All Black Jokes

[deanohit]

Whats the difference between the ABs and a tea bag?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer. :rofl:


Ya's hear about the new All Black bra?

All support and no cup.:killingme

[sunhuntin]

whats the differene between an all black and
an arsonist??? an arsonist wouldnt waste five matches

what do you call 15 blokes sitting watching the world cup semi-final..... the all blacks

NEWSFLASH
Graham Henry found dead in hotel room, 4.5 million suspects

Whats the difference between viagra and graeme henry, viagra will give you a semi!!!

[deanohit]

From BabyB:
Why do the All Blacks always have two to a hotel room when they're on tour?
So one can perform the Heimlich Manoeuvre when the other one chokes

[Bren]

Ya guys are lame...They gave it their best, but was not good enough I agree.....bugger who needs Aussies mocking us as a country when you guys are quite happy to do it to yourself!!!!:Pokey:

[sunhuntin]

im not mocking new zealand... im mocking the "players" who got paid heaps for nothing.

[Shadows]

Ya guys are lame...They gave it their best, but was not good enough I agree.....bugger who needs Aussies mocking us as a country when you guys are quite happy to do it to yourself!!!!:Pokey:

I don't hear anybody mocking the country.

[sels1]

'91 - suprised
'95 - gutted - (we were robbed!)
'99 - not again
'03 - seeing a pattern here
'07 - here we go again....at least we are consistent!

As they say....its only a game folks

[deanohit]

Ya guys are lame...They gave it their best, but was not good enough I agree.....bugger who needs Aussies mocking us as a country when you guys are quite happy to do it to yourself!!!!:Pokey:

C'mon man, it's just a bit of fun. :devil2:

[hXc]

As Sels1 says. At least they're consistent - apart from that one time.

Who fucking cares?! It's a stupid game with a bunch of semi fat dudes running 'round in tight clothing, chasing an odd shaped ball and groping each other. Fuck that makes it sound gay, doesn't it? Get over it.

[BigG]

Hawkes Bay won that was an awesome game never mind about the Blacks they took to long to prepair. Cmon England.

[doc]

Ya guys are lame...They gave it their best, but was not good enough I agree.....bugger who needs Aussies mocking us as a country when you guys are quite happy to do it to yourself!!!!:Pokey:
I think its a bit sad if you can't have a laugh it's part of the mourning process. We have just been dealt a real shock. Some of us are still in the denial stage. Like WTF happened.

[Hitcher]

im not mocking new zealand... im mocking the "players" who got paid heaps for nothing.

Don't forget the coaches. The most "rested" players in the competition. A Super 14 competition diminished by the absence of "elite" players. A squad that needed a stadium to have the team photo taken, accompanied by physios, nutritionists, a scrum coach, line-out coach, backline coach, fitness consultants, psychologists, hair-stylists and tattooists. The Hawke's Bay NPC team would have probably finished in the top two of a World Cup pool. And they wouldn't have died wondering.

The asking price for an All Black wanting to play European club rugby has probably plummeted. I hope they swim home.

[Tonka]

...Hitcher I think there asking price will remain high because they will probably peak again in 2008,2009,2010....just like they did in 2004,2005,2006....:confused: every bloody year except the one that counts!!

[mstriumph]

Ya guys are lame...They gave it their best, but was not good enough I agree.....bugger who needs Aussies mocking us as a country when you guys are quite happy to do it to yourself!!!!:Pokey:

excuse ME??

like the Aussies have anything to be proud of???!!

i don't THINK so!!!

[canarlee]

*snigger.*

[nickchilli]

what have the ozzies and the allblacks got in common ..







both sharing the plane HOME !!

[Finn]

What do the All Blacks and the Rainbow Warrior have in common?

Well it should be obvious, but they were both sunk by the French.

Made that one up myself. Not too shabby eh?

[sunhuntin]

http://www.trademe.co.nz/Browse/Listing.aspx?id=121508570

[cold comfort]

What is with this- "doing it to yourself" shit? Since when does a nations identity rest on a bunch of over paid and over hyped "professional" rugby players? Taking the piss over a lack lustre performance is hardly burning the flag!

