Are you the father of your children? [Archive]

Pex Adams

19th November 2007, 08:32

Coyote

19th November 2007, 08:35

1 in 10 is still flippin nasty. Every day I just get more reason not to trust women...

jrandom

19th November 2007, 08:37

Every day I just get more reason not to trust women...

Good man.

Don't.

:yes:

Coyote

19th November 2007, 08:40

Good man.

Don't.

:yes:
No remarks inspiring hope? Sigh...

The current girl seems nice enough, but I've learnt not to get so worked up if I do find her cheating on me like the last one

Grahameeboy

19th November 2007, 08:41

Good man.

Don't.

:yes:

You are not biased are you.

Funny despite ex doing the dirty I still trust...............cannot go around doing otherwise in my book.

My friend and his ex had a child. 3 months later she left as she had been seeing his best mate. Went to Canada, ex that is. Claimed childs support etc, sent Daddy pics from boy, then when she returned she produced DNA test showing he was not the Dad................she would have known anyway....some people eh.

But he is okay, getting refund from IRD.

Fatjim

19th November 2007, 09:12

Are you the Father of your Children??
Yuck, I just had a metal image of what your kids will look like.

jrandom

19th November 2007, 09:24

No remarks inspiring hope? Sigh...

Past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour.

If you can find a girl who, as far as you can tell after your best investigative efforts, has never behaved badly, snag her pronto.

Pwalo

19th November 2007, 09:26

We if they're not mine then one of my brothers must be to blame.

KATWYN

19th November 2007, 09:34

From a girlies point of view. I think it's horrible that some chicks do that sort of thing.

Such a nasty betrayal of trust.

My thoughts are how does a woman like that keep up the deception?? Literally on a day to day basis she would have to lie. Even simple things like discussing (or people commenting on) how much he/she looks, acts, or has the same characteristics as "dad"

I think it would be awful. But then theres also the extended betrayal like the rest of "the fathers" family who are equally involved in the betrayal.

My advice - go for the nice girls

James Deuce

19th November 2007, 09:35

http://www.stuff.co.nz/4278228a19716.html

Nearly a quarter on all newborn's in Aussie (that are tested) are not! (1 in 4!) Compared with 10 years ago it was an 1 in 10 - which still seems incredible....

Do we in NZ, have similar count - for all you Dad's out there, I really couldn't think of anything worse than finding out the not only is your partner's a dirty cheating slappa, but to also find out the child isn't yours... Heart wrenching!

I think it's 1 in 6 here. There was an article last year about it.

To be honest it wouldn't change how I felt about the child in question. It wouldn't be his fault now, would it? Plus I'd be the only father he knew thus far. I'm far from perfect too, so why do men expect their female partners to be thus? I'm fairly sure after observing some of my work comrades in action over the years that married men shag about at least as much as the Aussie stats above. If it goes wrong for a woman, it's a bit more obvious, isn't it?

judecatmad

19th November 2007, 09:51

Saw my mum go through countless betrayals on my dad's part and saw how it broke her time after time. It broke my heart as a child to see her so upset. I have total zero tolerance for infidelity and all my past boyfriends have known up-front of my stance (and the pain there will be if the same happens!).

I know people fall out of love, I know people move on, but for chrissake, do the right thing and finish up one relationship before getting into the next one.

I simply can't understand how one person could betray another to such an extent. It shows an incredible lack of respect for your other half. I don't expect my other half to be perfect, but I do expect total commitment. I will, and do, accept a lot of flaws - I know I'm far from perfect, as is Dave! But infidelity....nope, not acceptable under any circumstances (and that goes for me too by the way - it's not just him who has to keep his hands out of the cookie jar!).

yungatart

19th November 2007, 10:00

I hope I'm not the father of any of my kids....went through a shit load of unmentionable yuk to deliver them if that is the case! (Don't remember being warned about it at ante natal classes either)

MyGSXF

19th November 2007, 10:09

It's all relative. Trying to find a decent, honest bloke who isn't ful of shit & drugs, & lies through his teeth.. is like trying to push shit up hill with a toothpick! <_<

jrandom

19th November 2007, 10:12

It's all relative. Trying to find a decent, honest bloke who isn't ful of shit & drugs, & lies through his teeth.. is like trying to push shit up hill with a toothpick! <_<

Nonsense. I know many men who aren't like that. You're either not looking in the right places, or don't have the goods yourself to attract them with.

