Relationships

[Grahameeboy]

Simple really:

"What prevents some 'people types' from being honest to eachother"

[LilSel]

Simple really:

"What prevents some 'people types' from being honest to eachother"

Cuz they think you dont know when they are lying/have lied... but really you do...they lose a tad more respect everytime it happens...

I listen to what is said by others & dont forget important bits, it is frustrating when, a few weeks/months later... something else is said which contridicts what had been said prior... whether it is just bending the truth... or lying... for whatever reasons... respect is lost.

I dont say anything to the persons as I dont like confrontation... but I have 'caught out' a few of my friends like this... as well as partners!!!

Im glad I am a truthful, honest person

[NighthawkNZ]

Im glad I am a truthful, honest person

bwahahahahaha....


:Pokey:

[LilSel]

bwahahahahaha....


:Pokey:

??? no seriously....

I didnt say I was well behaved :devil2:... just truthful & honest

[enigma51]

I feel a episode of coronation street coming this way!

[jrandom]

What prevents people from being honest to each other? Hmm.

Earlier this year, I made a personal resolution to never do anything that I would want kept secret, or have to lie about, and if I did do something I regretted, to man up and take my knocks without hiding it. That resolution has served me well.

My impression, however, is that the majority of people in this world do not take that approach to life.

I think people who lie are driven by selfishness. A lack of empathy for others, a focus on the immediate gratification of their desires, and a low self-esteem that makes them feel that they need to project a false image of themselves to be accepted.

[007XX]

A lack of respect and a natural inclination for contempt towards the other person, I think.

Ultimately a lack of ethics, in the broader perspective.

And then, you got the dickheads who think they can just get away with it...

And btw, I mean that in a non gender specific way!

[BMW]

??? no seriously....

I didnt say I was well behaved :devil2:... just truthful & honest

same- never xheated on anyone but seem to get the ones that cheat on me!

I like to treat others like I want to be treated.

[Grahameeboy]

same- never xheated on anyone but seem to get the ones that cheat on me!

I like to treat others like I want to be treated.

Yep, seems simple eh..............certainly my attitude.....but sometimes the simplest things are the hardest to achieve eh?

[LilSel]

I think people who lie are driven by selfishness. A lack of empathy for others, a focus on the immediate gratification of their desires, and a low self-esteem that makes them feel that they need to project a false image of themselves to be accepted.
I think I should be able to give you as much bling as I want!! stoopid thing telling me to spread myself around!!


And then, you got the dickheads who think they can just get away with it...

... & they may think the 'get away' with it... end of the day... someone knows... At the mo... I would love to be able to say to someone, why did you lie about this/that??... but I dont have the balls to... I dont forget tho!...


I like to treat others like I want to be treated.
bingo!! as it should be!! doesnt mean it always happens... but at least you are sound in the knowledge that you treat people right!!...

:rockon:

[Skyryder]

I think most people are honest with each other. But to be honest, if you are going to be 'brutely' honest your are going to piss people off. The trick is knowing when people ask a question do they want an honest answer or an answer that they want to hear. No knowing the difference can destroy a relationship just as easy as lieing.

Skyryder

[Skyryder]

I like to treat others like I want to be treated.

Yep that's the GOLDEN RULE. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Language is a bit archaic but the meaning is still the same.

Skyryder

[007XX]

But to be honest, if you are going to be 'brutely' honest your are going to piss people off. The trick is knowing when people ask a question do they want an honest answer or an answer that they want to hear. No knowing the difference can destroy a relationship just as easy as lieing.

Skyryder

Only partially agree here...why not find someone who actually appreciates "brutal" honnesty?
I know I have...it's taken a while for him to get used to it but hubby knows that I don't mean any harm by it. I just say things the way I see them: I call a spade a spade, full stop.
And he definitely likes knowing where he stands, and I see him as a stronger man for it.

It's not about being hurtful, but about not wanting ever to belitle his trust by lying to him, not even a "white lie".