[deanohit]

http://www.trademe.co.nz/Browse/Listing.aspx?id=121508570

What was the auction for Sunhuntin? It was withdrawn by trademe.

[B0000M]

was for the all blacks team. for collection at akl intl airport. when i saw it, bidding was up to $8

[*caution*]

What was the auction for Sunhuntin? It was withdrawn by trademe.

There you go boys and girls, just came through by email....

[Cr1MiNaL]

ROFL keep them comming ... I Liiiiiiikkkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeeeeee.

[NighthawkNZ]

ROFL keep them comming ... I Liiiiiiikkkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeeeeee.

How many all blacks does it take to regain the cup...

I don't know either... its never happened... I was hoping you would know... :Doh:

[deanohit]

There you go boys and girls, just came through by email....
:killingme
Awesome one thanks dude, bling sent.

[PuppetMaster]

I'll just add some more.


Breaking News!!!

John Kirwan has been appointed as the new All Black coach.
He is the only one that can deal with depression.

[PuppetMaster]

AB's on their way home......

[PuppetMaster]

This was inevitable really.....What could have been if this guy had been playing.

[deanohit]

Ooohhhh man, keep im coming, got me in stitches here!!!!

[hedgier1]

Did ya hear that Ford has taken all their cars off the All Blacks and told them to drive Holdens with all the other losers.

[*caution*]

Did ya hear that Ford has taken all their cars off the All Blacks and told them to drive Holdens with all the other losers.

Driving fords probably contributed to their poor mental state, all the break downs, rust and general lack of quality etc...

[hedgier1]

Fukt On Race Day ---- Fukt On Rugby Day......Same thing.....But not Holden on to cup.

[Stirts]

And still more

[MSTRS]

A man's body has been found washed up on a Canterbury beach, dressed in pink lacy bra and knickers, fishnet stockings, and an AB jersey. Police have removed the jersey to save embarassment for the family.

[Stirts]

and more again

[nodrog]

I hear the All Blacks are replacing the silver fern on their jerseys with a red tampon, as its the worst fuckin period they have ever had.

[nodrog]

Kmart loser sale: buy a half price All Black Jersey and get a free Holden Jacket.

[Maha]

Kmart loser sale: buy a half price All Black Jersey and get a free Holden Jacket.

Yeah see, i went there (to Kmart) and they looked at me as if i was stoopid...:doh:

[Grahameeboy]

Yeah see, i went there (to Kmart) and they looked at me as if i was stoopid...:doh:

Was that the only shop who reacted that way..........

[Maha]

Was that the only shop who reacted that way..........

No....Shanton Apparel gave me weird looks too....:bleh:

[Grahameeboy]

No....Shanton Apparel gave me weird looks too....:bleh:

Phew, was getting worried for a mo as I thought it was just the one shop.........

[nodrog]

No....Shanton Apparel gave me weird looks too....:bleh:

thats because you are not supposed to go in there already wearing womens clothes!

[bubbles]

Aww it was so terrible! We started getting those messages straight away :( People can be so cruel! Kick us while we are down why don't ya!

[avgas]

Whats black and comes with a cup?
Coke at BK

Same thing that happened in the world cup happened at Bathurst....
Forward pass

[Maha]

thats because you are not supposed to go in there already wearing womens clothes!

The Pink Adidas jump suit (ALL BLACK approved) was rather snug granted but, it was on apro ....:love:

[NighthawkNZ]

This was inevitable really.....What could have been if this guy had been playing.

don't hassel the hoff... :D

[Tank]

My wife is English - and, as far as she is concerned at the moment everythings a bloody joke about the AB's at my house.

I dont think I can take anymore.

This is a cry for help.:crybaby::crybaby::crybaby::crybaby:

[MSTRS]

My wife is English - and, as far as she is concerned at the moment everythings a bloody joke about the AB's at my house.

I dont think I can take anymore.

This is a cry for help.:crybaby::crybaby::crybaby::crybaby:

There, there.....they'll win 'next time' :no::oi-grr:<_<

[Maha]

My wife is English - and, as far as she is concerned at the moment everythings a bloody joke about the AB's at my house.