The Pastor

19th November 2007, 10:16

the results are meaningless, people who take dna tests on there kids have some susspsion that the kid is not thiers, so its not representive of the general population.

RantyDave

19th November 2007, 10:19

Oh, they're mine all right. Poor little buggers.

Dave

James Deuce

19th November 2007, 10:27

the results are meaningless, people who take dna tests on there kids have some susspsion that the kid is not thiers, so its not representive of the general population.
Actually, that is an excellent point! Nearly fell for a mass media "story" then! Thanks for the save.

MyGSXF

19th November 2007, 10:29

Nonsense. I know many men who aren't like that. You're either not looking in the right places, or don't have the goods yourself to attract them with.

I do know many men who aren't like that too.. but there are plenty out there who ARE! I work on myself constantly to learn & grow.. graduated top of my class with a very high score in the Certificate in Counselling.. & still got hit on by someone (on here) who's wonderful words of promise blablabla, turned out to be cheap dribble & his actions even cheaper! <_<

Was a good learning curve.. my standards have been raised much higher! for next time! :yes:

Coyote

19th November 2007, 10:38

Past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour.

If you can find a girl who, as far as you can tell after your best investigative efforts, has never behaved badly, snag her pronto.
Well I'm not a brilliant investigator or anything, and asking all her friends if she's cheating on me isn't the best way to proove you trust them so I haven't done so, but considering I spend Friday night to Monday morning and several weekday evenings with her chances are there isn't anyone else on the side. And her personality is very much like mine, and I'm awesome so I can trust her.

Children is a bit further ahead into the future for me though, don't think I have to worry about what this article is saying anytime soon...

My advice - go for the nice girls
But what if you come across one of these wimmin you mentioned that must be lying all the time and the nice persona is all a lie? :p

Tis tricky finding a genuinely nice girl, even harder finding one that'll be more than just friends, but not impossible

jrandom

19th November 2007, 11:01

the results are meaningless, people who take dna tests on there kids have some susspsion that the kid is not thiers, so its not representive of the general population.

Wow.

That was, in fact, very astute.

Well spotted, sir.

jrandom

19th November 2007, 11:01

Was a good learning curve.. my standards have been raised much higher! for next time! :yes:

Good onya.

We all live and learn. Picking a partner is like hiring someone into one's business - the results of a bad choice are infinitely more damaging than just making do without.

When in doubt, just say no.

Mikkel

19th November 2007, 11:15

the results are meaningless, people who take dna tests on there kids have some susspsion that the kid is not thiers, so its not representive of the general population.

Good observation.

Now we just need to establish the number of such tests performed and how much it has increased.

Oh, and it would be interesting to know how many people just doesn't have any suspicion at all and still gets cheated on.

LilSel

19th November 2007, 11:25

My advice - go for the nice girls

:yes: I did...

Def won't be any confusion as to whom the father of my children is when that time arrives! :innocent:

The Pastor

19th November 2007, 11:27

i used to be a market researcher i lernt how to spot bullshit stats.

rwh

19th November 2007, 11:44

Nearly a quarter of Aussie newborns are not the father of their children? I'd have thought the sample size was a little small ...

And, what RM said.

Richard

trump-lady

19th November 2007, 12:08

I think this is the worse thing a woman can do to a man! I think all men should get DNA testing before they put their name on any Birth Certificate. Im so tired of females using men in this way, having a baby to keep a man and other such BS.
I can not imagine how after raising a child for years a man finds out that child is not his would and is suppose to feel. To me this is one of the biggest betrayals you can do in a relationship.It doesnt matter if its 1 2 or 3 in 1000 its still to much.
Good men out there raising children as best they can do not deserve this and perhaps if all men got DNA at birth of their children I wouldnt have to deal with baby mumma drama constantly when meeting new guys..... Im not even going to start on the poor children........grrrrrrrrrrrr
Us women are not ALL this way inclined and unfortunately it appears the good ones "men" are the the targets of this kind of crap.