[Grahameeboy]

Only partially agree here...why not find someone who actually appreciates "brutal" honnesty?
I know I have...it's taken a while for him to get used to it but hubby knows that I don't mean any harm by it. I just say things the way I see them: I call a spade a spade, full stop.
And he definitely likes knowing where he stands, and I see him as a stronger man for it.

It's not about being hurtful, but about not wanting ever to belitle his trust by lying to him, not even a "white lie".

I agree with you..........first a relationship is about friendship so it is important to know where one stands........otherwise, one ends up tip toeing around things which is not being honest.

Plus I actually think that a strong and honest friendship in a relationship helps the physical side too.

[Goblin]

I think most people are honest with each other. But to be honest, if you are going to be 'brutely' honest your are going to piss people off. The trick is knowing when people ask a question do they want an honest answer or an answer that they want to hear. No knowing the difference can destroy a relationship just as easy as lieing.

SkyryderIt's this attitude that has destroyed my hope of ever having another relationship. People who tell others what they want to hear are not being honest with themselves, therefore will never be honest with anyone else. I want BRUTAL honesty and am lied to every time. If the truth kills me I'd rather be dead than lied to!

I think the "do unto others" has been changed to "Do in others before they do you in"

[007XX]

I agree with you..........first a relationship is about friendship so it is important to know where one stands........otherwise, one ends up tip toeing around things which is not being honest.

Plus I actually think that a strong and honest friendship in a relationship helps the physical side too.

Oh most definitely! A succesful relationship (in my view) is about a lot of things held in balance...

Throw one thing out of quilter, and everything else will suffer from it!

Hence the fact so many people find it very complicated to have a stable relationship. If the balance of the two personalities don't add up, too many compromises have to be made to make it work, and it turns into a chore rather than a pleasure.

Which is why also a lot of relationships do not last much longer than the "honeymoon period" of the first 6 months. While it's all new and lovely, both sides are wanting to please, but after a while, it looses its charm and becomes hard work if it requires too much "out of character" compromises.

Call it what you will (Yin and Ynag is a favourite of mine), but people don't change, so realising very earlier on if you can or cannot live with their personalitie goes a long way into ensuring wether the relationship has any future in it.

Sorry rant over... :o

[Finn]

I think most people are honest with each other. But to be honest, if you are going to be 'brutely' honest your are going to piss people off. The trick is knowing when people ask a question do they want an honest answer or an answer that they want to hear. No knowing the difference can destroy a relationship just as easy as lieing.

I agree and I think that's why I'm currently single.

[nodrog]

...I'm currently single.

sweet, call me on 0800 844357 :love:

[jrandom]

Ynag is a favourite of mine...

What an inspired relationship-related typo! XY absolutely must buy you this personalised plate for the VTR...

<img src="http://i24.tinypic.com/mtl2cx.jpg"/>

[Finn]

sweet, call me on 0800 844357 :love:

Nice one. When I heard the name of the organisation, I asked to speak with Helen Clark. These people have no sense of humour.

[007XX]

What an inspired relationship-related typo! XY absolutely must buy you this personalised plate for the VTR...

<img src="http://i24.tinypic.com/mtl2cx.jpg"/>

Oh my God!!! I Love It!!!!!

:love: :love: :love:

Shame its about $400 minimum...:o

[nodrog]

These people have no sense of humour.

sorry mate, i must have given you the number for the moderator hotline.

[jrandom]

Shame its about $400 minimum...

$700, actually. I know, because I just spent that on a new plate for the Snail. But it was worth it.

:love:

[scumdog]

What prevents people from being honest to each other? Hmm.

I think people who lie are driven by selfishness. A lack of empathy for others, a focus on the immediate gratification of their desires, and a low self-esteem that makes them feel that they need to project a false image of themselves to be accepted.

So true - especially that last bit about self esteem.

So many of my 'clients' feel the need to (a) lie about how important/influential/TOUGH/good they are and (b) knock everybody else - especially those who directly influence their lives (WINZ, CYPS, Police, etc).

