Dads get stitched up

[peasea]

After getting a sentence on another thread that pointed to the dramas that dads have in the 'Family Court' I thought I'd put this out there......

I went through some major hassles when I decided enough was enough in '01. I left the house with nothing, not even enough cutlery to feed myself. After much generosity from friends and family (loans etc, all repaid now) I survived, got the property settlement and started over. Some luck, wise investements and hard work hae come together to see me back on my feet.

BUT!

Through the courts I had some nightmares, not the least of wich was COMPULSORY counselling of me and my kids. My two girls were actually smarter than the (fuckwit) counsellors and made a mockery of them. Well done those girls, they rose above it.

Even after playing the game I had to fight tooth and nail to get limited time with my girls, who actually prefer MY company to their mother's. Go figure.

Now they are old enought o make their own decisions, guess what? They want to live with me. However, they have had to endure their mother's power games, head games and drunken behaviour over being placed with their dad. (They tell tales of mum getting so drunk they can't understand the conversation and then she crashes on the lounge floor, all night, etc etc....)

She is a very intelligent woman, used to work for the Govt and knows the 'system' well. She's milked it, me and YOU! I actually paid for her to better herself, a very expensive Uni' course, heaps of bils for books, fees etc and guess what? She passed with flying colours and now earns shitloads but I still pay maintenence, even when the girls are here.

There is no justice in the 'family Court' and there's certainly no sense of family.

If you're a male, I have to say; "you're fucked". The degree to which you're fucked can vary though and my final words of advice would be; shop around for a lawyer, talk to mens groups and don't give an inch. they'll take plenty of inches anyway, so don't give them any.

Anyone else out there had similar hassles?

[chanceyy]

I will not jump on my soapbox bout this .. all I wanted to say .. good on you for being a great dad ..

dislike how kids become pawns to play like a chess game ..

& do not generalise .. it happens to both men & woman but its the kids who are generally in the middle

it would seem the need for revenge is quite strong these days, each party out to hurt the other as much as they can .. but most use the kids to do that ... sorry that just gets my goat ..

[Jantar]

Too damn right. I left my first marriage with the clothes on my back, one cat and my computer. I was lucky enough to later retrieve one of my motorbikes (the RE5) and a spare bed, but the ex sold the GSX750 and kept the proceeds. She also kept the house, all furniture, the car etc. Then I had to pay child support on an assessed income, not my actual income.

I thought all was well now that my kids are all grown up and out working.... Until yesterday; I received a letter from the IRD claiming I still owe them $59 child support from 1995. How come this is the first time they tell me?

[Grahameeboy]

Regarding kids, the Law changed in July 2004 which gave equal shared custody subject to mediation with a Court agreed Counsellor so things are better these days.

However, does not stop the power games. My ex cancels my Daughter's medical appointments without telling me, did not tell me that she took Nats to Starship last week, refuses to share Nats medical situation or use medical equipment that I just happen to be given first by the Wilson Home , but does not let me have equipment she is given for trial her partner threatens me because I stand up to this crap when they refused to let me have the backup wheelchair.

But I have my girl half the week, I have no resentment and you just have to remain focused which is why I kept the car, most of the contents and the house so I can look after Nats............it has cost me financially but kids arfe priceless.

Good on ya, sounds like you are doing alright despite the crap and that is the main thing.

[Delerium]

Went throught the same dramas from the kids POV. I dont speak to my mum much as a result. It c.omes back to bite them in the arse in the long run

[SlashWylde]

I have a mate who was done over through a power play orchestrated by his then partner. Trouble is he's not allowed to see his kids anymore

It's shit like that which makes me think twice about wanting to bring kids into the world - although if it happens it'll be a few years away yet.

Thanks for the tips, and good on ya for being a top dad, this country needs more blokes like you bud.

[jimbo600]

Well I was married in Pommy. Of course the family cout is much the same over there. Had issues with the wife. Had a row one day, I left told her I was going out to get a paper...........and here I am in NZ.

Left with a backpack full of clothes and a surfboard

As far as I know she's still looking for me.

[Dave Lobster]

I still pay maintenance, even when the girls are here.


Dumb question..

Why? Why do you pay maintenance when they're with you? Why isn't she paying you the money if you've got the girls?

[Lissa]

I havent had to go through the courts as yet. We are working it out ourselves with one prinicipal motive in mind.... the Happiness and Security of our children. They come first, even through their parents dont live together anymore, they are still their mum and dad, and that is all that matters. Its a shame that some parents use their children to get back at their exes, and in the long run its the children that suffer.

[civil]

My advise to any Dad going through the Family Court is sack your laywer and learn to do it yourself. That way you might then have chance at staying in your children lifes. Your laywer is their to serve you up to what ever the Family Court wants which we know is for Fathers to get out of their children lifes.
Men are not generally sucessful in the Family Court as we were created to be the protectors of our woman, where as woman were created to fight and kill anyone (even the father), who threatens the nest (aka remove the children from mother in any way)!!!

I when through a few years ago with the help and instruction of the UOF and have my children 50/50. I would recommend the UFO.

As for Child Support (aka wife support), then your choise is do what is required to sucessfully go up against them, or bend over and take what is coming.
You will be in very good company if you fight with over $1b now outstanding. I am still waiting some 4years latter for IRD to answer the first question I asked before I pay a cent. The question was "why do I have to pay it?"

