canarlee
26th July 2007, 12:44
Okay, so there was this farmer who had a daughter and there were three guys in love with her. Now her dad hated them all fairly equally but he was also real tired of chasing them off the property at midnight or so, and he told his daughter it was time for her to choose one and marry him so that her poor old tired dad could get a decent night's sleep.
Thing is the girl couldn't choose because Buff came from Old Money and had so many stories to tell of the trips his family would go on, had a fancy car, and when she was with him people treated her like a queen.
But Jasper was from a pretty well off family too and he had all sorts of cool motorbikes and motorboats and such and they always had a great time.
And then there was Fred. She couldn't explain why she loved Fred, but she did. There was no way she could choose.
The farmer decided to hold a contest between the young men to see who would be the best provider for his daughter since she couldn't make up her own mind. So he got them all to come over one morning and he gave them each a duck; telling them to go out and sell it by that Evening and whomever got the most profit for the sale of their duck would be the one to marry his daughter.
Buff went straight home and got Mumsie to buy his duck for $50.00 Jasper went straight to his father's office and bullied one of the lesser employees into buying his duck for $50.00 too They reported back to the farmer who was then in a quandry what to do since it was a tie. One thing they all knew for certain is that Fred wasn't going to do better than that as he seemed a bit slow on the uptake, so he declared the contest over and started devising a new one; only hisdaughter wouldn't let the contest end yet as it wasn't Evening.
So they waited and waited until the sun was going down and still there was no Fred....
Fred left the farmer's porch practically crying inside. He knew he didn't have much learning or any family money to rely on and he knew he wouldn't win the contest but still.. he went from door to door all over town trying his best to sell the duck and getting nothing but people threatening him and a few dog bites for his trouble.
He kept on going til he had gone clear out of that town, all the way down the road to the city. And there he sat, on the edge of that city, plunked down on a sidewalk and started crying.
"Hey honey, why you crying ..and on my corner?" said someone behind him. Fred looked behind him and saw a hooker standing there looking perturbed. He burst out crying againg and told her the story and asked if she wanted to buy the duck.
"I can't afford no duck, man. But I could use one for dinner. Since it's already late afternoon anyway, you ain't selling that duck on time. You may as well have fun. I'll give you a fuck for your duck." Fred went upstairs with her. An hour later she said "Wow! That was really good! I'll tell you what, this time I'll give you a duck for your fuck." .. an hour after that saw Fred sitting on the sidewalk again, still sad, but also tired and dazed and not really paying attention.
That's why he didn't notice when the duck wiggled out of his arms and ran into the road just as a car was speeding along, rounding the corner. *Smash* : pressed duck.
That was the end of the rope for Fred and he ran into the road, straight in front of the car. The man swerved and stopped and got out yelling about crazy people but Fred was on him like a madman, beating him, beating his car, beating his car with him, and all the while yelling how he'd kill him, he'd rip his legs off, he'd call the A.S.P.C.A. and have his license taken away.
That last one got to the guy as he'd already been in several accidents, including ones involving people's pets, so he begged Fred to let him go and he'd pay for the duck. "Look, I've got 500 dollars here. Just let me go." Fred took the money on one condition.
Just as the sun was going down the man who ran over the duck was letting Fred off just down the road from the farmer's house. Fred ran up the driveway and onto the porch yelling "I'm here, I'm here!" Jasper and Buff started arguing the point, of course, because the sun was already setting so it was Evening, but Fred said it hadn't set yet so it wasn't quite Evening..
Finally the farmer said since it was a tie for the other boys anyway, they may as well hear what Fred had to say. "If he's done better, he won and if he didn't, he lost.Now you know that he didn't do better than you boys, but it's only fair. So go ahead, Fred, and tell us what you got. $20 maybe. hehe."
"No, " says Fred, "I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $500 for a fucked up duck."
Thing is the girl couldn't choose because Buff came from Old Money and had so many stories to tell of the trips his family would go on, had a fancy car, and when she was with him people treated her like a queen.
But Jasper was from a pretty well off family too and he had all sorts of cool motorbikes and motorboats and such and they always had a great time.
And then there was Fred. She couldn't explain why she loved Fred, but she did. There was no way she could choose.
The farmer decided to hold a contest between the young men to see who would be the best provider for his daughter since she couldn't make up her own mind. So he got them all to come over one morning and he gave them each a duck; telling them to go out and sell it by that Evening and whomever got the most profit for the sale of their duck would be the one to marry his daughter.
Buff went straight home and got Mumsie to buy his duck for $50.00 Jasper went straight to his father's office and bullied one of the lesser employees into buying his duck for $50.00 too They reported back to the farmer who was then in a quandry what to do since it was a tie. One thing they all knew for certain is that Fred wasn't going to do better than that as he seemed a bit slow on the uptake, so he declared the contest over and started devising a new one; only hisdaughter wouldn't let the contest end yet as it wasn't Evening.
So they waited and waited until the sun was going down and still there was no Fred....
Fred left the farmer's porch practically crying inside. He knew he didn't have much learning or any family money to rely on and he knew he wouldn't win the contest but still.. he went from door to door all over town trying his best to sell the duck and getting nothing but people threatening him and a few dog bites for his trouble.
He kept on going til he had gone clear out of that town, all the way down the road to the city. And there he sat, on the edge of that city, plunked down on a sidewalk and started crying.
"Hey honey, why you crying ..and on my corner?" said someone behind him. Fred looked behind him and saw a hooker standing there looking perturbed. He burst out crying againg and told her the story and asked if she wanted to buy the duck.
"I can't afford no duck, man. But I could use one for dinner. Since it's already late afternoon anyway, you ain't selling that duck on time. You may as well have fun. I'll give you a fuck for your duck." Fred went upstairs with her. An hour later she said "Wow! That was really good! I'll tell you what, this time I'll give you a duck for your fuck." .. an hour after that saw Fred sitting on the sidewalk again, still sad, but also tired and dazed and not really paying attention.
That's why he didn't notice when the duck wiggled out of his arms and ran into the road just as a car was speeding along, rounding the corner. *Smash* : pressed duck.
That was the end of the rope for Fred and he ran into the road, straight in front of the car. The man swerved and stopped and got out yelling about crazy people but Fred was on him like a madman, beating him, beating his car, beating his car with him, and all the while yelling how he'd kill him, he'd rip his legs off, he'd call the A.S.P.C.A. and have his license taken away.
That last one got to the guy as he'd already been in several accidents, including ones involving people's pets, so he begged Fred to let him go and he'd pay for the duck. "Look, I've got 500 dollars here. Just let me go." Fred took the money on one condition.
Just as the sun was going down the man who ran over the duck was letting Fred off just down the road from the farmer's house. Fred ran up the driveway and onto the porch yelling "I'm here, I'm here!" Jasper and Buff started arguing the point, of course, because the sun was already setting so it was Evening, but Fred said it hadn't set yet so it wasn't quite Evening..
Finally the farmer said since it was a tie for the other boys anyway, they may as well hear what Fred had to say. "If he's done better, he won and if he didn't, he lost.Now you know that he didn't do better than you boys, but it's only fair. So go ahead, Fred, and tell us what you got. $20 maybe. hehe."
"No, " says Fred, "I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $500 for a fucked up duck."