Couples separating

[young1]

Do you think if the wife has done the dirty and left her husband (for another bloke) that she should give her engagement and wedding rings back to him?

[Cibby]

Do you think if the wife has done the dirty and left her husband (for another bloke) that she should give her engagement and wedding rings back to him?

no. a gift is a gift at the end of the day. The husband does not retain owner ship of the rings, it is not like he simply lent them to her.

it would be like asking her asking for all the gifts back from him over the years as well.

She is obviously a fool for cheating and running of in the first place but I dont think that the rings are related.

This ofcourse assuming they have been together for some time, if she ran off 3 weeks after the wedding then i guess maybe he could have a claim on them.


Now that you have started this, you need to tell us who ran of and details!!

[Steam]

I dunno, who bought it? Are we talking traditional stone-age couple here where the man buys that stuff? Or a modern couple where they buy ones for each other.
Was there a pre-nup?
Did the wife leave because the pool-boy was hot (naughty), or because the husband wasn't meeting her needs? (justified).
Please, do elucidate.
What's the situation?
Gives us the goss, precious? Is it the one ring, preciousss?

[ajturbo]

Do you think if the wife has done the dirty and left her husband (for another bloke) that she should give her engagement and wedding rings back to him?

na... what he should do is

phone her up and thank her for showing him just how much of a slut she is before he spent any more of his money on her...
change the locks
throw all her stuff out on lawn, then txt her to tell her that it is getting wet ( if not raining, water garden)
keep the kids
buy new bike
get new job
smile and live a stress free life again!....:banana:

[Karma]

If she left for another bloke what are they both doing still walking around?

[Steam]

If she left for another bloke what are they both doing still walking around?

Nice. Just what New Zealand needs. More blokes attacking or killing their wives.
But of course, you were joking, eh.

[scumdog]

She kept the engagement and wedding ring.
I got to keep my skull rings.

[Karma]

Nice. Just what New Zealand needs. More blokes attacking or killing their wives.
But of course, you were joking, eh.


If she left him, she's no longer his wife.

[Coaster]

Depends on why you want them back! Do you plan on giving them a ceremonial burial or keeping them for the next jaunt down the aisle? :rolleyes:

[skidMark]

I dunno, who bought it? Are we talking traditional stone-age couple here where the man buys that stuff? Or a modern couple where they buy ones for each other.
Was there a pre-nup?
Did the wife leave because the pool-boy was hot (naughty), or because the husband wasn't meeting her needs? (justified).
Please, do elucidate.
What's the situation?
Gives us the goss, precious? Is it the one ring, preciousss?


man we gotta make sure u goto bed before 10pm old man lol

[young1]

No warning at all, not one cross word, came home from 4 nights away being parent help with school soccer team to be told that she was leaving after 22 years of marriage.

I realise a gift is a gift and the recipient keeps those gifts, no problems.

But what about an expensive eternity ring that she went and bought, with my okay?

What is she going to use the engagement ring for now?

Now if she had just said when I bought the new bike in May "happy birthday darling"!!! But she didnt

[RantyDave]

No warning at all, not one cross word, came home from 4 nights away being parent help with school soccer team to be told that she was leaving after 22 years of marriage.
Bummer, man. No wonder you're posting at 5AM.

Yeah, I think she should. But then I think some discussion of why she might want to leave, or perhaps fessing up to the relationship in the first place might be more to the point.

Dave

[janno]

Legally if the husband bought the engagement and wedding rings (ie not joint purchase), they are to be returned to him in the event of a split.

It's been awarded in court - the rings were worth about $30K and the silly tart said she had thrown them away in a huff.

She then had to front up with the readies.

Morally I'd give them back.

I left mine behind with my husband. He's welcome to them . . .

[magicfairy]

No warning at all, not one cross word, came home from 4 nights away being parent help with school soccer team to be told that she was leaving after 22 years of marriage.

I really feel for you, you must be in shock right now, and really hurting.
22 Years is a long time to be with someone.
And although things must be pretty bad now there must have been good times and you have had kids together. If it were me I'd want to keep engagement and wedding rings as a rememberance of those happier times, the kids we had together, and how I spent 22 years of my life.
(The eternity ring however could be up for discussion)

She must have her reasons, ending a marriage of that length is no small thing.

Who knows - she may find that the grass is NOT greener and you guys might work it out. Early days.

[terbang]

She kept the engagement and wedding ring.
I got to keep my skull rings.

You hard old bastard, you screwed her out of the Skull rings.

[Sniper]

Do you think if the wife has done the dirty and left her husband (for another bloke) that she should give her engagement and wedding rings back to him?

