Big Dave's Hypotheticals

[Big Dave]

You pull in to the pub. It's a social place.

It only has only two tables out front. Either side of the door.
Rider and bike at each. All you can see is:

At one table sits Herman.
Large adventure touring bike with a huge windscreen. Brightly coloured goretex jacket with stripes on the pockets, white helmet.

At the other is Stinkfinger.
Immaculate Pan head Harley with ape hangers, leather vest, heavily tattooed, black open face.

Who are you sitting with?

[HenryDorsetCase]

Mr Finger, then you say, Hey, Hermann, pull up a chair (then in a stage whisper to Mr Finger "Dont mention the war!!".... after a few beers everyone in the pub is doing a Basil Fawlty impression, Hermann reveals he is in fact Belgian, and a good night is had by all.

[jrandom]

I'd assume it was a dodgy biker establishment, tell the kids to put their seatbelts back on and drive off while pretending that I'd stopped to check a map.

Unless the pub had a sign out front advertising takeaway lattes, of course. Then I wouldn't have to sit down.

[Big Dave]

Mr Finger, then you say, Hey, Hermann, pull up a chair (then in a stage whisper to Mr Finger "Dont mention the war!!".... after a few beers everyone in the pub is doing a Basil Fawlty impression, Hermann reveals he is in fact Belgian, and a good night is had by all.

Nice - but I forgot to mention they are brothers.

[Crisis management]

I'm riding a DR650.....Stinky won't talk to me so looks like I'm stuck with Fritz.


I admire HDC's approach but I'm probably not that brave! :bye:

[MSTRS]

Nice - but I forgot to mention they are brothers.

Astride your GSXR, engine going, in first....ask if either has a sister who is looking for a good time. Lose them in the ensuing chase, double back to the cafe, take your pick of which table.

[Big Dave]

Astride your GSXR, engine going, in first....ask if either has a sister who is looking for a good time. Lose them in the ensuing chase, double back to the cafe, take your pick of which table.

There is no guarantee you'll loose Heman. he's as accomplished technical rider on a 140hp bike with state of the art suspension especially suited to the lousy conditions.

He may give you a stern look when you get back to the pub - or get stinky set aboot.

[Big Dave]

I'm riding a DR650.....Stinky won't talk to me so looks like I'm stuck with Fritz.


I admire HDC's approach but I'm probably not that brave! :bye:

Stinky has a DT250 that he uses for Pig Shooting. He wouldn't have minded a chat about the DR.

[Albino]

It only has only two tables out front. Either side of the door.
Rider and bike at each. All you can see is:

I'd go inside.

[ManDownUnder]

Knowing me I'd sit with Herman, strike up conversation, then lean over and start bringing the other guy into it as well...

I struggle with the concepts of staying quiet, being subtle and staying anonymous...

[Big Dave]

It only has only two tables out front.

Inside is full of........

[MSTRS]

Actually, I'd have a sit/natter with he of the malodourous digit. He is more likely to be a down-to-earth conversationalist, who drinks Tui. Not into WhereWasTheBestLatteYouHaveEverHad....

[MSTRS]

I'd go inside.


It only has only two tables out front.

Inside is full of........

Oh, I know...it's drag Queen night....

[HenryDorsetCase]

It only has only two tables out front.

Inside is full of........

accountants on a mystery bus trip, and Brian from receivables has just made his move on Charleen from accounts payable. He has had two and a half shandies, and is feeling very brave. also, his beige tie has been loosened half a notch and he feels she is a suitable vessel to carry his seed......

[skelstar]

I'm shy and look for another pub *shrugs*

However, I would make stereotypical assumptions about both riders and decide I have little in common (within the realm of motorcycling) with either rider.

[Matt Bleck]

I'd stroll up to Stinkfinger, tell him Herman wants to take HIM for a ride, then as they scuffle in the car park I'd open the door to said establishment and yell cat fight!

Then I'd have to decide if I want my beer in or outside.... :done:

[Crisis management]

Stinky has a DT250 that he uses for Pig Shooting. He wouldn't have minded a chat about the DR.

Yeah, right.
(I would've thought he would have used something faster for chasing down the HP boys tho.)


Point taken, pass the HTFU pills.

