Non-bike DAMHIK!

[ManDownUnder]

Inspired by Big Dave's motorcycling stories I thought we could find a place for all that ill gotten knowledge you're not actually allowed to know...

So - in the interests of setting the pace... here's a juicy starter for ten.

When eating passionfruit straight off the vine two incredible things happen... the less ripe fruit become palatable as your taste buds adjust to the more tart fruit resulting in one eating more than one intended to at first...and it's very easy to eat enough raw fibre to trigger totally unsignalled, completely surprising, very smelly, messy, sticky and explosive diarrohea

DAMHIK

[Colapop]

When out running in jeans and work boots - it's best to stop for the police when they yell at you to stop. The bruises go away afetr a couple of days...

DAMHIK.?

[007XX]

So - in the interests of setting the pace... here's a juicy starter for ten.

DAMHIK

You been drinking too much coffee again, haven't you?

[ManDownUnder]

Adding a packet of gelatine to the toilet bowl of friends that are away on holiday provides a rigorous test of that freindship within 2 hours of them returning home

...DAMHIK....

[Colapop]

Baking a chocolate cake using Exlax as a source of chocolate flavouring can have both disaterous and hilarious results... :shit:

DAMN HICK!

[Qkchk]

Adding a packet of gelatine to the toilet bowl of friends that are away on holiday provide a rigorous test of that freindship within 2 hours of them returning home

...DAMHIK....

Thought you were a good shit-stirrer :lol:

[ManDownUnder]

Shooting skyrockets at each other from about 100m away is exciting enough, but those thrills are pathetic compared to what happens when one veers wildly off course and ignites a patch of tinder dry grass... 3/4 of the way up a steep bank

...DAMHIK...

(yes - we managed to put it out...)

[Disco Dan]

having two people in contacts list with same name - one of them being your workmate and then texting the wrong person boasting about screwing your boss.... ....while standing next to said workmate with said boss in the same room....

[Mikkel]

Don't accept the invitation to have a couple of champagnes at your friend's parents' place after drinking a bottle of flavoured vodka while headbanging to rage against the machine.

DAMHIK



Testing how many steps you can take at a time going down a staircase - after a significant pissup - is not a good idea...

DAMHIK

...being dared into swordfighting with your mates at your best friends stagnight the next day doesn't help the situation either! No matter how many beers you've had.

DAMHIK

...oh, and the same goes for, later same day, running head over heels, naked, to the beach for a midnight swim!

DAMHIK

-At least the alcohol had a soothing effect on the jellyfish stinger... :rolleyes:

[ManDownUnder]

When drunk with friends... and singing along to Mika's "Grace Kelly" do NOT grab the front of your jeans and urgently yank upwards in a a desperate attempt to make hitting the falsetto notes funny...

DAMHIK...

[Big Dave]

Inspirational is good.
AMHIK :Offtopic:

[Colapop]

Sex at the beack in the sand isn't all it's cracked up to be... :pinch:

ADAMHIK

[Usarka]

Fuel in a high wing cessna is gravity fed and prolonged flying upside down is likely to kill the engine....
:eek:

DAMHIK

[ManDownUnder]

Fuel in a high wing cessna is gravity fed and prolonged flying upside down is likely to kill the engine....
:eek:

DAMHIK

:gob:LOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!:gob:

[Tank]

She WILL find out.

DAMHIK

[jrandom]

exting the wrong person boasting about screwing your boss...

Doing the world a favour by breaking Disco Dan's jaw with your knee and then discovering that he made all that shit up and is actually a virgin...

No, wait, that's still on the to-do list.

[avgas]

"Everything is FINE!"
means everything will be as fine as you can make, run like fuck.
DAMHIK

Vicks vapour rub makes your eyes weap
DAMHIK

If you f up on a montainbike fast enough, only the wheels will touch the ground......untill you loose speed (in some cases instantly)
DAMHIK

Jethro Tull - Locomotive Breath is a good song to play for divorced men.
DAMHIK

Tabasco sauce goes in your mouth easier than it comes out your poopoo hole
DAMHIK

[wildpudding]

Fuel in a high wing cessna is gravity fed and prolonged flying upside down is likely to kill the engine....
:eek:

DAMHIK

And also flying in a Cessna with a wet sump oil system for periods upside down will cause the engine to lose oil pressure very rapidly, and cover the bottom of the fuselage in a nice mess of oil so everyone knows what you've done!

Stefan

[Mikkel]

And also flying in a Cessna with a wet sump oil system for periods upside down will cause the engine to lose oil pressure very rapidly, and cover the bottom of the fuselage in a nice mess of oil so everyone knows what you've done!

