you checked all his mates...... they may have him staying at their place without their parent/s knowledge.



((((HUGs))))))) mate......

[SARGE]

Will keep an eye out for him.......

Blardy teenagers aye...

Have you checked all his mates...... they may have him staying at their place without their parent/s knowledge.

.

been there , done that ..

[Mom]

You guys must be sick with worry! He will have found some pace to hole up mate, he is probably scared shitless, bloody unjustifiably angry and too stubborn to come home again!

Spend a lot of energy being extremely nice to you and yours at the moment mate, time enough for job seeking once you have him home again. May this nightmare be over soonest!

:love: Anne

[Big Dave]

Teenagers - teaching you for being smarter than him - that'll learn ya.

If he's fucking off when he sees you - Leave the door open and the light on and there's not much else you can do.

Pride can only be cold and wet for so long.

Misadventure in these conditions is a concern though. I got a good bike for searching and the disposition to ride it anywhere - if needed.

[FROSTY]

Teenagers - teaching you for being smarter than him - that'll learn ya.

If he's fucking off when he sees you - Leave the door open and the light on and there's not much else you can do.

Pride can only be cold and wet for so long.

Misadventure in these conditions is a concern though. I got a good bike for searching and the disposition to ride it anywhere - if needed.
What he says. cept maybee in a Cage --auto cage

[WarlockNZ]

Goes for me too mate ... have car ... will travel!

[yod]

bump....keep this one up the list i think

best of luck sarge

[Colapop]

Mate, I want to help but feel like there's nothing I can do but offer as much support to you and yours as I can. Stay strong, keep your faith in him.

[BuFfY]

I am teaching in Mt Roskill at the moment so I will keep an eye out around school hours etc. Best of luck in finding him

[jimbo600]

Fuck mate how worrying for you.

Does he hang out with mates who have cars etc. If so got makes and tags?

[SARGE]

I am teaching in Mt Roskill at the moment so I will keep an eye out around school hours etc. Best of luck in finding him

he has been spotted around the Lynfeild college/ area off of Kimberhall rd recently.. still wearing the same clothes he had on last week.

he hangs out at the YMCA- Margret Griffin Park area when he's home .. exercise assistant at the Y part time

[Filterer]

Shit its not going well for ya eh Sarge

Good luck with the search, two eyes open!

[SARGE]

Fuck mate how worrying for you.

Does he hang out with mates who have cars etc. If so got makes and tags?

whats worrying most is that some of his known associates are Somalian kids ( yes . the Black Hawk Down bastards)..


ive never busted him making tags .. he knows he would spend the day cleaning them off if i caught him

[onearmedbandit]

Good luck Sarge, hope he comes back to you guys soon.

[SARGE]

Shit its not going well for ya eh Sarge

Good luck with the search, two eyes open!

no man .. its not .. i ddnt post this earlier because i am a bit ashamed of this


pride cometh before a fall eh?


Karma is a motherfucker

ps .. only got one eye mate ..

[u4ea]

thoughts are with you sarge..mom of a teen myself so its damm stressful ..like someone said...he"ll come home when hes hungry!

[chanceyy]

good luck on the search Sarge .. will keep positive thoughts .. :yes:

[chanceyy]

no man .. its not .. i ddnt post this earlier because i am a bit ashamed of this


pride cometh before a fall eh?



nothing to be ashamed about Sarge .. kids will be kids .. given the community here .. there will be others who have been through the same situation, & more eyes in Aucks will be helpful

its called seeking help & asking for it .. nuffing wrong with that ;)

{{hugzz}}

[BIGBOSSMAN]

Fuck that's terrible - hope he returns safely to you mate :yes:

[T.W.R]

Power of positive thought SARGE :yes:

He'll turn up fine & dandy. Hopefully before friday so you can give the wee bugger a clip around the lug for creating unwanted stress without having the cops give you stick.

[WarlockNZ]

ive never busted him making tags .. he knows he would spend the day cleaning them off if i caught him

Think he was talking about the Rego numbers of the cars mate (tags- US slang for licence plate numbers :) )

[SARGE]

Think he was talking about the Rego numbers of the cars mate (tags- US slang for licence plate numbers :) )

sorry man.. havnt slept well lately

[jimbo600]

Think he was talking about the Rego numbers of the cars mate (tags- US slang for licence plate numbers :) )

Correctamundo

[deanohit]

sorry man.. havnt slept well lately

Understandable mate.Best if luck in finding your son.Hope it all works out for you soon.

[SARGE]

Correctamundo

actually, its "plates"

[kneescraper]

Gezz..so sorry to hear this Sarge.

Im not looking forward to my son hitting the teens...going by how much he 'already knows' its gona be interesting....hes 4 by the way LOL!

Best of luck Sarge, my prayers are with you mate!

[Mystery]

Sorry to hear this Sarge. My daughter did the same thing at the same age, her friends all denied knowing where she was but they all knew. She arrived back home under her own steam after realising that perhaps we werent the big ogres she made us out to be. Hopefully this will be the case with your lad.
Im sure Shelby knows he has a loving family and will realise that there is no place like home. I hope he comes back to you guys soon, stay positive.

[ManDownUnder]

Guys I know NOTHING about find a kid... what works?

A PI?
Reward Posters on power poles?
Radio Ad?

c'mon all - this IS where the rubber hits the road. Those of you with kids can relate a lot better than those without. For those without - imagine one of your parents just going missing... this is f*en serious.