[McJim]

Which one's drinking the cappuccino?

[oldrider]

They have both got bikes, automatically people I want to acknowledge and associate with.

They, of course may have have different ideas but I will treat them as friendly unless they indicate otherwise!

If their response is "friendly", we have an opportunity to chat.

If they are unfriendly, I will avoid them but still admire their bike!

I can get by with just me and my bike. :ride: Have done for years.

Life is like that, take it as you find it! :yes: John.

[gijoe1313]

This is sounding like one of those text-based adventures like Zork or Leather Goddesses of Phobos or the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy!

I will :

Park bike.
Walk up.
Talk Herman.
Talk Stinky.
Duck blow.
Duck coffee.
Walk down.
Ride bike.

Save Game.

[Marmoot]

Who are you siting with?

The blonde with the hugest tits

[fergie]

i'd walk up to harley man and say " you been rootin my missus ?" hopefully he peplies "no" then say " you should be, she a better root than yours"
that should break the ice then procede to have a great night.

[Big Dave]

The blonde with the hugest tits

Who's she sitting with?

[Marmoot]

Who's she sitting with?

ME & 10 char

[Big Dave]

ME & 10 char

Then what are you doing at the pub ffs?

[Big Dave]

Which one's drinking the cappuccino?

Who do you reckon?

[Big Dave]

accountants on a mystery bus trip, and Brian from receivables has just made his move on Charleen from accounts payable. He has had two and a half shandies, and is feeling very brave. also, his beige tie has been loosened half a notch and he feels she is a suitable vessel to carry his seed......

Brilliant.
Yeah - I've been to corporate conventions too.

[more_fasterer]

Step 1: Venture inside (once enough courage has been summonsed to brave the chatter of pennies being saved) and buy a beer

Step 2: Talk to Herman and pick his brains about riding in Europe.

Step 3: Talk to Stinkfinger and pick his brains about hydroponics.

[Marmoot]

Then what are you doing at the pub ffs?

Picking her up while looking for viagra dealer

[McJim]

Who do you reckon?

Neither of 'em are riding an Italian bike. My Ducati Owners Manual says I should shun them.....

[limbimtimwim]

You talk a lot of shit.

[avgas]

A pub with no Bar??? What "clubs" you been hanging out at lately Dave? and was the Pan head gentle?

[Big Dave]

You talk a lot of shit.

nobody is forcing you to read it.
next!

[Big Dave]

What "clubs" you been hanging out at lately Dave?

What are ya - a cop?

[Big Dave]

Neither of 'em are riding an Italian bike. My Ducati Owners Manual says I should shun them.....

Everywhere else is closed. You have to stop.

[oldrider]

Are you writing a novel or sumpin Dave, looking for a plot? :shutup: John.

[pritch]

Oh, I know...it's drag Queen night....

The thought of a bunch of drag queens doing impersonations of Basil Fawlty impersonating Hitler lends new meaning to the phrase "mind boggling".

I need a drink. But not at that place thanks.

[Big Dave]

Are you writing a novel or sumpin Dave, looking for a plot? :shutup: John.

I got 3 good laughs out of it. Job done.

[DEATH_INC.]

Easy I'd grab a coupla beers and park meself across from stinky, definatly be more my sorta guy I reckon.

[BarBender]

You pull in to the pub. It's a social place.

It only has only two tables out front. Either side of the door.
Rider and bike at each. All you can see is:

At one table sits Herman.
Large adventure touring bike with a huge windscreen. Brightly coloured goretex jacket with stripes on the pockets, white helmet.

At the other is Stinkfinger.
Immaculate Pan head Harley with ape hangers, leather vest, heavily tattooed, black open face.

Who are you sitting with?

Stinkfinger of course.
He knows where Crazy Willie and Zipper are hiding out.

[MyGSXF]

I forgot to mention they are brothers.

:shit: Which one was the milkmans then...??? :buggerd:

[Big Dave]

Stinkfinger of course.
He knows where Crazy Willie and Zipper are hiding out.

And Elvis.

[Big Dave]

:shit: Which one was the milkmans then...??? :buggerd:

They are still trying to work out who the mother was.