And then there's always those that are plain mean and selfish - and are too thick to realise when Kharma has bitten them but good.

And needless to say honesty to anybody from the above types is the exception rather than the rule.

Regardless of the relationship type honesty goes a long way.

(Doesn't count for "Does this make my arse look big" type questions though.:pinch:)

[scumdog]

Yep that's the GOLDEN RULE. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Language is a bit archaic but the meaning is still the same.

Skyryder

I'll vote for that - if we ALL did it the world would be a better place.

I always treat others as I would want to be treated myself.

If they don't treat me nice? I often just keep on treating them nice - kinda throws quite a lot of them and they think I'm taking the piss but can't figure out how!

[chanceyy]

most ppl are to busy lying to themselves, so they would not know the meaning of being truthful in a relationship ...

and I agree you do lose respect for ppl when you know they are lying ..& have no idea why ppl think they can get away with it either .. everything comes out in the end ...


as for me I am straight up ppl know where they stand, but I am not brutal with it .. mind you thats my own perspective .. others on here who actually know me can give a more accurate account

[idleidolidyll]

everybody lies whether by use of words or deed or by ommission; that's human nature

those who say they don't lie, are liars

[scumdog]

everybody lies whether by use of words or deed or by ommission; that's human nature

those who say they don't lie, are liars


Liar!....:jerry::lol:

[Joni]

everybody lies whether by use of words or deed or by ommission; that's human nature

those who say they don't lie, are liarsThen you have never met my partner Kickaha - that man is as honest as it comes... at times it cuts like a knife, but you always know where you stand, which I appreciate...

Sometimes I ask him a question (not a stupid does my arse look big question), and he looks me straight in the eye and says "Do you really want me to answer that", then I know this one is going to cut... my call if I say yes or no.

[chanceyy]

Then you have never met my partner Kickaha - that man is as honest as it comes... at times it cuts like a knife, but you always know where you stand, which I appreciate...

Sometimes I ask him a question (not a stupid does my arse look big question), and he looks me straight in the eye and says "Do you really want me to answer that", then I know this one is going to cut... my call if I say yes or no.

and you appreicate them more .. cause you know they are not bullshitting you ..

[Joni]

and you appreicate them more .. cause you know they are not bullshitting you ..yes you do 100%... but sometimes you walk away.. thinking WTF?? Why did I even ask... I knew this would hurt.

Its great, but hard too.

[idleidolidyll]

it seems i should have completed the sentence a little:

everybody lies and everybody deceives themselves.................

[Curious_AJ]

I don't see how you could not be honest in a relationship, quite honestly...

[Goblin]

I'll vote for that - if we ALL did it the world would be a better place.That went out when Muldoon was PM. It was replaced with "Do in others before they do you in".

[jrandom]

I don't see how...

I wonder why?

<img src="http://www.jonathan-guest.co.uk/images/MilledPlanksW.jpg"/>

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

Because many people are constitutionally incapable of being rigourously honest with themselves - so they are incapable of being honest with others. It can also come from low self esteem, bolster their egos. I married a pathological liar and my last relationship he too was a pathological liar. I was emphatic with the last one - Don't ever lie to me - well he turned out to be the worst. The man I fell in love with does not exist - I look at him today and realise how sick he really is and I feel nothing for him, he murdered that. Liars have no balls, no spine. They always get found out. But at least I was always upfront and honest and have integrity.

I listen alot and I have a bloody good memory - liars always trip themselves up - at times I might challenge them depends upon how important I think it is - otherwise I just totally disassociate myself from them. Have absolute no respect for them whatsoever.

Like Goblin says, I've had my last relationship - there is no way I would ever trust a male again. The damage has been done - and too often. Very sad really. But hey today I have a good life considering.

