Death rituals.

[Clivoris]

I have been to a few tangi recently and got talking to a few Aunties and Uncles about the different ways people do the funeral thing. Seems to me that here in NZ we are able to be pretty flexible with funeral arrangements. I'm a bit of a mongrel-breed myself and have been to some marvelous "celebrations" of a persons life that seem to incorporate elements of many cultures. Long may it continue.
With my whanau, this developed into a discussion about the funeral arrangements we would prefer. To their credit, my wish to be fired out of a cannon with dynamite stuffed up my arse in order to be vaporised at altitude was given due consideration. I'm not a totally insensitive though. Mourners (both of them) will be given umbrellas.
So...do any of our KBers have special funeral rites in mind?

[u4ea]

Just a couple of my favourite tunes and cremation as that is as close to sending me off in a burning boat Im gunna get!!oh and a shitload of alchahol!!:innocent:

[Paul in NZ]

Ouch!

Good mate going through the last gasps at the mo so much on my mind... Sigh!

OK - I wish I had religion because then i would not have to worry but the fact is.. I do! Basically, not really believing in the gospels I turn to saint Bob (Dylan) and others and from that I reckon we are ALL pilgrims on the same road. What i hope is my mates that go before me will wait for me but really - if they have to move on a bit its cool!

As for the rites? Warren Zevon said it best - 'Keep me in your heart for a while'..... If one person cries at MY funeral my life will have been a success...

[Clivoris]

Just a couple of my favourite tunes and cremation as that is as close to sending me off in a burning boat Im gunna get!!oh and a shitload of alchahol!!:innocent:
Don't give up on the burning boat mate. I think our mate Colapop could be keen on a longboat with all the trimmings.


Ouch!

Good mate going through the last gasps at the mo so much on my mind... Sigh!

OK - I wish I had religion because then i would not have to worry but the fact is.. I do! Basically, not really believing in the gospels I turn to saint Bob (Dylan) and others and from that I reckon we are ALL pilgrims on the same road. What i hope is my mates that go before me will wait for me but really - if they have to move on a bit its cool!

As for the rites? Warren Zevon said it best - 'Keep me in your heart for a while'..... If one person cries at MY funeral my life will have been a success...

Me too. Good mate is paying for a cigarette addiction at the moment. I can't work out whether it's better to know when your time is up or to be suprised. Nothing wrong with Saint Bob either. Lately I have been attending the Church of Cash and Waits (Johnny n Tom).

[Babelfish]

I had two favoured exits:
a. sent on my way via burning boat
b. top of mountain on a pyre

Either way I'm toast

[chanceyy]

hmmmmmmm have not given it much thought .. as I will be dead anyhow I will not care how many ppl may mourn me .. guess those who feel I may have positively contributed to their lives might miss me .. others will celebrate that I have gone ..


but all in all as long as those who know me well & know how I live my life, remember my philsophy that then its all good .. if there are any useful bits then donor is way to go .. other than that cremation & scatter my ashes

[MidnightMike]

At the end it would have to involve my body/coffin being taken along to wherever on the back of a bike, (be it a trike or something) followed by a trail of bikes behind that, it would be a perfect send off.

[Clivoris]

hmmmmmmm have not given it much thought .. as I will be dead anyhow I will not care how many ppl may mourn me .. guess those who feel I may have positively contributed to their lives might miss me .. others will celebrate that I have gone ..


but all in all as long as those who know me well & know how I live my life, remember my philsophy that then its all good .. if there are any useful bits then donor is way to go .. other than that cremation & scatter my ashes

Come on girl. The least you deserve is an escort of bikes and horses. I'm a donor boy too but it can be a touchy subject with my Mum. There's no avoiding death and I'd be stoked to be able to improve someones health if any of my bits are useful. I have to admit to being a bit creeped out by the skin harvesting thing though. Guess it wont matter if I'm being vaporised at 200 metres.:woohoo:

[Toaster]

Clivoris the 'red mist'... nice.

Knowing me, I'd probably be running late for my own funeral.

[chanceyy]

Come on girl. The least you deserve is an escort of bikes and horses. I'm a donor boy too but it can be a touchy subject with my Mum. There's no avoiding death and I'd be stoked to be able to improve someones health if any of my bits are useful. I have to admit to being a bit creeped out by the skin harvesting thing though. Guess it wont matter if I'm being vaporised at 200 metres.:woohoo:


just saying it like it is Clive .. those who I have impacted on their lives & the friendships that have been built over time .. they can come .. others if they think they have to come then so be it ..

most of the time funerals can be quite trite .. we say all of these nice things about ppl once they are gone but can never tell them how much they mean to yourself while they are still alive ...

something I try to let ppl know while they are still here .. how much I appreciate them for just being them

sure I would love to have my animals there .. over the yrs they have been my sanity .. & now bikes do the same thing as well ..