I dont think I can take anymore.

This is a cry for help.:crybaby::crybaby::crybaby::crybaby:

They lost because they wore Silver....Silver = 2nd!
The Frogs knew that ages ago....thats why they changed from Blue/White to Dark Blue...to make the AB's change their playing strip, then mentally, they wouldnt be playing the All Blacks, they would be playing just another rugby team....it worked years ago with Samson and Delihla....(sp)...:niceone:

[Conquiztador]

What do you call 15 guys sitting around the TV watching the Rugby World Cup final?

The All Blacks

[NighthawkNZ]

What do you call 15 guys sitting around the TV watching the Rugby World Cup final?

The All Blacks

now now that was just uncalled for....


oh wait.. its true :D

[Blondini]

.Did you hear about the new All Blacks bra?It comes with full support but no cup:no:

[blade1000]

wats the differance between Graham Henery and viagra?


viagra will atleast get you a semi :buggerd:

[ynot slow]

Henry is out,Kirwin is new coach.

At least he can handle the depression.

[Hitcher]

Is it just me, or is there a funny echo in here?

[skelstar]

If it was an echo it would sound just as funny the first time :mellow:

[Mole_C]

What do the all blacks and a whore have in common?
They both suck :laugh:

[Grahameeboy]

There, there.....they'll win 'next time' :no::oi-grr:<_<

But England are still in the Cup so still have a chance......

[Swoop]

Aww it was so terrible! We started getting those messages straight away :( People can be so cruel! Kick us while we are down why don't ya!

Don't worry. There are still 4 teams playing in the cup. Australia is better than the all blacks, so the kiwi team is THE SIXTH BEST TEAM IN THE WORLD!!

Stand proud NZ!!


:rofl:

[PuppetMaster]

For the above post.....

[Swoop]

For the above post.....
No whine in that post.
Just laughing my cock off at the whole thugby affair.

I see the overpaid show-ponies are changing flights to arrive in Chch at 10am NOT Auckland at 12.
What does that tell you? Embarressment??:done:

Have a tissue if you are a thugby fan and want to have a little cry.

[Usarka]

i dont know why they think christchurch will be any safer than auckland.

john hart has fond memories of being spat on in cantabland. and they're probably miffed that their boy mauger wasnt in the team...... i can hear the hoicks cranking up now

:jerry:

[Mikkel]

Well, in any game there must be a winner and a loser... That's how it is, if you don't win you lose, period. If this was determined before the game started then why even bother with the running around, sweating and panting? ABs might have beaten France 7 out of 10 games - too bad their number was up when it really counted.

The absurd thing about this whole thing is how there are articles in the papers saying that people shouldn't turn to drinking to drown their sorrow and forget their damaged selfasteem... Seriously, that's just too far out.

As Chopper Reed (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmXri8ZCKjc) might have put it:
This is New Zealand.
New Zealand is feeling abit sad about loosing to the frogs in the world cup, awww.
Harden the fuck up New Zealand! (At least you didn't loose to the ozzies)

[skelstar]

This is a joke thread... not a 'what happened' thread. Anti-rugby folk should perhaps post less about the subject if they are sick of hearing about it. Simple really.

[Swoop]

As Chopper Reed (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmXri8ZCKjc) might have put it
There is that other Ozzie fella, Chopper Read (http://www.chopperread.com/)

[Swoop]

10 characters.....

[PuppetMaster]

It all becomes clear -

TEN TRAGIC YEARS
In these dark days of rugby despair, does anyone remember 1997?
In 1997 the All Black captain was Sean Fitzpatrick, the team was pretty much the same for every match, and it had names like Christian, Zinzan, Josh and Jonah in it.
In 1997 the All Blacks were undefeated. That’s right, undefeated.
They played the Aussies, the Springboks, the English, the Welsh, the Irish and a few more and never lost a match.
Then something changed in New Zealand.
On the 6th of December 1997 Jenny Shipley ousted Jim Bolger and became our first woman Prime Minister.
The next day the All Blacks managed a lucky draw with England.
The next year the previously undefeated All Blacks lost every
Tri Nations match. That’s right, every match.
New Zealand has had a woman Prime Minister ever since.
And ever since, when it counted, the rugby has been pretty much downhill as well.
The mentors and role models in our primary schools are now ninety percent women.
Our children are taught that all accidents are preventable, all risk should be avoided, losing is OK and aggression is a crime.
Now some people might think there was some connection between the feminisation of our society and the decline in our rugby. I couldn’t possibly comment on that. (other than to say, "cook me some eggs bish")
All I know for sure is Fitzy never cried.
He never had to.