That's one of the things that made the Merlin V12 27 L engines from the Spitfire so brilliant. They had a cylindrical oil sump with the piping coming into the centre so it didn't matter if it was upside down or not... :niceone:

[Edbear]

If you mistake the dish washing liquid for the cooking oil, your children will bravely try to eat the rather rubbery fried eggs but when they discover your error, they will haunt you with it for the next twenty years.

DAMHIK

[Big Dog]

Sex at the beack in the sand isn't all it's cracked up to be... :pinch:

ADAMHIK

It is if you face her in to the wind. Position is everything.:Punk:

[tri boy]

Confusing Saline solution with protein removal liquid, hung over, trying to insert contact lenses.
Final reason i let them zap me with a cold laser.:eek5:

DAMHIK

[Street Gerbil]

Eating a slice of Habanero pepper after being dared by a friend. Finding it hot but manageable. And then recognizing the error of your ways after a trip to the restroom (washing hands twice with soap proved to be insufficient).

[Ronin]

You really don't want to hear the words "I need to take my teeth out for this"

DAMHIK

[Timber020]

Dont weld in tevas. and NEVER weld in bare feet.

[shafty]

Don't forget to remove that rag you popped in the airbox on your 500/4 to catch water dripping from your ripped seat. It doesn't assist inner city cornering at all when the throttle is jammed open. DAMHIK lol

[Street Gerbil]

Superglue is called "superglue" for a reason.

[Disco Dan]

Hot off the press this one...

spending half an hour discussing "appropriate" conversation to a client (im at work now) rather than talking about sex and wearing revealing clothing being a no-no... then the client pointing out my fly was undone... *damit*

[Usarka]

Putting dishwashing liquid into the dishwasher at work will fill half the floor with bubbles.

DAMHIK

[Street Gerbil]

Using dishwasher fluid as a replacement for a washing machine detergent is generally a bad idea - unless you need heaps of light and sturdy foam.
DAMHIK

[ManDownUnder]

Teaching your son his first words can be fun...

What does a cow say?... "mooo"
What does a duck say?... "quack quack"
What does a sheep say?... "baaa?

and what does Mum say?... "blah blah blah blah"

...DAMHIK... aaaaaand EXIT ... STAGE LEFT!:chase:

[Kittyhawk]

Thinking you are the best and dancing crazy following a aerobics dvd, pulling a hamstring, massaging deep heat on it, and it accidently catches your womanly bits on fire.

[Tank]

Teaching your son his first words can be fun...

What does a cow say?... "mooo"
What does a duck say?... "quack quack"
What does a sheep say?... "baaa?

and what does Mum say?... "blah blah blah blah"

...DAMHIK... aaaaaand EXIT ... STAGE LEFT!:chase:

My son (was 4 at time) came back from walk on the beach with Mum and me (Mum doesnt swear).

Kid sees that the wing mirror has been hit and is hanging there broken.

Turns to Mum, smiles and said "Dont worry Mum - When dad gets the fuckers he'll give the bastards a kicking"

Kid swears - and wife hits me - there is no justice in the world.

So - dont swear in front of the kids. DAMHIK - I just told ya.

[ManDownUnder]

My son (was 4 at time) came back from walk on the beach with Mum and me (Mum doesnt swear).

Kid sees that the wing mirror has been hit and is hanging there broken.

Turns to Mum, smiles and said "Dont worry Mum - When dad gets the fuckers he'll give the bastards a kicking"

Kid swears - and wife hits me - there is no justice in the world.

So - dont swear in front of the kids. DAMHIK - I just told ya.

LOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have to love 'em...!

[yod]

driving over a cattlestop

on a 45 degree angle

in the wet

next to a cliff

when you dont know what countersteering is


DAMHIK

[yungatart]

Sex at the beack in the sand isn't all it's cracked up to be... :pinch:

ADAMHIK

That depends on who is on top...

DAMHIK

[avgas]

Dont weld in tevas. and NEVER weld in bare feet.
Also dont weld the inside of a big tank naked....not matter how hot you are.
DAMHIK

[Big Dog]

Dont weld in tevas. and NEVER weld in bare feet.

NEVER weld with a builders crack!

[Big Dog]

Also dont weld the inside of a big tank naked....not matter how hot you are.
DAMHIK

Frying naked is a really bad idea but welding naked?:sick:

[HTFU]

lighting the pretend fireplace in a tree house, built in a group of pine trees, makes a really big fire.

DAMHIK

[avgas]

Frying naked is a really bad idea but welding naked?:sick:
Even if not a spark hits you......nice shiny tank....sunburn
Thankfully it wasnt me. but needless to say it was enough to make me feel his pain.

[Edbear]

Putting dishwashing liquid into the dishwasher at work will fill half the floor with bubbles.

DAMHIK



Or at home...:doh:

DAMHIK

[Mom]

Remember how your parents told you "never stick a knife in a toaster"

DON'T OK!!!