[Pancakes]

Give both of them the "hey" head raise as you get off your bike and chat to the friendlier one. I'm not above putting effort into a conversation but if I'm on my bike I'll probably only feel like an easy chat not a stagnant talk! If I'm gonna play your game I'd say stinky. That or I'd get a drink, sit on the grass and look at my bike and the scenery (assuming country pub).

Spill the beans BD, whats it all about?

[Big Dave]

Spill the beans BD, whats it all about?


Post #38.

I could get all sanctimonious about not judging a book by it's cover, but in the end - libitiminminimmmummm is right.

[Storm]

I'd sit with whichever table is closer.

And if they are the same distance(as I suspect Big Dave will shortly inform me), then I will see which seat looks best

[Big Dave]

I'd sit with whichever table is closer.

And if they are the same distance(as I suspect Big Dave will shortly inform me), then I will see which seat looks best

Equidistant from the door. And the pub is symetrical.

[Pancakes]

When does the 2:12 express from Nww York arrive and how many passengers get on and off? Sheesh, it's all a bit hard for a little shit-spinner like me!

[rwh]

I don't go to pubs by myself - especially if I'm riding/driving.

Richard

[Big Dave]

I don't go to pubs by myself - especially if I'm riding/driving.

Richard

You have to - someone left a note from your mum at the Bar.

[Oscar]

You have to - someone left a note from your mum at the Bar.

I'd sit with both in turn and warn them to stay away from Big Dave 'cause he's obviously got far to much time on his hands and access to bad drugs...

[Big Dave]

I'd sit with both in turn and warn them to stay away from Big Dave 'cause he's obviously got far to much time on his hands and access to bad drugs...

Wadda you mean? You sold them to me???

I know you and Herman would get cosy talking about the old bays in Bertesgarten.

[Big Dave]

When does the 2:12 express from Nww York arrive and how many passengers get on and off? Sheesh, it's all a bit hard for a little shit-spinner like me!

The question is INEVITABLY 'How many stops did it make.'

You have been warned.

[Storm]

Then its the adventure rider for me- seeing as we are being shallow stereotypical judging types-as he is less of a poser, and is riding a machine with less similarity to a tractor, and also doesnt fall apart every 5 miles.

(Here comes the abuse):D


Happy now Dave? :bleh:

[Oscar]

Wadda you mean? You sold them to me???

I know you and Herman would get cosy talking about the old bays in Bertesgarten.

The name is Hilter - spelled H.I.L.T.E.R.

Apart from that, you can't prove a thing....








PS. Coming down to watch RallyNZ? Some good riding required to get there...

[Big Dave]

Happy now Dave? :bleh:

Nah - mudguts.
I wish I was in Mogadishu.

[Big Dave]

PS. Coming down to watch RallyNZ? Some good riding required to get there...

Nah - carzzzzz
don't care go splash. carzzzzzzzzz

[Pieyed]

Naaaah...its Marmoot - he's got the lady and the drugs.

[Oscar]

Nah - carzzzzz
don't care go splash. carzzzzzzzzz

It's not the destination, it's the journey...

[Big Dave]

It's not the destination, it's the journey...


When is it.

[Wannabiker]

OK...my choice is stinkfinger....At least he rides a V twin. The adventure rider rides a BMW with a parrallellometterogramythingy front suspension and will not talk to you anyway (unless you another BMW rider), and he will have an extremly dry, almost non existant german sense of humour. Buy the stinky one a DB (large bottle) and pull up a pew. :dodge:

[HDTboy]

I'd give them both a nod, get my beer and chips, and sit on the steps out the front of the pub. I'm quite happy keeping quiet, but if either wish to talk to me then I'll engage in conversation.

Stinky sounds like an interesting character though. Hermann could probably teach me a lot.

[more_fasterer]

When is it.

Same weekend as Cold Kiwi:brick:

[Big Dave]

Same weekend as Cold Kiwi:brick:

So - some time in Winter?

[Mekk]

I think most people would choose Herman due to the stigmata around Stinkfinger. Reputation definitely precedes bikers and for most, Herman would be the lesser of two evils.

I'd rather talk to Stinkfinger due to the fact that I like his bike more, I think his style epitomizes most of the reasons I ride. I think there'd be more to talk about too, especially if he were passionate about it.

[klingon]

You pull in to the pub. It's a social place.