Yes. An engagement and wedding rings are a promise to one another. She broke the promise and should give hers back. As he should do if he did it

[Goblin]

I saw this on Judge Judy once. She should give back the engagement ring but the wedding ring is hers. I'm not sure about the eternity(suffer) ring tho.
Sorry to hear of your split. Look at the bright side...you have ultimate freedom now.

[Grahameeboy]

No warning at all, not one cross word, came home from 4 nights away being parent help with school soccer team to be told that she was leaving after 22 years of marriage.

I realise a gift is a gift and the recipient keeps those gifts, no problems.

But what about an expensive eternity ring that she went and bought, with my okay?

What is she going to use the engagement ring for now?

Now if she had just said when I bought the new bike in May "happy birthday darling"!!! But she didnt

I know how you feel matey but remember she decided to leave, it was her decision, you did not make her leave...........she chose not to talk about her feelings and you should not feel dumb for not realising that something may have been wrong either.......

[Coaster]

You have children - it might be nice for one of you to keep them and pass them onto your children to use when they get married. Lots of people do that and the rings would then go on to hold happy memories for some-one else.
I have still got my engagement ring (it was my great-grandmother's) and wedding ring from my marriage and I still wear my engagement ring that Inline Four gave me - it's just on my right hand now and it reminds me of happier times whenever I look at it.

But then I am a female so maybe we are just more sentimental:hug:

[janno]

you should feel dumb for not realising that something may have been wrong either.......

Yes, well.

Maybe not your situation young1, but I spent about 8 months trying to get my husband to work on our relationship before I left, and he spent copious amounts of time and effort avoiding the situation. Then he was genuinely surprised and shocked and very pissed off that I gave up and left.

And he told mates it was without warning . . .

Some people see avoiding things as a solution. Never works.

Like I said, may well be not your case at all though.

[u4ea]

You have children - it might be nice for one of you to keep them and pass them onto your children to use when they get married. Lots of people do that and the rings would then go on to hold happy memories for some-one else.
I have still got my engagement ring (it was my great-grandmother's) and wedding ring from my marriage and I still wear my engagement ring that Inline Four gave me - it's just on my right hand now and it reminds me of happier times whenever I look at it.

But then I am a female so maybe we are just more sentimental:hug:

Altho I've never been given a ring to signify everlasting love I do wear my grandmothers wedding and eternity ring as they were left to me after her death.I beleive if there are kids involved then they should have them.
(My mother gave me the engagement ring my paternal father gave her.I hate his guts and pawned it and had the best feed of KFC ever!!!There was no love in that relationship only control and violence!)

[janno]

(My mother gave me the engagement ring my paternal father gave her.I hate his guts and pawned it and had the best feed of KFC ever!!!There was no love in that relationship only control and violence!)

Nice one! Revenge is a dish best served cold - no wait! With a side of coleslaw and potatoes and gravy . . .

[FROSTY]

Dude from personal and conveyed to me experience. STUFF wise just cut ya losses and get on with life.
My sugggestion is YOU get everything you own valued by a registered valuer--bike,house,car,and 'stuff'
That includes said rings as no matter what they are still "stuff"
Do it asap because some assets will be increasing in value and others will be having payments on them .
You also need to get a value on your total joint debts as at today.
Get an official seperation order under way
sorry if i sound cynical but the only people that gain by being emotional over the "stuff" is the lawyers

[young1]

Thanks everyone for all the replies.

She left with no warning at all, our realtionship had (I thought) been excellent even to her telling me to buy the 990 in May! She has all new riding gear etc etc

But within the space of a couple of months I suppose she has found her "soul mate" and has moved out

[Grahameeboy]

Yes, well.

Maybe not your situation young1, but I spent about 8 months trying to get my husband to work on our relationship before I left, and he spent copious amounts of time and effort avoiding the situation. Then he was genuinely surprised and shocked and very pissed off that I gave up and left.

And he told mates it was without warning . . .

Some people see avoiding things as a solution. Never works.

Like I said, may well be not your case at all though.

Whoops, I meant to say 'Not' dumb..have edited.

[Grahameeboy]

Thanks everyone for all the replies.

She left with no warning at all, our realtionship had (I thought) been excellent even to her telling me to buy the 990 in May! She has all new riding gear etc etc

But within the space of a couple of months I suppose she has found her "soul mate" and has moved out

That's spooky cause I was allowed to buy my SV in April 2005 and was told the good news by ex in June................

She may have found her soul mate and you still have your soul...

[Stickchick]

I got a gold ring everytime one of my exes cheated on me including my engagement ring and my eternity ring. He asked for them back when I walked away after enough was enough but i told him that he would get them over my dead body. I have since had the 6 rings melted down and made into a ring that I can use later in life or hand to my nieces if i so wish.

