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janno
30th November 2007, 16:03
Ya know, the ones that make you groan and laugh at the same time . . .
Such as -

Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Two parrots were sitting on a perch. One said to the other "It smells fishy around here!"

Got any more?
Laava
30th November 2007, 16:10
Heard about the three eggs?
Two bad!
Don't crucify me, I know it's bad but it's what you wanted!
MSTRS
30th November 2007, 16:16
Do pictures count?
fireball
30th November 2007, 16:20
a man walked into a bar.. "ouch"
janno
30th November 2007, 16:22
Brilliant!! Keep 'em coming!!

* Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
* In his sleevies.
MSTRS
30th November 2007, 16:25
He sat in the corner watching the dog lick his balls
janno
30th November 2007, 16:30
Two strings walk into a bar. The first tries to order something. "I don't serve strings in this bar," the bartender says roughly and throws him out.

The second ruffs himself up, ties his ends together, walks in, and orders. "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?" the bartender says.

"Yeah," the string says.

"Aren't you a string?" the bartender says.

"I'm a frayed knot," the string replies.
Kendog
30th November 2007, 16:47
Why did the koala bear fall out of the tree?

It was dead.
bell
30th November 2007, 17:05
What's the only kind of biscuit that can fly?

A plain biscuit.

Duh.
kevfromcoro
30th November 2007, 17:35
What do u call a pirate with a dollar coin in each ear...
A buckaneer...
necrolyte
30th November 2007, 18:06
Two horses in a paddock
1st one says "i'm so hungry i could eat a horse"
2nd one says "MOOOOOO"

Two Cows
1st says, Worried about this mad cow disease?
2nd says, Why should i be, i'm a helecopter!
Mrs Busa Pete
30th November 2007, 18:15
--canarle---
blacksheep
30th November 2007, 18:21
what do you call a bear with no ears ........................... "b"
Kendog
30th November 2007, 18:28
Mary had a little lamb, Tommy had a duck. They put them on a windowsill to see if they would................ fall off.
Usarka
30th November 2007, 18:33
What is red and invisible.

No tomatoes.
Kendog
30th November 2007, 18:42
Horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "why the long face?"
Laava
30th November 2007, 19:26
Stallone.."I'll be Mozart"
Swarzenegger...."I'll be Bach"
Laava
30th November 2007, 19:32
What did the giant monster say when it had finished eating Tonga?
I want Samoa!

How did the crash test dummies get their job?
By accident!
MisterD
1st December 2007, 05:59
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.

Q: What's brown and sounds like a bell?
A: Dung!
janno
1st December 2007, 06:18
Hillbilly farmer

A young journalism student at the University of Tennessee was assigned to write a human interest story, so he went up into the mountains were he found an old farmer sitting on his porch. He introduced himself, explained his mission, and asked, "Has anything ever happened here that made you really happy?"

The farmer thought for a moment, then said, "Yeah, one time my neighbor's daughter, a fine looking gal, got lost. We formed a posse and went to look for her, and when we found her, we all took turns to screw her."

"I can't print that!" the young man exclaimed. "Can't you think of anything else that happened, which made you happy?"

The farmer thought for a while longer, then smiled. "Yep! One time a neighbor's sheep got lost. We formed a posse to look for it, and when we found it, we all took turns to screw it."

Again, the young man said "I can't print that, either! Let's try another approach. Has anything ever happened around here that made you really sad?"

The old farmer dropped his head in shame. After a couple of seconds he looked up timidly at the young man and said, "This one time, I got lost..."
pzkpfw
1st December 2007, 07:36
What's white and smells like blue paint?




White paint.
ynot slow
1st December 2007, 17:50
What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.
Daffyd
1st December 2007, 18:12
Mary had a little lamb.......................................and all the doctors fainted!
Disco Dan
1st December 2007, 18:21
What do you call two robbers?

...a pair of knickers!! ;)
janno
1st December 2007, 19:22
Why did Snoop Dogg need an umbrella? Fo Drizzle

What did the mother buffalo say to her child as he left for school?...Bison!

What do you call onions and beans? Tear gas.

Why did the turtle cross the street? To get to the Shell station!!
Gubb
1st December 2007, 19:59
What's black and loud?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

Have you seen Ray Charles' new Piano?
Neither has he.