DAMHIK x10!

[Blue Velvet]

Deep throating penis shaped soap is funny until you start gagging on lather and lose the contents of your stomach :oi-grr:

DAMHIK

[jrandom]

Deep throating penis shaped soap is funny until you start gagging on lather...

:blink: <tencharacters>

[warewolf]

Never play leap frog with a unicorn.

DAMHIK

[HTFU]

Never play leap frog with a unicorn.

DAMHIK

Can I ask how you know?

[ManDownUnder]

If you have even slightly hairy knuckles you'll find an instant "cure" if you pour petrol on the tinder then drop the burning match in, instead of chucking it

DAMHIK

[Stirts]

When walking past the toilet that your big sister is currently occupying and she yells "Come here, I have a surprise for you. Close your eyes and hold out your hands"

DON'T DO IT DAMHIK!!!

[avgas]

never ride a mountainbike or bmx naked.........those seats aren't made for comfort.
DAMHIK

[Foxzee]

never ride a mountainbike or bmx naked.........those seats aren't made for comfort.
DAMHIK

Oh crap does this mean another blockage for you avgas....LOL:clap:

[Tank]

Picking chillies in the garden - needed a slash.

Remember to wash hands before the slash.

DAMHIK

[slofox]

She WILL find out.

DAMHIK

I can relate to that...

[slofox]

Setting off a firecracker on the windowsill of the lounge when your mum is inside will get you a hiding...(and a laugh - initially anyway...)

DAMHIK

[Ronin]

Don't let your son Transformers mad 11 year old know your trademe password.

DAMHIK

The word 'oops' used by a computer tech often has dire consequences.

DAMHIK

[SMOKEU]

Don't expect your neighbours to like you if you have 4 pet cockrels.

DAMHIK

[ManDownUnder]

If you're welding, lean down with your bare hand and hear a hissing/sizzling sound... it's NOT a good thing.

DAMHIK

[Street Gerbil]

When you have an intern wire you a test rig that involves large electrolytic capacitors and 5 and 48 volt circuits, *CHECK THE DAMN WIRING YOURSELF* before switching on the power.

[Bren]

Pissing on a fence not realising its electric is not a good idea!
DAMHIK

Putting head through verandah wrought iron bars whilst looking for that lost bouncy ball is NOT A GOOD IDEA!

My cousins still wont let me live it down, 34 years later!
DAMHIK

[slofox]

My cousins still wont let me live it down, 34 years later!
DAMHIK

Cousins are like that...

DAMHIK

[Gareth123]

Deep throating penis shaped soap is funny until you start gagging on lather and lose the contents of your stomach :oi-grr:

DAMHIK

I know some people have a dirty mouth but surely mouthwash would be easier!?!

[Ratti]

check the white stuff you put in the pot when you make jam is in fact sugar.

pumice floats. Don't step on it while crossing the creek at Castlecliff beach and expect to stay dry

You kids have very long memories for dumb stuff you do and it will get dragged out for years...

[Mom]

Control your saliva production when you are a bit nervous. Spitting at your potential new boss when you are being interviewed is not a good look DAMHIK

[Mom]

I know some people have a dirty mouth but surely mouthwash would be easier!?!

Quoting a post from years ago is bound to get you infracted DAMHIK.

It is called thread dredging.

[ManDownUnder]

Volunteering to be the sober driver makes you remarkably aware of the link between consuming too much booze - and the possibility of someone throwing up in ones car...

DAMHIK

[FJRider]

Sex at the beach in the sand isn't all it's cracked up to be... :pinch:

ADAMHIK

YES ... it IS ... if you DON'T get it in the crack ... :innocent:

[FJRider]

Don't let your son Transformers mad 11 year old know your trademe password.

DAMHIK

The word 'oops' used by a computer tech often has dire consequences.

DAMHIK

As does ... when it it is used by your dentist ... while you are still in the chair ...

[Edbear]

As does ... when it it is used by your dentist ... while you are still in the chair ...

Can mean he's dropped the tooth he just pulled down the back of your throat, causing you to swallow it... DAMHIK

[FJRider]

Can mean he's dropped the tooth he just pulled down the back of your throat, causing you to swallow it... DAMHIK

The tooth will come out ... the other end ... eventually

[Edbear]

Gives new meaning to the expression, "Bite your bum!" DAMHIK

[nudemetalz]

Do not as a schoolboy do a wheelstand on your Honda XL-100 with your sidestand down while trying to look cool in front of a few schoolgirlies....
DAMHIK

[ManDownUnder]

Spending $500 on a stereo component on a whim probably won't get a good reception when it is taken home... but saving $1,500 on a bundle of component... and spending $2,000 to achieve those savings gets a considerably worse one!

DAMHIK