[SARGE]

aint gonna be enough left of me to bury or burn

end of the day , the funerals are for the people left behind.. dont matter what you do with whatever is left ..grind me up and smoke me for all i care

[Clivoris]

something I try to let ppl know while they are still here .. how much I appreciate them for just being them

sure I would love to have my animals there .. over the yrs they have been my sanity .. & now bikes do the same thing as well ..

I'm working on letting peeps know the good shit too.
Without trying to be morbid, if I'm still around when you pop your clogs mate I'll do my best to get on a horse.:ride:

[chanceyy]

I'm working on letting peeps know the good shit too.
Without trying to be morbid, if I'm still around when you pop your clogs mate I'll do my best to get on a horse.:ride:

thanks honey .. ;)

[Biff]

I updated my will only a month or so ago, and my wife was most pleased to see that I kept my wish to be catapulted into a lake in the will, while Monty Python's Always Look At The Bright Side of Life was being played.

In fact I've already received tentative approval from the local authorities to allow my wishes to come true. Problem is it'll cost quite a bit to haul my dead arse to a small town in Albania, where an old contact of mine is the current mayor. The lake in question is lake Ohrid.

Although, to his credit, he did say that if I die during his term in office he'd happily fudge the necessary documentation in order to show that the box/coffin/crate in which my remains were being imported contained meat to be processed for animal feed (to save money). Fingers crossed nobody fks up and I do actually end up as Fido's supper.

Although the chances of it actual happening are quite remote I'd imagine.

[Mr. Peanut]

I want to be buried under a Kauri tree.

[rainman]

Like others above, I don't really care about the send-off, more interested in what I do before I cark it. Although, if it were up to me I'd organ-donate any useful bits and just bury the rest under the veggie patch... or a tree if you're squeamish. Human compost is the way to go. Pity it's illegal in NZ, AFAIK.

I like the following section from a Monbiot article, http://www.monbiot.com/archives/2005/08/16/a-life-with-no-purpose/:

Darwinian evolution tells us that we are incipient compost: assemblages of complex molecules that – for no greater purpose than to secure sources of energy against competing claims – have developed the ability to speculate. After a few score years, the molecules disaggregate and return whence they came. Period.

As a gardener and ecologist, I find this oddly comforting. I like the idea of literal reincarnation: that the molecules of which I am composed will, once I have rotted, be incorporated into other organisms. Bits of me will be pushing through the growing tips of trees, will creep over them as caterpillars, will hunt those caterpillars as birds. When I die, I would like to be buried in a fashion which ensures that no part of me is wasted. Then I can claim to have been of some use after all.

Is this not better than the awful lottery of judgement? Is a future we can predict not more comforting than one committed to the whims of inscrutable authority? Is eternal death not a happier prospect than eternal life? The atoms of which we are composed, which we have borrowed momentarily from the ecosphere, will be recycled until the universe collapses. This is our continuity, our eternity. Why should anyone want more?

[MotoGirl]

I have given this some consideration.
I want a home made casket, to be sent off to Blindspott's "Lull" (amongst various GnR hits), body to be toasted, and then ashes to be scattered.

My mother reckons that everyone needs a place where people can go to mourn. Personally, I think a grave is pointless for me. I'd rather have something practical like a park bench with my name on it. At least when people visit the cemetery they'd sit on the bench and read my name.

[Sanx]

For all I care, I could be dumped at the local tip in a rubbish sack. I'd like to leave instructions that I should be cremated, mainly because the religion that I was brought up to adhere to (and have abandoned completely, because it's a crock of shit) declares that cremation is forbidden.

However, I have instructed my other half that should anyone decide it necessary to have a funeral the there is some music that I wish to have played. All of it in supremely bad taste, considering the circumstances.

[0arbreaka]

Its gonna be a viking funeral for me.

[candor]

I would be the opposite to Paul and my goal and hope is not to leave any mourners.

My principal mourners are all dead and waiting for me anyway I hope! If not the thought will make it no sweat to die. Have lost enough people not to want to put others thru it tho.

Funerals and unveilings seem to me like they're mostly about the mourners and their perceptions and needs / conflicts - the poor body gets no say mostly. In so far as that goes they can be kind of unconstructive.

Often the answer to - what has this person or their life imparted and taught us is - SFA - nothing! Going on the BS that happens at funerals. I think I'd prefer not to attend mine, of many I've been to only the one which was my namas was a fair and reasonable set up.

But that was prolly only cos most of her contemporaries were dead so it was kept biographical and factual and musical rather than opinion based.