[tri boy]

I'm useless at giving relationship advise Y1. Just know that YOU have many MATES, and they will assist you when/where they can. No judgement, just good ears.:yes:

[imdying]

Of course not /edit: ahh, personal tale, leave that for another day!

[roogazza]

Thanks everyone for all the replies.

She left with no warning at all, our realtionship had (I thought) been excellent even to her telling me to buy the 990 in May! She has all new riding gear etc etc

But within the space of a couple of months I suppose she has found her "soul mate" and has moved out

Bah ! enjoy your new bike and don't even attempt to understand "why" !

When it all calms down, you can get two twenties for a forty you know ? Gaz. :banana:

[007XX]

Thanks everyone for all the replies.

She left with no warning at all, our realtionship had (I thought) been excellent even to her telling me to buy the 990 in May! She has all new riding gear etc etc

But within the space of a couple of months I suppose she has found her "soul mate" and has moved out

Geez, that's rough man...Sorry to hear, honnestly!

Personally, I'd leave the rings behind in such a circumstance.
Like Sniper said, a promise was made and represented by those rings. The promise got broken therefor she renegated her right to have the rings.

Hope you're going to be ok.

[KATWYN]

She left with no warning at all, our realtionship had (I thought) been excellent even to her telling me to buy the 990 in May!

Sorry to hear that. Awful shock.

The above comment kinda indicates she has either acted on a whim and may be back when whatever it is, is out of her system.......or it could be that satisfactory communication between the two of you wasn't happening....either case she may be back (rings and all) at some point.

Then it will probably be up to you whether you want that or not

p.s In the past would she have easily said "Yes" to you buying a bike?? If not, then I reakon it was on her mind to leave then

Hope it works out for you
my 2c

[jrandom]

It's easier to walk away
Cover up and fade to black
When love scars and leaves you branded
Walk away and don't look back.

The man spoke truth.

<img src="http://www.superseventies.com/3_73.gif"/>

[soundbeltfarm]

look on the bright side mate.
go find a dirty ol soccer mum.
if she was doing the dirty mate i'd never take the bitch back.
and if her new root knew she was married i'd hunt that prick down and give him a present of whooppety whoop ass.
i do feel for your kids too mate, that must hurt them with all being fine and dandy to all being split up and shit.
i see your're in NP. im down Kaponga so if you want we ride out whanga track a bit till trail rides start you can come out if you want.

[young1]

Thanks Buddy for the offer!


look on the bright side mate.
go find a dirty ol soccer mum.
if she was doing the dirty mate i'd never take the bitch back.
and if her new root knew she was married i'd hunt that prick down and give him a present of whooppety whoop ass.
i do feel for your kids too mate, that must hurt them with all being fine and dandy to all being split up and shit.
i see your're in NP. im down Kaponga so if you want we ride out whanga track a bit till trail rides start you can come out if you want.

[BuFfY]

I think it should be discussed when you split the other assests.
If she wanted to leave then I would see no point in her keeping the rings, as they were a symbol of the love you shared. If anything you could sell the rings and split the money. Or get her to keep them to give to your son/daughter if they are the sort of rings to pass on.
I am very sorry to hear about this. My dad left us for another woman, but we knew something was wrong as he would leave for days on end and we were unable to contact him.
Best of luck in the coming weeks of sorting it all out :hug:

[NinjaNanna]

If you had no idea that it was coming - then I would assume that you'd want her to come back. Continuing to wear her rings will signify that she hasn't totally given up and will be a constant reminder to her.

From a technical point of view I think that rings should ALWAYS be returned if they are family heirlooms - its not fair that she keeps your Grandmother's ring, other than then its up to the couple really.

In my particular circumstances the couple of grand sitting on my wife's finger is much less in value than the motorbike's that she supports me in buying and the time she allows me to ride them.

[Taz]

Just think of it as a lucky escape and try not to get caught again. You have the perfect opportunity to live your life your way.... Go ride the world, Keep single and enjoy? Forget the rings.

[jrandom]

Do you think...

Let me make my position clear.

Burn all bitches.

Fuck a whore, go for a ride, and celebrate your freedom.

:2thumbsup

[kiwifruit]

Let me make my position clear.

Burn all bitches.

Fuck a whore, go for a ride, and celebrate your freedom.

:2thumbsup

what a bitter c00nt! :third:

[Stickchick]

Let me make my position clear.

Burn all bitches.

Fuck a whore, go for a ride, and celebrate your freedom.

:2thumbsup

Pretty harsh comments don;t you think? someone might be a little jaded maybe?

[jrandom]

Pretty harsh comments don;t you think? someone might be a little jaded maybe?