[Grahameeboy]

Well I was married in Pommy. Of course the family cout is much the same over there. Had issues with the wife. Had a row one day, I left told her I was going out to get a paper...........and here I am in NZ.

Left with a backpack full of clothes and a surfboard

As far as I know she's still looking for me.

I like that......assume no kids involved?

[civil]

Dumb question..

Why? Why do you pay maintenance when they're with you? Why isn't she paying you the money if you've got the girls?

If you read the Child Support Act it is for the payment of Spousal Maintenance AND Child Support. How come the Spousal Maintenance part has been left out of the title?

[Bykmad]

Believe it or not, the family court, IRD etc, are not sexist. The whole system is biased against the Non Custodial Parent. If you do not have custody, you pay!!!!! Doesnt matter whether you have Testicles or breasts, as the non custodial parent, you pay. There is no fairness, there is no equality. If you are the non custodial parent, you get shafted!!! The secret in a break up involving children, I think, is to leave and take the kids with you. That way the other half has to pay maintenance AND Matrimonial/Defato property must be split equitably. Dont leave the kids behind, because as soon as you do that, you are shafted.

[civil]

[QUOTE=Bykmad;1130125] If you do not have custody, you pay!!!!! /QUOTE]

Sort of right with your thinking, however ever if you have 50/50 shared care IRD will still go after you to pay up. Go figure!

Like I say not many fathers are willing to do what it takes to be with their children. We were not made that way to hunt and kill the woman we love(d). Woman on the other hand are / do / and will.

[u4ea]

Dumb question..

Why? Why do you pay maintenance when they're with you? Why isn't she paying you the money if you've got the girls?

The goverment doesn't care so long as someone is paying.Usually its the men..I sent my son to live with his sperm donor at 13 as he was a bit too big for me to deal with..come a year later and sperm donor assults my son(leaves bruises on his neck and wasnt going to return sons belongings which I had provided not to mention he hadn't paid school fees...) and I sold up,son moves back, moved town to keep my son in the college he was attending.Before son came back home I had my crash and IRD were still charging me the same amount of child support as from when I was working full time.Even the week I earnt no money wasnt considered.After a year I was still paying arrears(while had son at home!!!)and found out I could have penalties reduced if there was illness involved!
The paying parent has very little legs to stand on and if your legs are broken it's even worse!!
There are some honourable men out there who leave the home with everything so the children are looked after but there are some arseholes too which work the system just as well as any woman can!!!!!

[Bykmad]

Provided there is no history of violence, there is no difference between a mother taking the children and a father taking the children. The Police will not get involved in a custody matter unless a Court Order is in force and has been breached. Marriage breakups are civil matters and Police can only enforce court orders. In a marriage/Defacto break up, provided no criminal offences have been committed (Assault etc) the Police have no powers to act. There is no offence of theft of a child, and also, unless custody orders are in place, one parent cannot kidnap their own children.

[kevfromcoro]

[QUOTE=Bykmad;1130125] If you do not have custody, you pay!!!!! /QUOTE]

Sort of right with your thinking, however ever if you have 50/50 shared care IRD will still go after you to pay up. Go figure!

Like I say not many fathers are willing to do what it takes to be with their children. We were not made that way to hunt and kill the woman we love(d). Woman on the other hand are / do / and will.

jeez u guys have got me paranoid..i have just been through a similar experiance..read my thread( the law and mens rights)..iam just going to thailand for a holiday..er..wot if i dont come back:shit:..just want it recorded somewhere...

[Jantar]

Believe it or not, the family court, IRD etc, are not sexist. The whole system is biased against the Non Custodial Parent. If you do not have custody, you pay!!!!! Doesnt matter whether you have Testicles or breasts, as the non custodial parent, you pay. There is no fairness, there is no equality. If you are the non custodial parent, you get shafted!!! The secret in a break up involving children, I think, is to leave and take the kids with you. That way the other half has to pay maintenance AND Matrimonial/Defato property must be split equitably. Dont leave the kids behind, because as soon as you do that, you are shafted.

She had two kids, I had one. And I paid family support for all three. It works against the father almost every time.

[u4ea]

She had two kids, I had one. And I paid family support for all three. It works against the father almost every time.

That is just WRONG......how the hell did you end up paying for all three???The system is pretty screwed alright!

[Mrs Busa Pete]

That is just WRONG......how the hell did you end up paying for all three???The system is pretty screwed alright!


Well i would question this with the IRD when my ex and i had shared custody he applyed for child support and i didn't just figured why bother he hasn't so i wont. Wrong 2 years later i got this huge bill for child support to my husband i just about died i'm talking thousands. Any whay to cut a long story short i did owe the money but they owed me more because over the time i had not applyed for the family support that i was entitled to and i ended up getting about 10 grand out of IRD.



If you have share custody of your kids you have to apply for child support you have to prove said child is living with you (which both partys have to do)
and then you get payed.

Well that is what happened in my case but that was a few years ago.

[peasea]

I will not jump on my soapbox bout this .. all I wanted to say .. good on you for being a great dad ..

dislike how kids become pawns to play like a chess game ..

& do not generalise .. it happens to both men & woman but its the kids who are generally in the middle

it would seem the need for revenge is quite strong these days, each party out to hurt the other as much as they can .. but most use the kids to do that ... sorry that just gets my goat ..

