What size?

[Stirts]

A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, "What size?"

He says, "I don't know."

She holds up a finger and says, "That big?"

He says, "Bigger."

She holds up three fingers and says, "That big?"

He says, "Smaller?"

She holds up two fingers and he says, "That's it."

She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, "Medium."

[007XX]

She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, "Medium."


Is there another way to tell what size it is?:blink::lol:

*nice one, bling sent! Love your work...*

[Stirts]

Is there another way to tell what size it is?:blink::lol:

I have been told if placed between breasts is a good indicator also :whistle:

[007XX]

I have been told if placed between breasts is a good indicator also :whistle:

A bit less discreet if in a major store at the time though...:lol:

[Stirts]

A bit less discreet if in a major store at the time though...:lol:

Would send condom sales through the roof thou....I should be in marketing

[yod]

A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, "What size?"

He says, "I don't know."

She holds up a finger and says, "That big?"

He says, "Bigger."

She holds up three fingers and says, "That big?"

He says, "Smaller?"

She holds up two fingers and he says, "That's it."

She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, "Medium."

:rofl:

fancy seeing you here...howzit going?

[vifferman]

Here's a real life story.

I used to work on a Gubmint research farm, in a section where we did lots of sheep-mating trials, embryo transplants, blah blah blah. One of the technicians went to the pharmacist, and asked the sweet young girlie behind the counter for some condoms.
"Yes sir - how many would you like?"
"Um... a gross, please!"
:blink: :eek5: "How many?!?"
"Oh... they're not for me - they're for my sheep!"

[deanohit]

Good one Stirts, and Vifferman, ooooooooohhhhhhhhhh snapped.

The sales woman used to look amused at me buying 100 at a time. Why did I need so many? I was working at a remote lodge 30 mins boat ride from town and was on selling them for a very tidy profit. =)

[007XX]

The sales woman used to look amused at me buying 100 at a time. Why did I need so many? I was working at a remote lodge 30 mins boat ride from town and was on selling them for a very tidy profit. =)

Riiiiightt...and I'm the tooth fairy's cousin, twice removed, on my mother's side...:lol:

But that's ok, we understand a strapping, healthy young fellow like you must need exercise on a regular basis...it's ok you know, nothing to be worried about...:dodge:

[deanohit]

Riiiiightt...and I'm the tooth fairy's cousin, twice removed, on my mother's side...:lol:

But that's ok, we understand a strapping, healthy young fellow like you must need exercise on a regular basis...it's ok you know, nothing to be worried about...:dodge:

Na honest,:innocent: I was selling 50 of them to pay for the other 50 and making a profit.:woohoo: Either way I was winning :first:

[oldrider]

Talking of condoms, when I was about seventeen, one of my friends worked as a junior for a firm called Salmon and Spraggon.

They imported pharmaceutical goods and condoms were very hush hush in those (Victorian) days.

The wharfies used to be very powerful and lots of pillaging was done by dropping cases and packages to see what was in them and to assist in pilfering.

My mate was sent down to the wharf to rescue a case of condoms (Durex samples) that had been dropped and broken open.

This was a pretty harrowing experience for a seventeen year old having to face the howling wharfies and pick up all the spilled packets, put them in the broken case and take them back to the office.

When he got back to the office, the condoms were just too unspeakable and no one wanted to deal with them except as a written note in a consignment docket, to acknowledge them physically was just unacceptable and he was left to deal with them himself.

The case was full of what normally would be sold as a packet of three but only had one sample gratis condom per packet to be given out with other purchases of condoms in the chemist shops.

You can probably imagine that a group of young enterprising seventeen year olds thought the had stumbled upon a gold mine, all we had to do was pack them all into packets of three and sell them at a discounted price and we were rich!

Wrong, we didn't sell any and we had hundreds of packets of Durex condoms to dispose of and in those days you had to be very very discrete about such
disgusting things, not like today!

In Petone in those days there were two cinema houses on opposite sides of the main street and cinema was one of the premium entertainments of that time and both sides of the street were packed with parked cars.

We all took a quota of joes (thats what they were called in those days) and we rolled them onto the exhausts of every car in the street and waited until the crowds came out of the packed theaters and started their cars.