Mmm, yes. Sometimes my inner twisted sociopathic autist comes out to play...

[007XX]

Let me make my position clear.

Burn all bitches.

Fuck a whore, go for a ride, and celebrate your freedom.

:2thumbsup

Yeah right...is all I got to say to that...:confused:

[jrandom]

Yeah right...

The great thing about the internet is that it allows us to type sober what we would otherwise say drunk...

[don rocard]

She left,wouldnt try,Destroyed our family.Took the trust of our two boys,took all my money,possessions and my heart.I am now told that she is not happy,why not look at yourself for the answers.My boys still suffer,I am back where I star:calm:ted from and just feel like giving up.Have a happy life sweetheart.

[jrandom]

She left,wouldnt try,Destroyed our family.Took the trust of our two boys,took all my money,possessions and my heart.I am now told that she is not happy,why not look at yourself for the answers.My boys still suffer,I am back where I star:calm:ted from and just feel like giving up.Have a happy life sweetheart.

Exhibit One, folks.

Burn all bitches.

Kia kaha.

[Stickchick]

Exhibit One, folks.

Burn all bitches.

Kia kaha.

mmmmm...Males do the same dude!!!!

[jrandom]

mmmmm...Males do the same dude!!!!

Of course. In this context, bitches don't have to be female.

Is there an equally effective word that applies to both sexes?

[MadDuck]

Fuck a whore

:2thumbsup

Oh yeah that is really, really, really gonna help! Not only unhappy but now with some kinda oarful disease....
:bash:

[sisterecho]

When my parents split up I think the last thing on their minds was the wedding ring. But eventually my mother gave her eternity and engagement rings to my sisters and wedding band to me. Not sure what I'm going to do with this symbol of a broken marriage, but I'm glad I have it.

[jrandom]

Oh yeah that is really, really, really gonna help! Not only unhappy but now with some kinda oarful disease...

Your average professional Kiwi sex worker is less likely to carry a sexually-transmitted infection than many young women who might appear, on the surface, more respectable.

[Stickchick]

Of course. In this context, bitches don't have to be female.

Is there an equally effective word that applies to both sexes?

hermophrodate?...and yes I do know what it means

[MadDuck]

ummm....you said F*&^ a whore. Not F*&^ a Kiwi sex worker

[jrandom]

hermophrodate?

'Hermaphrodite' doesn't quite carry the condemnatory connotation that 'bitch' does. I'm looking for a certain rhetorical impact here, you know. Work with me.

[don rocard]

She left,wouldnt try,Destroyed our family.Took the trust of our two boys,took all my money,possessions and my heart.I am now told that she is not happy,why not look at yourself for the answers.My boys still suffer,I am back where I star:calm:ted from and just feel like giving up.Have a happy life sweetheart.

[jrandom]

ummm....you said F*&^ a whore. Not F*&^ a Kiwi sex worker

Er um.

If it's a whore, and you're in New Zealand, then it's also a Kiwi sex worker.

I like to use synonyms to keep my prose sounding fresh. :)

[Stickchick]

'Hermaphrodite' doesn't quite carry the condemnatory connotation that 'bitch' does. I'm looking for a certain rhetorical impact here, you know. Work with me.

Sorry all out of answers as the brain is now finished for the day so bitch will have to do

[MadDuck]

If it's a whore, and you're in New Zealand, then it's also a Kiwi sex worker.



Righto! For future reference I will make note to self that the two mean the same in jrandoms book of synonyms.

[007XX]

The great thing about the internet is that it allows us to type sober what we would otherwise say drunk...

Then I'm sorry...

I have always been of the mind that no matter how badly someone hurt you, there is always a silver lining.

[Stickchick]

Ok not trying to be a party pooper but this guy is wanting advise so maybe we can stick to the subject now?

[jrandom]

Righto! For future reference I will make note to self that the two mean the same in jrandoms book of synonyms.

thesaurus.com agrees with me (http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/whore).

Definition: female prostitute
Synonyms: B-girl, harlot, hooker, hustler, lady of the evening, prostitute, scarlet woman, streetwalker, whore, working girl

[jrandom]

Ok not trying to be a party pooper but this guy is wanting advise so maybe we can stick to the subject now?

We are sticking to the subject.

I'm advising him to engage a sex worker for comfort and physical release, and to consider the silver lining inherent in being rid of a dishonest and unloving partner.

Do you consider that bad advice?

[jrandom]

I have always been of the mind that no matter how badly someone hurt you, there is always a silver lining.

Hmmm. Perhaps. But then again, there is evil in the world. Sometimes bad people do bad shit.

[007XX]

I'm trying to keep it on topic, I swear...