Shelby simply needs to be safe first and foremost. He's a damned nice kid and I'll give him a bed and food till the time is right to return home (as soon as possible of course). Better here than under a bridge.

Who can help - and how?

[Paul in NZ]

Guys I know NOTHING about find a kid... what works??

Just a wild guess mate but I'd say - other kids... Someone will know whats what....

[Str8 Jacket]

no man .. its not .. i ddnt post this earlier because i am a bit ashamed of this


pride cometh before a fall eh?


Karma is a motherfucker

ps .. only got one eye mate ..

Mate, you can not blame yourself for the decision he has made. I wish I could help. My thoughts are with you!

[Mom]

Guys I know NOTHING about find a kid... what works?



Nothing works mate! unless they want to be found, 14 is such a huge watershed of a year for some kids. Assuming he is a smart kid, knowing his Dad, then that is a gimme really, he will be sorted. He wont be out on the streets, he will have someplace to stay, it may not be considered "parentally wonderful" but he will be ok. He will also be very, very confused, because 14 is a child, no matter how big and grown up they think they are. Knowing only a little of the history here it is difficult to comment really, but my gut says he is ok.

What a horrible thing to have to deal with.

Can I please put my name down to give this young fella a hug when he comes home, then a big kick up the bum for the stress and worry he is/has caused.

[Filterer]

ps .. only got one eye mate ..

Indeed but I meant my two were out looking!

[Mom]

i ddnt post this earlier because i am a bit ashamed of this





Ok you can quit that shit right off!..........ashamed of what exactly? Giving your young fella a bit of or a HUGE telling off, and no doubt some consequences for whatever he was up to????? Maybe you even yelled and swore at him? Sounds like you were being a Dad to me.......stop blaming yourself ok!

[riffer]

Shit this is rough Sarge. I'm not looking forward to this happening with mine.

I don't know if this is a help but the first thing I would be doing is rounding up all of his mates. One of them HAS to know something.

[MyGSXF]

Thoughts & hugs to you from Nelson SARGE!! :hug:

as mentioned.. other kids will know where he is! :yes: Do you know who his main friends are?? can you contact their parents.. to put the word out there amongst his circle.

Wishing you all the best, & crossed fingers that he will come home soon!!

Jen :rockon:

[Meanie]

Best of luck Sarge
I got teenagers myself and when they wanna go off the rails theres no stopping them so dont knock yourself around. He,ll come to his senses it just may take a while

[Pussy]

Wish there was something I could do. Our thoughts are with you. And it's NOT your fault

[Crasherfromwayback]

Who can help - and how?

We all can. I don't know many people in Auckland, but the ones I do know are some of my best mates. I've emailed them all the picture of Shelby, and asked them to email it to as many friends as they can.

Lets all do likewise.....spread this far further than KB.

[oldrider]

When a boy is that age, he can't believe how stupid his father is.

By the time he turns twenty one, he will be wondering how you learned so much so quickly!

Been there done that with my old man, then with my own kids!

Open door, open arms, say nothing when they return!

Just carry on normal at home, he will be doing enough thinking for the whole family.

One day, when he is ready, maybe he will bring it up and talk about it!

The less you say the better, just show him that he is loved.

It's a bit like coaching footy teams, "you" run the practice on Tuesdays and Thursdays but "they" have to play the game on Saturday!

He has just gone to the game a bit early, you have to trust him, this is a big learning curve for all of you, especially him.

By all means check and make sure he is OK and who he is with, where he is and that he is safe but try to let him come home just as he left it on his terms.

I believe he will be home soon as it sinks in what an arsehole world it is out there and what a friendly loving place he left behind, add on hungry and that home cooking and bingo!

Like the cheese man said, "Good things take time".

Stay the course, this is a testing time but an essential part of growing up and no one ever said it would be easy! Cheers John.

[98tls]

May take awhile Sarge but one day he will probably say sorry for the grief hes causing you........i agree entirely with oldriders post.....i was a complete fuck-up at that age...the reason...no idea,i just was.....many years later i sat my old lady down and apoligized for making her life hell,her reply was just to say "well i guess you were worth all the sleepless nights then eh"

[Storm]

Sad to hear that Sarge. I'll be praying for you and your boy.

[SARGE]

i am absolutely overwhelmed ...


my big mean ass is in tears over here..


i have a huge karmic debt to repay from my lifetime .. maybe this is the way the universe clears the slate and shows me what needs to be..

[Scorpygirl]

Sarge...Big karma to you. I hope ya boy turns up soon. Like all young people..he just wants time-out!!

Thinking of you and the rest of your family.

[Mom]

i am absolutely overwhelmed ...


my big mean ass is in tears over here..


i have a huge karmic debt to repay from my lifetime .. maybe this is the way the universe clears the slate and shows me what needs to be..

*Passing you the tissues* they are Aloe Vera too, so very soothing..........you big tough guy you.......chin up mate, it will be ok!

[Ocean1]

I'm another one that's been there Sarge, there's a lot of us.
All I can do is echo John's words. The old bastards' right, you can't reason with or threaten them at that age, just accept them.

Be gentle with yourself too, there's no blame here, it's happened to the very best of us.

Good luck mate, lean on your friends.

Mark.

[Ronin]

i am absolutely overwhelmed ...


my big mean ass is in tears over here..


i have a huge karmic debt to repay from my lifetime .. maybe this is the way the universe clears the slate and shows me what needs to be..

Hey Sarge, stay strong mate.

Feeling for ya and wish there was something I could do to help. Thoughts are with you. Remember it's not your fault. He has made the choice. All you can do is try your hardest to find him and love him to bits when you do.