The joes all filled up with exhaust gas and started jet propelling themselves all over the bloody place, it was hilarious, all these stuffy old ladies gaping wide mouthed at these disgusting objects flying all over the place.

Used stretched wrinkly condoms are not a pretty sight at the best of times.

There was an uproar of indignation by the town dignatories!

We of course were in hysterics, alas not for long, plod came along in force and rounded us up and made us go round and pick them all up and dispose of them.

Every time we bent over to pick up a condom plod would give us a swift kick up the arse to go on with.

We spent a night in the cells and got a right royal doing over next day but no charges were laid and we got sent home with another flea in our ears.

Unfortunately we still had hundreds of condoms to dispose of stored in all the secrete hiding places we could find.

As you can imagine there are still a lot of stories about strange uses for condoms and how we disposed of them over the time that followed but I wont try to bore you with them. :whistle: Cheers John.

[deanohit]

Na, come on John, that story had me in stitches, more please!

[merv]

On seeing the heading I thought this thread was going to be about this chick http://www.stuff.co.nz/4213395a10.html

[caesius]

"I was so humiliated"... from the article

Well you are going to be a tad more by letting them put a picture of your *style* that night on a national news sight.

[terbang]

We spent a night in the cells and got a right royal doing over next day but no charges were laid and we got sent home with another flea in our ears.

Cheers John.

Jeez..I hope they used condoms..! Only kidding, loved your account though. Funny how they were the unspeakable.

A wee while back as a much younger lad things got a bit steamy one afternoon and she said. Uh Uh mate, not without a Joe... I wasn't gonna miss out, so with flushed cheeks and a wild look in my eye it was onto the trusty old DT 250. The local chemist shop was the only place in town, a very small town, that you could get them. I usually had them supplied by my older cousin who was making a few bucks but there was no time, I was desperate. Stooging around the aftershave. "Hello Bruce can I help you"? And there she was 'oh god, you do punish me', Mrs Kemp. The Kemps were good friends of the family, good friends from the same church that my mother went to. I had been trying to be such a saintly lad in her eyes of late as they also had hot daughters and I used to pop around for dinner and stuff! Fark, Farkk, Faaark. The battle of the heads. Whats it to be, aftershave and miss out all together or condoms (30 seconds of mind blowing fame) and suffer the shame forever?
Well typically the small head won and I blurted out "Um can I please have some condoms". Having used many slang terms like joes, frenchies, froggies and rubbers, the correct term seemed to come out loud and wrong. It shouted to everyone in the shop, the whole town and me mums church look at me desperate to get my rocks off. My brain was spinning, the earth (unfortunatly) didn't swallow me up and the long silence was deafening. With a faint hint of a professional smile, she led me to the other end of the counter and in the most courteous way, looked me in the eye and sold me my first ever packet of over the counter condoms. Dishevelled dollar notes rapidly parted my company followed by a cloud of billowing smoke from the old Yammie as it traced a path across town of a young man on a mission.
Nuff said I think!

[deanohit]

Nice one Terbang. Not hard to make the mistake of asking at the top of your voice in the heat of the moment is it.

[007XX]

As you can imagine there are still a lot of stories about strange uses for condoms and how we disposed of them over the time that followed but I wont try to bore you with them. :whistle: Cheers John.

:lol::lol:

Oh, as usual, you are most entertaining sir! Excellent story...

And I'm with Deano on this one...more please!:niceone:

[ManDownUnder]

Is there another way to tell what size it is?:blink::lol:

*nice one, bling sent! Love your work...*

Only the personal touch...

[007XX]

Only the personal touch...

That and maybe a few accessories... But I do draw the line at latex gloves:eek::laugh:

[Beemer]

Very funny, John!

This next bit is a repost - I'm sure I posted this joke ages ago but can't find the original easily. I haven't bothered to change it to suit NZ but you get the gist:

A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.

“What size?” asks the clerk.

“Gee, I don’t know.”

“Go see Sophie in aisle 4.” He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the crotch, and yells, “Medium!” The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly.

Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells, “Large!” The guy struts over to the register, pays, and leaves.

A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.

“What size?” The kid embarassedly says “I’ve never done this before. I don’t know what size.”

The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs him and yells “Clean up in aisle 4!”