The thing is though...How does he feel about it?

I mean, bugger really what we all think...If he feels like keeping the rings may be able to bring him some sort of closure, or maybe he feels like this could be sorted some other way, then it really is an individual decision, isn't it?

[Stickchick]

We are sticking to the subject.

I'm advising him to engage a sex worker for comfort and physical release, and to consider the silver lining inherent in being rid of a dishonest and unloving partner.

Do you consider that bad advice?

Well yes and no I do but then again I'm old and I'm of the opinion why should you pay for sex if you can try and find it for free. Or of course sometimes you are your own best company.

As for consider the silver lining I would have to agree with that part.

[Dilligaf]

I have always been of the mind that no matter how badly someone hurt you, there is always a silver lining.

People will always hurt you - deliberately or not. Sometimes really badly. You can't control this, you can only control your response to it.

[007XX]

Hmmm. Perhaps. But then again, there is evil in the world. Sometimes bad people do bad shit.

But to let it taint your whole view on relationship is giving it way too much power...way more than it should.

As stated earlier, I wouldn't keep the rings in her situation. But then again, I would NEVER do such a thing.

And I have been hurt pretty bad in the past (who hasn't), but dpoes it mean I am on the war path against all wrondoers and admonish everyone to live in fear of bad people?

hell no, that would be (to me) a pretty cowardly way to deal with life...sorry if that seems rough, but that's my opinion.

[Winston001]

I'm really sorry to hear about this Young1, it must be damned tough for you at the moment. Separation is hard at any time but with children involved it is even worse. They can suffer more than the adults so take care of them.

Really the rings are a side issue even though they may seem important at the moment. They are symbols of the marriage and now that it is in trouble, you feel like you want them back.

It is possible your marriage could be repaired but that is for you to work on in the longterm. You both need counselling, touchy feely as it might sound, it really helps.

Women seldom just up and leave men - they tend to think about it for quite a while so that by the time they leave, they really have made up their minds. Even so, the grass isn't always greener and regrets arise later....... We men on the other hand are more prone to sudden dramatic decisions which don't look rational or easily explained.

I wish you the best.

[jrandom]

... why should you pay for sex if you can try and find it for free.

Primarily, one pays for it because it's simple, you're guaranteed a high level of care and quality of service, and nobody is labouring under false expectations. Nobody gets hurt. And sometimes one can share a genuinely affectionate connection with a professional.

Then again, you're a girl. The sex industry mostly caters to men, not women. If that wasn't the case, I probably wouldn't be able to get HDTboy to help me with my bike spannering, since he'd be too busy with his other sideline contracts.

;)

[Macktheknife]

Sorry to hear of your split mate, keep your head up and do everything you can for your kids.
As for the rings, unless they are valuable/desirable as heirlooms, forget about them. You have better things to do with your time and energy than to worry about that kind of thing.
Do not be too quick to judge, nor to forgive, think carefully and give yourself time and space to consider things.
All the best
Mack

[Dilligaf]

Primarily, one pays for it because it's simple, you're guaranteed a high level of care and quality of service, and nobody is labouring under false expectations. Nobody gets hurt. And sometimes one can share a genuinely affectionate connection with a professional.



;)

You might be wrong on that :confused:
http://asianinvasion2006.blogspot.com/2007/09/newsflash-hookers-want-respect-in.html#c4783967820639237520

[jrandom]

But to let it taint your whole view on relationship is giving it way too much power...

Please note that not all women (or men, for that matter) are bitches. Only a small subset of individuals should be burned.


does it mean I am on the war path against all wrondoers and admonish everyone to live in fear of bad people?

Fear would be an entirely irrational response.

I have seen people get hurt due to naïveté. I would admonish cynicism, rather than fear.

As I like to say, there's not enough love in the world. Whatever one can do to fix that, one should.

[Stickchick]

Then again, you're a girl. The sex industry mostly caters to men, not women.
;)

thats exactly right

[jrandom]

You might be wrong on that :confused:
http://asianinvasion2006.blogspot.com/2007/09/newsflash-hookers-want-respect-in.html#c4783967820639237520

LOL! I totally had an Asian one stop to answer the phone once!

:laugh:

[Rosie]

Hey young1,
really sorry to hear about this.
I hope things work out alright for you. :hug:

[MotoGirl]

Do you think if the wife has done the dirty and left her husband (for another bloke) that she should give her engagement and wedding rings back to him?

I'd let the wife keep the rings and they can come out of her share of the assets. I don't see what use a man would have for his wife's rings - it's unlikey he'd wear them.

