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Stirts
17th July 2007, 11:05
The major storm that hit the North Shore this week left residents reeling in its wake.
Strong winds cut power to a number of areas, leaving householders baffled.
One man was seen carrying his plasma screen up the street looking for somewhere to plug it in.

Others suffered horrific losses.
"I've driven from Milford to Rothesey Bay and I can't find a soy latte anywhere," sobbed a distraught woman.

Phone lines to landscape gardeners were clogged by anxious callers needing immediate assistance.
"My Pacific fusion courtyard has been filled with my neighbour's California succulents - what should I do?"
Property owners are being advised to stay calm and read landscaping magazines until help arrives.

The storm damage has left some residents philosophical.
'It was about time I changed my garden art," said one Devonport man.
'With my insurance payout I'll be able to get the very latest in limestone geometric figures while my neighbours are still stuck with their out-dated stainless steel sculptures. It's an ill wind, eh?"

Many drivers are finding their 4 wheel drive vehicles invaluable in the trying conditions.
One man admitted he had driven right over workers clearing fallen trees from the road and had hardly felt a thing.

Rescue organisations have been quick to respond to the disaster.
A Starbucks tanker is calling on housebound residents, and catering companies are rushing spit-roasting equipment to the area to provide hot venison paninis for those in need.

Mobile cell-phone charging trucks will be on hand over the next few days until full power is restored.

Those outside Auckland who wish to help are encouraged to send gift vouchers for Hermes or Louis Vuitton, to speed the healing process through retail therapy. Or you can phone 0900 SHORETORISE to make a tax-deductible $500 donation.

Please - these people need help.
Really.


:dodge: :dodge: :dodge:

Beemer
17th July 2007, 11:08
Gosh, I hadn't realised things were so bad in Auckland. Terrible. Just terrible.:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Crisis management
17th July 2007, 12:22
Why is this in Jokes & Humour?




Is my version of reality different to yours?

more_fasterer
17th July 2007, 12:33
Many drivers are finding their 4 wheel drive vehicles invaluable in the trying conditions.
One man admitted he had driven right over workers clearing fallen trees from the road and had hardly felt a thing.

I'll say! Had to put it in low range to deal with the mud on the road... took 25mins of reading the owners manual before I made the connection that the button marked "4WD LOW" was in fact, low range...

But now it's filthy (speckled in dirt) and the car-fe is closed! :crybaby:

Sniper
17th July 2007, 12:36
Brilliant, bling to you

MadDuck
17th July 2007, 12:42
Gosh, I hadn't realised things were so bad in Auckland. Terrible. Just terrible.:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Oh yeah its bad ...its really really bad.

Did you know that SKY doesnt work without power. I thought it just needed the sky :innocent:

MSTRS
17th July 2007, 12:48
Oh yeah its bad ...its really really bad.

Did you know that SKY doesnt work without power. I thought it just needed the sky :innocent:

useS KY...they must have slipped something past you :dodge:

swbarnett
17th July 2007, 13:53
Why is this in Jokes & Humour?

Have you read the whole thing? Very tongue in cheek.

avgas
17th July 2007, 13:58
You got a problem with my cookie cutter life?
I'll Put you back in your place!
And if you looking at my cookie cutter wife,
I'll kick the smile off your face!
My only daughter is an honor role student,
And a goalie on the soccer ball team.
I know it sounds a little boring at the moment,
But we aint exactly what we seem!

I got a woman with thirty-two teeth
And a daughter at a picket fence
And in the garage sits a little sedan,
and a minivan with just a couple of dents.
All for a limited time,
It isn't dandy and fine because of my ignorance.
Oh right now,
It seems to me,
My greatest enemy is common sense

Left! Right!
Left! Right!
Left! Right!
Left! Right!

Step up!
You think you can handle it?
Back off!
Dont make no demands of me!
Right now!
I'm sick of it all
And I think I might snap with my back to the wall!
So C'mon

The only problem with my cookie cutter life,
It's on me that everyone depends!
I always gotta take my cookie cutter knife,
And cut myself apart to meet those ends!
And every time I try to sit my family down,
Just to talk to me they never do!
I heard it's the only way to really get to know'em,
Now I know it's true!!

I finaly got a realization of where all my money goes.
To my cars my house two bars,
My wife ass and up my daughters nose!
Told my shrink what I think about it all,
And he said that thats the way that it goes.
Oh right now,
It dosn't comfort me,
To hear this is the life I chose!

Left! Right!
Left! Right!
Left! Right!
Left! Right!

Step up!
You think yo can handle it!
Back off!
Don't make no demands of me!
Right now!
I'm sick of it all,
And I think I might snap with my back to the wall.
So c'mon

Step up!
You think you can handle it?
Back off!
Don't make no demands of me!
Right now!
Im Sick of it all,
And I think I might snap with my back to the wall.
So Fuck Off!!

Left! Right!
Left! Right!
Left! Right!
Left! Right!

Step up!
You think you can handle it?
Back off!
Don't make no demands of me!
Right now!
I'm sick of it all,
And I think I might snap with my back to the wall.
So C'mon

Step up!
Youthink yo can handle it?
Back off!
Don't make no demands of me!
Right now!
I'm sick of it all,
And I think I might snap with my back to the wall.
So Fuck off!!

Crisis management
17th July 2007, 14:09
Have you read the whole thing? Very tongue in cheek.

Eh? I thought it was my tongue in cheek......