Arrrghhhhh Im so f%$^ing mad now

Rant over

MisterD

19th November 2007, 12:25

the results are meaningless, people who take dna tests on there kids have some susspsion that the kid is not thiers, so its not representive of the general population.

So the interesting stat is: 75% of fathers who are suspicious enough to get a paternity test find out the kid is theirs after all....and why can't I help thinking of Prince Harry?

judecatmad

19th November 2007, 12:26

I think all men should get DNA testing before they put their name on any Birth Certificate

Whilst I understand where the sentiment comes from, and that it's very well meaning, I'd be incredibly pissed off if my hubby wanted a DNA test for the wee one we're about to have before he would have his name on the birth certificate.

trump-lady

19th November 2007, 13:01

DNA testing at birth is an individual choice I agree....Yes some might be mad at being asked by their partner and thats everyones right. Different strokes for different folks. I personally wouldnt be offended. Questioning my being faithful would in my opinion solidify in no certain terms my commitment to him after it came back he was the father. I bet many men who have found themselves not to be the father of these children for what ever reason did not at the time of conception and birth question the parenthood. It may have been years after doubts through behaviour of the woman, looks of the child, blood test, that it came to mind.

Then again I wouldnt even get mad if my partner asked me for a prenup. I agree with those also however,,,,, on that prenup I would have written in that if my partner is caught cheating I get EVERYTHING!

Mostly because I dont want what you already had before me, and Im not coming to the table with nill either so Im protecting myself also.

KATWYN

19th November 2007, 13:12

Tis tricky finding a genuinely nice girl, even harder finding one that'll be more than just friends, but not impossible

red light alert , red light alert toward your above comment :laugh:

It is the ones that don't "put out" so early in the peace that are (potentially *disclaimer* potentially) the nice girls and a good chance they are trustworthy in that department. - although most young guys dont want a girl thats "nice" ...thats the problem

Sorry Coyote -but that is the trade off for a potenitally trustworthy gal (in THAT department) anyway.

KATWYN

19th November 2007, 13:22

and why can't I help thinking of Prince Harry?

Nah, The older he gets the more hes starting to look like Charlie I reakon.

Mikkel

19th November 2007, 13:54

Hmmm, with regards to the thread title...

If I'm not their father, then they aren't my children now are they? ;)

Besides, I haven't got any to begin with.

Pex Adams

19th November 2007, 14:45

Hmmm, with regards to the thread title...

If I'm not their father, then they aren't my children now are they? ;)

Besides, I haven't got any to begin with.

As Jim2 mentioned - The children would actually still think of the Father as the father...

Are you the Father of your Children??
Yuck, I just had a metal image of what your kids will look like.

Christ I just had a mental breakdown thinking about your kids!!!

janno

19th November 2007, 14:51

There's hope for Luke Skywalker then . . . ;)

pritch

19th November 2007, 17:01

Nah, The older he gets the more hes starting to look like Charlie I reakon.

Perhaps you need to see an optician? :sherlock:

It has long been said that the reason women are more fond of the children is that they are more certain the children are theirs...

Coyote

19th November 2007, 19:35

red light alert , red light alert toward your above comment :laugh:

It is the ones that don't "put out" so early in the peace that are (potentially *disclaimer* potentially) the nice girls and a good chance they are trustworthy in that department. - although most young guys dont want a girl thats "nice" ...thats the problem

Sorry Coyote -but that is the trade off for a potenitally trustworthy gal (in THAT department) anyway.
I've written and deleted several responses to this as I'm not sure how to tackle it. What I will say is; before you get any ideas on me only wanting sex, that's not the case. If I only wanted sex I wouldn't have looked (and found) a nice girl, rather I'd have just gone drinking more often and sleep with whoever's legs were open.

My last girlfriend didn't 'put out' till quite late in the relationship, then she cheated on me. Now I'm with a girl that's had partners before and 'put out' after a month with no pressure to do so, and I've gone several more months with her with no reason to not trust her.

Anyone at my age that's keen on a relationship is worth a shot anyway, those that are just keen for a shag are normally open about it. just got to watch out for the cockteases (http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Friend_Zone)

KATWYN

19th November 2007, 19:59

What I will say is; before you get any ideas on me only wanting sex, that's not the case. My last girlfriend didn't 'put out' till quite late in the relationship, then she cheated on me. ]

No offence to you Coyote.

I chose my words carefully. A/ I said MOST young guys not ALL and B/ I said POTENTIALLY nice girls, in other words even some of the nice girls can trip you guys up.

Conquiztador

19th November 2007, 20:10

Conquiztador

19th November 2007, 20:17

who was in jail on and off. Reason was that he was not the sharpest tool in the drawer.

His missus had 4 kids. He was a proud dad!

When he came out last time he decided to change his life! He was to become the dad and provider. Work, take care of little missus and kids.

But she left him. And he ended up with all 4 kids.

I know his case worker really well, she tells me that he is now struggling on low income, working long hours to care for the kids. He is sort of decent. Takes his responsibility seriously. Wants the kids to grow up better then he did.

What he does not know is that none of them is his...And it is not the case workers job to tell him.

Cuckoo...

Sully60

19th November 2007, 20:37

Perhaps you need to see an optician? :sherlock:...

Yeah, since when was Charlie a Ginga? And don't give me any jibba jabba about reccesive genes!

It has long been said that the reason women are more fond of the children is that they are more certain the children are theirs...

The birth process pretty much takes care or any doubt there.

rather I'd have just gone drinking more often and sleep with whoever's legs were open....

An easy choice to make in the big UH bro, but not necessarily the best one.
err scratch scratch.

Sounds like you've got your head screwed on pretty straight. I know it's a bit macho bullshit but as the Southern man says "she's a hard row finding the perfect woman son"

I suppose reading this thread that this is all just about trust.

It's all good to think, it's your cock, so you have ultimate control over where it goes and what precautions you take with it, but that will only really protect the physical you. When you're involved in relationships it's more than just you you have to think about, trust becomes important in all facets of your life.

The main thing I reckon at your age is to make sure you do the things you want to (without being a selfish prick) and if your girl is still by your side then:niceone:

The Stranger

19th November 2007, 20:52

Past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour.

How would you fare with that test Dan?

The Stranger

19th November 2007, 20:54

1 in 10 is still flippin nasty. Every day I just get more reason not to trust women...

1 in 10 - of those tested. doesn't really tell us a true picture.

And as for trusting women, didn't it take two to tango? So aren't men and women just as untrustworthy?

TonyB

19th November 2007, 20:55

Nearly a quarter on all newborn's in Aussie (that are tested) are not! (1 in 4!) Compared with 10 years ago it was an 1 in 10 - which still seems incredible....
Ummm....they are being tested because there are doubts

Jorja

19th November 2007, 20:56

I am divorced with 2 boys, my partner is also divorced with 2 boys

When he comes home and goes to the garage to work on a bike or 2 (or 3 or 4) the one who is his shadow, watching his every move and saying, "I want to be just like you".....is my older boy and not one of his 2.

When one of the kids pipes up (usually after being growled at :mad:) and says I love you dad,:hug: it isn't always one of HIS boys.

Being a parent has nothing to do with DNA.

In saying that, anyone who gets involved with a married person or while they are married be they man or women is a the lowest scummiest person. Sorry if that sounds harsh but have been cheated on and the repercussions are hugh for the whole family most especially the kids.

bgd

20th November 2007, 01:46

Interesting thread.

I've got 2 girls and they're mine. It's certainly a trust thing. Until recently we were 12,000 miles apart, now the gap is only 5,000. After nearly 20 years of marriage and all the adventures that go with that, neither of us would do anything to change it. There's only one person I want to grow old with and when the kids finally leave home we might just get the chance.

Mind you there was a time when I suspected the dog....

SPman

20th November 2007, 02:00

the results are meaningless, people who take dna tests on there kids have some susspsion that the kid is not thiers, so its not representive of the general population.
They did this survey in the UK some years ago, using blood groups at hospitals as an anonymous test sample and got a similar 1 in 4 result. As it was done up north - Yorkshire or somewhere, the Southerners thought "typical bloody Geordies - shag anyone, anytime."
Then they repeated the survey over several hospitals in the south and got very similar results !

thehollowmen

20th November 2007, 05:25

Get snipped as soon as you can, and have plenty of crazy wild sex :banana: and the good knowledge that any pregnancy is likely to not be yours :wari:

jrandom

20th November 2007, 06:10

How would you fare with that test Dan?

Terribly; I'm a complete scoundrel.

:D

Pex Adams

20th November 2007, 07:43

Now here's a thought, is the general populations IQ level increasing, or decreasing because of this carry on?

I mean on one side you have dumbass guys who are stupid enough to be with a woman thats a dirty slappa?

Then on the other side you have the dirty slappa who thinks that the only person in this world that they think about is themselves?

Then to add to the cocktail (:laugh:) you have another dumbass guy that doesn't know when to pull it out!!!

Finn

20th November 2007, 08:05

Contraception is the woman's responsibility. We've got enough on our plate.

The Pastor

20th November 2007, 08:16

Contraception is the woman's responsibility. We've got enough on our plate.
damn straight.

KATWYN

20th November 2007, 08:17

Contraception is the woman's responsibility. .

And theres your problem. So I take it you won't be complaining when you get "that phone call" one day. lol

nadroj

20th November 2007, 12:15

Maintenence is 17%
Half a house is expensive!

Usarka

20th November 2007, 15:56

moral of the story guys? get tests done if you split with the missus you've got a 1:4 chance of not having to pay maintenance.

that'll learn the bitch.

Conquiztador

20th November 2007, 16:45

the last thing I wanted to do was to check if they were mine. I have taken care of all for all their life. They are my boys. I love them they love me. I am certain they are mine. All look the same, all have a special trait that comes from my part of the tree.

But imagine if I had tested and found that one is not mine... I would never have been able to forget that. It would always have been there in the back of my mind.

Nope. They do not deserve that none of them. And I love all 4 the same. I am unable to select a "favorite". Just does not work like that.

To any female that has been unfaithful and perhaps is carrying a secret. YOU are the sum of the earth.

JimO

20th November 2007, 16:47

dont know if my kids are mine they are clever, smart, funny something i never was unless they take after my wife they may be the milkmans this is to of the little bustards with McDucks katanahttp://i187.photobucket.com/albums/x67/jim157/DSCF1605-1.jpg

Coyote

20th November 2007, 17:17

An easy choice to make in the big UH bro, but not necessarily the best one.
err scratch scratch.

Sounds like you've got your head screwed on pretty straight. I know it's a bit macho bullshit but as the Southern man says "she's a hard row finding the perfect woman son"

I suppose reading this thread that this is all just about trust.

It's all good to think, it's your cock, so you have ultimate control over where it goes and what precautions you take with it, but that will only really protect the physical you. When you're involved in relationships it's more than just you you have to think about, trust becomes important in all facets of your life.

The main thing I reckon at your age is to make sure you do the things you want to (without being a selfish prick) and if your girl is still by your side then:niceone:
Haha, well the girls here of decent quality aren't the promiscuous ones. And my girlfriend lives in Petone :p

And haven't had to deal with any macho bullshit surprisingly. Most of my mates are the types to go for girlfriends too

What's in my pants doesn't belong to me now apparently...

I'm doing what I want to do largely. I've been pretty well brainwashed into not doing drugs so I've never tried and unlikely will, burning petrol on the open road is enough for me. And 3/4 of my riding is either heading to see the lass or with her on the back