As for why she's done this, my mother would suggest menopause (she blames everything on menopause). Mum had issues a few years ago and told me that she wanted to leave my father for one of her tutors. When she talks about it now, she reckons her hormones were all over the show, which made her think and talk crazy. Menopause must do something to women because mum is extremely prudish and anti sex but she wanted to shag a man she barely knew.

[jrandom]

mum is extremely prudish and anti sex...

Lucky Dad.

[avgas]

I'd let the wife keep the rings and they can come out of her share of the assets. I don't see what use a man would have for his wife's rings - it's unlikey he'd wear them.
Sadly as unfeeling as men are - the ring is actually worth sentimental value is some cases.
Weddings aside, when some men give a women a ring, it is like selling their souls. Getting the ring back can mean the reverse.
I met a guy once - he sold his pride and joy (Norton 750 Commando), used the money to buy a wedding ring that ment the world to him.
He will never getting the bike back - but i know that if he didn't get the ring back he would never move on with his life after separation. Likewise my fathers wedding ring cost him 6 months in a fucked up mine. That is something my mother will never understand.

[MotoGirl]

I met a guy once - he sold his pride and joy (Norton 750 Commando), used the money to buy a wedding ring that ment the world to him...

Yes, it makes sense that a wedding ring can have sentimental value for a man if he has sacrificed something to purchase that ring. I just asked Cajun and he reckons the wife shouldn't have the rings and expect half of everything else.

[007XX]

Sadly as unfeeling as men are - the ring is actually worth sentimental value is some cases.
Weddings aside, when some men give a women a ring, it is like selling their souls. Getting the ring back can mean the reverse.
I met a guy once - he sold his pride and joy (Norton 750 Commando), used the money to buy a wedding ring that ment the world to him.
He will never getting the bike back - but i know that if he didn't get the ring back he would never move on with his life after separation. Likewise my fathers wedding ring cost him 6 months in a fucked up mine. That is something my mother will never understand.

Exactly, hence my point that this has to be treated on a case by case basis.
Different people, different circumstances, meanings to actions undertaken and also ways to deal with grief...

Respect to your father for his beautiful commitment...

We are getting way to entranched in the monetary value of the item, and should concentrate on what the item intrinsically means:

Love, commitment and fundamentally a promise.

[SpankMe]

Makes no difference what the situation is, the ring should be given back. It's a symbol of the love he feels for her. If she no longer wants his love, then the ring gets given back.

[ynot slow]

Sorry to hear,been there too,got engagement ring at xmas,wedding ring next year,eternity ring next year (in aussie),got the suffer ring about 12yrs later.



Hard to imagine life goes on,but it does make you stronger for it,synical yes.Then one night you meet someone as good as can be for you,well in fairytales lol.


No matter what you feel never let your kids know how you feel about their mum,I haven't but they will know what she did to me,maybe when they are 20 or so and can see my side of story,when they were 10 or so wasn't the time.

[Toaster]

Do you think if the wife has done the dirty and left her husband (for another bloke) that she should give her engagement and wedding rings back to him?

Can't.... it is actually her property and ONLY her property under law.

[007XX]

Can't.... it is actually her property and ONLY her property under law.

But....We are not talking about lawful property ownership here...

We are talking about ethical ownership, aren't we? Or did I completely missed the point of this thread???:rolleyes:

[Stickchick]

But....We are not talking about lawful property ownership here...

We are talking about ethical ownership, aren't we? Or did I completely missed the point of this thread???:rolleyes:

Ethically, it is her decision as to whether she hands them back or not.

[young1]

To everyone who has sent me really nice messages of support and advice, I do appreciate it. It is amazing how a common interest, bikes, can bring people together and help some one out who is in trouble.

Now the blood rush to my head has gone and the steam is no longer coming out of my ears! I have had a rethink (and chatted to a lawyer).

I have decided that I WILL NOT drop to her level. I want my friends and family to see that I do the decent thing when it comes to assets etc. There will be no arguments (i hope) over who gets what.

I am still in shock but as I said it is nice to know that I have so many friends out there.

Now if anyone knows any nice single woman........

[duckonin]

Let her keep the rings, I would not want mine back,(now hers as I did give it to her) reminding me everyday of the great times we had together, you gave it to her as a bond of love at the time, move on !!! surely even if you got it back would you want to give a "tainted" ring to your next partner??????

Yep seems so real actually it is, those darn old hormones again,our lovely girls we all love do have problems in later life and they do a great jog of hiding their problem....

[et al]

I have had a rethink (and chatted to a lawyer).
I have decided that I WILL NOT drop to her level. I want my friends and family to see that I do the decent thing when it comes to assets etc. There will be no arguments (i hope) over who gets what.
I am still in shock but as I said it is nice to know that I have so many friends out there.Now if anyone knows any nice single woman........