I avoided using my kids to get at the ex, quite the reverse of what she did. My lawyer described my ex as a "piece of work" and I flatly refused to stoop to her level. Now that the kids see how she operates they can make up their own minds. It hasn't been easy for them though.

Thanks for the positive comments.

[peasea]

Too damn right. I left my first marriage with the clothes on my back, one cat and my computer. I was lucky enough to later retrieve one of my motorbikes (the RE5) and a spare bed, but the ex sold the GSX750 and kept the proceeds. She also kept the house, all furniture, the car etc. Then I had to pay child support on an assessed income, not my actual income.

I thought all was well now that my kids are all grown up and out working.... Until yesterday; I received a letter from the IRD claiming I still owe them $59 child support from 1995. How come this is the first time they tell me?

I won't go into too much detail but I managed to get away with minimal payments to my ex. She started earing big gold after I paid to put her through Uni, so she doesn't need much from me (she just bought her third house...). The kids are well catered for. One of the reasons she fought so hard to have the kids for more than 140-something nights per year (to qualify for more than half shared care legally, blah blah..) was so that she wouldn't have to pay me. If she did, then I'd be laughing coz she's such a big earner.

IRD? Steer clear of them is all I can say.

[peasea]

Regarding kids, the Law changed in July 2004 which gave equal shared custody subject to mediation with a Court agreed Counsellor so things are better these days.

However, does not stop the power games. My ex cancels my Daughter's medical appointments without telling me, did not tell me that she took Nats to Starship last week, refuses to share Nats medical situation or use medical equipment that I just happen to be given first by the Wilson Home , but does not let me have equipment she is given for trial her partner threatens me because I stand up to this crap when they refused to let me have the backup wheelchair.

But I have my girl half the week, I have no resentment and you just have to remain focused which is why I kept the car, most of the contents and the house so I can look after Nats............it has cost me financially but kids arfe priceless.

Good on ya, sounds like you are doing alright despite the crap and that is the main thing.

It sounds like you've had it worse than me at times. It's such a drama we can all live without and again the kids are the meat in the sandwich. All I got from inside the house was a stereo I bought in '82 (its outdated but still punches it out) workshop manuals, an old computer, an old SLR camera and less than half a massive CD collection. I had to go around there one day and uplift my tools while witchypoo was at work, then she accused me in court of stealing them! It was such a joke.

[Grahameeboy]

It sounds like you've had it worse than me at times. It's such a drama we can all live without and again the kids are the meat in the sandwich. All I got from inside the house was a stereo I bought in '82 (its outdated but still punches it out) workshop manuals, an old computer, an old SLR camera and less than half a massive CD collection. I had to go around there one day and uplift my tools while witchypoo was at work, then she accused me in court of stealing them! It was such a joke.

There are no real degrees to this shit..shit is shit matey....trouble us even though you stand upto it you still feel like the troublemaker..if that makes sense?

[peasea]

Dumb question..

Why? Why do you pay maintenance when they're with you? Why isn't she paying you the money if you've got the girls?

It's not a dumb question; it's a dumb system.

It goes like this; we go to court, it gets nasty. She wants full custody but the lawyers agree it'll never happen, no grounds for that, ie I'm not violent, no third party etc. The deal was written up and at the time (things are different now) I did ok. I got half the Christmas holidays, all the term holidays (Monday to Friday) and every second w/e. That looked fine but what it meant was; I had to drive my life through several part time jobs so that I could be with the girls during my allocated times. That allowed HER to continue with her high-paying job (I'm the unpaid babysitter, see?) AND there weren't enough nights spent at my place to qualify for 'half' shares of the kids. I pay her, every week, even when the girls are here. I've had this out with IRD several times and they say their hands are tied.

THEN, a couple of years ago, she tries again for full custody. It was thrown out in a nanosecond and the magistrate was quite irate that my ex had wasted court time. My (new and subsequently sacked) lawyer then put it to the magistrate that the girls wanted more time with me, which was awarded, BUT, even with one extra week per term with me the number of nights is still JUST under what IRD percieve to be 'half'. I'm about three short, therefore I pay.

In closing; the lawyer was SUPPOSED to go for an extra six weeks per year, but got me one extra week per term. If he'd done his job I'd have been over half and my ex would be paying me shitlaods based on her earnings. I don't earn shitloads so she gets sfa from me by comparison but it stll hurts, especially when the kids are with her, even over that part of the Christams holidays that they are with her!

Sorry for the rant, hope that clarifies things.

PS: If you want the name of a lawyer NOT to use, PM me.

[peasea]

LOL...if only it was like that in ummmmm REAL LIFE.
Sure there may be words on paper that say such yet it doesn't always happen like that....as I have already mentioned I know this from experience.
A woman(no offense intended Ladies) can claim violence and the man is done...or at least is done until he can prove otherwise....once again I know this from experience in real life.


Ah! Bingo.
I had a standup argument with my ex on her balcony one evening, I'd gone to the front door and she came out with the phone in her hand. It got heated, she took a swipe at me with the phone and I grabbed it off her. She called that tecnical assault, rang the cops and there is now a domestic violence thingy on my sheet. Marvellous. The non molestation order wasn't awarded though, so that's something. However, the court took her word for everything and her affidavits are full of lies. What can you do?

[BuFfY]

Some dads deserve everything they get.
But it does sound like you got the raw end of the deal.