What's brown, sticky, and looks through your window?
A poo on stilts.
darkwolf
2nd December 2007, 12:36
Is it wrong when one ball is just a little bigger than the other two?
Dilligaf
3rd December 2007, 10:17
What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?


Still no idea...
Dilligaf
3rd December 2007, 10:20
What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?
Doug

What do you call a man without a shovel in his head?
Douglas

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff

What do you call a man with 50 rabbits up his bum?
Warren

What do you call a man with no limbs in the water?
Bob

:dodge:
Oakie
3rd December 2007, 10:28
What's got 4 legs and will kill you if it fell out of a tree on to you?

A billiard table.


What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants running over the hill towards him?

Here come the elephants.


What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants running over the hill towards him wearing sunglasses?

Nothing. He didn't recognise them.
Oakie
3rd December 2007, 10:32
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To see his flatmate.
Usarka
3rd December 2007, 10:38
What do you call a drunk muslim?
- Hammed

What do you call a very drunk muslim?
- MoHammed

What do you call a very drunk muslim carrying a sheep?
- MoHammed Haslam

What do you call a very drunk muslim carrying a sheep and a vibrator?

- Sheik MoHammed Haslam
ManDownUnder
3rd December 2007, 10:43
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?


Still no idea...

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no balls?

Still no fucking idea!
Joni
3rd December 2007, 10:47
Question: Where does the Colonel put his armies?
Answer: In his sleevies…

:rofl: aaaaaaah! :confused:
Mikkel
3rd December 2007, 10:54
Q: Why does elephants have red eyes?
A: So you can't see them when they're hiding in a cherry tree.

Q: How does an elephant get down from a tree?
A: It sits on a leaf and waits until leaf-fall.

Q: Why does the children in africa avoid the forests in the fall?
A: That's when the elephants come down from the trees.

Q: Why do elephants wear green gumboots?
A: So you can't see them when they sneak across a pool table.

Q: How do you know if there's an elephant in your fridge?
A: It has parked its red bicycle outside.

Q: How can you tell if there has been an elephant in your fridge?
A: There'll be footprints in the pate.
Qkchk
3rd December 2007, 11:14
Mucking Futs!
turtleman
3rd December 2007, 11:16
q: What do you call a boomerang that NEVER comes back ?

a: A stick!
turtleman
3rd December 2007, 11:17
q: Why does an elephant have 4 feet ?

a; Coz he'd look stupid with only 4 inches !
MisterD
3rd December 2007, 16:11
Q: How can you tell if there has been an elephant in your fridge?
A: There'll be footprints in the pate.

Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A: So they can hide upside down in the custard.

Q: What do you call a man with a car on his head?
A: Jack

Q: What do you call a Hippy's wife?
A: Mississippi.
roadracingoldfart
3rd December 2007, 20:42
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs covered up with leaves ????
Russel

If you eat a huge plate of Pasta , and then a huge plate of Antipasta......
are you still hungry ??
necrolyte
3rd December 2007, 22:15
Why did the monkey paint its balls red?
To hide in the cherry tree!

Whats the loudest noise in the jungle?
Tarzan picking cherries!
deanohit
4th December 2007, 06:55
A poll was taken concerning why men enjoy head. 5 percent said they like to feel dominant, 20% said they like the way it feels, and 75% said they just like the peace and quiet.
Disco Dan
5th December 2007, 08:39
How did AIDS get into America? ....up the Hudson.
Finn
5th December 2007, 08:50
How did AIDS get into America? ....up the Hudson.

Q. What does Disco Dan use for contraception?
A. His looks and personality.
Ewan Oozarmy
5th December 2007, 09:21
Q. What would you do if you saw a spaceman?

A. I'd park in it, man.
Folcan
6th December 2007, 08:19
What do you call a man with no arms or legs stuck in a pile of leaves?
Russell

What do you call a man that is under a car?
Jack

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff

What do you call a girl between two goal posts?
Annette.

What does a girl with one leg and no arms call herself?
Irene..

What does a girl with no legs and no arms call herself?
Nolene..

What do you call a man who's been stuck in a pile of leaves for a long time?
Pete

What do you call a man who's just finished a can of soup?
Duncan.

what do you call a man with no arms or legs and hanging on the wall?
Art.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who gets thrown?
Lance.

Ok thats all I could think of at the moment
Clockwork
7th December 2007, 07:27
Which species of dinosaur had only one eye?

The Doyathynkesaurus.