Thats the Story! That is the only way you can take control of your life and the situation that you find yourself in. Let the Lawyers do the debating over who gets what etc, just be aware things might get nasty once the "ex" finds out you got a Lawyer involved but at least she will now be aware of the consequences of what she has done. Re your last comment... if you have children who are not adults then I would advise against getting into any relationship right now (that WOULD be dropping to her level) - they will probably be confused about what their Mother has done and if you do similar (remember you are still married) then what example does that set for them, and it will just make things even more complicated for everyone concerned. Above all else remain strong - you have a tough time ahead of you, I know how hard this can be having gone through similar myself.

[avgas]

Ethically, it is her decision as to whether she hands them back or not.
Completely agree.
It her choice to be a bitch or not. Straight up.
I would find it interesting if a man said no as the ex-wife left asking for money. But then again it is his choice to be an asshole or not.

[ManDownUnder]

Do you think if the wife has done the dirty and left her husband (for another bloke) that she should give her engagement and wedding rings back to him?

Whoever paid for them gets them back yes.

In my eyes they're not a gift, they're a token, a symbol of something. When that something passes they cease to have meaning and should return home.

[avgas]

I have decided that I WILL NOT drop to her level. I want my friends and family to see that I do the decent thing when it comes to assets etc. There will be no arguments (i hope) over who gets what.

Nice one, good one ya mate.
Life is too short and there are too many bikes to ride to worry about mind games.
What sort of age bracket you looking for women? Do you mind kids?

[The Tazman]

I'm useless at giving relationship advise Y1. Just know that YOU have many MATES, and they will assist you when/where they can. No judgement, just good ears.:yes:

I'm sorry to hear that this has happened as long relationships seem to be a lot rarer these days

As Tri boy said remember you have lots of mates and support around you and on here, even from people you've never met.

I've always said that it doesn't matter what's happening of where you are as long as you have your mates around you it will all be fine. :yes:

All the best in working it all out.

Taz

[BuFfY]

Now if anyone knows any nice single woman........

I'm single ;)

But maybe a lil too young? lol

[nadroj]

I'm single ;)

But maybe a lil too young? lol

Would you like an interview?

[young1]

I am 47!!! This sounds like a personal advert, now have 1/2 shares in a house (4 acres of land in New Plymouth), two cars, three motorbikes, ride on mower (wow that will get the girls!!) small mortgage etc etc

[Toaster]

But....We are not talking about lawful property ownership here...

We are talking about ethical ownership, aren't we? Or did I completely missed the point of this thread???:rolleyes:

You are asking me to be ethical???!! :innocent:

[Toaster]

I'm single ;)

But maybe a lil too young? lol

:oi-grr: ..................

[007XX]

You are asking me to be ethical???!! :innocent:

Why not!?! It's not that hard...

I'm sure even you could summon the courage, even if it might be a bit of a harduous task...:innocent: :dodge: :laugh:

[Toaster]

Why not!?! It's not that hard...

I'm sure even you could summon the courage, even if it might be a bit of a harduous task...:innocent: :dodge: :laugh:

Hardous? Don't you mean Arduous my dear?

[007XX]

Hardous? Don't you mean Arduous my dear?

No, you uncouth being...harduous is like twice as fast setting, like super fast concrete!!:whistle:

so, it's like arduous, but on Viagra...

I mean, C'mon, do I have to explain everything to you slowly?;)


So anyway, how do you feel about the whole ring issue...:innocent:

[Toaster]

No, you uncouth being...harduous is like twice as fast setting, like super fast concrete!!:whistle:

so, it's like arduous, but on Viagra...

I mean, C'mon, do I have to explain everything to you slowly?;)


So anyway, how do you feel about the whole ring issue...:innocent:

Nah, if it ain't in the dictionary it don't count!! Bwahahaha! (What HAVE I been smoking today??) :crazy:

Yes, please, I like it when you talk all slowly to me.... mmmmm.

Ring issue? We got so off topic I forgot about that.... I stick to my guns on that... they were given as gifts and also are owned by her under law so, no... he has no place taking them back and can only ask for them if in the event said female wishes to gift them back to him.

[Colapop]

Shhhhh be careful... you might told off!

[007XX]

Nah, if it ain't in the dictionary it don't count!! Bwahahaha! (What HAVE I been smoking today??) :crazy:

Yes, please, I like it when you talk all slowly to me.... mmmmm.

Ring issue? We got so off topic I forgot about that.... I stick to my guns on that... they were given as gifts and also are owned by her under law so, no... he has no place taking them back and can only ask for them if in the event said female wishes to gift them back to him.