My dad left, after having an affair for three months, so he didn't deserve to take half of the contents, or to have us for a set period of time. My sister and I were far too hurt by him to want to have to commit to spending time with him.
He now sees us once a year. Rings occassionaly. We fall out often because he forgets how to be a father.

Now my poor mother is going through the same thing again. Been married since January and was all ready to pack up and move to Melbourne in August. Quit her job and everything. Now she will be jobless, husbandless and homeless. He deserves to have everything taken from him, the way he is treating her is disgusting

[avgas]

I'd just like to say
"Good on you hard working Dads"
My dad was in the same predicament, and i give him a lot of respect for what he did. So don't think its all in vain.....your kids will respect you.
On the flip side of the coin i have very little respect for mum and she got a relatively free ride.
We are too PC in this country - but its like the old saying goes
"It takes the bigger person to walk away from the fight"
you guys are huge.:yes::Punk:

[peasea]

There are no real degrees to this shit..shit is shit matey....trouble us even though you stand upto it you still feel like the troublemaker..if that makes sense?

Yeah, it does, I did feel like that and the looks you get when you're putting your case don't help. I made the effort to always turn up tidily dressed, was polite and thought I was doing everything possible to give my kids the best deal available. In hindsight, I should have gone for full custody perhaps but my eldest sister (who has five kids and is a great parent) always told me that whatever happened the girls would eventually come back to me. She was right, it's just a shame they had to endure their mothers b/s, the courts and the counsellors. The latter, it turns out, actually acted illegally at one point (interviweing the girls before they'd been appointed counsel for child) and my useless lawyer didn't uncover them.

[peasea]

Some dads deserve everything they get.
But it does sound like you got the raw end of the deal.

My dad left, after having an affair for three months, so he didn't deserve to take half of the contents, or to have us for a set period of time. My sister and I were far too hurt by him to want to have to commit to spending time with him.
He now sees us once a year. Rings occassionaly. We fall out often because he forgets how to be a father.

Now my poor mother is going through the same thing again. Been married since January and was all ready to pack up and move to Melbourne in August. Quit her job and everything. Now she will be jobless, husbandless and homeless. He deserves to have everything taken from him, the way he is treating her is disgusting


I agree wholeheartedly, some guys are right tossers when it comes to fatherhood. However, I don't hang around with losers who run out on their women, most of my mates are stand up blokes but I could name at least three who've been screwed over by their ex or the court. One was so stressed by the situation he left town, hardly saw the sons he loved so much and dropped dead from a heart attack two years ago. I blame her for that.

I didn't have an affair, even though a mates missus wanted one once, I still believe in the promise you make on your wedding day, and in fact, I don't think a marriage license is required for a guy to be faithful. I've had my bash at bedhopping and during those times I wasn't in any form of relationship other than having a good time. Then things change and you settle down, at that point you promise yourself as much as your partner to keep it 'clean'.

Some guys create trouble for themselves.

[peasea]

I'd just like to say
"Good on you hard working Dads"
My dad was in the same predicament, and i give him a lot of respect for what he did. So don't think its all in vain.....your kids will respect you.
On the flip side of the coin i have very little respect for mum and she got a relatively free ride.
We are too PC in this country - but its like the old saying goes
"It takes the bigger person to walk away from the fight"
you guys are huge.:yes::Punk:

Appreciate the support. Yup, I felt like bashing that beeyarch so many times but I'm glad I didn't really. She ain't worth the time.

[James Deuce]

I have a friend who shall remain unnamed and his whereabouts hidden. He no longer lives in NZ, and hasn't seen his 3 girls for 4 years (The changes in 2004 made no difference Grahameeboy) .

His wife's new partner beat the shit out of him when he came to pick the girls up one weekend. He had shared custody, but the Wife somehow convinced the courts that he was earning twice as much as he really was (a company car isn't real money). He ended up paying more in child support than he was earning, and Baycorp hounded him until he was suicidal.

I got him out of the country and back to his folks. It's unlikely that the two younger girls would even remember him now.

If you get married and have kids with the wrong person these days, more fool you.

[scumdog]

Appreciate the support. Yup, I felt like bashing that beeyarch so many times but I'm glad I didn't really. She ain't worth the time.


Good call - wait long enough and kharma will get her anyway.... and the kids will know who REALLY cause all the grief for who - and will repay her accordingly.

[peasea]

Good call - wait long enough and kharma will get her anyway.... and the kids will know who REALLY cause all the grief for who - and will repay her accordingly.

Do you have kharma's number by any chance?

[peasea]

I have a friend who shall remain unnamed and his whereabouts hidden. He no longer lives in NZ, and hasn't seen his 3 girls for 4 years (The changes in 2004 made no difference Grahameeboy) .

His wife's new partner beat the shit out of him when he came to pick the girls up one weekend. He had shared custody, but the Wife somehow convinced the courts that he was earning twice as much as he really was (a company car isn't real money). He ended up paying more in child support than he was earning, and Baycorp hounded him until he was suicidal.

I got him out of the country and back to his folks. It's unlikely that the two younger girls would even remember him now.

If you get married and have kids with the wrong person these days, more fool you.


Yessiree, and my new lady (bless her cotton socks) was the one who suggested we now put an agreement in writing, even though her share isn't worth what mine is. She isn't greedy and wants to prove it, to protect my nestegg for my daughters. Not many ladies like that.