[Disco Dan]

That sucks the big kumara Sarge, I will def keep both eyes peeled on my travels....

Reading through all the kind messages and offers, I had this vision pop into my head of like 6 KB bikes all converging on him in the middle of the street!!!!

He will turn up, keep positive.

How much money does he have access to? Can you get access to his online banking? may give you a clue as to his location?

[SARGE]

That sucks the big kumara Sarge, I will def keep both eyes peeled on my travels....

Reading through all the kind messages and offers, I had this vision pop into my head of like 6 KB bikes all converging on him in the middle of the street!!!!

He will turn up, keep positive.

How much money does he have access to? Can you get access to his online banking? may give you a clue as to his location?

he has no cash..his wallet is here at home

[Stickchick]

he has no cash..his wallet is here at home

Have you tried talking to his friends again as they just might pass on a message from you or actually realise how serious this sit really is.

Good luck with your search. I'm sure he will turn up when he has calmed down alittle.

[NotaGoth]

I really feel for you..

Always remember my old lady reminding me that she didn't care if I needed to go away for a while to have time out.. So long as she knew where I was and that I was warm and safe..

I'm sure someone knows where he is.. They'll be keeping quiet about it though...

Just give him time to chill.. And when he comes home don't go off your nut!!! Stay calm!!!

I hope he turns up soon though.. One of the hardest things as a parent is not knowing where their child is.. Chin up.. All will pan out well..

*HugggggggggggggggggggZ*

[Swoop]

The black hoodie.
Plain or is there a logo/emblem of some sort on it?

[xwhatsit]

Man this is horrible. So sorry to hear this, I really hope he comes home quickly and well.

14 was not so far away for me, much closer than most other people here -- I remember being so simplistic in my reasoning and one-minded (what's changed?). I don't think I'd be able to hold my pride up for that long in this sort of weather though, not even I'm that stubborn.

Best of luck.

[Chrislost]

geezes, i hope you slap him around some when he gets home and tell him not to be a 3rd world bum like his mates!
its ONLY going to get him in trouble...!

[98tls]

i am absolutely overwhelmed ...


my big mean ass is in tears over here..


i have a huge karmic debt to repay from my lifetime .. maybe this is the way the universe clears the slate and shows me what needs to be.. Aint life wonderful mate............just when you think you have it sorted Mr and Missus life point out your wrong...........dont be to hard on im..........hes doing it himself..........he just doesnt know it yet............

[SARGE]

The black hoodie.
Plain or is there a logo/emblem of some sort on it?

plain with a grey lining

[Ixion]

Guys I know NOTHING about find a kid... what works?

A PI?
Reward Posters on power poles?
Radio Ad?

c'mon all - this IS where the rubber hits the road. Those of you with kids can relate a lot better than those without. For those without - imagine one of your parents just going missing... this is f*en serious.

Shelby simply needs to be safe first and foremost. He's a damned nice kid and I'll give him a bed and food till the time is right to return home (as soon as possible of course). Better here than under a bridge.

Who can help - and how?

Important enough, this, to raise the dead.

So, how many bikers would it take to grid search the area? Couple hundred bikers asking "Seen this dude" is going to get round. Even if they don't find him, it's going to send a message that he's cared about and wanted .

I'm up to spend Saturday searching and doorknocking . How many others ?

Police members got any advice? Anyone in S&R ?

[Switch]

Sorry i can't help find him down in Hamilton. But i text a couple of friends who regularly go for drives around Auckland. Best of luck finding him. :mellow: :confused:

[Reckless]

he has no cash..his wallet is here at home

Constructive comments I hope.
My mates daughter did the runner. She filled her boyfriends family ( and several others)up with the old "my perants treat me like shit type stuff". And you'd be suprised how many give them a bed and do nothing to tell anyone. Sounds to me like he's been too long away from home not have someware to lay his head. So you might try greasing up the school to find out his mates full names. Then calling as many as you can. You've prob done this but a second try after a bit of time may bring a different result. See if you can get some leads going. Watch for the people who cut you off quick they may be believing him, as you've already said it was a lie you got him on.

Other than that we feel for you mate. I had a situation with my 17 year old that was "you decide but if you do it, your outa here" luckly it went my way, cause he thinks "the bastard (me), won't ever back down".

I'm another one that will help if you need a search party!!! Good luck mate!!

[Conquiztador]

I assume U have been over to the YMCA and asked them to keep an eye out for him?
His school class (I assume he goes to school at 14), have U been in to ask them if anyone knows?
Most 14yo's today have a mobile. So you would have sent him a text saying that U only want to know that he is safe?
Shopping malls?
U know where his group hangs out in the evenings?

All The Best!!

[Disco Dan]

Important enough, this, to raise the dead.

So, how many bikers would it take to grid search the area? Couple hundred bikers asking "Seen this dude" is going to get round. Even if they don't find him, it's going to send a message that he's cared about and wanted .

I'm up to spend Saturday searching and doorknocking . How many others ?

Police members got any advice? Anyone in S&R ?