:shit:Are you sure you're not a lawyer, disguised as a bankey??:laugh:

It may have been given as a gift, but the meaning of the gift (and the subsequent promise made) got broken and therefor should make the prior engagement nul and void...

hence my point is, the properties duly given at the time of the said engagement as a proof of love and fidelity, should be in good faith returned to the appropriate owner, or if you will the buyer of the token.

[Toaster]

:shit:Are you sure you're not a lawyer, disguised as a bankey??:laugh:

It may have been given as a gift, but the meaning of the gift (and the subsequent promise made) got broken and therefor should make the prior engagement nul and void...

hence my point is, the properties duly given at the time of the said engagement as a proof of love and fidelity, should be in good faith returned to the appropriate owner, or if you will the buyer of the token.

I do love the law..... 5 years in tax law/accounting, 2 in commercial banking, over 3years in criminal/traffic law and back into commercial banking.... mmmmm law..... mmmmmmmm money......... mmmmmmm coffee....... :crazy:

[iwilde]

At the end of the day, who cares about 2 stupid rings. Consintrate on yourself to keep your sanity. I've been married twice now and I sure that if I tries giving my present wife my X's rings I still be single! What you feel now will change everyday untill the iner termoil disappears and you start thinking logicaly about seperation agreaments, shared custody etc...Expect shit to get nasty over the comming few months, but look after yourself first ie eat, sleep, work and ride.

[young1]

At the end of the day, who cares about 2 stupid rings. Consintrate on yourself to keep your sanity. I've been married twice now and I sure that if I tries giving my present wife my X's rings I still be single! What you feel now will change everyday untill the iner termoil disappears and you start thinking logicaly about seperation agreaments, shared custody etc...Expect shit to get nasty over the comming few months, but look after yourself first ie eat, sleep, work and ride.

Excellent advice, yes from my "hot headedness" when I found out that she had done the dirty, I am now trying to think logically, not working yet but I will get there!

[iwilde]

They say time heals all wounds, bullshit. Only sorting through the emotions and facts and throwing the crap out will the healing start. You owe it to yourself and your kids to remain centered. As you can guess, been their done that!

[Winston001]

Excellent advice, yes from my "hot headedness" when I found out that she had done the dirty, I am now trying to think logically, not working yet but I will get there!

Young1, this sounds all very new and I'm guessing that you are still in a state of shock. You have every right to be. All sorts of thoughts will be racing around in your head and your emotions will swing from extreme sadness to deep anger, sometimes in a matter of minutes.

This is going to take you a few months to come to terms with. Accept that for your own sake. If you feel like shit, thats normal and to be expected. And don't close your mind to the possibility that you and your wife might be able to work things out at some point in the future.

Good on you for thinking logically and that should help, especially in dealing with the children because a lot of emotion in separation gets misdirected onto the kids.

Lean on you friends and family - thats what they are there for. We men aren't too good at that but reach out - people will respond. Just look at the number that have posted support for you here. :2thumbsup

[Kittyhawk]

When I broke up with my ex, I didnt give the rings back, I did ask him if he wanted them back but he said no they were a gift and I could do what I wanted with them. (was a commitment ring and a "Im sorry I really farked up" ring) :pinch:

It comes down to the individual as to weather they are the type of person to throw everything out after a breakup or keep sentimental things like photos, jewellery and other items, then put it away to collect dust. But out of respect they should ask if they could keep them as rings are a special thing.

At the end of the day once a break up has happend all thats really left are memories both good and bad.

[mstriumph]

...........................

Now if anyone knows any nice single woman........

don't do it
take up with the naughty ones first and get give yourself time to get over it before looking the the nice ones .................. :shifty:

i'm sorta joking, but it DOES take months and months before you can put it behind you and get on with the rest of your life without baggage ............ give yourself time to grieve - and don't be ashamed of grieving - 22 years is a long time, commonsense says you can't put it behind you in five minutes.

whatever happens, goodluck, fella :grouphug:

[mstriumph]

Sorry to hear that. Awful shock.

The above comment kinda indicates she has either acted on a whim and may be back when whatever it is, is out of her system.................

popularist crap to condone her thuswise
- or do you REALLY believe it's ok to 'go along to get along'??

those that stand for nothing will fall for anything?

my 2c only, of course?

[ajturbo]

popularist crap to condone her thuswise
- or do you REALLY believe it's ok to 'go along to get along'??

those that stand for nothing will fall for anything?

my 2c only, of course?

when it happened to me..... that was it!..

no more trust.. = .. no more friend.... how much smipler can you make it?

and she cannot understand that i don't want anything to do with her!...

the rings?? i want NOTHING she had contact with...( but i did take the drier:bleh:)