[deanohit]

Thats so bloody true, hahaha, doesn't explain the previous world cup losses, but I'll accept that one.

[*caution*]

Our Prime Ministers a woman?

[deanohit]

Who, Allen Clark? Woman dressed as a bloke, it's not right I tell you!!

[Swoop]

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...

Broiled Missionary: $10.00

Fried Explorer: $15.00

Grilled Wallabies supporter: $10.00

Baked All Blacks supporter: $100.00


The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, 'Why such a price difference for the All Blacks supporter?'
The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of shit, it takes all morning."

[deanohit]

Did ya hear about Dougie Howlett smashing that car?
How the hell did he know where the reff was parked?

[crshbndct]

OHH, that reminds me of one I heard earlier this week.

Snow White was sweeping the floors or washing the dishes (or whatever it is that she does), when she heard a horrendous crash.

She rushed outside to see what was going on and saw that the mine had caved in.
She ran to the mouth of the cave abd yelled "IS ANYBODY ALIVE!!"

A weak voice called back "New Zealand will win the cup"

She wiped her brow and said "At least Dopey is alright"

[moko]

What are the All Blacks doing to reduce carbon emissions?

Dropping the Aussies off on the way home.

[moko]

Did ya hear about Dougie Howlett smashing that car?

Second most embarrassing incident he was involved in that week.

[moko]

Did ya hear about Dougie Howlett smashing that car?

Maybe the ABs will be replacing the Haka with "trashing a Nissan Micra" before kick off to intimidate opponents....or at least any watching car-park attendents.

[moko]

What goes beep,beep beep and backwards?

The All blacks open-top bus reversing back into the garage.

[moko]

What's the difference between the All black's team coach and a Porcupine?

A Porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

[moko]

...Hitcher I think there asking price will remain high because they will probably peak again in 2008,2009,2010....just like they did in 2004,2005,2006....:confused: every bloody year except the one that counts!!

Something to be said for playing consistently shit apart from 2 or 3 games every 4 years,seems to work for England.

[idb]

Don't worry. There are still 4 teams playing in the cup. Australia is better than the all blacks, so the kiwi team is THE SIXTH BEST TEAM IN THE WORLD!!

Stand proud NZ!!


:rofl:

But....NZ stayed in the competition longer than Australia....doesn't that make them better???

[Swoop]

But....NZ stayed in the competition longer than Australia....doesn't that make them better???
Simple answer is "no".

[idb]

Simple answer is "no".

Ooooo...is that a bit of sensitivity I detect?
NZ...higher in the world rankings and longer in the World Cup comp?!

[Swoop]

Ooooo...is that a bit of sensitivity I detect?
NZ...higher in the world rankings and longer in the World Cup comp?!
Nope. The Aussies are better. Just ask Big Dave... :rofl:

[moko]

........NZ... longer in the World Cup comp?!

Well their game kicked off later so I suppose you have a point but it's stretching things just a bit.

[idb]

Well their game kicked off later so I suppose you have a point but it's stretching things just a bit.

I'll take whatever comfort I can get.

[Goblin]

Home coming party for the ABs.

[Bass]

And the difference between the AB's / Wallabys and a 747 is ???



The 747 stops whining after it's landed

[Al]

Nope. The Aussies are better. Just ask Big Dave...

Not this time around...hehehehehe

Go the Bokke!


Al

[adamh]

Richie McCaw was walking past the locker rooms when he came across a cell phone, after a quick look at it he knocked on the reffs locker room door.
Richie says to the reff "i've found your cell phone"
The reff says "cheers mate, but how did u know it was mine?"
Richie replys "just look on the phone"
On the phone it says 15 missed calls.