It only has only two tables out front. Either side of the door.
Rider and bike at each. All you can see is:

At one table sits Herman.
Large adventure touring bike with a huge windscreen. Brightly coloured goretex jacket with stripes on the pockets, white helmet.

At the other is Stinkfinger.
Immaculate Pan head Harley with ape hangers, leather vest, heavily tattooed, black open face.

Who are you sitting with?

Well, as a woman entering a pub on my own, I would first go to the bar, order myself a drink, and observe both our biker friends from a safe distance. I would be looking for clues about their attitudes to company and their current states of mind.

Is one looking out and the other looking into his glass? Does one have his helmet on the table and the other on the only available chair? Did one eye me up when I came in? All else being equal (as I'm sure it is... Big Dave didn't mention that they are identical twin brothers) I would make a snap judgement and sit down at one of the tables. I honestly don't know which table it would be, until I got there.

By the way, Dave, why are two brothers sitting at two different tables out the front of the pub? I don't want to get involved in their family squabbles!

[Big Dave]

Ahhh! I ran out of puff on this days ago. It honestly was to no end. A whim - that has shown some potential for further development.

But with such sterling additions I shall consider and continue as soon as the pressing schedule allows or .....I think of something.

It dezzzzzzserves a witty conclusion some time too - but lets run it up the flagple and see if the cat lick it up.

[avgas]

What are ya - a cop?
Not really - but the rainbow room does look fancy from the outside.

[avgas]

Nah - mudguts.
I wish I was in Mogadishu.
So does the Mogadishu Minibus - but alas it is segregated to BOP

[Bonez]

It only has only two tables out front.

Inside is full of........Yell FIRE!! FIRE!! FIRE!!. The establishment is soon cleared so the 20 other riding buddies you're with can have a seat. Self service as well. Invite the other two in.................

[Big Dave]

Yell FIRE!! FIRE!! FIRE!!. The establishment is soon cleared so the 20 other riding buddies you're with can have a seat. Self service as well. Invite the other two in.................

Unfortunately not - it's full of public relations consultants who are arguing over how to put a 'positive spin' on the fire.
Energy saving - indoor BBQ - we could have a series.

No chance of getting them out till coffee at elevenses.

[Big Dave]

I think most people would choose Herman due to the stigmata around Stinkfinger. Reputation definitely precedes bikers and for most, Herman would be the lesser of two evils.

I'd rather talk to Stinkfinger due to the fact that I like his bike more, I think his style epitomizes most of the reasons I ride. I think there'd be more to talk about too, especially if he were passionate about it.

In 5 minutes their partners are showing up.

Herman has a Dutch girlfriend with 2 'spare' Eurochicks who like spliffing up and getting jiggy in the spa bath around the back.

Stinkfinger's Mrs Rolls her own Tampons and doesn't like 'Wimmen'.

[Big Dave]

By the way, Dave, why are two brothers sitting at two different tables out the front of the pub? I don't want to get involved in their family squabbles!

Their partners are coming to the pub. They don't get on.

[Bonez]

Unfortunately not - it's full of public relations consultants who are arguing over how to put a 'positive spin' on the fire.
Energy saving - indoor BBQ - we could have a series.

No chance of getting them out till coffee at elevenses.One moves the hands of the clock beside the bar to read 13 o'clock. Then places the clock on the barby, making the comment "Oh how time fries". Being a resourcefull type you don your resperator (you've been in similar situations before) The doors and windows being closed by staff. Bar staff have already left due to fact they're very familiar with fire evacuation procedures. All the consultants are overtaken by the fumes (having disabled the fume extractor prior). You open the doors turn on the extractor, then invite your mates in. You apologise for the clutter sit down and have a beer. The public relation consultants make good floor mats and foot rests.

[Mekk]

In 5 minutes their partners are showing up.

Herman has a Dutch girlfriend with 2 'spare' Eurochicks who like spliffing up and getting jiggy in the spa bath around the back.

Stinkfinger's Mrs Rolls her own Tampons and doesn't like 'Wimmen'.

If we're still talking bikes I'd rather stick around and hear what Stinkfinger's missus has to say about 'em. Might learn a thing or two.

Definitely them for the conversation anyway.