Also undertaker behaviour can leave a lot to be desired based on interactions when I've been laying people out. I guess I'd rather have no undertaker draining and stuffing me to prevent leakage.

If dogs bodies can lie about in the Southern climate to mourn them if need be for a couple of days I don't see why not people.

Religion - nah. What matters is what we do in the here and now to make things better, but I do suspect we survive decomposition based on couple of experiences but I could get proved wrong, tho I suppose I'd never know that.

When you're gone you're gone say a few people I know. That would not really be so sad tho if you made the most of life. But instinctively I feel energy will continue if in another form. I think we're kind of lucky out of the millions that have existed to be the ones alive right now.

I like the idea above someone had of the kauri tree. For me I bought my plot a couple years ago in my fave place but want to be half there and half with my partner (disallowed tho). So whatever happens it won't be ideal unless I'm cut in two, but frankly I don't care anymore. As you aren't where they put you anyway. My partner (there now)says you are in the stars. I think the stars may represent all the souls who've passed this way - now so near but far.

[Curious_AJ]

well, i would have to say, i'd like to be buried in a black mahogany coffin, with white silk lining, and a bell tied to my wrist just to say, that in death i still have contact with the living world (ya shaggers!) .... hehe.. yeah, i am weird like that.. but i have planned this quite well.. sadly enough ... though i hope i'm a long way from having to put it all to use!!!! *knocks on wood!!*

[Krusti]

Funerals are one of those things that leave me a little dumbfounded. Yes they do serve a purpose I suppose for those left behind. Helps with the grieving process etc but otherwise really a waste of time.

Think about if you could look down on your own funeral and see who turns up. Yes your close friends and family would be there but why do all those people who couldn't be bothered to make the effort to see and spend time with some one when they are alive all of a sudden decide they can drive half way across the country to attend your funeral. Then they all start spouting off about what a great person you were but never felt the need to say it to your face when you were alive.

I really noticed this when my mother died of cancer. She was a person who would go out of her way to help all and sundry. People could not drive the 40km to see her when she was really ill because it was either too far or they could not spare the time, but hey they all turned up at her funeral!

Yes this sounds soppy but I would much rather that we took a little time out and told those around us how special they are while they are still alive.

As far as my own funeral, friends and family and play "Pink Floyd, Great gig in the sky." (not sure if that is exact title)

In the end funerals are only there to help those left behind feel a little better.

My belief is that while my funeral is going on I will be in desperate negotiations with God trying to justify where I should go next. Not sure if my CV is good enough though!

[Trudes]

It's an interesting topic Clivoris, one that some don't feel comfortable talking about too!
I was telling my hubby a few weeks ago that it's funny that only a year or so ago, if either of us died there would have been 20 or so family and friends turn up, but now with our KB family we would probably need to buy more beer!
Personally, because I'm not religious, I find traditional Pakeha funerals kind of dry and impersonal. I'm also not Maori, but I've been to a few Tangi and thought "yeah, that's the way to do it". You hang out for three days, have a big feed, drink a bit, sit around and tell funny stories about the deceased, then go tell the deceased what you thought of them, good or bad. Loads of singing, crying, laughing and a good yarn to be told. I like the idea of being able to spend some alone time with your passed friend or family member, and not just see a coffin as it's loaded into a hearse. I also like the idea of letting your emotions out rather than sobbing quietly so as not to upset anyone else and then have to go and deal with it somewhere else. I have never felt fulfilled after a funeral, but have after a Tangi. I did my grieving with others at the Tangi and didn't take it home with me to grieve for years after because I didn't let it out.
Anyway, that's just me.

[Clivoris]

Wow. What a pragmatic and thoughtful lot we can be on here. I'm enjoying reading the posts. I do find that considering my mortality helps me appreciate the things I have in life, and like others that have posted here, it encourages me to celebrate it and tell people how much they matter before they die.

[skelstar]

I haven't had too many thoughts about what shape my funeral would take, but I have wondered what people would say... I think it could be considered a summation of your life in a way. Dunno.

My funeral would be about the people I leave behind. What ever is easier for you poor bastards in my life that I have to deal with me not being here anymore.

[Clivoris]

It's an interesting topic Clivoris, one that some don't feel comfortable talking about too!


Yeah. I hesitated posting for a bit, but I'm a bit of a fan of talking about stuff that makes us uncomfortable. Those that are comfortable will have a look and those that aren't wont. Death will come to us all. Thinking about this has helped me try to make the most of life.
I've certainly been to some unsatisfying funerals and they seem to be the ones that restrain involvement and expression of thoughts and feelings. My father in law died a couple of years ago and we had a lovely send off for him. A real mix of tangi and pakeha style. He would have loved it. Many stories told, tears shed and laughter shared.

[MSTRS]

As others have said, funerals are for the living. I hesitate to leave instructions for the proceedings, as I won't be there as it were, but the alternative of leaving it to my families to arrange (shudder) doesn't bear thinking about...
I will have to give this some serious thought.

[Curious_AJ]

i wrote a little thing for my eldest child to read at my funeral (if i have kids, if not, then a close friend or one of my brothers' kids)... but i wrote a little note basically telling everyone that i'll be with them, etc etc.. its liek 2 typed pages long lol... but yeah, i definately want it to be read out at my funeral... I don't want a usual type funeral. I'd prefer people laughed etc, and i would definately love people to tell stories of me that made them crack up, Goodness knows that I definately have done some weird shit already!! I'm quite sure all my friends would have a different story to tell... I like the idea of a tangi/south african/pakeha style funeral, heh...

[Nasty]

Its really funny cos Grub and I have chatted about most things but not so much about the wishes for a funeral ... I have my will written and we have discussed his and my mothers wishes for their passing .. and even talked about what my dad wants ... they all have quite set ideas ....

I am like Clivoris a mongral .. I think that my family would set the rules .. I am not partial to either cremation nor burial .. as I won't be here I am not bothered ... my dads partner who passed away had a tree planted in her name up in Rototua and that was precious ...

I guess we have a mixture of tangi/funeral for those who grieve in different ways ... I would like to be bought home .. and what happens from there is really up to the Grub and others in my whanau.

[BuFfY]

I am unsure about whether I want to be burnt or burried. I don't know which would be worse.. being burnt or being eaten and rotting... But I guess I would be dead so I really wouldn't notice.. but it is still a hard decision.

I want my funeral to be a celebration of me. My sis and I have always said we would want people to cry as much as possible... lol... but in all honesty all I want is for the people who care about me to tell the small bunch of people at my funeral why they loved me.

(and of course what I wear would be of equal importance!!)

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

Funerals are one of those things that leave me a little dumbfounded. Yes they do serve a purpose I suppose for those left behind. Helps with the grieving process etc but otherwise really a waste of time.

Think about if you could look down on your own funeral and see who turns up. Yes your close friends and family would be there but why do all those people who couldn't be bothered to make the effort to see and spend time with some one when they are alive all of a sudden decide they can drive half way across the country to attend your funeral. Then they all start spouting off about what a great person you were but never felt the need to say it to your face when you were alive.

I really noticed this when my mother died of cancer. She was a person who would go out of her way to help all and sundry. People could not drive the 40km to see her when she was really ill because it was either too far or they could not spare the time, but hey they all turned up at her funeral!

Yes this sounds soppy but I would much rather that we took a little time out and told those around us how special they are while they are still alive.

As far as my own funeral, friends and family and play "Pink Floyd, Great gig in the sky." (not sure if that is exact title)

In the end funerals are only there to help those left behind feel a little better.

My belief is that while my funeral is going on I will be in desperate negotiations with God trying to justify where I should go next. Not sure if my CV is good enough though!


Described perfectly - even to the song. I thought I would like to write my own eulogy. My family don't know me - don't have anything to do with me but you bet your sweet arse they'd get over the ditch for my funeral.

I want a yellow casket with yellow flowers and maybe some red or purple in it. My helmet and gloves have to be on the top of casket. And I want a bike escort. Then nuke me and scatter my ashes from a bike going at a great rate of knots! Being forced up catholic we were professional funeral goers. I will never forget my first maori tangi - and they started filling in the grave themselves! Holy shit I thought - now I think it's a great idea.

Man funerals can bring out the worse in people.
I will never ever forget the prick that arranged his mother's funeral, date, time - everything and she had'nt even died - I had been nursing her and stayed right to the end day and nit - docs said she would die Thurs - she died monday nite - son told mum on the sat all the times etc - - he had to change it. He would not go and visit her near the end she would ask for him - and the two ugly sisters from ausi - my friend wasn't even cold and they were ransacking the house.

Went to alot or irish wakes when I was young - they were educational - and at times alot of fun.

[MotoGirl]

(and of course what I wear would be of equal importance!!)
Yes, a valid thing to consider. I'd hate to be dressed in something inappropriate... :shutup:

[BuFfY]

Yes, a valid thing to consider. I'd hate to be dressed in something inappropriate... :shutup:

I think my sister will make sure she is burried with all her shoes! haha

[Cajun]

I only have one small wish i want, and that is to be burn with two gold pieces across my eyes 'pay the boatman'

All the other stuff, i have no interest in what happens, really, as others said furneals are for the still living.