[paturoa]

Doc Mayhew has just been bought back into the All Black management team as the new coach. He is the only one that knows the Heimlich Manoeuvre.

[Swoop]

The IRB scrum rule, in easy to understand pictures...

[steveb64]

Ya guys are lame...They gave it their best, but was not good enough I agree.....bugger who needs Aussies mocking us as a country when you guys are quite happy to do it to yourself!!!!:Pokey:

Hey - at least they're not chopping down the tall poppies... more like hoe-ing the weeds... :eek:

[deanohit]

Found this gem in the paper this morning:
A Gendarme in Paris pulled over a driver who had been weaving in and out of traffic. He approached the drivers window and sai,
"Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyser please."
The driver reaches into his pocket and produces a doctors note which says,
'This man suffers from chronic asthma, do not make him perform any action that may leave him short of breath.'
The Gendarme then says,
"Ok, then I need you to come and give a blood sample."
The driver then produces another letter, this time saying,
'This man is haemaphilliac, do not make him bleed in any way.'
So the officer then says,
"Well sir, I need a urine sample please."
The driver again produces a third letter, this one saying,
'This man is an All Black, please do not take the piss out of him.'

[moko]

England were crap,bloody second,what good is that?
Better team won so no complaints there,team of the competition? Fiji,outclassed but always gave 100% and rattled a few cages.

[firefighter]

hahaha, so much emotion...... I'm sure you'll all agree that if the allblacks played with half the heart of the Argentinians they would have won, there's no heart in the game it's all about looking cool and making sure you don't run funny,that France - Argentina game was absolutely brilliant, they both have soul, and a huge desire to win, the ABs didn't deserve to win, the way they fluttered around, How many of the 'A' grade players played a whole game without coming off because they hurt their funny bone?

ps. if in my job we cracked under pressure at a car crash the way the abs do every world cup there would be a lot more dead people, just think about that before you excuse them and say theyr'e just human....

ha.

[idb]

It's all a hoax.
Brought to you by the same people that "landed men on the moon".

Did you notice, that even though the game was filmed at night you couldn't see any stars?
Also, who did the filming...you never see any cameramen?

There's no way the ABs could have lost.

[Mikkel]

Found this gem in the paper this morning:
A Gendarme in Paris pulled over a driver who had been weaving in and out of traffic. He approached the drivers window and sai,
"Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyser please."
The driver reaches into his pocket and produces a doctors note which says,
'This man suffers from chronic asthma, do not make him perform any action that may leave him short of breath.'
The Gendarme then says,
"Ok, then I need you to come and give a blood sample."
The driver then produces another letter, this time saying,
'This man is haemaphilliac, do not make him bleed in any way.'
So the officer then says,
"Well sir, I need a urine sample please."
The driver again produces a third letter, this one saying,
'This man is an All Black, please do not take the piss out of him.'

I heard this one here a while back... albeit slightly different. Had to do with a treaty, a racial issue and taking the piss. Not the all blacks.

[Thomas]

I heard this one here a while back... albeit slightly different. Had to do with a treaty, a racial issue and taking the piss. Not the all blacks.

Yeah, but it's better to take the piss out of the All Blacks - they're too wimpy to fight back!

[moko]

Yeah, but it's better to take the piss out of the All Blacks - they're too wimpy to fight back!

But at least they did better than the League team.............

[Hitcher]

But at least they did better than the League team...

My mum's Waikanae Camellia Association would have done better than the Kiwis. Disgraceful.

[janno]

The IRB scrum rule, in easy to understand pictures...

Oooh, oooh, where can one buy such wondrous apparel? Gotta get one of these shirts . . .

[steveb64]

My mum's Waikanae Camellia Association would have done better than the Kiwis. Disgraceful.

Camellias beat pansies any day! And didn't the Kiwis play like pansies...:bash:

[scracha]

Jeezus H C. You Kiwi's still bleating about the fact you didn't take your cup home?

[McDuck]

Oooh, oooh, where can one buy such wondrous apparel? Gotta get one of these shirts . . .

That is bloddy briliant.