[peasea]

It sure looks like I'm not alone here.
Thanks for your comments and support, people. While I know every case is different, if there are any of you who think I might be able to offer some basic advice just PM me. I'm no lawyer but having been through this crap gives you a whole different perspective.

Again, thanks.

[MSTRS]

Having gone through some of this same shit a 'few' years ago, I think that as guys we tend to expect better and therefore wait for reason to occur. THIS IS A MISTAKE. If it is all turning to custard, get in first. Take the 'fight' to them by being first with the legal posturing. The best defence is a good offence.

[Deviant Esq]

Darned right Peasea, heard it all too many times from decent honest hardworking blokes only wanting to have a good life and provide their kids with one... only to get absolutely royally shafted by the most unbelievably greedy, callous piece of shitstain alive - a woman every time.

I grew up in the sort of shit soup these stories have told - my Mum took my Dad to the cleaners for pretty much all he was worth, while trying her best to get in the sack with the next door neighbour (who was married), but failing. Learning what I only learnt much later on in life (I was 5 when my parents split), I have no respect for my mother and what she did to my old man - no question who's the better person.

The things brought up in the thread are part of why I am adamant I do not want children - ever. And before anyone gets on my back about this - don't even think about it. This is my life and my life decision. I am in no way encouraging others not to have children, nor am I saying having children is a bad decision, but it is my decision to make. Why is a measure of a happy life having a wife and kids?!? All the bloody gubbermint does is encourage people to have children, and then gives people who have them but can't afford to have them tax breaks to deal with them. But for your ordinary hardworking NZer who's made the decision not to have kids or cannot? No tax break for you buddy, have children. Fuck that.

Sorry Peasea, bit of a nerve hit with me too. You have my sympathies mate. Your ex sounds like the stereotypical money and power hungry woman. :mellow:

[peasea]

Darned right Peasea, heard it all too many times from decent honest hardworking blokes only wanting to have a good life and provide their kids with one... only to get absolutely royally shafted by the most unbelievably greedy, callous piece of shitstain alive - a woman every time.

I grew up in the sort of shit soup these storeies have told - my Mum took my Dad to the cleaners for pretty much all he was worth, while trying her best to get in the sack with the next door neighbour (who was married), but failing. Learning what I only learnt much later on in life (I was 5 when my parents split), I have no respect for my mother and what she did to my old man - no question who's the better person.

The things brought up in the thread are part of why I am adamant I do not want children - ever. And before anyone gets on my back about this - don't even think about it. This is my life and my life decision. I am in no way encouraging others not to have children, nor am I saying having children is a bad decision, but it is my decision to make. Why is a measure of a happy life having a wife and kids?!? All the bloody gubbermint does is encourage people to have children, and then gives people who have them but can't afford to have them tax breaks to deal with them. But for your ordinary hardworking NZer who's made the decision not to have kids or cannot? No tax break for you buddy, have children. Fuck that.

Sorry Peasea, bit of a nerve hit with me too. You have my sympathies mate. Your ex sounds like the stereotypical money and power hungry woman. :mellow:

She's a power freak alright. My eldest hates the way she interferes with her life, she's 17 and a half, she's a young woman dammit. Sure I giude my teenagers but sometimes you have to let go, let them guide their own life, make their own mistakes.

I wouldn't tell anyone to have kids or not have kids. Like you I think it's a personal decision. Now that I have them I wouldn't have it any other way; they are my mates now. My only regret is the wrong choice of mother, but having said that, if she weren't their mother they'd be different kids and THAT I'd never change.

[kevfromcoro]

The Devil comes in many forms.

[Little Miss Trouble]

Reading some of the bitter posts in here is a little disturbing.
Not all women are like that damnit!
Heres my families story: My parents split when I was 16, I was freaken joyful that my mum was finally walking and taking me and my siblings with her, hell I'd been urging her to do it for years!
Long story short she didn't force the sale of the farm,(the five of us moved to a little three-bedroom rental) got a pitiful payout as her 'share', no child support for the youger two and still had to pay all the school fees and extras because my father was too tight with his money to want his own children to have those experiences.
I now have as little to do with him as possible, I find him revulting after all the terror and torment he inflicted on my family.
I'm closer to my mum than ever and its been so awsome to watch her become a human being again instead of the meek little wife who tiptoed on eggshells, and to finally find confidence in myself again too. lol my darling little sister says buying my bike was part of my big "screw-you-I-can-do-anything,you-dont-have-a-hold-on-me-anymore" rebellion:sunny:

Don't ever forget the flipside of the story and the ones the courts are trying to protect.

[peasea]

Reading some of the bitter posts in here is a little disturbing.
Not all women are like that damnit!
Heres my families story: My parents split when I was 16, I was freaken joyful that my mum was finally walking and taking me and my siblings with her, hell I'd been urging her to do it for years!
Long story short she didn't force the sale of the farm,(the five of us moved to a little three-bedroom rental) got a pitiful payout as her 'share', no child support for the youger two and still had to pay all the school fees and extras because my father was too tight with his money to want his own children to have those experiences.
I now have as little to do with him as possible, I find him revulting after all the terror and torment he inflicted on my family.
I'm closer to my mum than ever and its been so awsome to watch her become a human being again instead of the meek little wife who tiptoed on eggshells, and to finally find confidence in myself again too. lol my darling little sister says buying my bike was part of my big "screw-you-I-can-do-anything,you-dont-have-a-hold-on-me-anymore" rebellion:sunny:

Don't ever forget the flipside of the story and the ones the courts are trying to protect.