[Joni]

Like Goblin says, I've had my last relationship - there is no way I would ever trust a male again. The damage has been done - and too often. Very sad really. But hey today I have a good life considering.That is very sad! :(

[Goblin]

Like Goblin says, I've had my last relationship - there is no way I would ever trust a male again. The damage has been done - and too often. Very sad really. But hey today I have a good life considering.The really sad bit is that it's not only men who are pathological liars, plenty of women do it too.

[fireball]

The really sad bit is that it's not only men who are pathological liars, plenty of women do it too.

i couldnt agree with you more...

[Grahameeboy]

Because many people are constitutionally incapable of being rigourously honest with themselves - so they are incapable of being honest with others. It can also come from low self esteem, bolster their egos. I married a pathological liar and my last relationship he too was a pathological liar. I was emphatic with the last one - Don't ever lie to me - well he turned out to be the worst. The man I fell in love with does not exist - I look at him today and realise how sick he really is and I feel nothing for him, he murdered that. Liars have no balls, no spine. They always get found out. But at least I was always upfront and honest and have integrity.

I listen alot and I have a bloody good memory - liars always trip themselves up - at times I might challenge them depends upon how important I think it is - otherwise I just totally disassociate myself from them. Have absolute no respect for them whatsoever.

Like Goblin says, I've had my last relationship - there is no way I would ever trust a male again. The damage has been done - and too often. Very sad really. But hey today I have a good life considering.

Not all of us are untrustworthy ya know..........:(

[Curious_AJ]

i couldnt agree with you more...

agreed......

[Scouse]

Not all of us are untrustworthy ya know..........:(No but you've got other baggage like being a prize plonker, see this honesty thing is great

[Grahameeboy]

No but you've got other baggage like being a prize plonker, see this honesty thing is great

That's cool you are entitled to your opinion and at least I know where I stand so no issues there.

[Guitana]

That is very sad! :(

No no ! she's quite right never trust a male if he's honest he's probably brain damaged or retarded! I lie to my wife all the time in fact I live in a totally different world to her!! It's more exciting that way and it keeps you on edge and when she catches you out just cover up with more bullshit she'll be so confused she wont know wtfs going on!:shit::shit:

[The Stranger]

What prevents people from being honest to each other? Hmm.

Earlier this year, I made a personal resolution to never do anything that I would want kept secret, or have to lie about, and if I did do something I regretted, to man up and take my knocks without hiding it. That resolution has served me well.

My impression, however, is that the majority of people in this world do not take that approach to life.

I think people who lie are driven by selfishness. A lack of empathy for others, a focus on the immediate gratification of their desires, and a low self-esteem that makes them feel that they need to project a false image of themselves to be accepted.


Way I see it is this.
I like to think I am an honest person, but I have lied.

I will lie so as not to hurt someone's feelings.

I will lie to protect the ones I love.

I will lie to someone if I feel they have no right to ask the question and by declining to answer I would effectively answer it anyway.

Sometimes we lie without realising it. My feelings on a subject today may be x, but tomorrow after some consideration they are y.

We would all lie for love - don't say you wouldn't.
If you are faced with a decision between love or a lie what you going to do?

Just apologise to him, I'm sure Gayhameeboy will take you back.

[The Stranger]

Though there is one thing worse, that's a liar who is also a hypocrite

[Grahameeboy]

Way I see it is this.
I like to think I am an honest person, but I have lied.

I will lie so as not to hurt someone's feelings.

I will lie to protect the ones I love.

I will lie to someone if I feel they have no right to ask the question and by declining to answer I would effectively answer it anyway.

Sometimes we lie without realising it. My feelings on a subject today may be x, but tomorrow after some consideration they are y.

We would all lie for love - don't say you wouldn't.
If you are faced with a decision between love or a lie what you going to do?

Just apologise to him, I'm sure Gayhameeboy will take you back.

I could comment but would not want to incriminate myself.............or others!!

[Edbear]

I don't see how you could not be honest in a relationship, quite honestly...