I would suggest a sperate thread... I am sure many would help out.... :yes:

[SARGE]

I would suggest a sperate thread... I am sure many would help out.... :yes:

we have him traced to a 1 km square patch.. he's got the instincts of a VC though and we cant pin him down ..

i jut got a text from him saying he is safe at least, but his idea of safe and mine are totally different.. i am trying to talk him home as we speak..


i mentioned that WHEN the cops catch up with him, he will have to face the consequences and those he is staying with are in deep shit legally ( if not legally, then i know a few ways to turn their miserable little lives to shit overnight , but i didnt mention that to him)

[Reckless]

If he txt you thats a sign he's softening a bit. Just take it easy. My kids just switch off, if I go on and on. My advice is, don't back down, but don't attack him until you've had him home for a day and he knows you love him and were fuckin worried. Actually I've been applying, you have to be responsable for your own actions thing. I quietly put all their shit back on them to deal with. Its been working too! oh just tell me to fuck up if you don't think I'm onto it!!

As said before "light on, door open". Then deal with the rest. Good luck!

[Conquiztador]

that he is safe.

FWIW I am single dad with 4 boys, oldest 18. When I was young I was a little like your boy. Would stay away, not follow rules, get drunk, trouble with police. I did not want to have kids like me, so I had a look at how I could be different to my parents. Time, I realised, with them was what I did not have. I did all my activities alone. And I had no respect for them. And they were alcoholics... When me and my ex started having major problems it was a easy decision to make where I should put my time and effort, the boys stayed and she was gone.

So I decided to be different to my parents. Spend time with my kids, be a mate more then a parent who always put down rules. (We have very few rules, honesty being the only major one. And it goes both ways) Me and my oldest go to concerts together, we work on his bike, we talk about everything, I take a interest in his sport, in his interests. He knows Im always there, I always take his side. (He still gives me a cuddle and kiss before he goes to bed...) The 3 younger ones are getting the same treatment.

Any decision I make I first look at if it is good for the boys. If the answer is no or not sure I will not do it. No matter what.

I have found that being a parent is not something U do when U have the time. U do it all the time.

I am sure you already knew all this and are doing all you can.
And I think I have just been lucky to have 4 brilliant boys.

Hope all works out well.

[Macktheknife]

i jut got a text from him saying he is safe at least, but his idea of safe and mine are totally different.. i am trying to talk him home as we speak..


Actually mate, might be worth trying a different tack with him, something he may not expect from you. Let him know you love him and will be waiting when he comes home but no mention of any 'consequences' as such, "just come on home when you are ready and have a meal and a change of clothes, then if you want to stay cool."
Doing this allows him some 'wiggle room' to save his ego and at the very least you will know that he had a hot meal and dry clothes, give him a sleeping bag and warm coat. If he stays then you have a good chance of having a meaningful discussion with him, if he feels that the 'consequences' are too scary or confronting he could find ways of making things worse or just not come back.
Best of luck with this tough situation mate, hang in there, he is a good kid at heart and it might be a while before that comes through.
Mack

[Colapop]

Just hang tough and keep the door open. He'll be home soon.

[magicfairy]

i jut got a text from him saying he is safe at least

Thank god for that. Hard to believe now but when he gets to about 19 - 20 you will both look back at this time, and he will apologise for what he put you through.

Teenage boys are just yuk between 13 and 18, then they turn into people again (well mine did)
Adolescent brains work in strange ways, don't be too hard on him. Right now he just needs to know he is loved.
Then one day he'll have teenagers of his own, and justice will be served.

[mark247]

we have him traced to a 1 km square patch.. he's got the instincts of a VC though and we cant pin him down ..

i jut got a text from him saying he is safe at least, but his idea of safe and mine are totally different.. i am trying to talk him home as we speak..


i mentioned that WHEN the cops catch up with him, he will have to face the consequences and those he is staying with are in deep shit legally ( if not legally, then i know a few ways to turn their miserable little lives to shit overnight , but i didnt mention that to him)

You better hope he doesn't have a computer and isn't on here reading this =P

But seriously, i hope all turns out well. Good luck. Boys will be boys ( trust me, im one of them )

[Nasty]

Sarge .. I was so sorry to read this thread .. one of the girls I work with was just saying that she did a similar thing to her parents .. and it was designed to scare the shit out of them .. he will come home ... just hold onto that ... with the wallet thing we all know we can go to the bank and get new cards easily ... so don't be surprised if he has some cash .. .someone does know where he is .. and they just ain't saying ... just remember to hug him on his return and let him talk when hes ready. My heart aches for you matey ...

[yungatart]

Man, as a parent too, I can empathise with you and understand how worried you must be.
Our thoughts are with you, Sarge.

[gijoe1313]

Sorry to hear about this Sarge, the KBers here have all mentioned good advice - I'm just going to add my positive thoughts and give you whatever spare good karma I have to you!

Hope your wayward son comes back to you soon! (And yeah, I've done a runner on my olds as well around that age - their softly softly approach worked so well I've never felt the need to ever do it again! :o)

[MSTRS]

It would seem like your youngun is getting his head right before he comes home. I don't think that there is any right or wrong way to handle things, as everyone is different. You know your lad better than we possibly could, and even though I don't know you personally, I feel sure that you will do what is exactly right for you and yours.
And when he does come home, don't be ashamed to cry buckets when you hug him. He will see that you are human too, not 'just a parent'....

[judecatmad]

i mentioned that WHEN the cops catch up with him, he will have to face the consequences and those he is staying with are in deep shit legally ( if not legally, then i know a few ways to turn their miserable little lives to shit overnight , but i didnt mention that to him)

Sarge, really saddened to read this thread. It must be hell to be living through it.

As a few have already said, try not to be too hard on him when he does come home. He would have had his reasons for leaving - although they might not make much sense to most adults. 14 is a confusing, scary age.