Hey, 'I' NEVER said that all women were anything of anything, just my experiences with ONE. Most of the females in my life have been excellent people, in fact only a handful have been trouble. I used to get hassled by 'the boys' for spending so much time with females. Sure, I was looking to get laid and sometimes it worked but their company was WAAAAAY less confrontational, often funnier and loads more empathetic to those with problems. Guys just tell you harden up, girls give you a hug, a cup of tea, talk it over and try to be supportive. (Generally speaking.) Sure, there's always a flip side to the story..........wanna meet my ex? The one my (female)lawyer described as a piece of work?

[Little Miss Trouble]

Hey, 'I' NEVER said that all women were anything of anything, just my experiences with ONE. Most of the females in my life have been excellent people, in fact only a handful have been trouble. I used to get hassled by 'the boys' for spending so much time with females. Sure, I was looking to get laid and sometimes it worked but their company was WAAAAAY less confrontational, often funnier and loads more empathetic to those with problems. Guys just tell you harden up, girls give you a hug, a cup of tea, talk it over and try to be supportive. (Generally speaking.) Sure, there's always a flip side to the story..........wanna meet my ex? The one my (female)lawyer described as a piece of work?

Hell no I don't want to meet her she sounds like a real biarch!
I wasn't targetting anyone in particular :dodge: just the general tone this thread was taking on - that the wife WILL take everything, some people do dispicable (sp?) things, thats life unfortunately. Its the gender sterotype crap that gets me a little pissy.

[Grahameeboy]

I have a friend who shall remain unnamed and his whereabouts hidden. He no longer lives in NZ, and hasn't seen his 3 girls for 4 years (The changes in 2004 made no difference Grahameeboy) .

His wife's new partner beat the shit out of him when he came to pick the girls up one weekend. He had shared custody, but the Wife somehow convinced the courts that he was earning twice as much as he really was (a company car isn't real money). He ended up paying more in child support than he was earning, and Baycorp hounded him until he was suicidal.

I got him out of the country and back to his folks. It's unlikely that the two younger girls would even remember him now.

If you get married and have kids with the wrong person these days, more fool you.


The changes in 2004 only applied to post seperations so if you are saying he has not seen his kids for 3-4 years he seperated before the new law.

Still sad.

Re your last comment a bit harsh.....we don't have crystal balls.

[peasea]

Hell no I don't want to meet her she sounds like a real biarch!
I wasn't targetting anyone in particular :dodge: just the general tone this thread was taking on - that the wife WILL take everything, some people do dispicable (sp?) things, thats life unfortunately. Its the gender sterotype crap that gets me a little pissy.

Don't blame you, me too, especially in court.

[peasea]

we don't have crystal balls.

Lucky for us; some wenches would crush them and put them in our soup.

[chanceyy]

Darned right Peasea, heard it all too many times from decent honest hardworking blokes only wanting to have a good life and provide their kids with one... only to get absolutely royally shafted by the most unbelievably greedy, callous piece of shitstain alive - a woman every time.


I do take exception to that paragraph ... men are not the only ones to get shafted, admit it is more woman than men who have a great need for greed, revenge, & to basically stick the knife in .. but it is both men & woman .. have seen it to many times to count ..
but to say a woman every time .. sorry mate .. do not tar us with the same brush .. I have never nor will I ever become a greedy, callous piece of shitstain alive ... & my ex's can assertain to that fact ..



I grew up in the sort of shit soup these storeies have told - my Mum took my Dad to the cleaners for pretty much all he was worth, while trying her best to get in the sack with the next door neighbour (who was married), but failing. Learning what I only learnt much later on in life (I was 5 when my parents split), I have no respect for my mother and what she did to my old man - no question who's the better person.

The things brought up in the thread are part of why I am adamant I do not want children - ever. And before anyone gets on my back about this - don't even think about it. This is my life and my life decision. I am in no way encouraging others not to have children, nor am I saying having children is a bad decision, but it is my decision to make. Why is a measure of a happy life having a wife and kids?!? All the bloody gubbermint does is encourage people to have children, and then gives people who have them but can't afford to have them tax breaks to deal with them. But for your ordinary hardworking NZer who's made the decision not to have kids or cannot? No tax break for you buddy, have children. Fuck that.

Sorry Peasea, bit of a nerve hit with me too. You have my sympathies mate. Your ex sounds like the stereotypical money and power hungry woman. :mellow:

like you I have decided not to have kids .. been saying it since i was 17 & now I am much much much older my family kinda think I mean what I say ... a lot of reasons for it but I would never want kids to be put through the mill since relationships never seem to last these days

As kids get older & can see through the bullshit that was a part of their childhood they have the ability to make up their own minds about the truth & see what is real & what is not .. yes most do make contact with the other parent later on .. but all those "missed yrs" do impact on both child & parent, & why all because of an adults desire to screw someone over ..

My thought ... kids never asked to be born .. we have the choice to bring them into the world & it takes both parties to make a child .. so that child has the right to have both parents in their life .. & they require both to balance out their needs ... only exception .. if they are abused .. then no they do not need that parent in their life .. what is abuse ? as this comes in many forms we are not just talking about the physical but mental as well .. it would be great if parents could put their own prejudices & agenda's aside & just allow kids to be kids .. love them unconditionally & nurture them





I wasn't targetting anyone in particular :dodge: just the general tone this thread was taking on - that the wife WILL take everything, some people do dispicable (sp?) things, thats life unfortunately. Its the gender sterotype crap that gets me a little pissy.

hear hear .....