I guess I'm a lucky guy. My Missus never asks me if her bum looks fat...:shutup:

[u4ea]

I dont like lies..truth is always better than being made to look like a plonker!!(or folk who steal..did you take that??? NO!!!!)Have had situations where the truth has hurt but at least its from people I trust and have great freindships with.In regard to a new relationship with a male I am etremely gaurded....Im sure the majority are all rats

[The Stranger]

Simple really:

"What prevents some 'people types' from being honest to eachother"

Just remember Gayhameeboy, To err is human, to forgive, divine.

Maybe you should give JRandom another chance.

[jrandom]

Maybe you should give JRandom another chance.

What is it with people pointlessly capitalising letters in my online handle?

It's 'jrandom', mm kay?

If the idea of a proper noun with a lower-case first letter makes your head explode, just call me Dan.

[Grahameeboy]

:msn-wink:
Just remember Gayhameeboy, To err is human, to forgive, divine.

Maybe you should give JRandom another chance.

Well he is not home yet............he doesn't reply to my texts...........:weep:...if he is not back my 8 I am gonna get a takaway.........

[jrandom]

if he is not back my 8 I am gonna get a takaway.........

What, a takeaway rent boy? I think there are websites for that now that it's legal...

[Grahameeboy]

What, a takeaway rent boy? I think there are websites for that now that it's legal...

Yep, you get 2 extra toppings free.............

[u4ea]

What, a takeaway rent boy? I think there are websites for that now that it's legal...

yep RATS......

[riffer]

What is it with people pointlessly capitalising letters in my online handle?

It's 'jrandom', mm kay?

If the idea of a proper noun with a lower-case first letter makes your head explode, just call me Dan.

Dude, welcome to my life. The amount of people who capitalise riffer is astounding.

And FWIW, TTT (tell the truth) is the only law I live by. My short term memory is too shot to live any other way. :mellow:

[Zuki Bandit]

Relationships are mind fucks, but it's human nature to feel the urge to socialize.

[Drew]

I think most people are honest with each other. But to be honest, if you are going to be 'brutely' honest your are going to piss people off. The trick is knowing when people ask a question do they want an honest answer or an answer that they want to hear. No knowing the difference can destroy a relationship just as easy as lieing.

Skyryder


This man has read "How to win friends and influence people". Any decent sales person, will tell you, sizing people up, and then telling them what they need to hear to buy an item, is the name of the game. People will often comment on how charismatic someone is, think about that, charisma is the ability to get strangers onside, (summed up a lot of course), wether it's social or commercialy motivated.

Noe to tie that into relationships...

When we first become interested in another person and start courting, we lead with our best foot, present ourselves in the very best light possible, and as time goes by, the rest of our personality eases it's way into the equation. Often I hear the term "honeymoon period", and I chuckle, because it usually ends when people begin acting like thier true selves again, what a coincedence.

Here in kiwi land, we dont date, we leap into relationships, and they usually fail, because it takes a while before we really meet the other person in that relationship. Positively though, the ones that do tend to last, are people who knew eachother quite well before the physical attraction surfaced.

I'd like to say this to a couple of women who have posted in this thread about giving up on relationships. Dont make a statment you know could well turn out to be wrong out of frustration, instead, dont give it anty real attention. Looking for relationships will not get you what you desire, (truthfull happy bliss) it will get you a person presenting only thier qualities, and avoiding them could mean you miss out on a person who does posses what you want, and little of what you dont.