I left home in the middle of the night when I was 16 - mum died when I was 13 and overnight I became solely responsible for running the house. All dad did was bring home the money to pay the bills (that's how I saw it at the time). At 16 it got too much and I packed up and went to stay with a friend and her family. Luckily I had a very good second home to go to. Was only there a week. My father, who had always been a bear of a man (a policeman..so you can imagine the level of discipline at home), met me outside school (he had waited for me every night, but I had used a different exit cos I was scared to face him - the last evening I gave in) and basically broke down and opened up to how much he needed me at home. Things still weren't perfect when I went back, but if he'd come at me all guns blazing as he always had in the past, I would never have gone home.

It's different with boys, I know, but the softer approach might be best given that he does need to come home for your sake and his. He still has to live by your rules, of course, but to get him home, he needs to not be afraid of consequences.

As for those who have sheltered him while he's been away - look at it this way - if there'd been nobody to shelter him, he'd have been on his own, on the streets, in the cold and wet. While it wasn't right for anyone to take him in and not let you know where he was, even if they were willing to fight to keep you away from him, at least he had somewhere to go. Surely that's better than the alternative? And if you stir up shit with these people once he's back home and he ends up doing another runner....what then? Please think about that and keep your boy's lifelines open.

I hope he comes home, safe and well. And I hope you guys can work out whatever issues it was that caused him to leave in the first place. Young teens have such a distorted view of the world, but as far as they're concerned, it's all very real. Take time to listen to what he has to say and try to understand. Even if nothing changes, at least you've shown him that you are prepared to listen to what's going on in his head.

(((Big hugs)))

[ManDownUnder]

HEADS UP

Shelby rang Sarge this morning 9:00ish and said he's coming home - he'll be there at 4:00.

SARGE will be offline for a while - I'll field any enquiries but will not divulge anything beyond my brief.

Anyone with experience of social workers out there? PM me please.

[Nasty]

That is fantastic news mandownunder .. :) ... at least now they can work through their *stuff*

[judecatmad]

That's wonderful news!

[Paul in NZ]

I was not sure whether to post this in your thread Sarge but I hope it helps in some way mate. I think you know if I could help I would help OK?

This is obviously a bad situation and as you are now finding out not an uncommon one in many families. Kids run away nearly every day and while most of the time they reappear, sometimes they don’t come back. No matter what – you can always examine the series of events that led to this and ask what could I have done better and what should I have or have not done. In short the normal learning process we all use but in doing that you must not start to beat yourself up!!! I doubt that you are a bad person and good people, while they occasionally make mistakes are motivated by the best intentions. Ie what ever you did or didn’t do it was most likely the best you could have done given the resources you had and the situation you were in. No one can ever ask more!

Consider this situation….. (true and recent story btw)

A good friend of my darling wife has a daughter that’s around 28 or so and a traveling rep for an fmcg company. She regularly travels a section of country road, often many times a day. One rainy cold evening recently she was traveling home when she passed a young fella (about your boys age and size) trudging along without a coat etc It was pissing down and night was falling and he was miles from anyplace and she thought what a bloody idiot to be out in this without a coat etc…. Still, boys will be boys eh? Probably walking home from rugby practise or something Then she suddenly realized she was miles from anywhere and that she had actually seen this young guy 3 or 4 times that day over 8 hours trudging up that road and she cottoned on that something’s not right here!! To her credit she stopped and talked to him and got him to get into the car, took him home, gave him a hot shower and a change of clothes while she washed and dried his. She fed him and he threw it straight up…. He was in utter shock… He is 14 going on 15, he is one of 6 kids to a woman who has had multiple partners and is now pregnant with another child to a new partner who didn’t like him so – they threw him out of the house… Just like that, no support, no coat, no money and no place to go… All he could do when she stopped was ask how far to the next town lady? He had no idea where he was even…. Eventually this young woman has taken him to his grandparents but is staying in touch and will try to help him as her heart was touched by his terrible situation… I’m not making this up and yes it happens everyday as well..

Now consider your situation… Obviously there is some difficulty but I’ll bet your boy knows ultimately he is loved and that there is a warm place for him when he needs it. Despite any feelings you may have about the situation or how low you feel now, when judged on the greater scale of family, you have done far better than the norm…. Don’t beat yourselves up – love conquers all (eventually)

[magicfairy]

He was in utter shock… He is 14 going on 15, he is one of 6 kids to a woman who has had multiple partners and is now pregnant with another child to a new partner who didn’t like him so – they threw him out of the house… Just like that, no support, no coat, no money and no place to go… All he could do when she stopped was ask how far to the next town lady? He had no idea where he was even…. Eventually this young woman has taken him to his grandparents but is staying in touch and will try to help him as her heart was touched by his terrible situation… I’m not making this up and yes it happens everyday as well..



That brought tears to my eyes - good on her.

[Crasherfromwayback]

It's a bloody tough one that.....the woman has done a wonderful thing...but it could've also been a tad dangerous. That's the sad thing now.....a good deed can turn tragically bad. Like in Melbourne....or the lovely 15yr old that stabbed the elderly woman 25 times.....he may've looked quite ok too.

I guess you've just gotta go with your gut instincts.

Sorry....back on topic.....Sarge...bloody glad to hear your boys a-ok. Hope you have a smooth as can be patch up and sort out.

[SARGE]

Shelby has called this morning ..he apparently got hooked up with a SYPS worker somehow last night. now, i am NOT a fan of SYPS by any means, but i am willing to hear him/ her out.

what REALLY burns my ass is the fact that there IS a police report on a missing child and the fact that said social worker did not IMMEDIATELY ring me to let me know what is happening and let me spend yet another sleepless night worrying about my son. woulda taken 3 minutes out of their precious life to ring and say " he is safe, warm, dry and fed.. will follow up with you in the morning"

but no.. now at 11 AM i STILL have had no contact from them and i am no closer to knowing WTF is going on with y son.

all i have is a phone call and a txt saying that he will be here at 4 pm. i guess i sit back and wait now.. i cannot take control of the situation and i have to trust the fact that this is not a stall tactic on his part to call the dogs off.


if i express my frustration to SYPS on their handling of this .. it will be a black mark on my file ( one of many in many files i am sure) and if i sit back all meek and quiet, it will appear as if i dont care enough to do everything in my power ..

whatever happened to win/win

Shelby is controlling the situation right now.

that is NOT how it should be.

[Disco Dan]

HEADS UP

Shelby rang Sarge this morning 9:00ish and said he's coming home - he'll be there at 4:00.

SARGE will be offline for a while - I'll field any enquiries but will not divulge anything beyond my brief.

Anyone with experience of social workers out there? PM me please.

Great news MDU, social worker - PM sent. I have lots of contacts in this area.

FYI - CYF's are pretty shocking at following procedure.. as Sarge found out.

[Crasherfromwayback]

what REALLY burns my ass is the fact that there IS a police report on a missing child and the fact that said social worker did not IMMEDIATELY ring me to let me know what is happening and let me spend yet another sleepless night worrying about my son. woulda taken 3 minutes out of their precious life to ring and say " he is safe, warm, dry and fed.. will follow up with you in the morning"

but no.. now at 11 AM i STILL have had no contact from them and i am no closer to knowing WTF is going on with y son.






Yeah that's pretty rank if that's whats happened. I'd (if it were me in your shoes) be pretty pissed off by that!

[Paul in NZ]

Lifes a negotiation mate... Its a shock to have to negotiate with your kids but you do eventually... Like a good fight - the first guy to loose his cool usually looses... Choke it back and think it through mate...

[inlinefour]

Shelby Lee Barnett (SARGE's son)

Age 14


Missing since sunday 17 June
last seen Wednesday 20 June in Mt. Roskill around White Swan rd

wearing Jeans and a black hoodie

slight American accent

Contact Avondale PD or 111


I just need to know he's ok


see also http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showpost.php?p=1102889&postcount=25

Dunno why hes gone AWOL but if he is anything like I was, he will turn up again when the time is right for him dude.:yes:

[devnull]

Good to hear he's safe...

I agree with Dan, CYFS are not exactly known for keeping parents informed. I'd also suggest that you inconspicouously record the "interview" if they are going to be involved, purely for your own protection. Better to be safe than sorry....

[MSTRS]

....
Shelby is controlling the situation right now.

that is NOT how it should be.

I doubt that he is, actually.
CYPS or whatever oxymoron of a title they use now are. And they are there for their own edification.
Sorry, mate, but you will need to bide your time...

[Oakie]

Had a situation like this briefly with our youngest daughter so I know what you're feeling. We came out of it all right by backing off a couple of minor rules we had in place with her that were small to us but from her perspective meant we didn't think enough of her as a person. That's the sort of Win/Win you can look for.
>'Win' for her was us accepting we should trust her a little more (which included letting let her know what our internet password was!).
>'Win' for us was knowing that she realised that anything could be resolved through reasonable discussion rather than by doing something extreme.

If your boy has a CYFS person in tow this afternoon, show your gratitude for keeping him safe and then do your utmost to get that person onside with you because it may just be that your boy trusts that person enough to listen to him/her where perhaps the communication between your son and yourself may not be that effective. Use the CYFS person as an ally, not a foe!

Hope it goes well for you anyway ... and remember, he won't be a teenager forever and they do improve with age.

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

Thank God he is safe. I know it will be hard but listen, remain calm, you don't have to say alot, act well. Fake it til you make it. This is the really hard stuff ay!! My thoughts are with you.

[Disco Dan]

Great news MDU, social worker - PM sent. I have lots of contacts in this area.

FYI - CYF's are pretty shocking at following procedure.. as Sarge found out.

If you want the number of a good counselor I can arrange something for you? She is also a good friend of mine, (like the social worker details i sent you) so gimme a yell if needed.

[James Deuce]

NZ's privacy laws allow Children to keep information from parents. Social Workers and Doctors have no recourse but to follow the Child's wishes.

Good to hear that Shelby is OK.

[Clivoris]

Pleased to hear that he is safe.

[chanceyy]

real good news there Sarge .. now the hard bit begins ...

good luck to you both .. :yes:

[SARGE]

Shelby was just returned home an hour ago.. he arrived in tears and threw his arms around me

i wish to thank everyone for all the support and help that has been freely given,,


right now, i have some serious repair work to do with my son and my family in general.

i will see you when i see you

thank you everyone .. you rock

[Reckless]

Glad to hear your boy is safe and well.
I left home at 15 and never went back. My mum did her best (on her own) and it was a good home, I was just wild. I sure regret what I put her through, and now shes been gone for 10 years I have to live with the fact I was an arsehole during that period. Hopefully it has made me a better perant.

You may only need the simplist thing my friend, "TIME" with him. I did it by buying MX bikes, not flash ones either. But they give us time together, and with it comes patience, understanding and respect.

Fucking good news mate!!

[MSTRS]

Shelby was just returned home an hour ago.. he arrived in tears and threw his arms around me

i wish to thank everyone for all the support and help that has been freely given,,


right now, i have some serious repair work to do with my son and my family in general.

i will see you when i see you

thank you everyone .. you rock

That is such good news. Shelby's 'attitude' shows he has thought long and hard about his part in this, and I'd say he is ready to do his part in repairing whatever damage has been done. That takes a measure of maturity on his part.
I hope that the CYPS cretins will now back off and let you all get on with it.

[Paul in NZ]

Shelby was just returned home an hour ago.. he arrived in tears and threw his arms around me

Enough evidence to show you aint all bad big guy and it aint all lost! Love heals all mate...

[kiwifruit]

Wishing you all the best Sarge.
Kind Regards, Allan.

[oldrider]

Shelby is controlling the situation right now.

that is NOT how it should be.

Why not?

He is going to have to take charge sometime in his life, why not now?

He obviously thinks he's ready!

All he needs now is your trust, love, guidance and support, as he makes his way.

Funny thing about being a parent; we work, scrimp and struggle to give them the best opportunities in life.

Then when they reach out and grab the ball, we are outraged that they are not doing what "we" tell them to do!

Forgive him for what you think are his transgressions and just start again going forward in life.

Congratulations SARGE, you have got a live one there, let him take the reins and watch him grow.

Every now and then he will turn and seek your approval and support as he makes his wobbly way forward!

The best thing you can do is, "be there for him" when he feels he needs you!

Best news I have heard here is that he is coming home, keep that door wide open for him.

If he turns to CYFS or any other government service they will grab him and make sure you will lose him. :nono: Cheers John.

[onearmedbandit]

Excellent news Sarge, very happy for you.

[Mystery]

Great news Sarge, I bet that was one of the best hugs you have ever had!

[Oakie]

Shelby was just returned home an hour ago.. he arrived in tears and threw his arms around me

Well that's the best possible start. If you two just work on it together now you'll be fine.
I'll bet there's lots of KBers out there whose shoulders suddenly feel a whole lot lighter too.

[oldrider]

Shelby was just returned home an hour ago.. he arrived in tears and threw his arms around me

i wish to thank everyone for all the support and help that has been freely given,,


right now, i have some serious repair work to do with my son and my family in general.

i will see you when i see you

thank you everyone .. you rock

Just like the nursery rhymes tell us;

Little Bo Peep (SARGE) has lost his sheep (Shelby)
and doesn't know where to find them!
Leave them alone,
and they will come home.
Wagging their tails behind them!

It's most important that little Bo be there when the sheep come back! :yes: John.

[u4ea]

yay!!!!!!!! you and Shelby and Mum can all rest easy..absolutly fantastic.......""""hugs"""""

[jazbug5]

Great news, Sarge- and also some very sage advice from other parents here (thinking in particular of oldrider's input here).

Just to add my agreement to those who have cautioned you not to go in with the Big Boots on: it's bloody hard at that age to put up with adults, rules, school etc all of whom have opinions about you and your life and what you should be doing, just as you hit the maelstrom of hormones, anger, exams... gah. I mean, we all know this, right? Your mates become the only ones who don't have a list of demands ten feet long, and who let you have fun and hang out just being you- whoever the hell that is.
Running away becomes the only logical option, and the more you dread home the more you will put yourself in actual danger in order to stay away and not be lectured and screamed at- even if that is the place which is actually safest. It's almost as if it's pure instinctive survival- fight or flight. A basic impulse, and who is more impulsive than a human at this age? In more 'primitive' times this would have propelled us out of the nest to begin our adult lives, fending for ourselves. The world has changed, but I'm guessing our biology hasn't adapted quite yet.

I ran away when I was his age, and some of the situations I put myself in don't bear thinking about. One of my biggest fears, though, as it got more serious, was what would happen if the authorities got hold of me. I don't think that has changed at all: avoid like the plague. I don't know anyone who has gone through the system anywhere and emerged intact- most care homes I know of are excellent places to learn about thieving and drug taking. 'Abandon all hope' and all that.

Have you met any of the Somalian friends he's been hanging out with? Or their families? Is it worth considering whether it might help the situation in the longer term?

[Big Dave]

thank you everyone .. you rock

Bring him around here if you want him gangster slapped.

[RC1]

good to here hes home and well :niceone: :grouphug:

[RantyDave]

Shelby was just returned home an hour ago.. he arrived in tears and threw his arms around me
YYEEEAAAHHHH!!

Thank god for that. Please go easy on the (not so) little fella - he stormed out the house after an argument and stayed out for four days. You can't tell me there isn't some of the old man in there...

Dave

[BIGBOSSMAN]

Nice one mate. Great to see a happy ending, maybe this is the beginning of a new era for you both :yes:

[gijoe1313]

:hug: :grouphug: :love: :yes:

[Scouse]

Thats what I like a nice Happy ending. Im really pleased to see everything is OK for you and your Shelby, there has been some excelent advice as well.
Take care Big fella

[Swoop]

:hug: :hug: :hug: :niceone:

[Str8 Jacket]

Shelby was just returned home an hour ago.. he arrived in tears and threw his arms around me

i wish to thank everyone for all the support and help that has been freely given,,


right now, i have some serious repair work to do with my son and my family in general.

i will see you when i see you

thank you everyone .. you rock

Wow, good on you for being able to swallow your pride mate! I wish you all the luck in world with your family, life can be very hard without them!

[Switch]

Really good news sarge. Hope everything works out fine. :yes:

[Scorpygirl]

Great news to hear!!! All the best to you and the family. Hugz and support.

[riffer]

Good to hear he's back. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it all day (having four myself).

Spend some time with your family now. We'll catch you back on here when you need to be.

All the best.

[Sniper]

Great news D, all the best bro.

[kro]

I am relieved to hear he is safe and well. You got some serious backing on here Sarge.

[Meanie]

Thats bloody good news Sarge, reminds me of an old saying
"If you love something, set it free if it comes back it is yours if it doesnt it never was "

[Conquiztador]

Yep, there is not enough hugs these days. Should be on everyones "To Do Today" list.

[Reckless]

Yep, there is not enough hugs these days. Should be on everyones "To Do Today" list.

Shit mate can you tell my missus. I try to make everyday a cuddle day:spanking: , but somehow she don't have the same "To Do Today" list we have.:bash:

[Lissa]

:hug: So glad he came home sarge, awesome!!

I lost my two year old in the book shop today for about 2 minutes... scared the living daylights out of me, luckly she wasnt hard to spot with her Black and Red 'Super Girl' cape on... you must have been going out of your mind.

Its a start of a happy ending... thats all that matters. :)

[Pussy]

Great news, Sarge. All the best to you and your family

[NUTBAR]

Hey bud, glad to here he is home & safe, might be a good time for some father, son bonding.
take him some where for the weekend just you & him.
do something that you both can do.
it worked with me & my son when we had difficulty comunicating.
well its a good start anyway.:yes:

[McJim]

Glad everything is better than it was 24 hours ago.

I won't offer you any advice - just best wishes.

All the best big fella.

[GOGAL]

I have been reading this thread over the past couple of days, and I am soooo pleased to hear your son is home safe and sound, Sarge. Scary time for you both - hopefully it will become a real positive turning point in your relationship.

[NotaGoth]

If he turns to CYFS or any other government service they will grab him and make sure you will lose him


I have to agree...

As a child I watched my older sister run completely off the rails... My parents did everything they could...

They even tried getting help...

Next thing you know they were trying to take all us kids away from my parents...

Even now I know for a fact that my parents not once did anything that would deserve for us to be taken off them..

All it was was one child taking the reins... A parent can only do so much.. Yet when they are at their wits end and try seeking help there is all this finger pointing, and families being destroyed...

This is something that SARGE and his son need to work through together...

For now Shelby is home.. Small baby steps as a father and son team... They'll get there.. No one else needs to be involved..

[Winston001]

Wonderful news Sarge, give the boy a chance to explain with dignity, he's struggling with growing up and has to make his own mistakes. Make him feel that home is the safest place for him to be, no matter what he does wrong.

[SARGE]

Wonderful news Sarge, give the boy a chance to explain with dignity, he's struggling with growing up and has to make his own mistakes. Make him feel that home is the safest place for him to be, no matter what he does wrong.

he has, i have, Looks like he is going back to the US to live with his mom though :bye:

I cant give him the happiness he deserves in NZ. I can only hope that she has changed her ways and her associates over the past 6 years

[MSTRS]

That doesn't sound too flash. Frying pans and fires? Can you change his school? That is often very effective at breaking cycles/habits/associates....

[deanohit]

he has, i have, Looks like he is going back to the US to live with his mom though :bye:

I cant give him the happiness he deserves in NZ. I can only hope that she has changed her ways and her associates over the past 6 years

Theres still hope there mate.A friend of mine came back from canada in january after living with his mum there for a year.Didnt work out there with his mums new man.Found out while it is no easy ride here with his dad,it is easier than the alternative.

[raster]

Best wishes Sarge, glad he is back, hope it works out.

Prayers from us all!

[ynot slow]

Great to hear he came home.mind you after being named after the greatest car designer( carol Shelby)what did you expect.My wifes youngest son lives with his dad in the states,the dickhead(father)met a chick from nz via internet and wanted to take both her boys over.He got really pissed when she got her lawyer to place an embargo on getting passports for them.Went to court twice before he realised the eldest wanted to live with his mum,they agreed to let youngest go to states.Time may bring him closer to you and as stated you might laugh about it in years to come.

[howdamnhard]

Glad to hear your son is back,hope you two work it out.Blood is thicker than water.:yes:

[Winston001]

he has, i have, Looks like he is going back to the US to live with his mom though :bye:

I cant give him the happiness he deserves in NZ. I can only hope that she has changed her ways and her associates over the past 6 years

I'm sure you can give him happiness but he'll have to come to that realisation himself. He is old enough to make this choice even if it is a mistake. Give it time. I've seen plenty of children run off as teenagers to the irresponsible parent only to eventually come quietly home.

Good luck, and keep in regular touch with Shelby so he knows you are there for him. I'm sure you know that anyway.

[alexthekidd]

Just sticka t it Sarge,

All the best man

[Nasty]

As long as the door is open for his return he will know you are there for him.

[ynot slow]

I hate you,from kids to parents are the worst 3 words.


I love you,from kids to parents are the best 3 words.

Never say I hate you to the kids.

[janno]

I hate you,from kids to parents are the worst 3 words.


.

So true! I apologised to them when I was in my early twenties about how badly I'd behaved as a teenager. I am bitterly ashamed of saying those very words. Luckily my parents were really cool, and understood.

But still, I bet it really hurt when I was screaming it at them . . .

Youth is wasted on the young, I say.

[MSTRS]

Never say I hate you to the kids.

Exactly. Kids know how deeply that cuts, which is why they say it, even when they know it's not true.
Always tell your kids that you love them.
It is permissable to tell them that you don't like their behaviour.