[Grahameeboy]

Good post you..........like you said it...

[ajturbo]

i walked out with my van, (work) work gear and a cloth's dryer...she still wanted half the value of the work gear!!!???... told her she could have the the lot!.. i'll leave it in her garage...
she didn't take up that offer..(why?)
granted i was not purfect, but i NEVER TOUCHED the picture!!!

but NOW i am glad, i have luke, i have met some really great women, who have made me a better person. and luke and i have a blast ... wouldn't change the way things are now, i don't have my own house, i have my son, my dogs, my buell, my FREEDOM.
will i get married again...FUCK NO... and every woman i meet, they know that from the start.... they come for the ride.. or they get off and wave as i go past...i do not put up with women's mind games any more!..talk the truth or fuck off...
i have a few friends that i tell that i really miss them and i do and i enjoy the time that they put aside for me...and i tell them that, some have new boyfriends, so don't... but i can still sit down and have a coffee/beer/bourbon with them and smile !...
i would rather have a friend than a lover any day!..(wow did I say that???)

[Deviant Esq]

sorry mate .. do not tar us with the same brush ..
Sorry for the misunderstanding there, but I wasn't tarring you all with the same brush. The paragraph as a whole referred only to the stories that I've heard and been a part of - in every one of those cases it was a woman with a greedy selfish little smirk on her face (I remember my mother's all too well) happily sticking the knife in the guy's back and pushing it deeper. It would shock some people the lengths some women will go to to shaft an ex husband out of anything he owns and come back for more - house, possessions, money, even fighting tooth and nail to prevent him seeing his own children. Having seen it and been part of it myself I make no apologies for those women.

I know there are very decent women out there too, hell, I'm lucky enough to be with one myself. Good on you for being a decent person. Maybe it's a case of the minority spoiling it for the majority... but I doubt it. Based on the growing number of stories coming through on here, adding to the ones we hear all the time in person, not on KB, all familiarly themed... one knows a trend when one sees it.

[jimbo600]

These days I pay for it by the 1/2 hour.

Works out cheaper in the long run.

[Grahameeboy]

These days I pay for it by the 1/2 hour.

Works out cheaper in the long run.

Is it like putting 50cents in the electricity meter?

[Toaster]

There is no justice in the 'family Court' and there's certainly no sense of family.

No I have never been there personally and I hope I never will, but my heart goes out to you and the others going or gone through this.

I spent a few years in the cops.... it seemed all I ever saw were broken families and the sad situations that result, the fights, the domestics, the kids gone wild and in trouble... and so many repeating their mistakes over and over... to be really honest, it utterly broke my heart. I recall one Sunday afternoon of 4 domestics, two burglaries a robbery and a car crash.... and I was working alone and stretched beyond my limits.

I remember feeling utterly empty at the end of that shift with a mountain of paperwork to do from all that and the memories of the arguments and accusations ringing in my head from the day.

All the best... we can't change our mistakes, but I hope we all can learn from them make a difference in the future.

[scumdog]

These days I pay for it by the 1/2 hour.

Works out cheaper in the long run.

But don't you feel gutted with having to paying for a 1/2 hour when there's 25 minutes you didn't 'use'??:dodge::lol::shutup:

[scumdog]

No I have never been there personally and I hope I never will, but my heart goes out to you and the others going or gone through this.

I spent a few years in the cops.... it seemed all I ever saw were broken families and the sad situations that result, the fights, the domestics, the kids gone wild and in trouble... and so many repeating their mistakes over and over... to be really honest, it utterly broke my heart. I recall one Sunday afternoon of 4 domestics, two burglaries a robbery and a car crash.... and I was working alone and stretched beyond my limits.

I remember feeling utterly empty at the end of that shift with a mountain of paperwork to do from all that and the memories of the arguments and accusations ringing in my head from the day.

All the best... we can't change our mistakes, but I hope we all can learn from them make a difference in the future.

Likewise, sadly I agree 100% with the above.
The one + is that now it's no leniency when it comes to family violence - any sign of it and the offending party is off to Court - even is she (and it is mainly 'she') later does the "I don't want him to go to Court, it's all my fault" song later on as a lot do.

The negative is a shitload more paper-work and a whole lot of new forms to fill in. :crybaby:

[Toaster]

The negative is a shitload more paper-work and a whole lot of new forms to fill in. :crybaby:

Why does that not surprise me!

[civil]

The one + is that now it's no leniency when it comes to family violence - any sign of it and the offending party is off to Court - even is she (and it is mainly 'she') later does the "I don't want him to go to Court, it's all my fault" song later on as a lot do. :crybaby:

Thanks for confirming what we all know. He gets taken off to the cells and put before the judge with the resulting record and most likely loss of the children, when she started it in the first place!!!!!

Why dont the police read the Domestic Violence Act and find out just what DV is according to the statue. Emotional and Verbal Abuse is Domestic Violence also and is the pre-curser to physical violence. So why dont the police act on the Emotional and Verbal Violence (that typically she is very good at!!), that started off the DV?
No the umpire only takes action when 'he' steps up to the plate and plays the game 'she' wanted to play, but with the equipment 'he' has !!!! "RED CARD!!!!!" and yet 'he was only playing 'her' game.

Appologies to all the 'she's' that do not fit the mould described above.

[Little Miss Trouble]

I take it you think "she was asking for it" then?

I'm not even going to offer my thoughts on this one...

[scumdog]

civis, it's bloody hard to sort out a childish 'he-said-she-said' verbal dispute - how do you produce the evidence in Court?. (Not knocking that it happens - I have first-hand experiences of mental/verbal abuse).
But a bloody nose, black eys and fat lips along with smashed furniture and fittings (as last nights one was) makes it a no-brainer.

A lot (most) of the time the offender has history for this too.

And sure she may have 'started' it (and that comment sounds almost childish) but the guy only has to say nothing/step outside/call a mate over - it doesn't matter how catty the woman is the guy isn't going to fix anything (except the noise maybe!) by hitting her - he's only making a rod for his own back.

And oh, yeah, it goes both ways - woman go to Court for exactly the things you mentioned too.

But the mental/verbal thing? - suggest the woman sees Womans Refuge etc.

The guy? (if it's the other way around)............gets a shit sandwich as there's bugger-all support for guys out there.

[Grahameeboy]

civis, it's bloody hard to sort out a childish 'he-said-she-said' verbal dispute - how do you produce the evidence in Court?. (Not knocking that it happens - I have first-hand experiences of mental/verbal abuse).
But a bloody nose, black eys and fat lips along with smashed furniture and fittings (as last nights one was) makes it a no-brainer.

A lot (most) of the time the offender has history for this too.

And sure she may have 'started' it (and that comment sounds almost childish) but the guy only has to say nothing/step outside/call a mate over - it doesn't matter how catty the woman is the guy isn't going to fix anything (except the noise maybe!) by hitting her - he's only making a rod for his own back.

And oh, yeah, it goes both ways - woman go to Court for exactly the things you mentioned too.

But the mental/verbal thing? - suggest the woman sees Womans Refuge etc.

The guy? (if it's the other way around)............gets a shit sandwich as there's bugger-all support for guys out there.

Challenge is good............

[jimbo600]

But don't you feel gutted with having to paying for a 1/2 hour when there's 25 minutes you didn't 'use'??:dodge::lol::shutup:

Hardy har har.

Still beats having a a sherman.

[peasea]

But the mental/verbal thing? - suggest the woman sees Womans Refuge etc.

The guy? (if it's the other way around)............gets a shit sandwich as there's bugger-all support for guys out there.

Too right; where's the 'men's refuge'? The pub? The clubhouse? Fat lot of good, they'll just say 'harden up' or 'go bash the bitch' and the problem gets worse.

I had a stint of that crap, glad I didn't take too much on board, never bashed the ex, phew!

I tried those guys support groups too, left messages on answer-phones, it led to nought. My best support was old mates and family. (Drugs and alcohol, bikes hookers, all that too....)

Like Mister Tweedy said in 'Chicken Run'; "It's all in yer 'ed."

[avgas]

do not tar us with the same brush .. I have never nor will I ever become a greedy, callous piece of shitstain alive ... & my ex's can assertain to that fact ..
Ah but you missed the key point here, you may be the most lovely person in the world......but your second husband may be an opportunist.
I have seen good women go bad simply because a simple whisper in the ear tells them that they can take their ex to the cleaners.

[chanceyy]

Ah but you missed the key point here, you may be the most lovely person in the world......but your second husband may be an opportunist.
I have seen good women go bad simply because a simple whisper in the ear tells them that they can take their ex to the cleaners.

hmm not in my nature regardless of how lovely I am .. & I already heard that when the ex left .. but I know I can look at myself in the mirror without seeing a greedy vengeful sack of shit looking back at me .. that means more to me than taking someone to the cleaners ..

[peasea]

YEEEEHAAAARRR!!!!!!!!
I got a letter today informing me that my child support (to my wealthy, greedy ex) has just been halved!!!!

I bought a bottle of Jim and I would say that my posts this evening will all get fired off to PD.......

Yeehar.

Can't wait to squander some of the money on my daughters.

Now for some Led Zep; "Over the hills and far away"...........

"I live for my dream and a pocketful of gold"

It's raining on the Shore but it's sunny-as in my lounge!!!!

[MSTRS]

That's a great result! Well done. Enjoy the extra while you can, but don't get comfy tho, it is just as likely to be altered again 'out of the blue'

[Edbear]

YEEEEHAAAARRR!!!!!!!!
I got a letter today informing me that my child support (to my wealthy, greedy ex) has just been halved!!!!
...
It's raining on the Shore but it's sunny-as in my lounge!!!!



Great! There is some justice in the world...:Punk:

[peasea]

That's a great result! Well done. Enjoy the extra while you can, but don't get comfy tho, it is just as likely to be altered again 'out of the blue'

Blue? hadn't thought of that; blue movie night, blue in the face, blue the money, et al. Cheers.

[Deviant Esq]

Great to hear Peasea... half the fun will be hearing the fallout from the once-was other-half! Let's just hope she doesn't take it out on your children. :nono:

[peasea]

Great to hear Peasea... half the fun will be hearing the fallout from the once-was other-half! Let's just hope she doesn't take it out on your children. :nono:

They have legs and know where to come. Cheers for the support and you don't look a bit like a truss.