My two cents, I should usually just keep my trap shut though:done:

[Xile]

My impression, however, is that the majority of people in this world do not take that approach to life.
I think people who lie are driven by selfishness. A lack of empathy for others, a focus on the immediate gratification of their desires, and a low self-esteem that makes them feel that they need to project a false image of themselves to be accepted.

so true...
too many liars,
too many people that want to protect themselves only in lying but claiming that it is for the happiness of the others! :angry2:

[Goblin]

so true...
too many liars,
too many people that want to protect themselves only in lying but claiming that it is for the happiness of the others! :angry2:I absolutely agree! Lying to someone to "protect" their feelings only makes it worse. Truth may hurt sometimes but not nearly as much as finding out you've been lied to.:mad:

[doc]

I absolutely agree! Lying to someone to "protect" their feelings only makes it worse. Truth may hurt sometimes but not nearly as much as finding out you've been lied to.:mad:

Ferk If I didn't lie I'd have no friends. I'm just waiting for them to turn up so I don't spend another sat night on KB'r. we had a great time last time they came in Aug 2003. They must have missed the turnof again, cos they are late.

[Goblin]

Ferk If I didn't lie I'd have no friends. I'm just waiting for them to turn up so I don't spend another sat night on KB'r. we had a great time last time they came in Aug 2003. They must have missed the turnof again, cos they are late.:laugh: Dont ya see? They found out you lied and now they dont wanna be your friend anymore.

[doc]

Is the depressed thread still going ?

[Goblin]

Will be when you next post in it.

[Toaster]

Relationships are mind fucks, but it's human nature to feel the urge to socialize.

Yep, too much bullshit and game-playing. No fucking honest people left. Fuckers....:beer:

[Toaster]

so true...
too many liars,
too many people that want to protect themselves only in lying but claiming that it is for the happiness of the others! :angry2:

So very true. So very sad.

[slowpoke]

Lies, lies, lies where would we be with out them?

No officer I didn't know I was speeding...
I'm just going out to the shed for 5 minutes....
No, I was only SCRATCHING my nose
No, your arse looks fine
Your beer gut is cute
I want this job 'cos I'm looking for a new challenge
Yup, unfortunately I've gotta sell it...no, it's never been wheelied
I promise I'll call you next week
Me? A Virgin? Hell no!
Honestly, that school play was great!
Please be gentle, I've never done this before
It must have gotten lost in the mail
I'll get onto that right away
I'll pull out, I promise
No, I don't want kids either
Hi, it's so good to see you
You can buy it if you want to, I don't mind

Et-fuckin'-cetera.........

Lies are what makes the world go around, whether we like it or not. We all use them and we even appreciate it on occasion when we are lied to. To paraphrase Jack Nicholson: we can't handle the truth.

[Xile]

Truth may hurt sometimes but not nearly as much as finding out you've been lied to.:mad:

yea, that is the point! I mean, I'm sure a lot of people would prefer to get hurt once than feeling you cheated on her. I can forgive first situation...would take me much longer time in the second one!

[Xile]

:whistle: that is not lies!



No, your arse looks fine

what? yeah my arse is fine! lol



Hi, it's so good to see you

*ahem* isn't it just be polite? :innocent:

:2thumbsup

[jigyjig]

Lies, lies, lies where would we be with out them?

No officer I didn't know I was speeding...
I'm just going out to the shed for 5 minutes....
No, I was only SCRATCHING my nose
No, your arse looks fine

Lies are what makes the world go around, whether we like it or not. We all use them and we even appreciate it on occasion when we are lied to. To paraphrase Jack Nicholson: we can't handle the truth.

I think you sho8uld embellish embrace and enjoy the lies that relatioships of any kind are built on. kiwibiker are cool fuckers. id love to meet more of them.

[Mikkel]

Earlier this year, I made a personal resolution to never do anything that I would want kept secret, or have to lie about, and if I did do something I regretted, to man up and take my knocks without hiding it. That resolution has served me well.

Funny that, I've had exactly the same thing. Still - I'll only be brutally honest with the people I know can handle it, and to be brutally honest there are not that many such people out there.


My impression, however, is that the majority of people in this world do not take that approach to life.

Indeed - lot's of spineless cretins out there!

[007XX]

Funny that, I've had exactly the same thing. Still - I'll only be brutally honest with the people I know can handle it, and to be brutally honest there are not that many such people out there.



Indeed - lot's of spineless cretins out there!

Oh boy! How I agree with you there!!:first: